Why Does the Narcissist Do All Of This?


The sudden silences. The periods of no communication when before the airwaves crackled with the send and return exchange of text messages. The repeated calls throughout the day to talk of something and to talk of nothing, now gone and empty. The absence of a morning greeting. The absence of any greeting. Just absence. Cold and unremitting silences which stretch from hours, to days, to weeks. What was once there has been banished. What’s it all for? Perhaps he just wants some time alone?

The inability to ever say sorry. The frustrating failure to ever issue an apology, it is as if those words cannot be formed or do they manifest but something causes them to freeze so they never find the light of day? The denial of fault, the deflection of blame, the resolute and forthright rejection of any accountability. All you want is to hear her say it the once, to say sorry, to hear that admission and sense some humanity exists there after all. What’s it all for? Perhaps she believes that I will think less of her if she apologises to me?

The never-ending carousel of blame and accusation. The merry-go-round of that dizzying discussion which never reaches fruition. The whirling array of “I never said that”, “you do the same”, “you can’t keep accusing me” and so much more leaves you disorientated and nauseous. Just once, just one time, can’t something be resolved without this round-the-houses farce? Must it always be this way? Why is nothing ever put to bed? Why is everything buried alive? What’s it all for? Maybe he just doesn’t understand me, perhaps I need to be clearer about what I mean?

The broken engagements. The no-shows. The promises to meet and then the failure to appear leaving you upset, annoyed and miserable. He promised. He promised that this would not happen again. The frequent ringing and all you receive is the notification that the cellphone you are calling is not available right now. Where is he? Has he forgotten? He cannot have done, you spoke to him only four hours ago to remind him of the arrangements, especially after what happened last time. You miss him and you were so looking forward to spending the night together after a period of not being able to do so. Surely he should have remembered? The chasing messages “Where are you?”, “Are you near?”, “I have been waiting twenty minutes, where are you?”, “What’s happening, I am worried”. What’s it all for? Perhaps he has had to work late, or he is stuck on the subway or he has run out of charge for his ‘phone?

The repeated alterations to arrangements. The tears, the shouting, the disappointments, the rolling out of false explanations to try to ease their upset. Yes, he did say he would take you out today, he must be caught up with something else, why don’t we do something instead? How can he let the children down like this? The turning up without agreement and demanding to see the children. Forcing you into a corner in order to placate him so the children are not scared. You back off again and again. Always you making the compromises. Always you trying to explain away the increasingly unexplainable. The arguments about the arrangements, the lies about what was arranged, the confusion over details. What’s it all for? Is he going mad? Maybe you are?

The insults and slurs, the nasty words, the harsh put-downs and the savage comments. The vicious text message tirades sent at 3am, the blistering verbal attack down the telephone, the dressing-down in person just before a night out. The personal cutting remarks, the swear-words, the name-calling and the labelling. So hurtful, so demeaning, so upsetting. What’s it all for? Perhaps he just doesn’t love you anymore?

The chopping and changing. Last week’s steak had to be well done and now it has to be bloody. How were you expected to know, but you were? The eruption and the tantrum which followed demonstrated that you were the one to blame. Red is good, now it is bad. No soda with the vodka, but now he is banging doors and shouting because there is no soda. Sit there, no there, be quiet, say something, leave me alone, you never speak to me much these days, do it like that, no don’t do it like that, who taught you to do this it is brilliant, who taught you to do that you are an amateur, back and forth, push and pull, right then wrong. What’s it all for? Perhaps he just cannot remember or just wants to keep changing for the sake of it? Perhaps the pressure of work is really getting to him these days?

The argument over nothing. The argument out of nowhere. The argument when everything was going well. Why is she angry all of the time? Nothing is ever right but rather than discuss it in a civil manner and be reasonable with one another, there always has to be a fight. She could start an argument in an empty room. She seems to thrive on creating a scene. So many days, so many occasions, so many events all spoiled by the epic tantrum which she throws. What’s it all for? Perhaps she has anger management issues?

The sudden bouquet of flowers. The expensive perfume. The sudden trip away to somewhere exotic and exciting. The sensitive poem carefully written in copper plate and placed under your pillow. The sudden proclamations of love. The dizzying romance. The grand gestures. What’s it all for? He must really, really love me.

