Plagued : Malign Follow Up Hoovers
Hurt and pain are integral in the narcissist dynamic. Whether your narcissist is male or female, an intimate partner, a family member, friend or colleague, there will at some juncture be the appearance of hurt. It is the primary source, usually an intimate partner, who carries the largest burden of this hurt, since it is they who spends the most time with our kind, is entwined in our manipulations and suffers the worst of the devaluation and disengagement .
Whilst the incidence of hurtful behaviour cannot be denied in the devaluation, there may be some comprehension that it occurs because the Formal Relationship between narcissist and victim is continuing. Judged by the victim and a normal person’s standards, that hurt should not occur at all, but once one understands the nature of our behaviour, it is understandable, albeit not accepted, that it occurs during devaluation.
The hurt that is occasioned by the discard is like any that occurs when somebody has found their romantic and intimate relationship terminated. It is safe to say however that when the cessation occurs as a consequence of our discarding, the hurt is amplified by the cruel nature of the discard, the confusion that surrounds it and the contrast with the golden period that once shone so brilliantly. From pedestal to the thorny ground. Often in a matter of weeks.
The hurt is understandable and recognisable when it occurs in the context of the devaluation period and the consequent discard. Yet, what of the aftermath and the hereafter? The hurt invariably continues following the discard. I do not refer to those dark, lonely days as you attempt to piece together what happened.
That howling wilderness where nothing makes sense and you are left to pick yourself up and tackle the daily agony of what has happened to you. The gnawing hurt of wanting us back, the bewildering mystery of why somebody who supposedly loved you could do such a thing to you, the stark realisation that we have moved on to someone else without so much as a backwards glance towards you.
The misery of unanswered questions, the wretchedness of the emptiness that hangs around your day like a spectre and the shame as the drip, drip, drip of realisation causes you to ascertain you have been conned.
Harsh as those things are, they are the residue of your entanglement with us. The collateral effects of us taking from you. These are all difficult enough to comprehend and deal with, especially in an eroded and worn down state. But why do we return and pile hatred onto the pain, misery onto the woe and malice onto the hurt? Why do we engage in the Malign Follow-Up Hoover?
The Malign Hoover occurs when we revisit you, in many different ways, sometimes in person, sometimes through technology and sometimes through others with the intent of hurting your further. Why do we do this? Have we not made you suffer enough? Have we not had our fill of your begging, pleading, loving, attempts to make us happy? Why can we not just leave you be? You do not even have the less hurtful experience of benign follow-up hoovers where we seek positive fuel and to charm you back into the Formal Relationship. This is pure, unadulterated malice, directed at you time and time again.
Let us start by ascertaining which of our kind utilises this hoover? The answer is, all of our kind. The Lesser. The Mid-Range and the Greater all engage in the application of the Malign FUH. It may not happen with every victim, but it part of each school of narcissist’s arsenal.
When is it used? It occurs when the Formal Relationship has ended, thus when you have been disengaged from or if you have managed to escape.
How does it occur? As ever, since it is a hoover, it relies on the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria being fulfilled but there are additional considerations and motivations which you ought to be aware of.
The Greater Narcissist. If you have been disengaged from, you can expect a Malign FUH reasonably soon post discard, because the energy levels and intrinsic malevolence of the Greater will facilitate this type of hoover more than the Mid-Range or the Lesser. The Greater has an enhanced desire to punish you for failing us (hence why you were devalued and discarded) but those treatments are not deemed enough. You failed. We see this as a criticism of us and therefore it is justifiable to punish you. The Malign FUH is also deployed because the fuel we gain from your negative emotional responses to being hurt, assists us in powering our ongoing seduction of your replacement. Thus, not only are you being punished for your perceived failures, you are being used to ensure that your replacement is embedded and seduced.
The Malign FUH allows us to triangulate you with the new replacement and it allows us to demonstrate to the façade that you are trouble and this is why we have to be harsh with you (we have been left with no choice but to do this – or so the façade is made to believe).
The Greater may switch to a Benign FUH at a later stage (usually when your replacement is being devalued) and some positive hoover fuel is required or even to tee you up to return to the position of primary source. It is the case however that following your discard you will face Malign FUHs and they will arise shortly after the discard has happened so long as the trigger and criteria occur.
Where you have escaped you will face the Initial Grand Hoover first of all in order to suck you back into the Formal Relationship. If this fails you will have a period of respite, many weeks, perhaps months, as we focus on the acquisition of a new primary source and remain away from you as a consequence of your resistance denoting that we are wasting our energy and you are an unattractive fuel prospect.
