The Key to Entry




With the brief injunction from my mother to ensure I spoke up or suffer the consequences I returned to the consulting room of Dr M. We took our seats and he smiled before adjusting his suit trousers, pulling them up at the thigh. I cast a quick glance to his nether regions but no hole had yet emerged.

“Now Mr Tudor, we did not make much progress last week. It is of no concern. I wondered if you perhaps felt more amenable to speaking with me on this occasion?”

I started to nod and then spoke.

“Very well.”

“Excellent. What would you like to talk about?” he asked.

“Why am I here as in why am I sat in your consulting room,” I clarified before he started providing me with some smart alec response as to the meaning of my existence. I knew why my family had insisted that I see Dr M and more recently underline the necessity of speaking to him, but I wanted to know what he thought. That way I would be better prepared to deflect him.

“Why do you think you are here with me?” he answered casually. Marvellous. He was one of those people who answered a question with another question.

“I asked first,” I pointed out. He nodded.

“Your family are concerned about you.” I snorted which seemed to take him by surprise.

“Those bastards only care about themselves.”

“Why do you say that?” asked Dr M seizing on my remark.

“It does not matter, go on, you were saying.”

“Your family are concerned about you. I met with them and they provided me with background information. I am aware that you are a high achiever and have always been so. Your family are concerned however that you stop at nothing to get what you want, that you have disdain for most people and you leave a trail of carnage in your wake. I think that is a succinct way of putting it. They want me to discuss this with you and to receive my opinion.” he explained.

“It’s bullshit all of it,” I remarked. My voice was low but the venom was tangible. Dr M remained silent.

“I have no idea what they are talking about. I stop at nothing to get what I want? They have never complained about my achievements before. They don’t like it that I am outshining them. That is the problem here. They always do this. Try and make their problems my problems, I am sick and tired of it. I have forged my own path and done bloody well too and all they want to do is bring me down. It is jealousy. That’s why I have little to do with them. Did they tell you that? I bet they tried to make out that I am aloof and never attend family gatherings didn’t they? They never invite me to them. I keep in touch most with my younger brother and he tells me about these gatherings and I always find out after the event. Did my younger brother speak to you?”

Dr M nodded.

“Who else?” I asked.

“Both your parents, your sister, your younger brother and your cousin, Charlotte.”

“Huh, the usual cabal. All of them are liars. Do you have any idea what it is like having to put up with all of them? My god it is a wonder that I am a success. My mother is always trying to pin the blame for her shortcomings on me. She would love to plant a microchip in my head and control me. That would be ideal for her. She has controlled my father for years. He isn’t a bad fellow really but he fell under her spell and believes anything she says and if he dares not to well let’s just say he has suffered the consequences too many times before so he has learned his lesson. It’s weak of him and I hate him for being like that. He should stand up to her rather than be her metaphorical punching bag. Always tries to keep the peace at first and then takes her side. He is brainwashed and my sister is just as bad. Jesus she always defers to my mother, but then she could never make a decision for herself. So Charlie has weighed in as well has she? Do you know why doctor M? It is because she wants me for herself and I won’t let that happen. Bet they did not tell you that did they? She is totally in love with me and because I have rejected her this is how she goes about paying me back by making up lies about me. I would not put it past that harpy to try and section me you know. You don’t want to believe anything that lot say to you.”

Dr M was jotting down the odd note as I spoke. Yes, make some notes Dr M and you can tell them what I think of them. How dare they? How bastard dare they make out like I am the one with the problem. I should be used to it by now but it still infuriates me. I stood up, agitated at this unwarranted attack on me.

“This is what they always do doctor. I am the one who was suffered at their hands. Years of it but they twist it around and try to pin the blame on me. I have made the best of a bad hand and they cannot stand to see me doing well so they conjure up this. Liars the lot of them.”

I was pacing up and down in front of the fireplace and fighting to resist the urge to grab one of the logs and hurl it at the large mirror which hung above the fireplace.

“I wish they were all dead doctor, you have no idea. The times I have wished that they would get wiped out in some car accident or a building falls on them when they are inside. They have made my life hell and just as I am pulling free of them they pull this stunt. I hate them. I am surprised at my brother joining in with this as well, I thought he had some sense.”