The accusations, the challenges, the pointed finger and the sneer. The demands for the truth when you are telling the truth. The inquisition and the interrogations over anything and nothing. The way you answered the phone, the way you wear your dress, the friends you said you were visiting, the time you came home. Always the questions, the allegations of lying, cheating and skullduggery. Every time this happens when you want to do something and he never seems to realise he does all of these things himself. What’s it all for? Perhaps he is just possessive because he cares so much?

The lies. The tales. The fabrications. Every day a new boast which is so outrageous that she must surely know she is telling a porky pie. The flagrant omissions of the truth. The repeated protestations that this is the truth even when you know she is lying again. The lies when the truth would serve her better. The inability to know she is lying. The fact she really does seem to believe her lies are her truth. What’s it all for? Perhaps she is just a born liar and a fantasist?

The disappearances whenever you need help. The excuses that he has something else more important when you require support. The sudden coldness when you call and explain how you have been bullied at work again. The distant look and the eye-rolling as you try to explain why you are crying. The sudden lack of availability when you need a hand. The fact you must fend for yourself even though you are too weak to stand and feel dizzy. The shirking of responsibility, the rejection of assistance and the distancing when you are injured. What’s it all for? Perhaps he just cannot stand the sight of blood or does not know what to do when somebody is ill?

The flirting, the staying out late, the drunkenness, the drugs, the gambling, the smell of perfume on his clothes, the receipts from lap-dancing bars, the hours and hours and hours spent watching porn online, the obsession with his video games, the sudden and mysterious trips away. What’s it all for? Perhaps he has an addictive personality?

The tears, the pleading, the begging, the demand for one more chance, the assurances that it will never happen again, the promises to get help, the panic in his eyes and the wailing from his mouth. The neediness, the repeated requests to make things right, the long involved explanations, the repetition of how we should be together and how good we are for one another, the promises, the future, oh the promises of what the future can hold for us both. What’s it all for? Perhaps he is broken and you should not walk away from someone in such need?

Maybe he struggles to express himself?

Maybe he just has never had anybody stand up to him?

Maybe she has problems with trusting people?

Maybe he is just disorganised?

Maybe he struggles with being a single parent?

Maybe he cannot help how he feels?

Maybe he is indecisive?

Maybe he feels unappreciated?

Maybe he really does love you?

Maybe that’s his way of loving you?

Maybe she is just different?

Maybe he doesn’t love you anymore?

Maybe he can’t help but feel jealous because he really does love you?

Maybe she tells lies to make herself feel better?

Maybe he struggles with responsibility?

Maybe she is tired?

Maybe he is lost?

Maybe she is over-worked?

Maybe he is stressed?

Maybe you don’t know what you are entangled with?

Maybe you make too many excuses for them?

What’s it all for?

Control and fuel.


The Narcissist´s 3 Assertions of Control

90 thoughts on “Why Does the Narcissist Do All Of This?

  1. Pingback: Hvorfor gjør narsissisten alt dette? - Psykopatene blant oss
  2. Maevr says:

    What happened to my comment?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Nothing. It waited in moderation, like all comments do. See the rules.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Morning HG, just on my first coffee of the day before a quick review of my day’s ‘Prime Aims’ then maybe do a bit ‘cat-nailing’ (looks like there is one I can start with 😉 )

  3. Maeve says:

    All you guys are still feeding this self proclaimed narc’s fuel supply? Haven’t you gotten the irony of it yet? The joke is on you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Diagnosed, not self-proclaimed.
      2. Their fuel is irrelevant for reasons explained many, many times.
      3. They are here to learn and protect themselves using the best information available to them and to support one another. Why are you here? To demonstrate your mean-spirited, lack of emotional empathy? If so, you have succeeded, well done and you can take your envy and crawl away.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Looks like the aliens visited a ‘squashed bug’ but left the wrong probe inside it……

        Absolutely – “They are here to learn and protect themselves using the best information available to them and to support one another” – there is plenty of that and it’s great that you, HG, are providing us with this information & the resources for our empowerment……

        1. Alexissmith2016 says:

          HG what’s the main difference between a non narc and how they lash out on here (first contact) and a narc. I understand the non narc typically wouldn’t come back for more or would recognise their mistake and a narc wouldn’t. So I’m mainly interested in first contact. Would it be that a non narc would only lash out at you? A narc all of us are fair game?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            It is the manner of the “lashing” and who it is directed at that provides the distinction.

