The Narcissist´s Smirk
70 thoughts on “The Narcissist´s Smirk”
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Wow that video was next level. Like an advance class in Narcissism. I remember that smirk on my mother’s face when one of her lieutenants was trying to gaslight me. I called it the cat that ate the canary look.i will never forget it . I was only about 7 years old. I was crying. I caught the smirk as she walked behind her lieutenant.It is burned into my memory. I had my thoughts on what it was about. I hit the target but way to the outer edges. All these years later this video comes along and hits the bullseye right down the center. You are absolutely right. We are never going to really understand the narc behavior from our point of view. You deserve all the accolades you get from your audience concerning this work. Thank you
You are welcome, Francine.
Thanks for setting the smirk straight, HG.
This was insightful.
You are welcome.
I’m always struggling with the concept of emotional thinking, but I think I’ve finally grasped one crucial aspect of mine. I’ve supposed that narcissists do what they do because if I were to blow hot and cold like that, say something as insulting as that, gaslight someone like that, attempt to sabotage someone’s career like that, I would have to have certain motives. You’d have to have done something to make you my mortal enemy before I’d have the impulse to do certain things, let alone act on it in apparently cold blood.
My motives have nothing to do with why a narcissist does things.
Most of them very likely haven’t thought it out: they feel.powerful when they do certain things, so they do those things.
Including The Smirk.
I had to share this video that I found on YT……. apt, to be on ‘The Narcissist’s Smirk’…. at this point in time, (fkg prick)….. I laughed at the end part….. I never voted for the fkr in the first place!
Fk him and his fkg brown-nosed sniffers….
This is funny Asp Emp. I don’t know much about him since I am from the US. But when HG said he’s a womanizer I was pretty surprised, he’s got some interesting hair and a goofy demeanor which I don’t equate with “players”, better known now as narcissists. I guess attraction is in the eye of the beholder. But it was a funny video. Thanks
Glad you enjoyed it. Boris is still a dickhead & really not worth knowing at all, you’re not missing anything important.
Henry Kissinger had a similar reputation. People in power often find a success they never could have if they were just another desperate-looking guy offering to buy someone a drink in a bar.
I have heard power is an aphrodisiac for many people.
Hahahaha great video ASP!
AV sadly I can definitely see how Boris would be a womaniser. I would ahahah!
sadly the N I fell for would be considered by most unappealing and yet he was highly successful.
I found him repulsive ans thought he was weird etc etc I was trying to help him save his marriage (or so I thought lol) but after six months I fell for him???? Even being in the same room as him I found. But ‘rapey’ lol and I was only trying to help him At all because he prompted so much guilt in me because of his illness. from my own observations it doesn’t usually take him anywhere near that long to seduce women. the women he seduces vary hugely to considerably more attractive than I am to women I wouldn’t touch with a barge pole. His MO the whole time is seduce and devalue and if he can cause them to break up with their partners all the better even though he doesn’t want them.
I’m off to see if JOE has made any more of those YouTube videos Asp. Thanks again for sharing mwah
I continue to be amazed at this priceless content. I absolutely HATED the smirk because it was so contemptuous & just hurt me so much. Now I understand why I got it so often. Great to see you all & your comments & a huge THANK YOU to Mr Tudor for another masterpiece
I wonder if empaths have a ‘smirk’? Of course, they do…… for good reason too…..
That is wind.
Hmm…. there are a lot of nouns and verbs and synonyms for that word……
How would you say that in sign language?
A “Y” with the dominant hand, I should think.
Erm, well, thank you for clarifying that one, HG. Because in the BSL it’s two hands involved…. one hand and two fingers, the other hand and one finger…. oh, what the hell, it doesn’t really matter – whatever the preference is I suppose (laughing)….
Ah but I was referring to “that”, which is what the questioner referred to.
Well, the ‘questioner’ was asking in response to my comment – which actually involves a LOT of sign language – not one sided or one answer…… in which I don’t believe quite a number of people (including yourself, apologies for ‘pointing it out’, yourself) would have been able to keep up with, or keep track of……
Ha ha! And the dominant hand is always yours.
What you asking me for?
Ask HG.
Asp,
You are sooo norty!!! Ha ha x
No I am not. If I am, then I am due a spanking…….
This empath smirks!
1.Sexy smirk.
2.The “Uh huh” smirk which is pretty similar to sexy smirk.
3.Post orgasm smirk. What?!
I don’t negative smirk now I think about it. I definitely smirk though.
