You Were Warned
“You know you really shouldn’t get involved with me you know, I am damaged.”
“Well, it is a little bit late for that isn’t it? I am already involved.”
“I know and I am glad to hear you tell me that, really I am, because I want you more than anything. I have not wanted anybody else in the way I want you but it is because of that I think you would be better off without me.”
“Don’t be silly, what do you mean by that?”
“You are so wonderful, so perfect. I truly have not met anyone like you. It is as if everything I have ever wanted and needed in somebody has been put together and rolled into one.”
“That is lovely of you to say, but I am not perfect, far from it.”
“To me you are.”
“Bless you, that is so sweet. I think you are wonderful too, not at all damaged. I cannot believe you said that.”
“Well I am.”
“Not from where I am sitting. You are incredible. Thoughtful, loving, attentive, interesting, sensual and so passionate. Those are just a few of the things that spring to mind when I think about you.”
“What else?”
“Oh let me see. Generous, yes generous and kind, considerate and successful. Entertaining as well. I don’t think I know anybody who can light up a room like you do. I love to watch you when you have everyone’s attention, I can see how much they love to listen to you.”
“Oh you are just saying those things to make me feel better.”
“No not at all, I mean every word, I really do. I have not met anyone as special as you and that is why I love you as I do.”
“You shouldn’t, I don’t mean to be rude, but you will only get hurt.”
“How? By you?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“I don’t know; I just always seem to mess things up. It may sound strange but somehow I want to think, I mean, I kind of know it should work with you, with you more than anybody else, I suppose I am just terrified that what we have is so wonderful, so perfect that I might do something to ruin it and then you would be hurt and I could not stand for that to happen.”
“You see, there you are again, considerate and kind.”
“I could not live with myself if I hurt you and I just do not want to run that risk of that happening. You do not deserve to be hurt.”
“That won’t happen, I can feel it. What you and I have is something out of the ordinary.”
“Yes we have haven’t we?”
“Absolutely. I love you and you love me and nobody is going to change that.”
“I know, I know, but what if, you know I do something?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, it is just that well, previous relationships have not exactly been successful have they? My track record is not great.”
“No but that wasn’t your fault was it? Look, you told me all about what has happened in the past. Not many men would be so honest as you to admit to what you have gone through. That takes real courage and is typical of the honesty and decency you exude. You are a good man and you have been treated abhorrently by some wicked people. Oooh, if I ever met them, I don’t know what I would do.”
“I knew you would understand. You always do. You get me. They never did you see. I tried you know. I always tried to make it work. I just wanted both of us to be happy but you know when whatever you do is not enough? When no matter how hard you try to please somebody but they always find some kind of fault? That was them. They made me feel like it was my fault a lot of the time. They had that way of twisting everything around so I was made out to be the villain. It is hard to explain it, but that is what they did.”
“I understand. There are some people who just delight in the misery of other people but that is not going to happen with you and me.”
“No?”
“No. We have both suffered previously.”
“I know. That is why I do not want to hurt you, you have had enough from the past and you deserve to be treated properly.”
“Well that is what you do. I could not ask for a better boyfriend, I really could not. You put me first, ahead of everything and you do so much for me. I really do appreciate it and each day I feel more in love with you because of what you do for me.”
“Thank you. That is all I want. Both of us to be happy. I think it must just be because of what has happened in the past, I am worried that this time, having found you, it will go wrong again and you will be hurt and I could not live with that.”
“Honestly, there is nothing to worry about. You have just been made to feel like this because of what they have done to you. It is understandable. I know you won’t hurt me. How could anyone who says the things you say to me ever hurt me? I have never had someone say the wonderful and beautiful things you say to me before. You leave me in tears. Tears of happiness admittedly because you just know what to say, you understand me.”
“Yes. There is a connection and it is deep and meaningful and I do not want that ever to be severed. I will fight to my dying breath to stay connected to you. I want to become you.”
“See, there you go again, saying the most wonderful things.”
“You bring it out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would do.”
“Well you don’t have to wonder do you? You’ve got me and you always will have.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Absolutely.”
“You see I am really in heaven every time we kiss. I don’t ever want to hurt you or lose you.”
“That will never happen. You have me forever.”
“I hope so, I really do.”
“You do. Now, let’s not have any more talk about you hurting me, that isn’t going to happen. We have the rest of our lives to be together and be happy. Let me get another bottle of wine, no, it is my turn, you stay there. You do enough running around after me, let me do something for you for a change.”