          2. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            Also, I think with a non narc you can feel that there is also an element of self doubt, searching for answers, that slips through the anger.
            I remember when I first got here, although appreciating the value of the blog, I could not believe Mr Tudor was not lying constantly against us, and I remember saying repeatedly: I believe you are lying.
            Although that sounds like an attack, I think empaths are able to feel that this is more a searching soul, a truth seeker, than actually attacking the blog, the host or the readers. I was used to being lied to all of my life and the experience of someone not lying, well it took a long time for me, and a lot of fact checking, before I stopped accusing Mr Tudor of lying to us.

            Or am I wrong in this?
            (Maybe I am the narc after all!)

    2. JB says:


      I get what you are saying, I really do. HG is a narcissist; he tells us that our fuel is of very little potency to him, but at the same time he also tells us that all narcissists lie, so I understand what you mean. Everything he tells us about himself could well be false; it would be no surprise if it were, after all he is a narcissist!

      However, I can honestly tell you that this blog has changed my life. Before I came here, so many things about my narcissist entanglements didn’t make sense and I couldn’t move on. What I have learned here has helped me start to do that. It sounds cold, but this is a transaction of sorts. He gets what he needs from it, and so do we. Is that so bad?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        JB, I am pleased my work has changed your life as it does and that is because what I explain to you is not a lie. Further Maeve´s comment was an insult to you as readers and should be dismissed for what it is, envious attention seeking.

        1. JB says:


          Yes, it wasn’t very nice, but I wondered if maybe she had been hurt and was lashing out. And for some reason I wanted her to understand why I come here; after all, she could benefit too if she were open to it.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I understand. I have seen her like before. Let’s see if she can acknowledge what has been said in a constructive way and return with a differed perspective. I suspect not.

      2. Truthseeker6157 says:


        Ad nauseam.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          laughing….. so short but so bitterly sweet, loving it, TS

    3. Asp Emp says:

      Laughing……. at you.

      One of those ignorants. Why don’t you bug off to another blog and leave us all empaths to enjoy the delights of HG’s work……..

    4. lickemtomorrow says:

      Maeve, you have a beautiful name, and right now I’m hoping one of my (eventual) grandchildren will be named Maeve. She was a warrior, Queen Maeve, and I don’t know if you know the Irish spelling – Maebh.

      I only recently stated it had to be the irony of the century that the “Ultra” narcissist was engineering to help empaths escape from their entanglements with lesser narcissisists. So I’m with you there.

      The joke is not on us. Unfortunately, it on those people who refuse to accept the very sound advice given here and make use of the information provided. And you have the fuel supply wrong in your statement. We are not feeding off HGs fuel supply. Empaths do not need fuel, or to feed off others. HG does not require our fuel, so therefore he is not feeding off us either. I think it’s back to the drawing board for you for now.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Last paragraph – well said, LET – well said.

        (laughing)….. “I think it’s back to the drawing board for you for now”……

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          We all had to start somewhere, AspEmp, and grasping the basics is so important.

          Also, I’ll never understand people who come here throwing insults at HG and us.

          Without even so much as a ‘by your leave’. I mean what are they basing that on?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Envy. Threat to their control.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            I was just looking at your original response to the ‘squashed bug’ (laughing), oh, sorry, what was her name.,… oh, yes, Maeve and was going to reply to LET….

          3. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            “Envy. Threat to their control.”

            Mr Tudor are you aware of that horrible person “Evening TV” on YouTube?
            I fell into trap (knowingly, because I knew what she was before I interacted, but it was stronger then myself) to go into discussion with her. She has a video about ‘what is the problem with HG Tudor’. She is “concerned” about us. But then she calls me “a fan” , “a flying monkey”, so she contradicts herself because she is not at all protecting me of course, but she can not see that, as you teach us. I wasted my time explaining her contradictions, I know, I know, it is stronger then me.
            There are so many people on board with her: yeah yeah that HG Tudor is such a con, yeah I do not trust him, oh yeah and he charges money for his work that disturbs me the most,
            you are losing people on that woman, argh it is so frustrating…

            Social media is so easy to break people, and what is her merit? What has she contributed to the subject except from criticising you?
            I wish I could just *poof* her away from YouTube!