“Your brother expressed considerable concern about you and wants to help you,” offered Dr M.

“I don’t need any help. I suggest you fill your sessions with them. You will have plenty of material for your shrink times or whatever publication you write for. My mother is a control freak with a drink problem,my father is spineless, my sister is a professional victim oh yes, ask her about her failed marriage but make sure you have the bleeding heart and violins to hand. My cousin, well as I said, she is a lecherous nymphomaniac and as for my brother, he has gone down in my estimation joining this cabal of perfidy.”

I spat the words out as I waved my arms around, windmilling through the air. I felt a little better for this explosion of annoyance and I returned to my seat and sat down. Dr M was still writing.

“So Dr M there really is nothing to see here. I know you will want to make some money from us and I respect that, you are like me, you see an opportunity and exploit it. Nothing wrong with that. Let me give you a tip. You need to suggest working with those liars and parking your involvement with me. You have nothing to achieve here but as for them, well you will make a fortune sorting out the quagmire that is their lives.”

I sat back and smiled as Dr M continued to write. I had spoken up just as she had urged. I had done as I was told. Again. This time though I was fighting back.

81 thoughts on “The Key to Entry

  1. WhoCares says:

    “Her friend turns points to both of in turn and then basically makes a hole with one hand and inserts a finger from her other hand into the hole several times. Good to know she knew what was going to happen.”

    When I was 10, my uncle and his partner took me on a trip to Mexico.
    I got left, with my aging, oblivious grandmother near a newspaper vendor in the middle of downtown Mexico City.
    We had just visited the Cathedral earlier and my uncle left us to go off somewhere and while we were waiting the newspaper vendor struck up a conversation with me.

    He asked where I was from. I told him I was from Canada and answered some more of his questions. He didn’t speak very good English and my Spanish was limited. So we relied on some sign language…

    He points in the general direction of the cathedral where we had just been and making a circle with with fingers on one hand, he inserts a finger from the other hand.

    I say “No I can’t get married. I am only ten.”
    “ONLY TEN!” I emphasized this by showing him all my five fingers on both hands.

    1. WhoCares says:

      I recall telling my uncle what happened: that the guy had pointed to the church and suggested he wanted to put a ring on my finger and marry me. My uncle said “Uh, no. He was not telling you he wanted to put a ring on your finger.”

      1. Asp Emp says:

        It’s an ‘universal’ sign……. brilliant to read your comments though – made me laugh.

        1. WhoCares says:

          Asp Emp,

          It was funny to me later – and embarrassing, in a way, once I figured it out, on my own (my uncle never filled in my lack of knowledge for me)…I guess I was a very naive kid…or at least somewhat uninformed/protected.

          Later that trip I made friends with a girl staying in the same hotel and my uncle took us both to a really cool water park.
          At the park, she and I were left to wander on our own and we followed by a bunch of locals and my friend ACTUALLY was proposed to.

          Re: the guy asking me to “marry” him…when I look back now, it really was a fairly predatory event.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            It is scary for a young person to be approached like that. It actually reminded me of when I in my 20s – I attended a retail management training course – there was 8 of us. The company paid for us to stay in hotels around the UK – once in Kensington – there was a group of Japanese guys and one offered (in broken English) to pay me a million pounds (yeah! right!). So me and my colleagues were about to go to pubs (as the bar was boring) – so I said that I’d meet the guy on floor something outside room number (I made it up, the floor & room) and then I said I was leaving now…… Me & my colleagues scarpered to the pub instead – never saw those guys again (phew!). Appalling.

          2. WhoCares says:

            “It is scary for a young person to be approached like that.”
            Agreed. As a ten year old though I certainly did not perceive a risk – I just thought he was quite silly.

            “one offered (in broken English) to pay me a million pounds (yeah! right!).”

            That was pretty bold of him; glad you were able to continue on with your fun with your colleagues.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            You say “That was pretty bold of him;” – luring an innocent young lady to a room with – one or all the guys – no, I made a safe decision and worth turning down something that would not have necessarily materialised….. anything could have happened to me…….

