The Bronze Period
30 thoughts on “The Bronze Period”
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This was certainly my experience, a bronze period. I always thought it was because he didn’t NEED to give me a golden period, I fell into his lap and made it so easy for him. No effort required and no reason to pretend otherwise. I was a “friend with benefits” type, a DLS or a shelf IPSS. Now I realise his cadre of Lower Mid Range also played a part, and I wonder if ANY of his past partners ever experienced a true “golden period.” Interesting also to question if his cadre of narcissist (And all the Lessers) would affect his ability to “make an effort” and possibly even with regards to his ability to rise through the ranks career-wise and financially….
We can shake hands on this, when corona is over 😉 , I was pretty much the same. I know his wife never got a true golden period either. But when I saw him at home, in the husband role, I saw a completely different man. With his awesome strong smart beautiful wife, completely instructed to how much she could speak about her job at the dinner table, not being allowed on social media, being confined to her job as mother, with only direct family and making a living, for the whole family with a very demanding and well paid very high prestige job, and him just playing around. Triangulating her with me, I understand now, never knew this is what was going on. In his way trying to create ever presence by wanting to see me in every location I often was. And so much more happening what I read in the books manipulated and sex.
This is much more the way my ex approached me initially than the Golden Period. Interesting. The summer narc was a bit more golden, I think. Hard to know, he said some really outlandish things, that made me wonder at times about his mental health, haha, guess I figured that out.
Could that also be towards a ipss/ dls? And with a narcissist who never is physically violent ( but is very well at devaluing behavior).
Some mild compliments and future faking because there was no personal space and money ( ipps was taking care of income, children, no reasons not to be home etc). It feels very familiar this bronze period and actually made me understand the missing pieces.
Another a ha moment! I got one gift during that initial period and it was a $20 regift I think! Not that he didn’t have the money, he did, he just saw no point in spending it on me, with the exception of one gift much later. Going out to eat we had to take turns on paying. Declared love early but he didn’t say it often at all. Compliments, flattery etc. were rare during that bronze period and of course almost nonexistent later. Guess he just didn’t have the skills to do it right and back then I was so codependent I was happy to take any effort on his part no matter how minimal.
Very interesting to see the major differences in between the Bronze and the Golden periods of narcissist ‘entanglement’. I can now understand the concept in between the two types. In this instance, this explains (in my view) why some relationships work and effectively why the narcissist is not necessarily ‘obvious’ in their behaviours. It also supports my belief that it is not always impossible for a narcissist & empath to co-exist. Goes to show that not all narcissists should be ‘painted with the same brush’, because they are human too.
It is impossible, it is ET to think otherwise.
Right, maybe I should see the Bronze video again then. Thank you for correcting me on this.
It often looks like they coexist just dandy ticketyboo, romantic photos. But the empath is making great sacrifices often unknowingly.
The kids are emotionally abused, or just one of the kids seen as “incapable”, isolated, going through diagnosis, child therapies etc.
So the house looks beautiful and two out of three kids appear successful on social media. But the longterm cost is horrible.
I get what you’re saying. I have known a small number of people since I was 11 years old and now can see the ones that got married & had children – I have no concerns about these particular people, nor the children (now that they are late teens / early 20s). There are occasions in the past where the parents may have had conversations, asking for my views because I am not ’emotionally’ involved in their family and they trust my opinion – this is years before I knew about narcissism. Even now, I do not feel the need to bring ‘narcissism’ up into conversations as it was previously about Aspergers and trauma etc.
Asp Emp
I understand a bit of your compassion for narcissists, and on being misunderstood.
Not too long ago Asperger syndrom was by some people thought of as “lacking empathy”. I’m not sure why. So when I frantically read books to understand that old boyfriend and my mother, they were all about Asperger syndrome and autism. I understood years later that this was not what they had, and ppl I met who had Asperger seemed empathic indeed. They weren’t manipulative.
In all consistency it is quite understandable if you wonder whether there will be a similar empathy-discovery about NPD in the future.
Hello AC, thank you for your comment. Yup, I was “confused” RE: people with aspergers “lacking” empathy. This is partly why I go on about the DSM-5 needing to be ripped apart and sorted out properly by people who actually understand the human psyche. The DSM-5 or whatever it is “classed” to be is totally messed up….. I also thought to myself – maybe the autism spectrum should be reviewed and maybe see if it be “re-classed”.
I have empathy. I have narcissistic traits. I am not confused about what I am BUT I know for a fact that if I go and see some health “professional” they may actually say I have summat else and not Aspergers……. there is one thing for sure, I do ‘fit’ in this ‘world’ on KTN site (the blog) more than I have ‘fitted’ in elsewhere……
Empaths have always existed but the science world are still looking too far up their own backsides to acknowledge it…….
Yup,
diagnosing a lot of people with different things is not a matter which should have been taken lightly or quickly at any point.
For many diagnoses, especially NPD, there is, I gather, the dire consequence of one’s words not taken seriously by people after being diagnosed.
” I do ‘fit’ in this ‘world’ on KTN site (the blog) more than I have ‘fitted’ in elsewhere…… ”
Cheers to that Asp Emp.
Totally agree with your comment – “Too many cooks spoil the broth” (medical / science “professionals” getting it far wrong = too many ‘patients’ being directed / signposted to the wrong place).
Yes, thank you, cheers to you too 🙂
Oh and thanks for setting some facts straight about snakes, Witch and Asp Emp.