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I am aware and no, I am not losing people on that woman, far from it, my numbers grow and so does the list of people aided by me. Far more people support my work than disagree with it. Note the Flying Monkey allegation and those of you who have read “The Truth About Flying Monkeys” will know what that signifies.

            What my loyal readers are best placed to do with clowns like this, a Mid Range Narcissist naturally is to not enter a discussion but simply post about how my work is effective, how you have received outstanding assistance, that there is no con and point out that she has never utilised any service of mine and her entire video is predicated on an absence of evidence. Just state the facts, do not debate her, do not engage, just each and every one of you clog up the comments with the endorsements you feel able to provide based on the evidence.

          5. Violetta says:


            That voice. She sounds like a cartoon character, but I’m not sure which one.

          6. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            Hahaha, Violetta!
            Be thankful she is “protecting” us against the evil of this blog, bwahahaha!

    5. Fool Me 1 Time says:

      Actually the jokes on you. Apparently you don’t know that negative fuel is far more potent then positive fuel. Do you see the irony in that?! You’re the joke!

      1. Another Cat says:

        I find it very difficult to answer comments like Maeve’s, both IRL and here. Somebody coming in, throwing a short cliché line. “You’re a bunch of cult members, you adore this person, form your own opinions”

        ANY reply to a commenter like that, can be seen as “signs of being part of a cult”. They are framing all the group members.

        It’s akin to walking up to a person saying

        “You are so annoyed, chill, control your anger”.

        ANY reply to that can be seen as confirmation.

        Framing-lines, I call them framing lines.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Valid points, however that is putting the focus on the recipient of the attack (which is what we narcissists do in order to assert control). Instead, one looks at the behaviour.

          1. No boundary recognition. Just bowling up with an aggressive comment like that is akin to running into someone’s house and shouting “Your home decor sucks!” when you do not know the home owner.
          2. Entitlement. You will listen to what I have to say.
          3. Lack of emotional empathy. I do not care how my comment makes you feel.
          4. Lack of accountability. My comment is not based on any evidence and furthermore (as at the time of writing more than 24 hours later) I am not even going to bother addressing the responses because I do not have to.
          5. Threat to control. The responses do not accept Maeve´s assertion but rather than recognise this, reflect and adjust, Maeve remains silent (3rd assertion of control).

          Rather than focus on Maeve´s effect, focus on your right to voice your view and challenge such an incorrect and rude observation. Find your voices. You can do that here because of the nature of the environment, but you ought not to do that with regard to “personal narcissists” for reasons articulated elsewhere.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Loving your explanations, HG – damn right.

            Us, empaths will come out and give the ‘Maeve’s’ (and the ‘Pams’) a sting or two for daring to ‘kick the hornet’s nest’…..

            And, if that means my ‘narcissist’ traits coming out for a moment or two, so be it – calling out all ‘Pams and Maeves’….. (it feels good to do so and adds to the entertainment of KTN site) 🙂

    6. A Victor says:

      Hey Maeve, when I arrived here several weeks ago, I read my story, the story of my relationship with the narc. It wasn’t actually my story, but, the similarity was so close, it really could have been. That was shocking, surprising, disheartening. But then, as I read comments, and the blog posts, it became clear that I wasn’t alone in having found that similarity and it became clear that people here were being helped by whatever was going on. Several weeks later, I have not reached out to the narc, I have learned many things, about the narc but also about myself, and I’ve become stronger. If it’s a joke on me, I’m really fine with that. I don’t care at this point if HG gets some fuel or some residual benefits from purchases I make, in fact, I’m glad to support what he’s doing. The world needs it, needs him, it will be a better place with this information available.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you A Victor. Now, will Maeve demonstrate the ability to reflect, apologise and embrace the value of the work and the people here or…..

        1. A Victor says:

          You’re welcome. And, I guess we will see.

        2. Asp Emp says:

          “Now, will Maeve demonstrate the ability to reflect, apologise and embrace the value of the work and the people here or…..”