          4. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp,

            I didn’t mean ‘bold’ in a good way.
            Yes, anything could have happened to you.

          5. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you for clarifying 🙂

          6. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp: no problem.

          7. Violetta says:


            When I was 8, my mom was looking at the books in a department store and I was just across the aisle, looking at candy. Some old geezer comes up and mutters, “There’s a lollipop in my pants, if you want to suck on it.”

            I rush over to her absolutely terrified–because a stranger offered me candy, something we’d all been taught not to accept.

            I was in my teens before I figured it out.

          8. WhoCares says:

            Violetta – eewwww.

          9. Asp Emp says:

            W T F !!!

          10. Violetta says:

            It was obviously poison candy, and I knew better than to accept that!

          11. WhoCares says:

            Indeed Violetta. And at least you had had enough instruction to react appropriately.

  2. njfilly says:

    I read on Quora (a site that I don’t often read, but I received an email so I read some) a person stating that narcissists talk with their hands, and you can tell a person is a narcissist if they spoke with their hands. I forget what stated “qualifications” this person claimed to have. They spoke as if this was a determining factor on it’s own. I would never believe such a statement anyway, but as an empath that almost always speaks with my hands I know this to be false.

    My father always teases me about this habit and asks me if I would be able to have a conversation with my hands tied behind my back. I respond, no. I would be able to speak, but not as passionately or effectively.

    There is definitely a lot of false information about narcissism around.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed there is. The hands observation is, to use the technical term, “bollocks”.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        In sign language – there are a number of signs for “bollocks” – each one is different and each one has a ‘different’ meaning – sign language can be such a ‘visual’ concept, when hands and fingers are involved….

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I once seduced a deaf lady and learnt some sign language. It was an interesting night.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            I am sure it was HG. Not all language is spoken (laughing), you can learn more sign language.

          2. Eternity says:

            I bet it was HG!

          3. njfilly says:

            Then you had to have learned the sign language prior to the seduction in order to effect it, correct?

            Tell us what happened during that interesting night.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            No, everybody understands the language of love. I learned some sign language and she could lip read. I was amused by her friend in the taxi. Her friend was in the passenger seat. I was sat in the back with the lady. Both her and the friend are deaf. Her friend turns points to both of in turn and then basically makes a hole with one hand and inserts a finger from her other hand into the hole several times. Good to know she knew what was going to happen.

          5. Asp Emp says:

            (laughing) – I am not surprised you were amused (laughing). Some deaf people are more discreet when using signs like that in public – some are blatant because they can.

            There are actually a couple more that has the same ‘perception’ – one is much less ‘obvious’ than the one you described as above.

            Bloggers – Lesson 1 in sign language completed & made ‘universal’ on KTN.

            HG, thank you for sharing – it really made me laugh. The Master has described it so well 😉

          6. njfilly says:

            Ha ha! Excellent.

            So many follow up questions. I’ll just use my imagination.

          7. NarcAngel says:

            ” I once seduced a deaf lady and learnt some sign language. It was an interesting night.”

            Does giving the finger have the same effect?

          8. HG Tudor says:

            It did. Different noise though.

          9. Asp Emp says:


          10. Eternity says:

            HG, you are such a pervert !

          11. HG Tudor says:

            No, I am just misunderstood.

          12. Eternity says:

            No , not at all HG !

          13. Witch says:

            @HG I have a song for you:
            Gallis by Mr Vegas

            Gallis means a man who “manages relationships with multiple women, normally with each woman being oblivious that there are other women in his life. The literal translation for gallis is “girl-list” ”

            Check it out you may like it

          14. A Victor says:

            I know some sign language, went to lunch at a restaurant with a deaf friend once, not a quiet place either. She sneezed at one point. The entire quadrant of the place stopped and instantly all eyes were on our table. I started laughing, she looked at me with a puzzled look. I didn’t know what to say as she was completely unaware of the volume of her bodily function. Just kind of blew it off as I stifled my laugh and everyone carried on. Still makes me giggle.

