I Spy A Private Eye



I have often mentioned the empath’s need to know. Initially this is borne out of your desire to know and to understand for the purpose of enabling you to discharge your caring and nurturing abilities. Only by understanding and knowing what is wrong, what is going through someone’s mind or understanding their situation are you able to assist and help. Some people like to know because they are inquisitive. Some people like to know because they are downright nosey. We like to know so we can use it against you or to further our own schemes. You like to know so you can help. This is a core trait of the empathic individual and it is not something that you are ever able to let go.  Even when we are subjecting you to the devaluation you are unable to accept that it is happening without being able to understand why. You need to know. We know you need to know and we exploit this. This is why we engage in denial, deflection and circular arguments because we are entirely aware this inability to allow you to know and to understand draws fuel from you but also keeps you doing this. Even when we discard you, you still want to make sense of what has happened. You need and want to know why did we treat in the way we did, why did we do all those awful things to you and why were you not enough? By tapping into this trait of yours we also ensure that you have to know what we are doing once we have flung you to one side.

You will ask our friends what we are doing and pose similar questions to our family in a bid to ascertain what we are now doing without you. You ask your friends to spy on your behalf, gathering information about the places that we have been to and the people we have fraternised with. You see, if you try to escape from us then you cannot get rid of us as we appear with Hoover in hand ready to suck you back. However, if we have decided that we have extracted as much fuel as we possibly can from you (at least for now) we will do our utmost to remain invisible and keep you guessing. We want you wondering what we are doing? We want you to be sat contemplating where we are and who we are with? Are we happy? Are we thinking of you?

This need to know becomes overwhelming and you then embark on your role as private eye. You will stalk our Facebook page in order to gather information. We will block you in order to increase the work for you but you will use a friend’s profile to look or create a false one. You will drive past the places you know we might be, home, work and recreational and social places hoping to catch a glimpse of what we are doing so you can satiate that need to know. You will create a new profile and follow us on Twitter, checking each day to see what we have written. Is there a new girlfriend? What is she like? Are we taking her to the places we took you? Who are these people in the photographs and where are they taken? We know you will be spying and the more you try and learn the more questions will arise. We use obsessing as a method of manipulation and this continues in this mould.

Our everpresence will keep reminding you and you do not help yourself as you repeatedly reinforce our presence in your mind by searching, checking and spying. You will search our name on Google, examine our work website for any changes, check on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn. Like a detective hunting for clues you will keep at it each day. You create a habit in order to feed the addiction which is the need to know. We know you will do this, we engineer and we encourage this behaviour in you. The knowledge that you are engaged in these practices gives us fuel. We cannot see you or hear you yet we know you are spying on us. We know what you are like and we can picture you earnestly hunched over your keyboard as you stare at your monitor. Don’t deny it because when we do Hoover you it is one of the first things we tease from you. How many times a day did you check our Facebook profile? You will admit you did it at least three times a day and tell us how much you missed us. You will ask about the new person we were with and who you saw posts referring to and all the photographs that we displayed. Did we miss you too? You always ask this as well. Why? Because you always need to know.

6 thoughts on “I Spy A Private Eye

  1. Dani says:

    I actually caught my ex narc grooming his next victim. Reached out to her 2 days before Xmas. Left me Xmas day for her. I was in utter shock. Looking back all the signs were there however being an empath, having some codependency issues and just trusting too much…he took me for all my supply then onto the next. I truly feel sorry for the girl. In the midst of me finding out, I reached out to her and told her we were (what I thought) in a committed relationship. I could tell from her response she was probably an empath herself (or perhaps a narcissist). He saw my messages to her. She was the perfect victim. Even down to the first 2 questions he asked. “What do you do for work and do you own your own home?”. It’s so crazy how these narcs pick up on this shit. Never mind she is a beautiful girl (1st thing that caught his eye). It’s a shame she has no idea what she is getting into. They are still together. I think he used her empathy, vulnerability and low self esteem (to even be bothered with a man in a relationship) to trap and deceive her. These people are the ultimate predators. I’m sure she sees him as the poor victim. So pathetic. I exposed him in a very tactile way. If anything probably just bruised him. She is so in the midst of the love bombing and has fallen for everything he has said I’m sure she didn’t hear any of the warnings. This was the perfect storm…she and him will probably get married. He will need to prove to his friends and family that she really was “the one” and he is not a bad guy after all. So many lies and deceit. It also amazes me how these Narcs have ZERO self awareness. We have a mutual friend and I was told, “ya, I didn’t see you for like 3 weeks and then he just showed up with a new girl”. There was no explanation from the narc, no nothing. They embarrass themselves and don’t even know they do it. I’d imagine they would even care. They are absolute monsters. I actually take pity on them. What a shit life. But then again they are so detached maybe they think their life is great. All it comes down to for them is supply and I suppose as long as they are getting their fix then they are content.

  2. Jasmin says:

    And now we know.. thank you

  3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    If we ‘feel’ something’s amiss, we’re right! TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, I cannot emphasise this enough !!!
    Coincidently, we’ve just finished watching Your Honor and am currently watching Breaking Bad, both with Bryan Cranston, all based on lies and it’s the ‘women’ in the shows who sense things just don’t add up
    Private eyes!!?? Of course we are, we wouldn’t have to be if we weren’t given cause to, we’re women, it’s what we do 😂
    Btw, ‘omission’ …….is still lying!!
    Great article Mr Tudor 🕵🏻‍♀️
    Thank you
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  4. NarcAngel says:

    Keep reading (and listening to The Ultra on YouTube) and you will have all of your questions answered as to why they do what they do. You will see that staying engaged or trying to re-engage to lord this knowledge over them is pointless (you will only damage yourself). The knowledge will validate what you experienced and help you to avoid being ensnared again. If you want specific answers to your questions or situation a consultation with HG is invaluable and eye opening.

  5. michele Lynn barretta says:

    Out of all the things I have read from HG this has to be the one that hit me hard. I had no idea others would be doing the exact thing. I thought it was just me. For 9 years I have tried to figure out my narcissist. He has no social media (that I am aware of) says he hates it. When he lived with me I never even saw a piece of mail like a bill etc…. Whatever he brought in terms of paperwork was locked in a fire proof safe. His phone was constactly locked or he kept it in his car even at night. He took 2 minute showers and only once was I able to screenshot his cell phone and didnt find anything significant. I have reached out to a few of his selected friends and they instally told him I was contacting them. Even the ex wife that hired someone to crack his head open and almost die. She hated him and when I sent a simple message through social media she called him and I was caught red handed. I think the spying and trying to figure this man out has caused the most damage to my mental health. I dont know if I will ever stop wondering why he does what he does but at least reading this gives me some peace of mind. Thank you

    1. A Victor says:

      MLB, thank you for sharing your experience, it sounds very challenging, it’s good you are here, you can find answers here.

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