Once our fuel levels have increased again and have done so for a while, then subject to the trigger and criteria the Malign FUHs will occur. As above this is to punish you, but the malice will be greater because you escaped us, the ultimate act of treachery. The new primary source will be in place, therefore there is no need to for the fuel that is generated to seduce this person (although it may be partially used to power the ongoing golden period).
More likely, the fuel gathered from these Malign Hoovers is so potent and effective that we use the power generated to keep hammering you with more and more hoovers. This creates a dangerous situation because there will be a combining of a Malicious Obsession and a Fuel Obsession so you are lodged in the sixth sphere thus there are repeated triggers.
The fuel has been obtained and thus the criteria is more readily going to be met.
If you have escaped your narcissist and you find that you are being subjected to repeated and sustained malign hoovers of this nature, you have been unfortunate enough to become lodged in the sixth sphere owing to one or probably both of these obsessions.
The Mid-Range and The Lesser Narcissists have far less interest in punishing you.
They do occur and if so, they will be shortly after your discard and short and sharp in nature. These narcissists do not have the energy levels to embark on a sustained campaign of Malign Hoovers purely for punishment, they need to utilise the fuel to gain more fuel from their seduction. It can happen, but their concern is to focus on the new primary source and therefore their malign hoovers are designed to power their seduction of your replacement. Accordingly, if you have been discarded, the Mid-Range or Lesser will be focused on your replacement and if they deploy Malign FUHs this will be done to provide them with fuel to secure the seduction and embed this replacement. Once this is achieved, the Malign FUHs will tail off.
If you have escaped, you will also experience an Initial Grand Hoover from these types, but if it fails they will need to focus their efforts on securing a new primary source and gaining that fuel promptly. They will not have the energy or desire to maintain a malicious campaign against you as well. You are more likely to be left alone as they deal with their fuel shortage and then any follow-up hoovers which occur down the line are far more likely to be benign in nature, since the seduction and embedding has already taken place.
Accordingly, Malign FUHs are predominantly, albeit not exclusively, the preserve of the Greater Narcissist.
This is not complete however without some consideration of you, the recipient of these Malign FUHs. Dependent on what category of empathic individual you are, this will also impact on the nature and purpose of the hoovers.
Versus a Standard Empath. This will be done to draw negative fuel and potentially to draw you back in to the Formal Relationship so the pain stops, but Benign FUHs are more likely to be used to achieve this latter aim with the empath.
Versus a Super Empath. This is done to draw fuel only. The Super Empath will not be drawn back into the relationship through Malign FUHs, but they will seek to resist the impact. They may well provide fuel from their responses of frustration, hurt and anger, but we are aware that there is no prospect of returning the Super Empath to the Formal Relationship. That can only be done through the Initial Grand Hoover or Benign FUHs.
Versus a Co-Dependent. Again, the Malign FUH will draw fuel but the Co-Dependent is, of all the empathic types, the one who is most likely to be pulled back in because of a Malign FUH as they see it as the only way to halt the agony that is being caused.
What do Malign FUHs appear like? There are hundreds of different ways they manifest. Here is a selection.
1. Posting your mobile number on a sex website so you receive repeated calls harassing you;
2. Shouting insults at you when we see you;
3. Putting a brick through your window;
4. Slashing the tyres on your car;
5. Following you and glaring at you;
6. Sending funeral wreaths to your home;
7. Sending vicious text messages and e-mails;
8. Having Lieutenants contact you to insult you;
9. Daubing insults in paint on your car or house;
10. Smearing dog mess on your windows;
11. Threatening to contact social services (or indeed contacting them) so you are investigated;
12. Hacking into your computers;
13. Leaving notes and messages containing threats and warnings;
14. Posting comments about you which are unpleasant on social media;
15. Uploading intimate footage of you onto porn sites;
16. Posting intimate pictures of you on the internet and/or to your family and friends;
17. Incurring financial liabilities on your behalf;
18. Setting fire to possessions you have left with us and dumping the charred remains on your drive and/or sending you footage;
19. Threatening to steal/harm your pets;
20. Repeatedly driving by your home or workplace.
21. Reporting you to the police and/or other authorities so you are arrested/investigated;
22. Seeking a restraining order against you on trumped up grounds.
How do you deal with the Malign FUH? Understand whether you are at risk of it happening by considering the points above. Stay out of the spheres of influence, make yourself a F.R.E.E. in the hope that the hoover execution criteria are not met (chief amongst which is reducing all potential contact as far as you can) and thereafter bracing yourself. In short, you must implement a full and complete no contact regime by using this How To Stop the Hoovers
If, you do not do this and they keep happening, avoid giving fuel as best as you can and seek assistance from others to either build a buffer between you and us (thus making the criteria harder to fill for a hoover to take place) or escalate the matter to the relevant authorities on the basis of harassment and/or specific criminal behaviour.
