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81 thoughts on “A Raw Report Special”
I’m still listening to this interview as I type this. But this interview is great! After all these years, I still side with your theories over anyone else’s. There are too many experts to list, but if anyone drops a name, I can give a reason I find their theories on narcissism flawed. But you are always so correct and spot on with your work.
HG, maybe this lady was your best interviewer so far?
They have all seemed so empathic so far. I have since watched the pages of the youtubers who have interviewed you. Nice list of empathic youtubers. Much needed.
I can’t help noticing that you never choose to be interviewed by unaware narcissists. Nice to observe!
Have you ever turned offers down so far?
Yes, from unaware narcissists.
Hahhahaha your response really made me laugh HG
Thank you for filtering, HG, and for showing yet another gem to us!
Dear Mr Tudor,
Full of energy, content and a real naturalness about it
Great easy listening, enjoyed it immensely
I have to agree with the other lovelies, one of your best !
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Just listened. So good. I’m sure you’ll have many more followers. You provided a really great overview of narcissism and your site. Nice work!
Thank you AS2016.
“It’s like going to a burglar about how to secure your home”. That’s a really good way to put it. Excellent interview, HG!
When HG was talking about how Boris is obviously charming because…
Before he could even finish his sentence I was thinking “he has how many different baby mums!”
I know he was breaching his own lockdown restrictions by seeing his different baby mums over Christmas
Why aren’t my comments going through , I post it and I see it for a split second then it vanishes
Read the rules.
Oh my, brilliant interview!! I like the way you broke down how some do not know when they’re being manipulative ;I actually thought they knew. Almost to the end, you made me laugh when you said you don’t care(kept it real) but it serves all . H.G. You got a sense of humor, some of your videos I’m shaking my head and crying laughing. Thanks for keeping it real!
Very informative interview HG. You covered a lot of ground. The interviewer was very good too. She was engaged and perceptive, yet didn’t interrupt or spell things out which some interviewers do.
One thing that caught my attention is your answer to the question of whether narcissists have self-esteem. You said that they do and that their self-belief is high and that’s evident because of their conceited view of themselves.
Narcissists are definitely conceited and entitled, however, does this equate to true ‘self-esteem’? I think their self-esteem is superficial and very fragile. They need *constant* attention to ‘feed’ that positive view of themselves and they evade real factual truth whenever possible. They are also constantly comparing themselves to others and ranking themselves according to fleeting or faddish social expectations. It’s all about how they are perceived by others, not from a deep belief in their own abilities or self-worth or truthful accomplishments. Any perceived criticism, threat or questioning can result in discomfort, rage or jealousy. They need a facade to conceal their true selves. I don’t see that as healthy or resilient self-esteem.
Also, the aspect about narcissists doing good or positive things is something that needs further explanation or qualification. The ‘good’ that *some* narcissists do is largely because their manipulations and entitlement are ‘enabled’ or fostered by a larger system where some people benefit from the good, however, there are plenty of others who are suffering because of ‘bad’ aspects hidden behind the ‘good’ aspects.
It surprised me that at the start of the interview, the interviewer pointed out how terribly manipulative narcissists are at the expense of others, that is, they erode, degrade and devalue others for their own benefit, and then, later in the interview, narcissists were described as doing good things as well. As the saying goes, even a broken clock is accurate twice a day. So, is it really worth the ‘good’ if it means that the majority of others in society are demeaned, exploited, degraded or oppressed?
Those two aspects bother me, because I think they don’t present an accurate or complete picture of what a narcissist is and the damage they do.
