In Love With a Married Man

IN-LOVE-WITH-A-MARRIED-MAN

 

You think about me every day. You wait for those teasing and tempting text messages which come through repeatedly during the day and then dry up around 6pm when you know that I am home with her. Once in a while there might be a sudden text at 9pm telling you that she has popped in the bath and that I love you, I miss you and I hate being apart from you. The text also warns you against replying and therefore all you are able to do is touch the glowing screen and try to feel the sentiment behind these electronic messages of desire.

How you cherish that period around 5-30 pm when every day we speak on the ‘phone, just you and I. I am driving home from the office and I use the half an hour or so to regale you with my compliments and to issue those promises that perhaps one day I will be driving home to you.

Whatever you are doing you always ensure that you are available and your ‘phone line is free in order to engage in this call. You now arrange social engagements to take place later or you remain at your workplace, ensconced in the office, appearing to be engaged in a business call, save that you smile far too much for something that is work-related.

That half an hour of heaven when we talk as if we were properly together, making plans, discussing the things we like and dislike, planning the next time we can snatch some time to make love without being detected or laughing about what was discussed when we met for lunch.

You manage to arrange to have lunch with me at least once a week. We deliberately choose a place that neither is likely to be recognised in and we place ourselves around the corner and out of sight. Hands held beneath the table and then removed when the waiter nears us, just in case. Stolen kisses, lingering looks and promises, oh so many promises of the wonderful world that awaits us once I manage to free myself of the chains of my marriage.

You listen carefully and attentively, showing the empathy for which you were chosen as I make oblique references to my miserable home life. Each time you gently press for more information to enable you to understand what it is that I have to endure.

What it is that I have to put up with and what it is that has driven me into your arms? I try not to say too much at first. I do not want our oh too brief times together to be spoiled by my tale of woe, but your sympathetic ear proves irresistible and I allow you to learn of the injustices that I suffer on a daily basis.

“We just do not get on any longer.”

“She lost interest in me sexually three years ago. I am amazed I have lasted this long.”

“Nothing I seem to do is good enough. No matter how hard I try, she always finds something to criticise.”

You listen and nod. I know you are desperate to weigh in and slide a knife between me and her and cut our bonds, but the decency that you are imbued with prevents you from doing so. You even suggest reasons why this state of affairs is as it is. You are kind, generous and understanding.

You thrill to my sudden calls out of the blue. You always answer after one ring, sometimes even less, thus denoting that your ‘phone is kept next to you at all times. Your voice always tells me how delighted you are to hear from me. When we meet your eyes, your kiss, your hugs and your spoken enthusiasm cause me to soar as I witness your devotion and desire.

You experience a surge of excitement when you are disturbed by a chime in the middle of the night and see that I have managed to issue another text to you.

I cannot get you out of my head and had to let you know. Don’t reply, I am in bed with her.

The delight that you experience at hearing from me when you expected not to is tempered by the knowledge that I am with her and not you.

The weekends are hardest as you often tell me. I can tell you want to say more but I know you are fearful of pushing me away by being too demanding. I text you when I can and even managed to call you, speaking in hushed tones from a toilet cubicle or a changing room in a department store, stifling my laugh that I have pretended to try on some clothes just so I can call you.

I keep you hooked though. I know how much you want me. I know you love me and I know you want me to be loved, to take me away from the misery of my marriage. I promise you that one day we will be together. Now is not the time, it isn’t quite right at the moment, there’s a family event coming up and it wouldn’t be sensible to drop such a bombshell with that on the horizon, there is a family holiday she booked it and I didn’t know until now but what can I do? I will have to go. I keep the promises coming and the excuses flowing and still you hang on.

I know you wonder why I keep my ‘phone close to me. You haven’t said anything yet but I am not stupid. I can see the suspicion in your eyes when I wake and immediately check my mobile.

“I am waiting for an important e-mail that may have come in from the States overnight,” I explain and issue a disarming smile. You nod. You seem to accept the explanation.

