Provocation
We repeatedly provoke. The act of provocation is one which is designed to cause a strong and often unwelcome emotion in the recipient. On one level, it can be said that everything we do is provocative because we are always looking to cause you to be emotional, to react in an emotional fashion to what we do and as a consequence give us the fuel that we need. Thus when we tell you that we have finally found our soul mate, we are provoking you into generating an intense feeling of being loved (or at least thinking that you are being loved) which causes you to exhibit your love towards us and thus we gain our fuel. We pay a friend a compliment in order to provoke that person into at least thanking us, thus a small dollop of positive fuel or more hopefully (and indeed more likely because this empathic secondary source is well-mannered, honest and decent) we pay them a compliment so they will pay one to us and thus more fuel is garnered. There is no unconditional giving with our kind. We only give to receive.
Thus all of the things that we say and do, the manipulations, the chicanery, the machinations and the mind games are all designed to provoke you into giving us fuel. However, in its strictest sense, we provoke you in order to generate that intense response and one which is negative in nature. We provoke you so that you will explode in anger, erupt in a stream of profane insults and vent your frustration through a slap to the face or a mug hurled towards us.
We will push and push and push. Yes, many of you have a remarkable capacity to absorb these pointy sticks which jab you. Your kind are well-versed and skilled in the turning of the cheek, the adoption of the high ground and the making of allowances. You will bury the hatchet and we will dig it up again in order to give you a dig from the sharp point. You will let bygones be bygones and we will resurrect the memory of an age-old issue in order to rankle you.
Nothing is off limits in terms of provoking you. It might be focusing on a vulnerability of yours that we know about (having acquired this information when we seduced you) so that we remind you of a frightening episode from your childhood or capitalise on your terror of spiders. It might be homing in on your sensitivity about the size of your nose, the shape of your head, the bright red of your embarrassment. If you owe us money, we shall remind you of it and comment on your poor financial position. We may flirt because we know how much you hate the notion of us being unfaithful. We may repeatedly turn up late because you are an advocate of punctuality. We may criticise your parents, your choice of film, your culinary skills, your attempts to loser weight; whatever we have identified as a means for causing you to erupt at us we will do it.
We know which buttons to press. We have a knack and an instinct for doing so. This is because we are able to gather information about you when we seduce you which will be stored away and used against you at a later stage. This is also because empathic individuals are more likely to respond in an emotional fashion. Yes, you will soak it up at first by making allowances for our behaviour and indeed making excuses, exhibiting this selfless understanding for which you are famed. This will not dissuade us. We know that everybody has a limit of what they can take before they snap. Sometimes it is bursting into tears, running from the room or screaming. Other times it is exploding with a volley of curses, coming at us with flailing arms or shouting and screaming at the top of your voice about how awful we are.
Push, prod, niggle. Aggravate, rile, irritate. Ruffle, vex, bug. Irk incense and annoy. We will chip away at your defences, jabbing and poking as we look to make your blood boil, get on your nerves, get under your skin, work you into lather and try your patience until you can take no more. We can sense the emotion rising in you. We notice the slight tells, the narrowing of the eyes, the rolling of the eyes, the sighs, the shake of the head, the hands on the hips, the raised palm, the jutting jaw and so on. The more you try to tell us that we are not getting to you, the more we are encouraged. We know that your emotion is building up inside of you. We know that it is increasing and no matter how much you are trying to maintain that cool exterior, we understand what is building up.
We not only have a medley of ways by which we provoke you, but we are experts in choosing precisely the best (worst) time to engage in this behaviour. Do any of these instances seem familiar?
When you are trying to get ready to go out.
When you are trying to have a telephone conversation with somebody else.
When you are trying to cook.
When you are trying to perform some chore.
When you are trying to get to sleep.
When you first come through the door after a long day.
When sat next to us in the car on a long journey.
When sat across from us in a restaurant.
When at some event of your choosing.
We will pick an inopportune time to commence our provocation so that you are caught off guard, when you are tired, when you are hungry, when you are anxious or stressed. The moment must be right for us and wholly inappropriate for you and then we can unleash the relevant form of provocation. We know what really gets to you. It may be the subject matter. It might be the way of conveying it, for instance patronising you or acting in a condescending fashion. It could be jabbing you with a finger on the shoulder to punctuate or words or giving you a dig in the back as you lie on your side in bed, after each savage sentence.
Eventually comes the eruption. You can only take so much and invariably when this provocation comes allied with an emotional state which makes you more susceptible to our provocations the explosion is all the more satisfying. Copious amounts of negative fuel fountain from you as you shout, scream, bang doors, slam your hand on the work top, swear and so forth. Inside we are soaring with the power that comes from the provision of this most excellent fuel. You, the paragon of virtue, the most patient of saints has been brought to boiling point and we achieved it. You have responded to our control. Our superiority is once again affirmed, we are the puppetmasters, we are omnipotent in our actions and you have responded as we wanted. Such marvellous fuel that sprays from you and we relish every drop.