WiserNow, what you said about self esteem resonated with me. Self esteem in my opinion is like love where there seems to be several interpretations of or many ways of looking at it. Narcissists suffer from extreme grandiosity which is a very high perception of themselves. It can be said that their self esteem is extremely high if self esteem is defined as how a person evaluates his/her own value. But some definitions of self esteem also involve self respect and we can have various definitions on how we respect ourselves and that makes it very subjective. Some empaths struggle with self esteem as well and that causes them to stay in abusive relationships. Personally I think that there is a huge problem when someone validates herself/himself by putting other people down. I have experienced that with the narcissists in my life where they have to compare themselves to others in order to prove that they are good at something. They can’t just say, “I’m really good at my job.” They have to predicate that by telling stories about how so and so is really terrible at their job and then state how they are so much better than so and so. They also seem to need constant validation from others about their value. I personally still hold in my heart the times that the important people in my life expressed their belief in me and they don’t need to keep on repeating that. Like the time my dad wrote to me that I can achieve anything that I put my mind into. He only said it once but it was more than enough. With my experience with narcissists it’s like trying to fill up a pail with a hole with water. They constantly need your praise, affirmation and when all of that becomes stale, your subjugation.
Another great interview.
I love listening to your interviews.
Hi njfilly, I’ve missed seeing you lately, hope all is well! See you when you have time! 🙂
Hello A Victor! I hope you are well.
I haven’t had much time for the blog lately, but I have been watching some videos on The Ultra youtube channel. Although I tend to watch videos 10-12 minutes or less as I’m usually stealing time.
I’m looking forward to the next Q&A!! (hint hint). Have you attended any Q&A’s yet? They are fun!!
I haven’t attended a Q&A, I don’t know how they work. I have heard they are fun. If one comes up, I’ll consider giving it a try.
The videos are great and easy to fit in here and there. Or sometimes I have saved a couple of days with for a Fri evening, that’s been fun too.
Good to chat!
This is excellent H.G. I have always wanted to sit and have a conversation with my narcissist similar to this one. Ask him about when he first became aware of it, explain things that I have learnt.
I find it so intriguing you were willing to listen to your former girlfriends explanation to you… and that it interested you enough to continue to understand yourself in such an in depth way. Was it solely her non judgemental delivery that allowed you to listen to it ?
On a personal level, when you realized this was your “label” was there ever any part of you on any level that wondered if it could be something that could change ? I’m not asking if you wanted to change it within yourself.. but if you’d wondered if it Had the potential too. Did you ever seek out treatment in attempt to Change it, but then realize that was unecassary for you ?
It was because I was in control of the conversation.
No, that never crossed my mind.
Great interview HG – it was power-packed with information. Forwarded the link to a family member who is just beginning to learn about narcissism.
It would be understandable to go the safe route and avoid the topic of empaths altogether. Thanks to the misinformation out there, the idea of there being empaths at all will often be questioned or scoffed at. You don’t back up from that. You don’t even rebrand us as ‘the empathic group’. Instead you stand by your conviction. You call us by our name and in doing so represent us all. I’m very grateful to have such a strong spokesperson. Thank you.
I played this interview at least five times today while working on French courses and multi-tasking. Sonia Poulton has conducted an engaging interview with HG. I have listened to other interviews HG has given in the past with other individuals but this one stands out in terms of information delivery.
A very good interview, HG.
I liked your explanation on why No Contact is a key factor in ‘recovering’ from narcissistic entanglement – especially where you mention ’emotional thinking’ (from 36:22), removing yourself from the ‘abuse’ and time to recover.
Laughing…. “a certain individual in the United States….”
Hilarious, HG…. “good old bojo”….. laughing….. “Bill Clinton effect”….. laughing…..
Great to see the words “public service” being used – I totally agree.
Brilliant interview as ever, HG.
Only ten minutes in and you affirmed exactly my aversion to social media and why. You also answered the question of whether or not narvs have indeed become more prevalent. I find it revolting and I don’t participate. I call this generation that is so socially media obsessed the Narcisinneals.
Starting at 40:45 a very important point is made:
“Are we really controlling you, no but in our world we are”
“If I can’t control you in your world, I will just create my own world instead where I am King”
This reminds me of the children’s book, Where The Wild Things Are, except you never got to go back to your own room where your supper was waiting for you (a safe place) because there was no safe place for you to go back to. You have to be King of the wild things forever; you had no choice.
I hated that book as a kid, while at the same time finding it fascinating. But so scary. Good point on the 40:45 point, they just make control happen in whatever way they have to, whatever way they can. It makes it feel like a lost cause to try to deal with them…lol!