          15. Asp Emp says:

            Your friend sounds as if she lacks the facility to hear sounds. Some deaf people wear hearing aids & can hear sounds. Knowing me, I would have looked at these people with a glare as if to say “problem?”. Not a narcissist stare. My glare / stare. Good of you not to make your friend feel embarrassed by not telling them. Thank you for sharing 🙂

          16. lickemtomorrow says:

            Wow, HG:

            “everybody understands the language of love”

            Spoken like a true empath 🙂

            LOL to her friend and knowing what was about to happen. You had that one in the bag.

            Don’t know if you’ve ever seen “Children of a Lesser God”, but that movie inspired me to consider learning sign language. There’s some hilarious moments in the film as well as some heartbreaking ones. Especially the scene where Marlee Matlin asks William Hurt to show her the music – Bach’s Concerto for Two Violins.

            There’s another scene in “Jerry Maguire” where Tom Cruise and Renee Zellwegger step into a lift with a deaf couple and she interprets what they said: “You complete me” <3 Awkward moment in that movie!

            But it goes to show 'love' will find a way <3

          17. HG Tudor says:

            I speak the narcissist dialect though.

          18. Asp Emp says:

            “Children of a Lesser God” – good film.

            “but that movie inspired me to consider learning sign language” – great to know.

          19. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ah yes, HG. Words of seduction.

            It’s like getting private tuition 🙂

            Do you charge extra for this?

          20. A Victor says:

            Asp Emp, my friend is completely deaf. Yes, I was glad she didn’t realize what had happened, though she is pretty tough, it likely wouldn’t have fazed her.

            I was one of those people very moved by the movie “Children of a Lesser God”, actually going to school to be an interpreter after seeing it. Did fine but didn’t end up pursuing it as a career. It has been a good skill to have in my personal life, though I learned on this site not to put it on my profile if I ever go back to a dating site (shudder). Narcissists look for those sorts of things, shows empathy I guess, who knew.

          21. Asp Emp says:

            Your first paragraph – it shows that you are a good friend to her & a considerate person.

            Good to have learned it – as you can use this learning even when communicating with people who do not understand English.

            If I were you, avoid dating sites and meet people as they used to before the world of the internet existed… make your FB profile (and any other social sites) to private. Concentrate on your wellbeing & look after yourself x

          22. A Victor says:

            No worries Asp Emp, I will never go on a dating site again and I don’t have FB. Only Instagram which is private. Thanks!

          23. Violetta says:

            “He ain’t no delinquent, he’s misunderstood….”

        2. njfilly says:

          I used to know some sign language. I was a natural at it!

          I didn’t know that word though! Ha Ha

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Interesting. The sign for that one (in fact quite a number) require the use of both hands in the UK. It can vary from country to country but mostly it can still be understood and that is the beauty of sign language – it can be ‘universal’……

          2. njfilly says:

            Interesting. I enjoyed learning some of it.

            I want to know that sign. I think I will look it up.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            (laughing – for ages). Good luck with that (still laughing)

          4. njfilly says:

            I want to learn all the curses in sign language. Just for the fun of it and so I can curse at narcissists who piss me off right in front of them without them knowing.

          5. Asp Emp says:

            (laughng……. LOL) – because I can imagine the narcissist look of confusion (only ever momentarily) before they deliberately either a) change the subject or b) issue ‘fury’ or c) they pretend to understand and go along with it or, d) if – by any chance it is a Greater narcissist – they’d probably say ‘Foxtrot Oscar’ in Japanese…. (I am still laughing)…. you will already know some of the signs anyway – like I said, some are universal (LOL).

          6. njfilly says:

            Ha ha! Yes I know many ways to say FO and other obscenities with my hands.

          7. Asp Emp says:

            Me too! You already know that anyway 😉 (not about my hands though). I just remembered – LOL – this was with old neighbours (the sasquatches) – the guy could see into my house / garden because they’d reduced the height of the boundary – other neighbours could not see my gate…….. I was that pissed off one day (wife was much shorter & would not have been able to see) – knowing that he would see – I drew a picture of a pig on my gate and wrote U.F.O. on it….. LOL. There was nothing he could do about it because it would mean he had been looking over the wall…… LOLOL.