Understand how it happens, why it happens and thus you can prepare yourself.
What has been the nature of the Malign Follow-Up Hoovers that you have experienced?
I recently experienced a disturbing hoover, whereby he managed to call me from another number, engaged in some light conversation, then began pleasuring himself down the phone without asking my consent. Absolutely shocking! Oh, he also attacked one of my values and accused me of being racist, said he’d call me the next day, and I’ve heard nothing since!
My emotional thinking hot the better of me and I tried to contacr him, but I think he’s blocked me?!
Was he trying to shock me to make sure I keep away from him? It’s all so confusing and degrading.
Commenting on this article on another occasion – I’d had a rant (what’s new? – laughing) and I re-read what I had to say. On the last sentence, I had typed “The hoover belongs in the fkg cupboard”.
This is not a vent. I’m curious if you see the difference between empath and the narcissistic contrast in a eveloutionary way. (Excuse me-i don’t know how to word this exactly.) Are we losing emotion, as a species,? Becoming narcissistic is what we are developing into? I’m nott clear on how or why a narcissist is a narcissist. I do believe I have gone from butterfly into caterpillar (if this is an evolutionary issue). Could emotion be mankind’s future appendix where we will acknowledge something there that serves no real purpose so, over time we won’t have a clue to its function. Oh- its emotion!you can’t even see it. You can reference it, I guess. Like” 100 years ago, people were out of their minds”. But it will be hearts. I guess this is a vent,, after all. Sister, father, mother and many lovers all narcissist. ALL!
I don’t see my comment. Hope it’s there
Yesterday my 2nd car hardly ever driven parked out back of my home where there is a driveway for the entire street…well a new tire was flat down to the rim on the ground…was driven 4 days ago tires were fine. Was driven literally 3 blocks. I find it really weird because it’s a brand new tire, perfect tread, this caused a red alert…but I am not jumping to conclusions I had my auto service change my tire and I will take the tire to a service center where they will inflate it with air and hopefully it shows a innocent run over of a nail or screw….THEN I get home from a few errands tonight I pull over and park out front of my house which is on a one way street, I notice in my rear view a car with lights on about 5 cars up in the middle of the street blocking anyone that may try and get down street…I think probably nothing? But after tire red alert goes off o am on my game so I sit in my car a bit and have a cigarette…disgusting new habit I am trying to kick…but I sit and watch the car with the lights blocking the road..it doesn’t move , nobody gets out of it so I sit and wait it out 10 minutes then a car tries to come down the street behind that car so the person has to move …the car goes very slowly..abnormally slowly down the street ..I ballsy as I am get out and stand in front of my car and look at the driver and he looks at me again going ever so slowly..nobody I know…four door silver vehicle, skinny maybe druggie looking type we lock eyes, I am in full red alert now..and I with my moto leather on look at this man exactly like …just in case this is not a coincidence..look at him like I know what your doing. First thought a minion ..also the tire then this….I am scared as this is a quite dangerous person with quite dangerous associates capable of many things. As well as that said person does not like that I have information…death threats to me and my family that if I went to authorities could put him and a family member of his in dire straits. I would never use them…these are dangerous people I thought having them would be my ace in the hole to.leave me alone? Now I am thinking having them is instilling fear on them and is it so far fetched to have me bumped off? If I could move today I certainly would. All they would have to do is get a junkie minion and pay them while they are on the Jones for their drug of choice. Could this just be two random coincidences? Idk, I do know the service center will fill that tire with air and then I will know exactly what happened to it and with any luck I ran over something…but tire so flat the rim is on the ground? New tire on a car hardly driven? Could the weird man just be a weird man? Totally not connected…did I mention the car behind him followed close to him with headlights off. I am glad I have a alarm system as well as a good firearm. I may be over reacting but my gut says no…my gut screams no this is something…what do you think?