Utter Disgust



You disgust me. How did I ever choose to be with you? How did I not see what you really are? You conned me. There can be no other explanation for what has happened. You drew me in and promised me so much. You offered all that I needed and now you have revealed your true colours. Another chameleon. I would have thought that I would have become more adept at identifying you by now but I suspect that you came with leaden tongue which was draped in sugar as you sought to lure me into your despairing world. I cannot believe that you behaved in such a way and after everything that I have done for you. This is the method of your thanks is it? You are a disgusting person to behave in this way. Building up my hopes, thinking that after so long searching and hunting that I have finally located the one that would always give me what I need. The sole supply of my strength, the bearer of joy, the provider of sustenance and yet you promised all this and when it came to the moment of reckoning you failed to deliver. I should not berate myself for once again I have been fooled by someone who came with obscuring smoke and confusing mirrors. I am but a simple and straightforward person who offers only dedication and a perfect love. You knew this yet you lured me in with your false promises and empty words.

How did you think I would react to such perfidy? With a smile and a “oh it does not matter”? Of course not. You failed me and in the most offensive way possible. You have insulted me, me of all people. You have caused grave offence through your disgusting conduct and that was why you had to be punished. It is not good pleading for clemency. You held a position of trust and you abused that trust in a foul manner. You were given complete and utter access to my inner being and you achieved this through manipulation and fraud. Your punishment accordingly must match this heinous crime. Look at you, snivelling and begging, the crocodile tears spilling down your face as you plead for leniency and another chance. How many chances must I give you? You have failed me so many times and you have taken advantage of my most generous nature. You disgust me. So weak and so pathetic. You thought you could break me but you could not. You thought that you could outwit and outflank me. Not a chance. You thought you could do as you pleased but I have found you out and for that you shall receive your comeuppance. Get up and have some dignity. By heaven, I cannot stand it when you behave like this. Your weakness offends me. I can smell the putrid stench of your pathetic vulnerability now that I have pierced that fraudster’s veil. The offensive odour is all pervasive and I want to vomit such is the disgusting sensation that arises from it. Get out of my sight, you turn my stomach. How did I ever think that you would be the solution? I must have taken leave of my senses but then in a way I did. You made me believe in something that was not real. You duped me. Me, me of all people, someone of my brilliance and intellect, taken in by the sleight of hand of a trickster. I cannot stand this association with something so vile as you. I despise you but I also despise myself for having ever chosen you. You promised me everything and I fell for it. I thought I knew better. I thought I had it all worked out, the path forward and the road to infinite excellence but you were waiting around the bend again weren’t you, you despicable bastard. You ambushed me and just as I thought everything was right, correct and well, you sought to topple me with your clandestine behaviours. Your deceit runs through you like a disease and you are riddled with it. Do you see how it causes your features to twist in some sick parody of what you are? The vitriol and the malice age you. It is bound to be the case for nobody can sustain such sick sin for too long. I suppose that is why you try and conceal it isn’t it? Your leering sick grin cannot be looked upon for it will reveal all your other warped features, the grimacing evil that stems from being such a disgusting creature as you are. I cannot stand to look upon you, I cannot bear to hear your screeching and pitiful voice which makes me shudder when I think how often I desired to hear it. Oh what a fool I have been to have been taken in by your promises. You have misled me over and over again. How could you behave in such a manner? Are you not disgusted with yourself? You ought to be. I can feel the bile rising in my throat as I contemplate what you have done to me and now as I see you for what you truly are. Leave! Be gone! I have no desire to have you in my eye any longer. My disgust overwhelms me and I must escape your presence. I said for you to go. Why do you remain staring at me and mocking me with those hooded eyes? Is there no end to your torturous ways? Stop looking at me. Stop it, I demand it. Perhaps if I shut my eyes and yes, you have gone. Ha, I am not finished yet. I have dispelled you but even as I keep my eyes shut tight I know that when I open them again you will have returned because I can never escape you can I?

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13 thoughts on “Utter Disgust

  1. A Victor says:

    Well, it’s even then, I was disgusted by my ex before he left too.

  2. BC30 says:

    #2 looked at me with disgust for a brief moment on our last night together, but guess who came back around to hoover? I mustn’t have been so “disgusting” after all. Hahaha.

  3. Violetta says:

    Speaking of disgust, DM headline:

    “Ex-Bloomberg reporter, 38, reveals she quit her job and left her husband for infamous jailed ‘Pharma Bro’ Martin Shkreli – leaving social media aghast as she claims ‘he needed someone to stick their neck out'”

    Someone was willing to help that creature breed?

    He displays all the marks of a Narcissist, complete with grandiosity, future faking, letting her feel like a “political wife” hosting his guests, then abruptly ghosting her. Problem is, he did it all without any discernible charm.

    Oh well, I’m no one to talk after falling for Wanna-Be Playuh-Narc.

  4. Francine says:

    True story from a girlfriend who was in devaluation He was in the process of breaking up with her for the 20th time she said to me.. I looked at him and I could just see his face the disgust. all over his face like I just disgusted him. ..She also told me a story where he took her on a vacation to an exotic island and he sat across the table from her and she was really hoping this guy would ask her to marry him. He looked at her and said I’m 43 years old and of all this time I have never met the one. She said she just broke right down cry lost it. I’ll never forget those two stories..I wrote her a letter and mailed her HG’s book Exorcism

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for spreading my work to others.

      1. Francine says:

        You are welcome. At this point it’s an underground movement. I can’t reference in writing /orally your work in a clinical setting because you are not recognized as a professional source in their minds. That is not challenge fuel or a insult It is the way the field works in my experience. It’s got to be backed up, referenced by a professional source or it doesn’t count “they say”. Yes I know your work has been referred by professionals but again that’s obscured and can’t be documented. Perhaps when you’re ready to come out from behind the shadows, that will be remedied. For now it remains for me a most effective underground movement. Excellence will find its way to the top.

  5. Francine says:

    Insanity… always looking for that perfect one and never allowing themselves to find it… they con and gaslight themselves. Even their blame shifting points right back to them because after all they chose the victim. After all this time you can’t make a good choice. After all this practice you haven’t figured it out yet. All the fine breeding higher education worldly travel elegant sophistication supposedly rugged good looks. You’re still a failure with relationships (according to what’s written above). How many has it been now 30 40 we’ll just cycle them through every 2 to 3 years. And you think your victims are pathetic? And do not give me that bullshit it working so well for you. If it was you would not have spent the whole article bitching about poor poor Narc…now now go puke it out, wipe your face and grow up…oh that’s right you can’t…

  6. Lisa says:

    I have had the narcissist tell me to stop looking at him. Told me I was creepy for wanting eye contact. I now know why. Interesting details in this story.

  7. Asp Emp says:

    In my view, as I read this, it seems that a Greater (rather than a Lesser / MRN) could be delivering this – in order to obtain ‘negative’ fuel.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not a Greater.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Ah, no. I made a balls up. Sorry HG.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No need to apologise, you’re here to learn.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you HG, yes I am still a student.

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