Of course as it fountains and flows from you we will not want it to stop and the provocation will continue. Not only are we ensuring that we get to bathe in your overflowing fuel, we are using this eruption as evidence of how unhinged you are. Do not be surprised if this niggling, poking provocation occurs where others will see it. You can expect the whispered and insidious provocations to be used, the acts which are open to interpretation (although we both full well know exactly what was meant by our remark, our look or our gesture) and our good friend plausible deniability will be given an airing.
“Who me officer? I did nothing. She just exploded. I get this all the time, she has an anger management problem. John here will confirm she just went mental and started hitting me.” (Cue obliging Lieutenant).
“I don’t know what gets into her dad, she just erupts. You saw what she was like at mum’s birthday party. That is what I have to live with.”
“I feel sorry for you Mrs Johnson, having a daughter with a temper like that.”
We will provoke you. We will draw the delicious fuel that you will provide to us and then we will use your eruption against you as evidence of your unhinged mind, nasty temperament and unbalanced mental state.
Provocation is a mainstay of our behaviour. It comes in many forms, it is used in many different ways and on a range of occasions but its effects are always the same.
- The provision of a massive dose of negative fuel from a primary source;
- The exertion of control over you;
- The reinforcement of our image of superiority, lack of accountability and omnipotence;
- The creation of an emotional state in you which hampers your ability to think clearly and logically;
- The creation of a situation where you can later be made to feel guilty for erupting in the way you have at us;
- The manufacturing of a scenario which is used to reinforce our façade – we were calm and bewildered by this outburst.
- The manufacturing of a scenario which is used to smear you to third parties.
Provocation is a very useful tool to us. It is used extensively and repeatedly. Know why it is being used. Do not try to outlast it and exert your capability for patience, tolerance and understanding. You are just goading us to try harder. Remove yourself before your threshold is reached to avoid giving us points 1-7 above.
Provocation will always be used against you.
Anyway, who do you think you are looking at?
52 thoughts on “Provocation”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Great writing! That gave me a good flavour of what goes on during provocation. I get the sense it’s almost like an addiction? Like eating chocolate when you know you really shouldn’t?!
HG I just don’t get how you enjoy negative interchanges and how that is a good thing with you. Oh maybe occasionally but not as a steady diet.
May I recommend that you read Fuel and that will explain it in greater detail for you.
Love this HG. Yes, it’s a massive FK U. To the shitty “systems” that exist. I meant to add this image to a response
to a shitty little Madam. Loving it, HG. Added this image to my finger spelling & lip-reading activities that have been “woken up” in recent months. It’s been a liberating & fluid time that has made my wellbeing even more freshly healthy than it has been since I was in my twenties! Ah, bless the free running “rivers” of humanity & the release of the imprisonment of the human mind. Ah fk it, HG, scientists have no idea of my capabilities, nor my ability to be able to understand my ‘power’ to be what I am. Their fucking problem – I don’t need some Dr E to put me under some fkg microscope – Dr E is fkd if he ever met me. At the same time these “professionals” are no match to you, HG. Well done, sweetie, for what you have done for humanity & science. Love you x
Asp Emp, I agree that Dr E (one of the good doctors) is extremely annoying. I get a bad vibe from him for some reason . Is he really trying to help?
I think I’m some older comments I read that Dr E is a narcissist.
A Victor
You are correct.
A Victor, I knew it ha ha gut instinct. I also saw one of my dead uncles in my dream and then 3 days later one of oither uncles died of Covid!
Last night I saw another relative vomitting and today my mom is not feeling well.
SHOOT scary stuff
Wow! That is creepy stuff! You must have good intuition.
A Victor I have been told that but never really paid attention. Thank you !
You’re welcome Eternity. I wonder if intuition can help us avoid narcissists.
Good question A Victor. I wish I had the answer to that as I am in the same boat. We Empaths will always attract them no matter what. We can turn into Narcissists but then that will never ever happen.
Eternity, I have a theory, probably not correct but maybe. I wonder if we can bring our intuition under control, via the cold, hard logic, to put it to use. I feel like it should help us pick up on red flags but maybe has been misguided in empaths.
A Victor, yes so true! I do see some red flags that I pick up in people for sure. One thing is if a man is moving to quickly even on a first date just give him the boot ! If he comes to the door apologizing with flowers you know that you are most likely dealing with a Narcissist. If he keeps texting you all day and calling you then there is a huge issue. These are some red flags
Eternity,
Same, but I’ve been easily distracted from them by the words, charm etc. Knowledge is power so hopefully going forward we won’t ignore our intuition!
A Victor, yes they think they have charm but they don’t. The charm on my bracelet is bigger than their lack of awareness.
Also HG is right when he says that Midrangers should taken out the back and shot . Hahahahahaha
Haha! I don’t remember that! But I do understand it!