Ah, so lovely to hear from you TS. I was beginning to doubt myself! Yes, I get what you mean by all your 3 ‘smirks. And there I was, feeling, or rather, made to feel, shit, in some way, for my comments. I express myself. Then I ‘hold’ back. Is there any wonder why….
Hey Asp,
I love your comments! No need to doubt yourself. It’s clear to me you are just having fun. I’m sure it’s clear to HG and everyone else who reads you too. X
I only know one sign. Middle finger, right hand. I find it both versatile and satisfying, particularly when driving.
Home schooling is frying my brain already. Soon, I won’t be able to string a sentence together. (I heard that cheer by the way HG). Make the most of me partially sane, for now commences the slow decline!
Hey TS. Thank you for saying those words. Laughing at your middle finger and driving….. I do that too. I get satisfaction from doing that too….. during the summer, I add a few spoken words when I have my car windows open…..
Enjoy the home schooling, it will be worth it 🙂
I was going crazy last night – in response to more lockdowns. It was no where a supanova though. Anyway, everyone has ‘smirks’…….
Asp,
I know, I’m a bit the same. This one is going to be a long haul, that is becoming abundantly clear.
I had a wobble too. Started thinking about the narc being out in the thick of it with his job. Pondering if he really did have double pneumonia and sepsis during his last silent treatment, etc etc. So many photos, so much supposed ‘proof’.
Was so tempted just to text and say ‘keep safe’, then lock everything back down again. I didn’t but it’s there at the back of my mind. What if we got the narc detector wrong? What if I misrepresented him on the detector? All these questions circling now. I’m sure I didn’t misrepresent him, so many behaviours have come to light since through my additional understanding. I’m more sure HG didn’t get it wrong. So I know that No Contact is the right path. It just feels wrong, given lockdown, the new strain, everything else. I bloody hate New Year at the best of times!
TS, yes, I know. I just hate being ‘cut off’ and I hope the film ‘V for Vendetta’ is aired on tv shortly…… it’s a good film but I cried at the end!
I understand how you’re thinking / feeling. I also understand why you ‘doubted’ whether you’d got it wrong about whether he is a narcissist or not. It does come back to ‘haunt’ you from time to time. But I don’t think or feel anything for my past narcissists – which is a really good thing (only to share on this blog). Yes, HG would have got it right, he can be trusted to provide correct information.
I hate Christmas & New Year – based on the past. Maybe things will change so that I don’t think / feel of these times in a negative way.
I’d just thought, imagine some person in the future – printing everything off from this blog – just to see how much paper would be used…. it’d be one hell of a big fat book, that’s for sure. Anyway, thank you for your response. Much appreciated.
Thank you, HG for moderating x
Well done for not giving into it, TS. It honestly isn’t worth it!
Thanks JB, yes, you’re right, I know you’re right. Outside influences mess with us and cause us to wobble. Makes me realise the value of the narc detector. I question my own representation of the narc to HG but overall, I trust HG’s ability to interpret. I do know in my heart of hearts, I’m just having to adjust to the idea of a long lockdown I think. New strains bothering me for people. Thank you for the pinch though JB x
Asp,
Yeah, totally hear you on the New Year thing. Mine started years ago, habit forming and recurring history can be tough to shed. We will though.
I know what you mean about the time that would be the transcript of this blog. I know I represent a workload in terms of moderation. I make deals with myself. “Two comments a day TS, ok then maybe three.” Yeah, it’s going well ha ha! At least I’m only on this part of the blog just now!
Smirk to the noble moderator at the white desk.
But what kind?! (Well, we know which it’s not!)
You’re welcome, TS. Just recognised a bit of myself there in what you said, including how you feel about new year – in the past I did exactly what you said you were tempted to do, and came to regret it. I guess things like new year and lockdown etc are the empath’s ‘hoover triggers’.
What you said about the ND, I haven’t had one done on anyone before, but that has crossed my mind – what if I don’t give perfect info and inadvertently lead HG to the wrong conclusion, etc? That said, if it’s all falling into place for you then no doubt you did give the right info to HG. The brain just wants to torment us into thinking it can’t be true, or at least it seems that way sometimes! X
JB,
I think the reality of the Narc Detector is that from my perspective, I felt that perhaps I had been unfair. Had communicated the bad stuff, and not the sweet side. The reality of it is though, in many ways the good side is irrelevant because a non narcissist would not behave in the same way in terms of the bad side. A bit like saying ‘ He was lovely at the start, later though, he abused me for months and stabbed me in the leg.’ The nice bit is irrelevant, the abuse for months and manner of abuse together with the ignited fury at a criticism that led to the leg stabbing is indicator enough.