“Okay, same again please.”
“Coming right up. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
24 thoughts on “You Were Warned”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Off topic….. I checked the weather before I started mowing the lawn (first cut of the year) – no rain predicted….. halfway during the task, it starts snowing! I finished the job…… a little bit of snow is not gonna stop me….. so I was NOT ‘warned’ (laughing).
Great to read this article again, HG, thank you.
Hahaha, love it Asp Emp!!
It’s snowing again now. It never settles for long though. My dog used to love it after I mowed the lawn and rub herself into the freshly cut grass….. I felt a pang just remembering this…… ah, bless that dog. Weather forecast was very wrong for today at least……. white rain indeed!
We’re getting snow again in a couple of days. Ah, April…
They indeed give you hints, some have a certain degree of awareness, describe their symptoms, just don´t have a name for it.
“I have trouble staying faithful to a woman” (Upper Lesser A somatic)
“I don´t know who I am” (Middle Mid Range A elite)
“The real me is hidden somewhere” (Upper Lesser A somatic, MMRA elite)
“I could never be myself” (ULA somatic, MMRA elite)
“I am crazy” (ULA somatic, MMRA elite)
“Dealing with me is not easy” (ULA somatic, MMRA elite)
“Women are all sluts except for my mother and my grandmother” (ULA somatic with Madonna/Whore complex)
Listen very carefully, when they talk about others!
Listen carefully, what they project into you and other people, that´s what they really are.
“My sister is a cerebral narcissist” (MMRA elite aka Mr. Wanker 😉 )
“My brother is dangerous” (MMRA elite)
“My mother is paranoid” (MMRA elite)
“You are clingy and demanding” (ULA somatic, MMRA elite)
“You´re isolating me, you never let me go out with friends” (ULA somatic)
“You never accept others opinions, do you?” (UMR somatic)
“You always make a drama about nothing” (all of them)
” This individual is so arrogant.” (ULA somatic, MMRA elite)
” You´re incredibly stubborn” (UMR somatic)
” You can be really dangerous when you´re infuriated” (ULA somatic, MMRA elite)
Yes LFS! They do! I recognizes many of those frases or similar like:
“I’m difficult”
“You cannot xexcept opinions of others .”
“You are incredibly tstubborn but in a cold manner, instead of arguing you just go do as you please.”
But also:
-“I’m going to show you my real face.”
– ” When someone fails me I effectively delete them and it is as if they never existed.”
-” I have a strong need for control and I want things to say as they are. I’m afraid that if I lose that control I might go insane.”
-” You are a lion hunting down sensible men.”
-“You know, thinks aren’t always just black and white.”
-” Women tend to extensevly use always and never, complaining that their husband always does this, never do that..”
E NH
Sorry about the xexcept, tstubborn and EN H. My keyboard went nuts!!
Haha, no prob, I understand 🙂
Oh yes, I heard that “You know, things are not always black and white” too. Besides, it´s incredible how they described themselves by the music they sent me. Those songs were warnings!
Oh you just reminded me! I resived highly sexual songs in my voicemail… but that was my first narc ensarment.
Second one (I really had to esforcé myself and almost gave up thinking he never send me anything but finally remembered) send me a songtext ones and asked me to traduce it for him. I don’t remember what it said more than it was crap – much lower level than he present himself so I have no idea what that was about?!
I can’t remember any of my 2 narc ensarment sent me text describing them.. I just remember they sent me highly sexual songs…🙈
Guess they were Somatics then 😀
My parents used to complain to me how the other one was “just so black and white”. But then my mother complained about the idea of compromise because then no one wins-yes, she said “wins”! My dad occasionally asked me, in his frustration, about my mother’s seeming inability to state herself clearly. I now know it’s word salad. She would complain about his incessant curiosity about everything. It is almost funny now, looking back, two narcissists trying to survive together. Off topic but thank you for letting me vent.
Two narcissists projecting. Gotta love it (x) not!
A Victor, it’s not off topic! I brought up the projection of black and white thinking and you got reminded of a situation with your parents. We are here to vent and learn. ❤Seems like the actually did survive together for long (as I asume you got some age when you received their complains of one another).
Leela, they where both intellectually seducing me before getting into the bedroom. I’m also low in somatic clastraits. They were elite narcissists.
Thank you Jasmin, I appreciate your feedback! Yes, they were married for just over 60 loooonnnnnngggggg years. Long to everyone around them too, haha, ugh, we may never recover from it. Today I am finding that funny, yesterday I would not have. The moods during this process!