It was on Episode 5 part 2 on Ask HG near the very end. He also mentioned it on Mark Rosenfeld interview Part 1. I literally died of laughter.
Midrangers really don’t like it when people put them in their place.
Follow your intuition HG’s word and stay far away as possible from these individuals. We deserve so much better and a person who really is a good person not thinks that he is.
Knowledge is power.
I experienced being texted and called all day.In terms of flowers I would suggest they should be brought to a cemetery.
Dr E – being a narcissist – does he know that? How can he be a ‘good’ doctor? Trying to help? – I don’t know about that. I wonder how many ‘clients’ are not realising that Dr E is not necessarily the right person to have appointments with.
Asp Emp ,exactly HG should kick him in his shriveled up balls, that will get his attention and any future appointments can be then cancelled.
Hahaha, Eternity! Didn’t expect that from you! Love it!
Ha ha! Midrangers should be kicked there especially MMR Type B. It will give them something to cry about
HG did mention the reasons why he attended the appts.
Asp Emp, I don’t think he knows, I don’t remember where I read that either. If I can find it I’ll let you know.
Ok. Thank you AV. If he doesn’t know, ah in that case, I don’t have any pity for him.
A Victor
It is mentioned on this thread.
https://narcsite.com/2019/10/04/dr-o-vs-the-shieldmaiden-part-one/comment-page-1/
Hi K, thank you again!
Hello A Victor, always a pleasure!
Most great doctors are probably narcs Im assuming.
These doctors have the nerve to think they can advice and help others while at the same time they can barely help themselves by taking there own advice.At least they get FUEL…
CC, if these doctors don’t know what they are (unaware of their own narcissism) – HG is the winner here.
100%
Is there a place to learn about types of provocation used specific to the type of narcissist and/or the type of devaluation being used? I am specifically looking for MMRA anodyne, Somatic. Going to begin Black Flag tonight in hopes of finding some of this info. Thanks for any direction!
A Victor
Try the HG Mauls series. There are Two Parts to HG Mauls The Somatic. Those contain a plethora of information re: the behaviors of specific Schools and Cadres. I have LLN, ULN Type B and MMRN Type A and they are fantastic.
https://narcsite.com/2021/01/12/hg-mauls-the-mid-range-type-a-narcissist/
Hi K, yes, I have several of the HG Mauls series and have appreciated them more each time I have listened. I will have to listen again with types of provocation specifically in mind. I asked this because my ex and I used to have disagreements sometimes but I have always felt like I started them, I was almost always the one to become upset, so my becoming upset would cause me to start talking and then it would often escalate. But, maybe he caused my upset and I don’t have to own being the starter all the time, just some of the time. But I don’t know how he did it! Lol!
AV, I could have written this. Thats exactly how it goes down with my husband. It always feel like its our fault and so we are the ones that have to fix it.
I put an example on the Futility of our Feelings blog post. Another example would be he moves my things even though I’ve told him not too. Then when I get upset, I’m the bitch because he was just trying to organize. Thats nice. Don’t organize my stuff.
Things are starting to make so much more sense. With most people in my life, there is no conflict. If there is, it’s discussed, dealt with and we move on. It is literally with the people I know to be narcissists that there have been problems, and all the time I though so much of it was me! It kind of makes me mad. And, damn, teary…
Exactly, when talking to a normal, you don’t have to worry about criticizing them and conflicts are resolved quicker and easier. I started to question if it was me too, though. It felt like I was having issues with so many people. Thats part of the reason I did the ED & TD. I wanted to know if I was part of the problem. I can be explosive sometimes. Something I definitely have to work on.
Leigh, I have done Match the Manipulation, will do it again, and have started Manipulated. It, along with Black Flag, have been extremely difficult for me because they hit so close to home. But if that’s where the information, it’s where I will have to go. I will read the rest you suggest as well. Thank you!
Did you buy the bulletin that goes along with Match the Manipulation? It explains the manipulations and which school is the most likely to use it.
Yes, I haven’t read it though, there is so much to do, i may never get caught up! Lol!
Also I’m confused because in my mind provocation and manipulation mean two different things. I did read that bulletin again tonight (I had read it a long time ago, it was all highlighted up!) and it did help. Also the COVID soundbites, that was very interesting and I’d not read it before. More tomorrow! 🙂
You can manipulate or provoke a response so they are very similar A Victor. You can also say that provocation is a form of manipulation.
Thank you K.
No problem AV!
A Victor
Hahahahaha…you are very welcome! We are here to learn and help each other out. It’s what empaths naturally do!
And thank you K!
Always a pleasure A Victor!
K, I’m always thanking you! Lol! You are so helpful! 💕
AV, have you read Manipulated or Match the Manipulation? Also, the COVID soundbites and The Narcissist in COVID 19 Lockdown might help.
Another book I highly recommend is, “Your Fault”. I never see anyone talk about that book and yet I thought it was really good.