You’re right, the ET cons you into a path of doubt, my fault, unrepresentative, etc etc. The reality of it is different. So really it’s next to impossible for an error to be made. We know what is ‘strange’ we communicate that, it doesn’t take every behaviour to ascertain narcissism. It takes a contextual description of a few.
Covid is stressing me out this time round. My trigger to the narc, because he was who I turned to if stressed. He did help and support so the association is there. To appear unconcerned at him being surrounded by Covid, to appear unconcerned if he catches it, dies from it, I find difficult. I wouldn’t leave a dog to die on its own. The fact he doesn’t care for me is not really my issue. I’m not a narcissist, I’m me.
Suffice to say, I know my ET is conning me. I know the ND result is entirely accurate since now I could almost classify him into school and cadre myself. My knowledge has increased, there is no doubt HG nailed it, despite various omissions on my part. I’m glad I did it. I’d have made excuses for his behaviour otherwise. The shadow of doubt would likely have drawn me back in. As it is, I have no decision to make and no where to go with it.
TS, I know what you mean about covid this time round. And I understand you not finding it easy to appear unconcerned about how he is doing during covid. You are right, we aren’t narcissists, and we can’t just turn off our concern for a fellow human being, especially someone we cared about. I certainly wish I could sometimes! I have some friends (non narc) who appear to be able to do this – when someone does wrong by them, they seem to just be able to say ‘well, sod you then’ – for some reason I really struggle with this, and instead often seem to want to continue to flog a dead horse! Maybe I just like a challenge, either that or I am a massive sucker for punishment!
A smirk is definitely a provocation.
My narcissistic trait of pride will generally react to this.
I just want to slap that smug, superior face.
I’ve found on social media that a 🙂 is often attached to a comment designed to sound superior/sarcastic as a means of generating the smirk online. There is no smirk emoji, but it is still possible to smirk online.
Definitely, LET. That’s how it feels to witness it.
Yes, often the common smiley is used as sarcasm by narcissists, in debate. I’ve seen the following:
N “Is it bad to click like to your own posts?”
His female friend “well, it might be narcissistic personality disorder. ”
N “You always light up the mood 🙂! ”
(back then I didn’t know what he was and was baffled at her comment)
Then there is the very common comment “You often make that mistake 🙂”
And The “I don’t trust you 🙂!”
(when in a fight, not when in jokey convo)
Very hard to react to because to outsiders these lines look nice.
Spot on, AC, and it can be hard to react to when to others it looks good on the surface.
I came across this with narc-ex occasionally, but more so on general internet forums.
I don’t find it hard to read, but often others seem to carry on the conversation as though they hadn’t just been put down in the ‘nicest’ possible way. The insincerity of that smiley face, or the use and abuse of it for nefarious purposes, is obvious to me. It makes me cringe for others when I see it and I’m always hoping for the smackdown! I do not receive it well and find a way to respond which lets the other know that is the case. It would be the slap I couldn’t give IRL. Not sure what emoji you could use for that 😛
But I find I am offended for others as well as myself when I see the use of that smiley (smirk) face.
Now I understand what you mean LET, this is the reason I don’t use emoticons often, they are easily misunderstood, I think, unless you know a person well. I use them more with my kids but that’s about it. I did use one here recently, it was not intended as a smirk so hopefully it didn’t come across that way, but thank you for the warning, it is a good reminder.
AV
It’s not so much one or two mysterious emojis placings,
it’s more the frequency of the ambiguity which is the problem. When one already knows a certain person to constantly act/text ambiguosly.
AV, there’s not doubt emoticons can be misinterpreted, and interacting online there is a danger of that happening from time to time. I haven’t seen anything here of concern in that sense and my experience relates to another very specific forum where i held some responsibility. There were people who would assume a superior position and use the smiley face as a weapon while subtly putting others down. Rather than accept their opinion was one of many, the smiley face was an indication that they thought theirs was superior and they were deigning to respond to someone or something that was beneath them. I think we all know the type, and they get away with a lot whether online or in real life. It’s very specific in its use, so I wouldn’t concern myself with any unintended use of the 🙂 or any other emojis. Hopefully if someone takes something the wrong way they will speak up x
AC and LET, thank you for the feed back. I enjoy seeing them on other’s comments but I will likely remain cautious for being misunderstood, I love words the most, like a narc-haha, but they convey things best for me I think. But I appreciate both of your feedback about it very much.