Hello A Victor,
Hahahaha…it’s one of my favorite books and it is a good example of Primary Narcissism. The only way to deal with them is to NOT deal with them, aka No Contact.
Max gets punished so he creates his own world (reality) where he is fearless, grandiose, all powerful/omnipotent and in control; he is “The King” in his world and no one can tell him what to do! At the end of the story, he sails home into the night of his very own room (a safe place) where he finds his supper waiting for him and it is still hot.
Unfortunately, many children developed Secondary Narcissism because they had no safe place to sail home to.
K: what’s primary and secondary narcissism?
Primary Narcissism is the normal stage of narcissism that all children go through as they develop into heathy adults and Secondary Narcissism is Pathological Narcissism (NPD) that develops due to a lack of control environment (LOCE) and genetic predisposition (GPD).
My pleasure Sarah!
Thank you for the explanation regarding the book, I haven’t read it since I was 5, I’ll check it out at the library and give it a go–but I’ll hide it from my grandkids! Haha! Now, off to investigate “Secondary Narcissism”, another new term! Good night! 🙂
My pleasure A Victor! I really enjoyed reading it to my children.
Just finished listening, this was another superlative interview HG and you have 21.6K subscribers on The Ultra! Your information is reaching more and more people every day. Thank you!
Thank you. I’m just getting started on YT.
Yes, so agree! Thx, HG!!
I agree with others. The best interview so far. This lady positively fountained with fuel! It was so very interesting listening to the effect she had on HG. Loved it!
Why do I find the idea of what you wrote super creepy? Like making me feel slimy? Ugh. I hope someday I can see it from your perspective, it seems most clinical rather than anything. I totally missed it! Thank you for pointing it out, I’ll be watching again with this in mind.
A Victor, slimy? No, not at all. I like “seeing” the effect of fueling in real time so to speak. It is educational.
And you’re correct, I look at narcissists and their behaviors in a very clinical way since being a student of HG’s work. I used to take everything they did personally. Now watching narcissists in my life is akin to watching a nature program on PBS.
I’m still hoping for the David Attenborough style narration of the various schools of narcissists in their natural habitats, HG!
MB, I apologize if the “slimy” offended, that was not my intent. I just don’t see it yet and the idea of a narcissist in action, collecting fuel, made me think of the reptile example I have seen around. My ex was slimy, once I saw him in action, though I didn’t have the narcissism label for it. And, for what it’s worth, I have high respect for HG and what he’s doing.
A Victor, “slimy” didn’t offend me at all. I’m not one to get offended. It just doesn’t apply to HG. Not from my experience. Now…there are PLENTY of slimy narcs out there! I’ve met my share.
Hmm I read what MB said And agree.Not at all creepy just I’ve never heard anyone so relaxed and unscripted in an interview before as HG.
The interviewer was lovely but not cynical and was totally entrenched in HG .
That’s what I sensed anyhow
Thank you for your assessment Kiki, that also helps. I was just really caught off-guard at the idea of real time fueling going on. I feel really bad now for saying anything. It is a learning curve though, I suppose the fueling happens all the time so it’s always “real time”.
Please don’t feel bad 🙂 we all interpret things differently, it was just my own personal observation doesn’t make me correct ..
Thank you Kiki, your comment did put the whole thing in a different light for me and I am thankful for that. 🙂
Hi MB Yes I agree HG really loved the chat with this interviewer.He was becoming more and more relaxed and I personally could feel so much personality , humour and charm from him .
I bet she was enraptured 😂
How could she not have been .
And what effect did you hear? How is he “normally”, apart from fuel?
As the interview went on there was a palpable crescendo. I could sense the flames growing within him. I do enjoy me a well-fueled HG. It’s as close to “happy” as he can get suppose. It does my heart good.
I see, thank you, that makes sense.
In this I must respectfully disagree. The interviewer had (in my humble opinion) little effect on HG other than offering a platform for what he does best i.e. explain brilliantly and concisely what is and is not narcissism, how it comes about, how empaths (and normals) are affected by the narcissist.
HG, again in my opinion, had far more of an effect on the interviewer, and I base this on her expressions, and her immediate ‘ah ha’ moments as she recognised the situations he verbalised as having had direct accounting in her own personal as well as professional life.