        3. lickemtomorrow says:

          Weird, I had a dream the other night about “the best I ever had” and meeting up with him again. He and I had taken sign language classes together. He wasn’t deaf, but he was mirroring, I think. In the dream I couldn’t get my clothes on fast enough to meet him. Slight change to when we used to meet before. In fact, quite the opposite 😉

          Sorry, those two things just combined in my mind for me to add this random thought.

          He was Greek (a veritable God!)

          1. Asp Emp says:

            No need to apologise. Interesting though – dreaming – only ‘psychic’ empaths can dream something then it happens (even if it’s a slight variation). I have had a couple myself.

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            It was one of the weirdest dreams ever because I haven’t thought of him in years, AspEmp. The feeling between us was like electricity, and I felt that again in the dream. I have no idea why he popped up in my dreams so randomly. No idea.

            When you say psychic, I can attest to having dreams that have a connection to events underway that I had no awareness of, much like ESP, but not necessarily ‘predictive’ or what you might call ‘prophetic’ dreams. I have had one such dream that I can recall. And what occurred in the dream appeared to be an impossibility. Then it happened. So interesting that you’ve had a couple of these kinds of dreams. And I’d say a slight variation is the norm. It would be startling if a dream predicted everything perfectly. But, I am open to such things and glad you shared. I do think dreams can be significant in one way or another. Why I dreamt of this past boyfriend is anyone’s guess at this stage!

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Interesting in how the subconscious can work. I understand what you mean when ‘electricity’ – it could be related to ‘energy’ that some empaths can sense (through intuition or ESP). Yes, I was surprised at my dreams. Great to be able to talk about ‘psychic’ abilities with someone who understands. Your past boyfriend – that is strange….

          4. lickemtomorrow says:

            Yes, AE, it made me wonder if something was happening with him for me to be thinking of him after all these years. There’s no logical explanation. And all the same feelings were in place. Seriously, the relationship wasn’t that long, but it was intense. And I experienced the intensity of it again. I have no idea what has happened to him since then. And no reason to think of him now. Weird.

            I do think some people are sensitive in a way that opens them up to certain experiences. Like you mentioned an experience of smelling someone’s perfume on another occasion and I had a similar experience. Although yours was much more personal, and very touching <3

            I'm sure there are other people here who may have had 'unexplainable' experiences. I never discount them. They often hold a great deal of meaning x

          5. Asp Emp says:

            Interesting. Sometimes dreams can be delivering a message…..

            I think when you are ‘in-tuned’ into yourself & if you have higher intuition sensitivity – you can have experiences that others cannot ‘explain’ (because they may not have the same level of intuition).

            Anyway, good to chat with you about this x

    2. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Njfilly, based only on that, I should be a greater!

      1. njfilly says:

        I notice on that Quora site it appears anybody can answer questions. I would not take advice from a self proclaimed expert on anything.

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Except from HG…

          1. njfilly says:

            I didn’t know he wrote on Quora.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            He has some cameos.

          3. njfilly says:

            I didn’t realize that. I have seen other people writing about him. I have also seen people who have YouTube channels where they post HG Tudor videos. I think that’s a bit strange. I’m not sure what the point is to do that.

            Also, to your previous comment, Yes. HG Tudor is the only self proclaimed expert I would take advice from.

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Quora is full of this: “I’m not a psychopath but I heard about someone who met someone who said he is so I’ll answer from what I learned …” and such

          5. njfilly says:

            My best friend’s a psychopath…

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Hahaha. Congrats then, you’re Quora certified to talk about the condition!

          7. njfilly says:

            Ha ha! Even more qualified than some.

            I think a psychopath is a person who never gets passionate enough about their conversations to speak with their hands. How strange and bizarre to remain so calm. Empty and dispassionate. Weirdos.

            I love deep conversations and I take my conversations very seriously. I get louder and more animated as I go along. Bystanders often think I am arguing and I look at them like they are strange and state, “No, I’m just talking!” It’s a full body experience for me!

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Who are you calling weird?

          9. njfilly says:

            Ha ha! Clearly, not you since your arms were “windmilling” you are a passionate speaker! (Also I didn’t realize you were listening.)