Yesterday, listening to HG’s videos, just before I went to sleep, I haven’t laughed so hard in a while! Good grief, “…Can we still say that? I think we can. Well, I just did…” and then, the “spanking” theme throughout the following video, hilarious, all of it!! Glad for your sense of humor HG!
Jasmin, one small piece I forgot to add, they did start talking to me about the other when I was a child, somewhere around 9 or 10. It was miserable.
Noone wins! blimey I cannot imagine living my life wanting to win hahah. I mean I don’t like losing if it’s going to get competitive hahah but winning over a comprimise?
You reminded me of a female N I used to be friends with, she was telling me of a male N she was attracted to (but was well known to be something of an asshole) had requested to be friends with her on fb, she said she didn’t accept his request, and followed this comment up with, “I win”. I remember just thinking whaaaat? you win what exactly?
I know, right?! Every thing is a competition! It drives me nuts! And, I’ve started to say to her, “This is not a competition.” or “I am not going to argue the point.” or “You see it your way, I see it mine.” and walking away. I have never understood it, her entire family does it, my dad’s side was the opposite, they would only talk about the weather! But, he was a narcissist too. As a side point, I love to play games and will play to win, often just against myself. But, no other competition, I hate it. I believe it’s why my ex was able to cheat so easily, I would not fight.
Yes, your friend is an excellent example! That’s my mom! Haha! Drives me crazy!! I think it’s power, or a sense of power, that they “win”. Oh, but the ex did it too, just much more subtly. I’m working on figuring him out. My parent’s I feel like I kind of get, but him, not yet. And it’s one of those things that I don’t know if I need to get but I still feel like somehow it might help me move on.
It’s just nuts, if it was a narc I ‘got on with’ I wouldn’t say anything. If I couldn’t stand them I wouldn’t be able to help myself but subtly drop in there that they ‘lost that one’ even jf they hadn’t realised they were in competition e.g at the traffic lights ans someone pulls off before them. And if they protested they weren’t in competition I’d say with a smile on my face, yeah but you still lost though, just to make sure they felt wounded by it. I’d probably only do that sort of thing when I have the crowd tho, and I probably wouldn’t be alone with an N I don’t like ok the first place. No wonder I create the odd enemy here and there. Hahah ffs
In respect of working out your ex. I found it really helpful once I found HG and he explained about lessers Mids and greasers to study the lessers first they’re behaviours are so blunt and whilst some of it is very different to the mids and greeters some is very much the same but far more obvious. Then once you d understood them you can move on to the mids. I haven’t had huge opportunities to observe/interact with greaters but I have definitely had some and it was hugely educating in many ways. But I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this strategy. Best to stay the fuck away. But I feel compelled to learn and it’s not enough for me to read about it, I have to live it to understand it.
It’s funny my husband and I were talking along these lines last night after watching a programme about a young offender. Anyway the jist of our conversation is how he (my husband) is so much wiser than I am. Because he used to learn even as a child to observe others and avoid those he does not want to spend time with. Im wise enough to see it, but then I have to experience it for myself to not do it any more hahha which I guess makes me really unwise.
Alexissmith, you are blessed to have your husband and his wisdom to help you if you would ever need it. You are not unwise, things just happen differently for people and we each respond differently. I think for me, it was running from what I had and so trying new things made sense, at the time. I have learned a thing or two since, thankfully. Probably due to having children, I had hope that they would approach without the need to experience. Some have more than others, haha.
Thank you for the info regarding narrowing down behaviors, working my ex out etc. I’d kind of been stumbling on that line of thought very recently but seeing it here, I have a better “plan” to proceed with. HG is the only (Greater) Ultra that I would likely (hopefully) ever interact with, so much for that piece will come from him/his work. The summer narc was a Lesser and, wowsa, different than anyone I’ve ever known. My parents fall on either side of my ex in the mid-range group, they are much more distinct than he is, making it easier also to narrow things down. So, it is coming along, and I thank you for the guidance!
Regarding your first paragraph, haha, you got it with “ffs”!
I’d rather lose than compete. I can’t compete. I just can’t do it. If you pit me against someone, I will bow out.
Lately though, every time I see an Empath win, I want to scream at the top of my lungs, “FU Narc, the Empath wins!”
Same, on all counts.
Why do people start talking about disassociation when they have never used such a big word? Also quit sending emails and will only call stupid narcissist thinks I am dumb . I can’t wait to be able to walk away with my head held high!