She was very much the one edified by his words, very much the one relieved by the affirmation he provided (and in this, I agree, offered fuel albeit limited); certainly she was not the one affecting HG in this interview.
Just, again,my opinion, and I mean no offence. I only strive for clarification regarding your statement.
Caity, everybody has a voice here which is why I love it. 😊 No offense taken at all. She was absolutely blown away by HG and by the subject matter. (As she should be in the presence of such brilliance.) Her gushing on camera couldn’t help but fuel HG. I didn’t mean it as if it’s a bad thing. Merely an observation. It’s a win/win. My favorite kind of situation. I enjoy experiencing the effect of fueling in real time. It makes me feel happy for HG and seeing his work recognized and appreciated makes my heart swell with pride. I guess it’s hard to explain. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I didn’t mean it as a criticism by any means.
Your comment is to Caity, so please forgive me for jumping in, this comment explains it more to me, I appreciate understanding it better. I didn’t take it as a criticism from you MB, but as you enjoyed seeing it. I am much newer so the idea hit me a bit different. I appreciate your comment as it is a part of the whole thing and makes it very real, I just was caught off guard by the realness.
A Victor, There’s never a need for you to apologize! Jump right in. The more, the merrier. I didn’t mean to give the impression of being butt hurt by stating that maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I see now that it could’ve been taken that way. I back peddled because I felt I had painted HG in a negative way and that was not my intent.
Hi MB, I agree, the more, the merrier. Also, thank you for your kind response to my reaction. I didn’t think of HG personally at all, it was only my reaction, feeling like a bit of a voyuer, that bothered me. But HG does allow us to see things, even when they can be upsetting, for our own good, thank you HG. And I have learned from your comment also, so I do appreciate it. Sometimes things can just catch me off guard, that’s all. Thank you much for your kind response!
MB: I don’t think HG would have taken it as a criticism; just an observation, and I didn’t perceive it as a criticism of HG’s participation in the interview either. As I said, my comment was only my opinion.
I absolutely value the many voices here, and learn from them. Your voice is certainly included.
Thank you for your response to mine, and for your always enlightening thoughts on HG’s work.
Caity, I didn’t mean to sound butt-hurt. I see now that it could’ve been taken that way. I haven’t been on the blog much lately but had some MB Sunday afternoon time and jumped in on this thread. I just wrote in a comment to AV that I was wishing I hadn’t commented re HG being fueled by the interviewer because I feared I had painted him in a bad light. I actually found it to be very educational. I enjoy seeing what I’ve learned in action. Thank you for speaking with me Caity. This has been an interesting discussion. (I always feel weird talking about HG like he’s not here though!)
The part about talking about HG as if he’s not here. I struggle a bit with that too. I struggled more on the KHG side, because I felt that was almost too personal. I found the subject matter upsetting in some parts and discussing it felt like I was hurting. I know HG has no emotional empathy so ‘hurt’ doesn’t really stack up. We do have emotional empathy though and so mine almost worked on his behalf.
General articles, I don’t really think about HG looking at my comments. I like the safety net of my comments being scanned for accuracy as I’d hate to mislead anyone with a misunderstood point on my part. Similarly when we are openly speculating or hypothesising a point I like the fact that we are left to do so.
This might be my own projection but I also think HG tries to give us our privacy sometimes too. He has to push comments through so obviously sees them. I do get a sense of him pressing send then almost turning away to let us have our conversation. Could an Ultra do that or is it projection on my part? Ha ha, who knows? I have come to realise I projected a lot with the narc. I still do it more than I should.
TS6157, the KHG subject matter is brutal. I haven’t been over there in an age. I guess it must be pretty quiet for the time being. I like the idea of HG looking after us too. I always have the desire to be protected up under his dark wing. In a lot of ways I am. We all are. It’s a special place here.
Yeah brutal I think is an accurate description. I’m so curious to know on the one hand, but feel like I’m invading privacy on the other. Seems like privacy invasion is on my mind this week. I’ve mentioned it on various threads over the last few days!