You have complained how you are unable to ever get me on my ‘phone when you ring when I am on my way home. How many times have you left messages asking me to pick up some milk or to collect one of our children from swimming or football only for me to pick the message up too late?

“I need to be available for my clients. They don’t know I am driving home nor do they care; they need to speak to me. After all, if it wasn’t for them we wouldn’t have this would we?” I explain pleasantly sweeping an expansive arm at the large house and expensive furnishings all around us. You nod in acceptance. You understand my work is important. I tell you often enough that it is.

“I wish you would meet me for lunch when I come into town,” you say every week or so. I kiss your forehead and tell you that I wish that I had the time to enjoy lunch with the woman I love but it is a sandwich and a bottle of fizzy water at my desk for me. There are targets to hit. You nod in understanding and tell me that I work too hard. I thank you and my mind drifts to what I will eat in that Thai restaurant I will be having lunch in tomorrow.

“I wish they would leave you alone,” you sigh when I turn away from you in bed after having made love to you. Your hand lingers on my back, wanting to maintain the closeness and the connection as I attend to my ‘phone on the night stand and issue a late night text before placing it face down.

“I know but it saves waking up to a problem,” I say before turning back to you and kissing you as we nestle in our marital bed.

I know you cherish our weekends together when the demands of the working week intrude less on our domestic life. I can sense you looking at me as I sit, phone in hand, a smile of contentment playing across those lips but nowhere near as wide as the smile inside of me as I fire off a tempting and teasing message.

“Just seeing if Dan is available for squash next week. Tuesday night, so I will be back late,” I say across the room by way of explanation, opening up a gap in the week for someone other than you. You smile and nod and return to your book.

“I love you,” I say suddenly and you look up, the devotion and desire burning in your eyes and it seems so familiar almost making me say something, but the thought passes and I wallow in the admiration and love that you send towards me. You have never ceased to do that.

You do not know about her.

She thinks she knows all about you.

Neither of you really know what I am.

Do you know someone in this position? Please share the article to your social media and warn them.

49 thoughts on “In Love With a Married Man

  1. Empath007 says:

    I can’t help but wonder… is it only typically those empaths with a dirty streak that end up in these kind of situations? What is it that attracts certain types of empaths to these toxic situations, is it low self esteem and the rooted unconscious believe we do not deserve better? Is it really all the narcissist dehumanizing thier partner that leads us to also dehumanize them…. or are those of us that participate equally as guilty for not taking into consideration how the wife would feel – when we are in the position of being aware there is a wife…
    For the record, I’ve never slept with or propositioned a married man. But I believe given the right circumstances I could easily be the kind of person to fall into a trap.

    1. Leigh says:

      Empath007, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Hope you’re well. For me, I wanted to save him. He’s a burn survivor and he’s scarred and I wanted to help him feel good about himself. I didn’t want him to leave his wife and family. I just wanted to give him a little joy. We were friends first (or so I thought). It took years to make the leap. I thought he was stuck in an unhappy marriage, like me. And yes, I propositioned him first.

    2. A Victor says:

      Hi Empath007, my understanding is that it is those circumstances that will bring this out in an empath that is susceptible in this way, in other words, one who had this particular dirty streak in their make up already. I believe some would never be involved with infidelity no matter what, they might have a different dirty streak though, or not.

  2. LG says:

    Is this article about “In love with a married MAN”? or “In love with a married NARCISSIST?”. The fact a man is married doesn’t make him a narcissist. I am confused. So then what is the difference between the situation with a married man or a married narcissist?

    1. Bubbles says:

      Dearest LG,
      None ….. they’re both arseholes !
      🤣
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  3. Ciara says:

    They always got to do the extras.. Narcs keep a spare tire in case one breaks down. Therefore, they can pull he/she out as a last resort to keep the fuel coming.

  4. Iva says:

    I can see myself. In the role of a lover, how sad it is ..

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Hello Iva,

      If you are new to the bog, welcome.

      It is sad but you aren’t on your own. We’ve all fallen for narcissists in one way or another. Keep reading, you’ll find everything you need here to make informed choices that are right for you.