          HG, are you asking us empaths to ‘watch this space’? (I’m laughing)…..

        3. lickemtomorrow says:

          An apology is definitely in order. I hope Maeve does take the time to reflect. There is so much of value to embrace here. And I hate the thought of anyone missing out on that.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            (alughing)…… we, empaths, nor HG is gonna get an apology from this ‘Maeve’ – do you know why? She finks she has “control” by sayin’ nuffin’…… it’s an attention thing.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Third assertion of control AE, silence. Unable to assert it through any meaningful direct response, we get the third.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Lucky us! The third? But, you, HG, has the First by not moderating…… (just swipe left 😉 )

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I have the first by setting them straight. I also have the first by deleting if I so choose. I only use that when they spew nonsense a la Pam as it becomes boring after a short while. The others, let them come, they just show themselves to be what they are, although they never see it.

          5. Asp Emp says:

            Hope you got plenty bug spray (laughing)…. yeah, it’s fun, observing and taking part…. thank you 🙂

      2. Asp Emp says:

        Well worded AV. There is no “joke” on you at all, nor the other empaths and not HG, either.

        1. A Victor says:

          Thank you Asp Emp, I am aware. 🙂

          1. Duchessbea says:

            Maeve, you should be ashamed of the comment you wrote. You sound like someone who is a High Conflict Person. You deliberately go out of your way to cause angst and insult people. Well, the joke is on you.

            HG, might be the Ultra and his ultimate survival is the fuel he gets from other people. But for what HG has done in helping myself as well as every other person here who is a subscriber to HG’s incredible work, there are no words to adequately say Thank you to HG.

            HG’s written and audio content on his kind is the best informative work I have read and listened to, and coming from the Ultra himself, we are getting and gaining the best knowledge possible. HG, spends a lot of time writing, updating and presenting his work on Narcsite, in a very professional manner and takes the time to go through sometimes thousands of comments and respond to them. Also, HG puts out brilliant video content, that is very detailed and informative on understanding his kind.

            For an Empath like myself, and the many other people on here who have gotten a much deeper understanding and gained invaluable knowledge about narcissists from the Ultra Narcissist himself, we are all very thankful to HG, for all his hard work and dedication to his sites and his subscribers.

            If HG receives even an ounce of fuel from any of us, so be it. He deserves a little something in recognition for all that he has done in helping myself and thousands of other people. I am not the biggest fan of narcissists, but I will always applaud and have HG’s back, for all the help he has given me.

            Maeve, if you don’t feel like you can contribute here in an adult and respectable manner, well, you know where you can go.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you DB. Maeve remains silent, quel surpris

          3. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Is the English version of Maeve, Mavis?

            I don’t really know.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I see what you did there, Bravo.

          5. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Ha ha !

  4. lindseymarie says:

    Really good article. If I had seen this earlier it would have been so helpful. I’m still amazed how the mid and lower ones believe their own lies.

  5. Asp Emp says:

    This article and ‘The Bronze Period’ article, in some, relate and makes sense.

  6. NarcAngel says:

    These are the questions many people are asking themselves and end up consulting google (with much difficulty trying to put into words what they mean). They receive bits and pieces of information on individual behaviours that mislead and lead to further frustration. It is not until they can see the many behaviours grouped together like this that they begin to get the bigger picture. Think how frustrated we were until we arrived here. We can help by pointing them in the right direction and give back with one click.


    Let that be both our Christmas gift to the world and a thank you to HG for all that he does.

    Costs nothing but means everything to someone out there right now.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      HG approves.

      1. Violetta says:

        HG, I’ve tried telling my friend who went through a messy divorce with a probable narc about you, but she’s hesitant to check out your website (nervous about narcs, and not much of a web person anyway). Her kids are grown but one is barely speaking to her–the ex- filed for divorce when the youngest was in Jr. High and his father really poisoned his mind against her. The older got married and changed his and his wife’s last name to one of his his mother’s relatives!

        What would be a good book to send her? The active battles are over, but I know she was deeply hurt and bewildered. I don’t want to revive bad memories for her, or inform her of actions 8t is to late for her to take re: settlements or custody battles, but I think if she recognized the things he was doing and what they tell about him, the old hurts might diminish.