“Tucked under his dark wing” yes, I like that image too. Must be the romantic in me rearing it’s sleepy head! True in this place at least. Xx
“I guess it must be pretty quiet for the time being.”
I am at this very moment finishing the last pieces of a long-read for the forum readers 😉
Posting is scheduled this week, but publishing is not in my hands!
(And I am VERY nervous about this)
Z, re you’re “very nervous” about a long KHG post. Must be some juicy theories in there. I’m intrigued!
– if true: an earthquake and a landslide
– if completely a fudge: than much ado about nothing and most of all many hours of my life lost for nothing, pahahaha.
I suspect posting today. Just checking the last flaws in the story!
This is brilliant HG thank you listening attentively
I am pleased you are enjoying listening.
You’ve done many great interviews but It will be hard to top this one.
THAT was an introduction!
Sonya (apologies if the spelling is incorrect) asked great questions. Ones that most want answered when newly introduced to narcissism, and then let you address them with minimal interruption.
You gave excellent examples (both situations and people with title and position) to allow for clarity through observation of narcissists in action and at a distance. To allow for digestion it in small bites and slowly apply it toward their own situation.
You leave no question through your intellect and enthusiasm in speaking about narcissism that we are hearing from an actual aware narcissist and expert. There is no indication of scripting, the over referencing of notes, or dead air spaces that we often experience from those having to gauge their answers for correctness. It is obvious you LIVE your subject and deliver the facts both good and bad. What people do with those facts is up to them.
Thank you NA. Yes, you can tell she is an accomplished interviewer and journalist, we shall be speaking again.
I really enjoyed the three denizens who got away .
Would ever think of writing a fictional or. Real life novel .
Like a crime , psychological thriller.
I would love to read something like that from you I imagine no profiler on earth could go into the details you could and a lot of novelist would use profilers etc when writing psychological thrillers .
I have written two fictional novels, albeit not on crime or psychological thriller, I am saving those for writing later.
” I have written two fictional novels, albeit not on crime or psychological thriller, I am saving those for writing later.”
I enjoyed your two novels.
Re: The crime and psychological thrillers being written later.
Aw c’mon HG! I’m not getting any younger.
Here you can find 1 of the books Mr Tudor is referring to:
Mr Tudor, I find many more as 2, agreed, not all of them novels in the strictest sense, as there are biographical works about your family as well.
Thank you I wasn’t aware of these I have No Contact , Fuel and Exorcism of the Narc plus Revenge
I must check it out
‘I imagine no profiler on earth could go into the details you could.’
This is interesting. I’ve considered similar for one of HG’s professions. It would link in smoothly with his ability to profile narcissists ( despite his obvious advantage) and us as empaths. Yes, he has plenty of life experience with the two groups, yes it feeds into control, but to analyse to that degree?
Profilers link behaviours and evidence to motivation behind the behaviours. If you want to fool proof an EDC against Mid Rangers, motivation behind choice of answer might be a good place to start. There does seem to be a profiling analytical side to the work HG does here. I suppose it doesn’t necessarily have to mean it’s a profession.
Maybe he is a Cracker after all!
This was simply wonderful, HG! You were at your articulate best, and the interview was so very informative in the limited time available. I’ll be sharing this eagerly because you succinctly put answers to questions many of my friends have asked me in a way I could never do and also because you completely annex the misconceptions so many have of what narcissism is and what it is not, as well as what one can and cannot expect from a narcissist.
I particularly like your comments about Boris Johnson, and his ability to walk away from negative situations he’s created. Your insight into how he, and others in his political position do so was absolutely fascinating!
Thank you Caity and also for sharing it, I am pleased you enjoyed listening.
Wow, this is good! Really helpful for understanding more about how the addiction works. Also, I didn’t know anything about trauma bonding, I have wondered if it was another term made up by those who don’t know narcissism properly. Interesting to find out that it is a real thing and we can so easily fall prey to it. Also the “imprinting”, the draw to bad boys. My youngest daughter needs to listen to this.
I’m so looking forward to an update sometime on how the pro social approach is going. This came into my mind because the explanation as to why you hide your identity has changed a bit. I hope it is going well.