Wait, is it narcissistic to like your own posts? I laugh and love my own posts all the time. I do it because I think the post is funny or its a post of something I love. Ruh Roh! Maybe I should stop liking my own posts, lol!
Haha, Leigh
I had an existential crisis on another forum when I realized I couldn’t like my own posts 😛
LET, Whew! I’m glad I’m not alone, lol.
Another Cat, yes I’m talking about liking my own posts. On FB, I will post something and then I will click on the like button. Depending on what the post is, I will choose the correlating feeling.
As my children tell me all the time, I’m so extra! LOL!
Haha, Leigh, of course I find myself funny too, but the devil is in the details, as usual, when it comes to narcissists. They just want emotional responses.
That guy never really reflected on whether he could be a narc.
Wait, Leigh and other readers 👀
We are talking about clicking likes on your own posts,
not about just enjoying what you wrote yourself.
One typical narc thing to do is to fake the number of subscribers, and number of like clicks, to one’s own youtube channel.
In response to Leigh and AC,
LOL to you being “extra”, Leigh, and in many ways you truly are <3 I enjoy your posts so much and they can be entertaining as well as enlightening 🙂
I love the fact you like your own posts, and while I don't actually do the same here, when I was on another site I remember noticing one day that I did not have a 'like' button under my posts. The system was geared to giving you the ability to 'like' other people's posts, but not your own. I had been on the site for a while and never been aware of it. Then one day, for whatever reason, I just happened to notice the missing 'like' button under one of my posts 😛 I joked with a friend about it and said "cue existential crisis". Even if I never used it, I thought I should have the option 😉
I don't think we should be shy about appreciating our own 'work' or input. Some might just read it back and see how awesome they are, others might actually go a step further and give themselves a real pat on the back for their efforts. It's all about building ourselves up at the end of the day xox
Thank you LET! I’m having a tough couple of days. My dad’s birthday is Saturday. He’s passed now but whenever the day approaches it still puts me in sad mood. Your response made me smile. Thank you 😊💓
I’m so glad I could make you smile, Leigh, at a time when an element of sadness seems to have engulfed you. Those special occasions will often trigger an emotional response which is understandable. I’m glad you shared and I hope you will manage the anniversary date OK. I don’t know what your memories of your father are as the date approaches, but let me send you a virtual hug either way <3
LET, thank you for your kind words. The memories are not good ones. My father was a narcissist as well. He used his fists to discipline me and my brothers. He was also a raging alcoholic. He left 2 days before Christmas without saying goodbye. Poof! Just vanished. We didn’t see him again for 5 years.
Whenever his birthday or the anniversary of his death approaches, I seem to think of him. I’m reminded of how terrible he was as a father.
I seem to be more and more whiny lately. These narcs are really doing a number on me. I gotta snap out of it.
You are welcome, Leigh <3
I wasn't sure of your memories, but they are sad and distressing ones indeed. I can't imagine having a father who physically assaulted me, and though I had a father who was unpredictable, could be violent, as well as terrify me, I can honestly say he never laid a hand on me. A look from him was enough to put the fear of God into you. And it did. How awful that you had to contend with not just the fear but the actual physical punishment that went along with it 🙁 I am truly sorry that was your experience. Alcohol played into my father's behaviour as well. It is a curse.
Please don't feel you are being 'whiny'. We all need to lament at times those experiences that brought us low and left us with such terrible memories. The anniversary is a trigger for those things and I always think it's good when we can let some of that pain and sadness out. There might even be some righteous anger mixed in as well. HG tells us that our feeling or emotions in themselves aren't bad. They are natural. I think it's a natural thing to feel the way you are feeling and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. The narcs in your life have really done a job on you and this is the place where you can let some of that out. No need to snap out of it. The truth is you deserved so much better xox And hopefully the healing will come as a natural progression. I don't even think of my father on his birthday anymore. The day passes just like any other.
Your father's birthday anniversary will come and go. And thankfully he can't hurt you anymore. Personally, I might make that the thought to hold onto on the day. You can't hurt me any more. Your time of making me your 'possession' and punching bag is over. It's what HG teaches us when we are finally released (in the narcissist's mind) from the narcissistic contract. You have been released, Leigh. As much as it's possible, I hope you can take hold of that thought x
LET, thank you for your understanding. That’s exactly how I’m going to think about him from now on. He can’t hurt me anymore. That really is a blessing.
