The Narcissist and Feelings
Feelings are an unnecessary burden and thankfully I have been relieved of many of them, being left only with those which are deemed necessary to enable me to pursue the harvesting of fuel. Feelings blur and weaken. How many times have you heard your alarm go off in the morning and you have rolled over feeling like you do not want to get up? Many times I should imagine. That feeling of apprehension about what the day holds for you, despondency at what has happened to you and dread about what you have to do weakens you and holds you back.
You spend much of your life in the pursuit of this notion of happiness but are you ever truly happy? Do you look at what you have and wish you had more? Do you look at other people around you and imagine how happy they must be and you wish that you were more like them? All you achieve is bitterness. Perhaps you do feel happy but as the empath that you are you see those who you regard as less happy than you and you wish that they could be more like you.
All you achieve is vanity. You spend so much of your time seeking to be happy and then you worry about whether it is fleeting in nature. You express concern that you just want to be happy and spend more and more time trying to achieve this state of nirvana. You suffer from feeling sadness which leads to paralysis and indecision. You feel frustrated which sucks up your energy and leaves you feeling spent. You take pride in your ability to feel and to be able to feel on behalf of others yet all you are doing is allowing yourself to be burdened.
Why bother pursuing those feelings which are regarded as positive, such as joy, happiness and elation? Is the effort truly worth it when you get there only for it to be a fleeting moment which then casts you into despondency? What was the point of that? Why allow yourself to be mired in upset, misery and dejection? You achieve nothing as you slowly sink into a quagmire of such negativity. Your feelings deceive you, press down on you and above all else allow us to manipulate you. It is because you feel this array of emotions that you provide us with emotional reactions. Of course you know that these emotional reactions create my fuel. Your feelings are to blame.
I never acquired these feelings. This is because the pursuit of fuel cannot be distracted by these cumbersome emotions. They serve no purpose and thus were never developed. I am built for the acquisition of fuel and nothing else. I am an efficient design, single-minded and driven. All excess baggage was not jettisoned, it was never stowed on board to begin with. I am not wholly without feelings. I have been developed in a way to allow certain feelings, those that aid my purpose, to come to the fore.
I feel fury which ensures that I can exert control over other people and thus extract fuel from them. I feel envy which drives me on to strip away those traits from other people which I need to create my construct. If I felt no envy, I would not want these characteristics – thus this feeling serves a purpose. There is no superfluous feeling connected with me. I feel jealousy which again causes me to strive to better that person by lauding my own achievements and prompting a reaction which garners positive fuel or by berating the person of whom I am jealous and thus I harvest negative fuel.
I feel hatred. This allows me to see everything as it truly is. Hatred hones and brings into sharp focus the reality of this cruel world and thus I am better able to navigate my way through it. Hatred is visceral, it is not fluffy or amorphous. It does not cloud or blur. It is direct, straight to the point and electrifying in its capacity to allow me to always go forward.
All of these feelings and ones of a similar nature have been fashioned around me to assist me in my quest for fuel. Each one discharges a method of enabling me to gather fuel so that I can feel the ultimate emotion.
My pursuit of fuel is predicated on the use of these various emotions with the sole purpose of allowing me to feel that emotion which I prize above all others.
I feel powerful.
I am powerful.
28 thoughts on “The Narcissist and Feelings”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Forever Wrong Upon The Throne is likely as we’ll ever get. Once I realized, I became unable to read it without tears welling up in my eyes.
That’s my favorite article of all.
Interesting. Do you address this in detail anywhere?
Address what, Sarah?
The development of Narcissism. I’ve read your article on what causes it, but I’m wondering more about the development, i.e. can it be a single extremely traumatic event, or it is dependent on continual lack of control? Can a child develop normally until say age 5 and then circumstances change and narcissism develops? Thx, HG!
Both. There is the “deep fat fryer” effect and the “slow cooker effect” I will be writing about this in the future.