The story, though wise sounding in some way, sounded very “mansplaining” to me. Not in itself, but there is always an unknowing anonymous woman in these stories. “only a woman would mistake someone/something for being cuddly and friendly.”
Ok so, going to the outdoors Friday gluhwein choir. There is a reptile owner, btw…
laughing…… laughing……. thank you AC.
Enjoy the gluhwein choir 🙂
Asp Emp, I heard a story of a woman who had a pet python. She loved it and cared for it. It was her constant companion. She allowed it to sleep on her bed at night. As it grew, she saw that it “snuggled” up to her when she fell asleep. It would stretch out to its full length along side her. She mentioned to a vet one day that the snake snuggled her. The vet told her that it was not snuggling. It was measuring her. It was sizing her up to see if it was big enough yet to eat her.
Narcissists are the same; they can be seemingly benign, but are just waiting for the right moment to strike. It is in their nature.
Hi KJ, thank you for the story about the python – I read that last year and was shocked…… I suppose the moral of the story is do not keep a pet python (laughing)….
Thank you for your words. Yeah, I have read quite a lot about narcissism to understand enough about their behaviours and their nature.
What a great story!
KJ,
That story made my skin crawl! I would have thought it was snuggling me too. Probably wouldn’t have thought to mention it to the vet either. I’m such a sucker.
“It’s a snake TS”
“I know, but he’s mmyyyyy snake.”
“TS. It’s a snake.”
I caught a snake once. It was sunbathing on the step. Baby one. I caught it in case the dogs were bitten.
Stepped over it to get into the house and brought out a food container with a lid. Nudged it with the edge of the container and it slithered halfway in. So I flipped its backside in like a pancake and slammed the lid down. Damn thing was striking at the inside of the lid as I tried to get the corners clicked down.
Not a grass snake then! Ha ha.
BRITS ABROAD !! 😎😎😎
Laughing……… especially “Brits abroad”…… laughing…..
Wow! Great Snake Story!
I never understood having snakes as pets.
In reality snakes don’t do that.
Reason being is that in the wild their prey would be on the move, would instinctively know that snakes are their enemy and therefore would be defensive on sight. So if a snake attempted to stretch beside any prey before eating it, it wouldn’t be a very successful Hunter and would probably starve to death. Stretching beside their prey would be the equivalent of saying “hey I’m a narcissist, can I have your number?”
If a python wants to eat, it will attempt to strike before it’s prey gets away and you can usually tell when they are in hunting mode if you’ve ever fed one.
It’s idiotic to sleep with any snake though but luckily it’s only an urban legend
I enjoyed reading your comment – I laughed at “Stretching beside their prey would be the equivalent of saying “hey I’m a narcissist, can I have your number?” – it’s brilliant, hilarious.
“I suppose the moral of the story is do not keep a pet python”
nnnnooooooo
“Python” is a family subtype of snake and is made up of different species of python. Many people keep ball/royal pythons are pets and they are usually very docile. My gf had one.
the much larger mass and longer pythons like the reticulated python and Burmese can also have a docile personality in captivity. Snakes have individual personalities and some are more defensive than others. However far less people should own these larger species of python than what is currently happening. Unfortunately many are kept in very small enclosures which is a sad way to live for such intelligent beings.
My parents had a large snake in a small tank – it didn’t have room to move (in the background of a photograph – me as a baby in one of those bouncing swings)……. I don’t know what happened to the snake but I survived…. (it would have been too big me, laughing)….
RE: your comment / explanation – I know – people need to inform themselves before considering exotic animals as pets….. so much ignorance!
@ASP
Exotic pets are basically vanity pets which is why the exotic pet trade attracts a lot of narcs who provide poor care to the animals but they keep them because they are “cool” and can impress people with it.
There is a popular YouTube channel “Brian Barczyk”
An obvious narc and reptile breeder. I hate his guts. he deliberately provokes his snakes so that they bite him for views. he keeps them in terrible conditions. He needs to die and there are many others like him.
Yeah, there are so many people like the one you are referring to (not that I actually looked at this ‘Brian’ – not interested)…..
I know HG’s site is really for empowering empaths – I am aware of cruelty to animals – you see it in the news etc. It’s horrific. I have seen several & unconnected people with their dogs (shouting and being a bit rough handled, but I have never seen anything more than that) – I have never ‘intervened’ because my instincts ‘guided’ me not to – now that I have learned about narcissism, I can understand (but not accept because animals cannot ‘talk’) that an ‘unconsciously aware’ narcissist do not necessarily see the difference between people and animals in the sense of the words ‘fuel & control’. The dogs that I observed, were ‘jittery’ and nervous – not surprising. If I had the authority to do so, I’d remove the dog and take it somewhere where it would be cared properly.
@ASP
I had a quick look through his recent videos and it appears he has improved his care, especially of his larger snake species but I believe that was due to not wanting to lose views and customers, so he did it for his own benefit, not out of enotional empathy.
There was a video of his wife saying that he will end up killing his new geckos and that she will have to look after them other wise he will forgot about them and they will die.
So I reckon his animals are primarily looked after by other people and they are saving his career and he only really bothers with them when he wants to be a wannabe Steve Irwin on YouTube
The comments on this thread are reminding me of “Tiger King”. That show was a real eye opener, especially when I think of it now in terms of Witch’s comment to do with ownership of exotic pets. All those people were narcs, It was so obvious.
HG, have you ever done an article on that show? Tragic for a number of people concerned, and especially for the tigers themselves.