          10. JB says:

            Njfilly, Quota was where I first found HG, it’s what led me here 🙂

          11. A Victor says:

            njfilly, when I get animated when speaking, which doesn’t happen often, I now know it’s my little bit of geyser coming out, lol.

            Also, I called the summer narc a weirdo early on. It was super funny, I felt bad as soon as I said it, way too early on, and apologized. He said “You are sweet sometimes.”. Of course, always the charmer, haha! After that we called each other weirdo for fun. Good times…with a narcissist!!!! ugh. My innocence was lost with that relationship, people are not all good.

    3. Eternity says:

      Ridiculous, coming from a European background we always talk with our hands. Such false information

      1. njfilly says:

        Yes, it was very stupid and incorrect information.

        1. Eternity says:

          Exactly, very misleading.

    4. WhoCares says:

      Haha – njfilly, I talk with my hands too, at least when I am at ease with someone and stop being conscious of it. I try not to ’emote’ too soon with anyone these days!
      (I am extra conscious of it in court with my ex though.)

      The other day I was talking with my lawyer and he, admitting he did not understand my ex’s legal maneuvers, asked me what was going on. I said I would have to step out of the legal realm to explain …I caught myself emoting with my hands as I was explaining…I said, “See this, what I am doing right now with my hands – don’t do it around narcissists – I am simply not correcting for it in conversation with you at the moment!”

      The little bit I have read on Quora regarding narcissism now causes me to stay away. Too much crap.

      1. njfilly says:

        Ha ha! I see talking with one’s hands is very common among empaths! How are you at charades, by the way?

        I’m not a fan of Quora. I read it only occasionally and I am rarely disappointed with it’s misinformation.

        I’m glad you are able to remain calm in court. I hope it goes well for you, whatever the situation is.

        In certain areas, I am an excellent fuel provider. I see it now. My narcissist boyfriend would try to wind me up by telling me I was a manipulator and I used people, etc. I would remain very calm saying something like “I’m not that at all. If you really think that then leave”, or I would just say that’s not true and leave the room. Word salad, though, can keep me spinning eternally! I love words and I love deep conversations and writing, and I don’t like misinterpretation or miscommunication.

        When I look back, knowing what I know now, many of his emails and texts were word salads. I didn’t know at the time it was deliberate. I used to think to myself, this man really does not know how to write or communicate. I found it very irritating. I would keep spinning trying to understand him or for him to understand me; not that I expected us to agree, however, just to be understood. After I broke up with him and learned about narcissism and word salad, his very first hoover attempt to me (the only email that got through) was a pity play and word salad. I recognized it immediately and suddenly it all became clear!

        1. WhoCares says:


          Haha, I love charades! Haven’t played in years though.

          Court is never an emotional experience for me, with HG’s expertise, I am quite good at not fueling my ex when in attendance – it is a very business like affair for me (I don’t allow myself to react until it’s over) – and not fueling him is made even easier in Covid-19 times and ‘virtual’ court!

          Your ex sounds like the King of Word Salad! I didn’t know what word salad was until I got here.
          Mine did that too but he earns the title of King of The Pity Plays.
          Word salad makes you emote…I have to struggle to keep my eyes rolling back in my head when my uses pity plays in court.

          1. WhoCares says:

            when my *ex uses pity plays in court.

          2. njfilly says:

            I hate that word salad. I take my writing very seriously so I just assumed everybody did. How silly of me.

        2. Another Cat says:

          “I didn’t know at the time it was deliberate. I used to think to myself, this man really does not know how to write or communicate”

          Yes, one can mistake word salads for early onset Alzheimers. No wonder a nurse said that’s probably what my mother has.

          1. njfilly says:

            Interesting. I didn’t know that. Your mother is a narcissist? I just thought my boyfriend was an idiot.

          2. Another Cat says:


            “I just thought my boyfriend was an idiot.”

            You were probably right though. If I remember correctly I wondered a couple of times if my ex husband had serious memory loss. “But in the sentence before this one he said the 180 opposite?” The contradictions always went in a haughty Upper Midrange manner. Since I remembered this tone from growing up with my mother, I thought it was an ok tone.

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