LET, on another blog post, there are other comments about cultural differences. This was always my excuse for my father. Hes from South America. He used to hit me on the top of my head with his knuckle. I thought it was a normal thing for his culture. I didn’t think of it as abuse. I thought of it as discipline. He never laid a hand on my mother. Also, for the longest time, I believed his discipline is what gave my strength. It wasn’t until I was here that I had the light bulb moment.
I know I sound like a making excuses. I probably am on some level. It’s just been alot to take in. I’m still processing.
Thanks for your response, Leigh <3
I think for the most part as children we accept our parents behaviour due to the fact we are dependent on them and have no other choice but to do so. We also operate under the assumption that they love us and have our best interests at heart. I'm not surprised you didn't see your father's treatment of you any other way. And I have seen the comments with regard to cultural differences. Lots of things can add up in our minds to excuse our parents as the last thing we want to do is think badly of them. They were meant to be our defenders and protectors. It's not an illusion we want to have stripped away, and yet sometimes that is necessary in order for us to really come to terms with what has happened to us. There is no other way to really heal and move forward. Not everyone gets there. In that sense, it's a blessing to be here and have that option. Not that I want to see it … how I have been duped, used and abused, taken for granted, disrespected, etc., etc. I could go on, and on.
Just know that many of us will have accepted treatment that is unacceptable, whether from a parent, a spouse, a friend, a colleague. In time, when we come to understand that is abusive behaviour we can turn the tables back on those people who have hurt us and claim they had no right to do that, and we had a right to be loved, respected and heard. We can also reclaim our dignity and sense of self worth.
I really do hope you can take hold of my earlier thought and will be thinking of you this weekend as you navigate those sometimes treacherous waters of memory. You are building yourself a strong sturdy boat here and hopefully it will help to get you through xox <3
You still have the last laugh though Lickem, he may be smirking thinking he knows more than you but in reality as you’ve been educated by HG you’re the one who should be smirking.
I do recall though many years ago, I smirked at the somatic mid-range once. He was hot as anything but really thick lol. He went absolutely fucking nuts! they completely despise it when we smirk at them. I have learned to smirk on the inside now, it’s far more productive.
Hey Alexis,
The occasional smirk from the narc would have created a level of confusion and consternation for me. Typically, prior to this, I would not know how to respond. Due to the fact it would have happened during a period of devaluation and I would be hoping for the respite period again. I would bypass it, play along with it (ugh!), pretend I hadn’t noticed, wasn’t upset, deny my own feelings. So, as much as it was a provocation, and I knew how I felt and what I would like to do (slap his face), I denied myself, but in doing so probably also denied him the much sought after fuel. There is always something to be said for not allowing yourself to be provoked. And learning to smirk on the inside is probably far more productive when it comes to the narcissist, too.
It’s not an easy thing to not be provoked. Mostly I can manage it, but there are one or two who can provoke it in me. One person whom I really struggled to hide it from and whilst I fuelled him, I also fuelled myself lol. But yes smirking on the inside is the best way if you can. You are better than all Ns everywhere lickem abd never let them lead you into believing otherwise. That is all they have a belief in themselves caused by the narcissism but ours is a real one x
Thank you for your lovely encouraging words once again, Alexis <3
Ours is a real belief when we can take hold of it and thanks for helping me do that again today x
I didn't realize how much I denied myself until I pause to reflect on some of these things. And I didn't always do that, so definitely times where I fuelled myself as well. I like to cross swords occasionally and maybe that fed into my addiction – the narc would bring it and my narc trait of pride became a double edged sword in that sense.
But, the fact is every now and again we need to stand up for ourselves when provoked. I'm glad you brought it back when you felt you had to, Alexis, and you are better than the narcs that tried to best you, too xox
Dearest lickemtomorrow,
Found it !!!! 🤣
😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hahaha!!! Thank you Bubbles!!! 🙂 xx
Dearest A Victor,
You’re most welcome ! 😏
🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Haha Bubbles, it does exist!!
Well done to you on finding it.
I’m sure it was there all along, and now I’ll know what else to look out for 😉
My favourite is the kiss emoji which I miss on my laptop xox
Dearest lickemtomorrow,
So does Santa 🎅……..😂
Thankyou kindly….seek and ye shall find
Mr Tudor will be overjoyed 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
LOL to HG being overjoyed at the discovery of MORE emoji’s 😛
We will use them at his discretion x
This is a fantastic piece. Eyeopening.
Glad you think so.
Saw this a lot, didn’t know what it was.