        To narrow it down, I think he may be a somatic–started working out and boasting about how they supposedly looked younger than other people. No evidence that he was cheating, but we suspect he wanted to! Never gave her a reason for the divorce. She had supported him through grad school (we became friends when we worked together), took care of him when he had heart problems. Don’t know if he thought he now deserved that trophy wife, but I suspect so. She was very pretty when we worked for the same company, but after two kids and years of marriage, most people won’t look the same and she said as much.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Red Flag and Black Flag.

          1. Violetta says:

            Thank you.

        2. BC30 says:

          I love your plan Violetta.

    2. K says:

      In 2015, I Googled: Why is everybody so fucking dumb???; I got directed to the Dunning-Kruger Effect…what a complete waste of time! All the crazy making behaviour that I witnessed had absolutely nothing to do with the DKE and everything to do with NPD.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        There you are! Have you been about town taking down corrupt councils? I have pictured you many times in your war room haha. I hope you and your family are all well. Nice to see you

        1. K says:

          Hello NarcAngel!
          We are doing very well, thank you and I hope all is well with you and your family.

          Hahahahaha….I have been hanging out on The Ultra lately, however, I am entertaining the possibility of causing a minor kerfuffle for the School Superintendent and School Committee.
          Bastards, all of them!

          The War Room is a glorious place indeed. Good to see you, too!

      2. lindseymarie says:

        K – googling “why is everybody so ducking dumb?” I had to laugh out loud at that! Been there. Also being a flawed human I know I’ve been in the stupid category myself no doubt at times. Still I can relate very much to the question!

        1. K says:

          Hahahahaha…although I understand it all now, at the time the “dumbness” was perplexing to say the least. I have made plenty of mistakes along the way but we, non-narcissists, usually learn from our mistakes (self-awareness) and make alterations.

          It reminds me of the film Groundhog Day, from their POV, Narcissists don’t make mistakes (assertion of control and superiority) so they tend to repeat them.

          1. lindseymarie says:

            Yup they don’t learn as they have no self awareness (lower and mid anyway.) They live out the same drama with different people.

  7. BC30 says:

    The Devil’s Pitchfork is real ya’ll.

  8. Intrepid Traveller says:

    Best article for someone to know they have finally found a place for acknowledgment of what they are going through

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes and a useful one to direct towards someone who has just started to wonder why they are being treated in the way they are.

      1. BC30 says:

        My sister is currently a lost cause. She doesn’t want do admit he is a N (I’m 100% sure of it).

        1. A Victor says:

          I have a daughter in this boat as well. I hurt for her, we all do. But we are helpless to do anything. But, since being here, I have had the opportunity on a couple of occasions to talk about things I’ve learned. I am hoping it helps her see the light and that if/when she decides to make changes, she will be open to more of HG’s information.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Great that you are talking with your daughter about it, then, in turn, she can talk with her friends about KTN site & HG’s work…..

          2. NarcAngel says:

            A lot of times people find it awkward and are resistant to talking about it directly. Could you perhaps leave a few of HG’s books like Red Flag or Sitting Target out where they are visible and might pique curiosity or cause further discussion (perhaps more initiated by her)? I would suggest forwarding articles or books electronically as that is the preferred media these days but you would have to gauge how well doing it that directly would be received.

          3. A Victor says:

            NA, I have been talking with my kids about their grandma, just a little as they seem able to hear it. That daughter, my oldest, is the most resistant, my mother was a very good grandma to her! And, that daughter has been the least interested in any other aspects of this thing, I feel like she knows looking too closely might reveal some things she doesn’t want to look at in her own life. Especially since they are currently getting along very well with him just having started a fantastic new job and her due to give birth in 3 weeks or so. But, I think if I can approach it via her stepdad, that may be an avenue she will be more open to. And, yes, if I can obtain a copy of any of HG’s books other than on my kindle, I will definitely leave it out where anyone can see it! And, if there are articles that wouldn’t be objectionable to her, I will forward those as well, I had not thought of that, thank you!

        2. autiempath says:

          Same here, with my brother. He just cannot see it, so sad.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            What you say – is the reason why I do not think there is any point in talking to my sister about it (mother) – she’s on the other side of the world. I think it was more important for me to know about narcissism.

