Can The Narcissist Be Cured?

14 thoughts on “Can The Narcissist Be Cured?

  1. Fiddleress says:

    The narcissist I escaped (a Mid-Ranger, of course) a year ago told me exactly this; that he used to be a horrible person who enjoyed belittling people, but that thanks to some form of spirituality, he was now much better and had stopped behaving horribly. That he had been working each and every day on reducing the size of his ego, and he really thought he was cured. Which is why he could not understand why his ex had escaped from him! He did say he must have gone wrong somewhere in his recovery.

    Of course, he was not ‘cured’.

    He also said at some point that he was like a scorpion who could not help stinging everyone who came close to him, because it is in the nature of the scorpion to do so. It sounds like a lack of accountability, but I wonder if he came to realise that even if he tried, he could never change. The same way as I will never change deep inside, and I have tried.

  2. lickemtomorrow says:

    Bit slow getting to this one, but I have to say I’ve seen people on narc forums on Quora from time to time who claim to be “cured” narcissists. Every time I see it I just roll my eyes. They talk about what terrible people they were and how they have somehow managed to overcome their “bad habits”. It really is doing a disservice to everybody for these people to try and make such claims. What you also see is people whose lives have been impacted by narcissists congratulating them, and potentially gaining a false hope that the narcissist can change. I challenged on poster (one off occasion I may have mentioned here before) who said he was a narc, had thought about having affairs, but the element of control his wife was able to apply to the situation (because she obviously would not approve) prevented him. I said if he was actually a narcissist he would go ahead and have an affair and not care what his wife thought. I also mentioned HGs work which probably didn’t do me any favours there. My comment was never posted and I haven’t bothered to try to comment since. No one wanted to hear the “bad news”, even though it’s one of the ultimate weapons to achieving your freedom. Imagine how many of us would hang on, and did hang on, believing the narcissist could change. It’s always better to know the truth and thank you HG for providing it again, and in a manner that is easy to understand.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome and well done for standing up for accuracy. There will always be those who will not listen. Those who claim to be cured narcissists were either

      1. Not narcissists but had some problematic behaviour which has been corrected (along the lines I explained in the video) , or more usually
      2. Narcissists who claim they are cured but they are not and cannot see it.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Thank you, HG. I tried. And they need to know where to get accurate information, which is here.

        And unfortunate loss to the readers, but hopefully some of them will eventually find their way here.

        And thank you for confirming what I was thinking about the narc “confessors”, too.

    2. K says:

      There are so many inaccuracies on Quora. Elinor Greenberg, Psychologist, Author, Lecturer, and Consultant on Narcissistic Disorders doesn’t understand gaslighting, she writes that people with NPD can change and are capable of love.

      Based on her answers, it wouldn’t surprise me if she were a Midranger.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Hi K 🙂

        I have seen such information posted by Elinor Greenberg and was shocked! (I seem to be ‘in shock’ a lot lately 😛 ) People were recommending her on Quora as well. She’s definitely taken a polar opposite position to most other therapists and I’m thinking the same as you. In fact, I think she is the one gaslighting. Narcissism is the only possible explanation. Why would you spout such nonsense when you have so many wounded people testifying to the harm narcissists can do? I wondered if she wanted to be ‘the’ standout therapist who had some ‘cure’ for narcissism and which could hold out hope for ‘sufferers’ and their long suffering victims as well. If so, it feels like she’s leading a whole lot of people over the edge of a cliff. Her understanding doesn’t fit with my experience. From my perspective, and in that sense, I think she is a charlatan. And a very damaging one at that.

        You know what? I’d love to see HG in a conversation with some of these people. The people who think they know what he is and that he can change. That would be very satisfying. Enough of the falsehoods already.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I agree with your observations.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Thank you, HG.

        2. K says:

          Hello lickemtomorrow
          HG would run circles around them! Something I would thoroughly enjoy witnessing. EG thinks that CBT works; she has absolutely no idea that she is being played (manipulated).

          Once you understand the dynamic and start connecting the dots, you can “See Through” the entire charade with such clarity; it’s blatant and this is why inaccurate information on Quora or YouTube is so dangerous and counter productive.

          Millions of people around the globe are suffering unnecessarily due to NPD abuse and it’s unacceptable.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            No doubt HG would run rings around them, K. And I would love to see that, too. In the meantime I’ll assume she is being played or alternatively playing others. Understanding the dynamic and connecting the dots are especially important in terms of the bigger picture. It’s being able to see the forest, which you can’t do if you’re among the trees. As for EG, she appears to be deep into the forest, and whether that’s as a blinkered empath or an unaware narcissist she’s doing those who believe what she is saying a disservice. So, definitely counterproductive and also possibly dangerous. Empaths are inclined to hold on to hope and narcissists are relying on them to do that. It keeps us locked in the demented dance which will always be to the empath’s detriment. And there are so many people suffering. I hope some of them eventually find their way here for more accurate information. I do find comparison helpful as a means of shoring up my critical thinking. So I will investigate other sources in order to do that. Many of the people seeking help are quite genuine. It is often the people hosting the services that you need to be more wary of. With the understanding we have gained here it is not difficult to spot some of the deficiencies. There is a lot to understand and while some have snippets of the right information none of them will compare to what we have here <3

        3. K says:

          If EG is an unaware Narcissist, then she is manipulating AND being manipulated, of course she won’t she it that way (Control); they are part of each other’s Fuel Matrices. We can see the disorder for what it is; they can’t and this is one of the reasons why NPD is so fascinating.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Good point, K, about manipulating and being manipulated. I never think about narcissists being part of eachother’s fuel matrices, and yet I have witnessed it first hand. You are right, it is fascinating and by the grace of HG we have the ability to see the disorder for what it is. In a way no one else will ever present it to you. The learning goes on!

  3. K says:

    It’s astonishing but there really are “experts” that think a Narcissist can change if s(he) really wants to?!? Nope, they can’t; personalities are fixed.

    Psychopathy is normal to the Psychopath, Narcissism is normal to the Narcissist and Empathy is normal to the Empath. Ditto CoD and Normal/Apath and Serial Killing is normal to the Serial Killer.

  4. Asp Emp says:

    This video was good to read – it is understandable that ‘narcissism’ cannot be “cured” – because it is a brain-wiring ‘system’ that is part of the individual. A brain cannot be “re-wired” once it is part of genetics / DNA. Yes, it may be “possible” to do the “re-wiring” by surgery in 100 years. However, genetics can be ‘interfered’ with long before surgery on “re-wiring” the brain.

    Again, it requires science and the medical ‘worlds’ to recognise and ACCEPT ‘narcissism’ and what it does to individuals before the ‘affects’ it has on people around them. This is the FIRST ‘hurdle’ to get over before anything else can be done about it. Yet, we have HG, doing all their “research” and education in which they have…. somewhat…. been ‘blind’ to, to date…. people NEED to STOP freaking out at the word ‘narcissism’ and LISTEN and take on board that there are different aspects to the ‘human psyche’ that are widely ‘ignored’ (brushed under the carpet)…. are they too scared to actually ‘face up to the truth’ – the reality here?

    No, a narcissist cannot be ‘cured’ in the sense of the word. Just like a deaf person cannot be ‘cured’, like a blind person cannot be ‘cured’. But all can be ‘given the tools or resource (if fkg available!!!!!!) to assist….. somehow….. why does ‘life’ have to be so fkg difficult??

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