What a great analogy!! I look forward to you elaborating. Thank you!
I look forward to you addressing these “deep fat fryer” vs. “slow cooker” effects HG.
HG, I’d like to clarify the ‘thinking’ behind the words RE: slow cooker effect and deep fat fryer effect. Am I right in say, the fryer is counted as one ‘incident’ of wounding via criticism and when it goes into the ‘I will deal with that later’ box, even if another incident of ‘wounding’ occurs that gets ‘added’ onto the previous occasion(s) it happened? All these ‘criticisms’ over a period of time can lead to the slow cooker effect to the point the ‘pressure’ explodes?
What I am getting at is, for an empath with eroded emotional empathy, it can be likened to the empath’s eventual Cliff-Fightback, or Supanova?
In my experience, and from the number of narcissists at work (deep fat fryer effects), added with the number of ‘manipulations’ (more deep fat fryer effects) built up where my ‘fury’ was simmering (the slow cooker effect) and then BOOM! My long and furious ‘rant’ at MRN. I am laughing at the memory of this but not finding the overall experiences of from the start of the narcissistic ‘abuse’ to this ‘volcano’ eruption a funny experience.
Narcissist’s wounding from criticism = (almost like) Empath’s emotional ‘response’ to the abuse?
No, it is not about wounding, it is about the impact of a behaviour with regard to the formation of the narcissism.
Ah. I get it now. Thank you for your explanation, HG. The ‘light-bulb’ is working again now 😉
Good question Sarah.
So, HG, At what age is a narcissist created? Can a child get to say, 3 years old, and by then be narcissist proof? Can it start in infancy? Can it ddvelop in an 8 year old? Later? Thx!
Between 0-9.
HG, between 0-9 my life was idyllic, and it became bad from age 9 onwards.
Maybe that’s why I’m happy.
I wish I could have cared for you from ages 0 to 9.
HG, what would happen in the case of a child whose development was already delayed, so although they were (e.g) biologically 9 years old, they may only be like a 6 year old developmentally? Would the window be extended for them, so to speak?
The window would be extended.
Thanks HG. Is it the same situation with empaths as well; that we are all born as blank canvasses, but develop into what we will become (be it narcissist, normal or empath) during this 0-9 time frame?
HG, I cannot recall if I have already mentioned this – when my father died, I was that ‘shocked’ & upset that it actually caused my brain to be ‘set’ back academically by around 3 years – it was obvious in my school work (there was a marked difference in the quality of the work I did before and after his death). I told my GP friend about this and she learned something new in this respect and said something like it was good to know and that it was interesting because of her interest / knowledge in mental & emotional health. Thank you for the clarification.
Hi JB, I am so glad you asked that question – it is really valid. And it is one (and HG’s answer) that I will share with my GP & other medical professionals that I know. Thank you for that.
Asp Emp, you’re welcome. It’s something which I have wondered about for a while now. The question that Sarah asked (whether narcissism is triggered by a continual lack of control, or one traumatic event) really interests me too. Can’t wait to read more on this when HG has written about it!
JB, thank you for responding. I also look forward to HG’s writings on this (the effects – deep fryer & slow cooker) – it will be interesting. It reminded me of a programme that I watched last year – I will have a look to see if there is a link to it where it appears one traumatic event affected a young lady yet I observed her behaviour and found it interesting.
Asp Emp, if you find that link, would you mind sharing it? It sounds really interesting!
I’ll have look and get back to you, JB 🙂
Hi JB, found the link.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000mmnv/the-diagnosis-detectives-series-1-3-hayley-and-lotte
Lotte is the one I was interested in. Her mother. Her grandmother. Watch them too.
Ok, the programme itself in one hour but you can fast-forward to where the girl appears. I am not saying it is actually narcissism but I was still ‘wow’, interesting behaviours / responses / reactions.
Asp Emp, thanks 🙂
Asp Emp, thanks for the link x
JB, you are welcome, hope it is useful 🙂