          2. autiempath says:

            Asp Emp,

            It is the sad truth, if they cannot see it, there is realy no point.
            My brother does recognize it in our deceased father, but not in his girlfriend
            (She is a Karen)
            He is not ready yet.
            So i have to let it go.

            You are right, it is more important for ourself to learn about it, and become weaponized.

  9. Another Cat says:

    in my experience Greater narcissists (a very unusual breed) haven’t done much of no-shows, they seem to follow up what they suggested or agreed to. But we only meet once a year or so. (One is a nation famous priest and journalist/author, and the other a journalist and uni professor, writing op eds in national newspapers).

    I notice Midrangers and Lessers get very preoccupied if something else comes up, more slaves-to-the-moment in the fuel quest?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Lesser and Mid-Rangers occupy the moment, have lower energy levels and reduced resource levels. Therefore it is all focussed on The Prime Aims in an effective way for them, but with collateral consequences.
      The Greater and The Ultra also obviously focus on the moment but we are also able to look ahead and because of higher energy levels and greater resource levels we can (if we deem it to our advantage) to deliver. We gain control in the moment, achieve control at a future point and preserve the facade of delivery, therefore looking good.

      1. Another Cat says:

        Thank you, HG.

        It’s gonna be a tough road going no contact with the charmig female one (friend of my kids), the male one is much easier because of his rather cold stare in some cases. I very much see what you mean by mistaking female greater narcissists for empaths. One does it for years.

  10. Julia says:

    That one made me feel a bit sick at the end.!

  11. lickemtomorrow says:

    It’s amazing that it all boils down to those two little things: control and fuel.

    Those two little things can have an enormous impact.

    In fact, they have the ability to ruin lives.

    Not so little after all when you think about it.

    And lifesaving when you know what they are.

    1. lindseymarie says:

      It really is amazing (in a disturbing way) and it has been so helpful in my journey. I studied a lot about narcissism but those two words explain more than anything I have learned before finding HG.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Agreed, lindseymarie. There is nothing like getting the word from the narcissist himself, and HG tells it like it is. The insight packs a powerful punch and is one of the things that gives us the ability to escape. The lack of empathy (emotional) creates a space for us to be able to apply logic. And HG has the ability to simplify things like he does in this article which makes them easier to grasp.

        I imagine there are a lot of people who study aspects of narcissism before coming here and find there is no comparison (in terms of gaining understanding) after they have arrived. We are the lucky ones <3

        1. lindseymarie says:

          Yeah I wasted a LOT of time putting the pieces together before I found HG!

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            No one does it like HG 🙂

            He held the key that unlocked the door for me <3

          2. HG Tudor says:

            And cue, nobody does it better, makes me feel sad for the rest…..

          3. A Victor says:

            My puzzle pieces were in a big pile, I didn’t even know where to start. Now much of the puzzle is completed, more pieces falling into place all other time. It’s amazing.

          4. lickemtomorrow says:

            Haha, HG 🙂

            Cue song lyrics indeed …

            “Nobody does it half as good as you
            Baby, you’re the best.”

        2. NarcAngel says:

          “And cue, nobody does it better, makes me feel sad for the rest…..”

          Nobody does it half as good as you, HG you’re the best!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I agree and thank you.

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ah, you beat me to it, NA!

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            Let me just add, it does make me feel sad for the rest.

          4. lindseymarie says:

            Oh my the fuel is flowing today! Well deserved fuel though. HG is literally changing lives through this information and empowering people.

  12. Veronique Trimble says:

    Seriously just need to vent right now not expecting a response HG wtf is wrong with some people that make them feel so entitled and just take what they want with no concern for what it dose to someone then get yelled at by the person who claims to care about you when trying to fix what someone else has done That you had absolutely no idea had even been done and then come in five minutes later and act as if nothing has just happened and try and make you out to be the arsehole I am so freaking over narcissist And the way they trap you if they can’t force you to stay by manipulating you into staying the whole do it by financially controlling it I even lost my job because of the fact that my narcissist didn’t like the fact that I was financially able to look after myself and that meant I could be free then and now I’m stuck in a situation can’t get out of that I don’t want to ever have to fucking deal with any more I’m getting to the stage I don’t just want to be away from him I hate him

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