  5. LG says:

    Is this situation described in this article for narcissists/ sociopaths? Or could any common cheater act like this?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A repeated and habitual cheater is a narcissist.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        HG,
        When you put it as simply as that, it makes perfect sense. It isn’t a one off mistake. It’s a pattern of behaviour. Another penny drops.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Correct.

      2. LG says:

        ouch! I thought there would have to be other traits for someone to be labelled as narcissist. Not only the cheating….I mean, I know a narcissist would be a cheater and liar but would a cheater and liar always be a narcissist? I was involved with a married (I was going to say person but I thought twice and…) inhuman and this article resonates to a T. And I had a consultation with Mr. Tudor and you told me he IS a narcissist – in specific Upper Mid Range Somatic.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes because they will be exhibiting A sense of entitlement, an absence of emotional empathy, a lack of accountability, haughty behaviours, grandiosity, manipulations, boundary transgression and aspects of the dynamic through repeated and sustained cheating. Such an individual will be behaving in other ways commensurate with a narcissist.

          1. BC30 says:

            Ok, yes, but Es can have several affairs and instances of cheating on various partners. Albeit driven by different motives, but it’s possible.

          2. Leigh says:

            I don’t know how I feel about this answer. Cheaters aren’t always narcissists. They’re narcissistic trait of infidelity may always be prevalent but they aren’t necessarily a narcissist. I’m a perfect example of this. I’m a serial cheater and I’m not a narcissist.

  6. BC30 says:

    I just now over the last couple of weeks was able to shake out what was so upsetting.

    HG teaches the “Prime Aims”. That is the only difference between us. #1 and #2 never loved and do not love anything about their SOs (IPPS). Nothing. Not. One. Thing.

    I could not imagine. I could not imagine realizing that my entire marriage, our children, and home were built on lies.

    One of the IPPSs escaped, but the other is probably going to die wondering, “Why is he so cruel to me, when I know he loves me so much?”

    and on it goes…

    1. leelasfuelstinks says:

      That´s sad! All the best for this IPPS 🙁

      Narcs cannot love. They only “love” the fuel. People are exchangeable to them, no matter if IPPS, NISS, IPSS whatever. You´re there to give them fuel. As long as you function, you´re good. As soon as you stop functioning the way they want it, it´s goodbye, who cares, next one! We are toasters and as soon as we stop toasting the bread the way they want it or we break down, they throw us into the trashcan and that´s it.

      And some of us toasters are thrown in the trash a bit earlier because we fire the bread back at them 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

      1. Asp Emp says:

        LFS, your last sentence – absolutely brilliant, made me laugh. Hilarious.

        1. leelasfuelstinks says:

          It´s actually from H.G. 😀 In one video where he explains how an appliance (a toaster) should function, he says something like ..”…it shouldn´t burn the toast, it shouldn´t complain that it doesn´t want to toast and it doesn´t fire the bread back at me…” and then I imagined how the toaster fires the bread back at H.G. and I had to burst into loud laughter! 😀 😀 😀

      2. A Victor says:

        Hi Leela, after a long and boisterous discussion with my son last evening, I have realized I need more info regarding the concept that narcs can’t love. He absolutely could not accept that, yet he easily accepted that my mother doesn’t love me based on her treatment of me. He even gets how they view us as appliances, that made sense to him. My discussion with him was an interesting thing, I was happy for it as he has been resistant to the whole idea of narcissism, and it was an opening. I worry about him being abused by narcissists, he is a young man for sure, but soft, if that makes sense, and I worry about him being vulnerable. He doesn’t understand the concept of fuel, he feels that is how they feel love, and other positive emotions, and that they just call those emotions by a different name. It is all about the perspective but I didn’t know how to say it succinctly enough. There is clearly more for me to learn. Thanks for your comment, food for thought.

        1. leelasfuelstinks says:

          Cognitive dissonance? Emotional Thinking can also protect you when the truth is too hard to handle for your psyche. I have this with Patri Narc. I know he never loved me, he won´t love me, he doesn´t give a shit. I refuse to think about that, logic knows, but it´s too hard for me to deal with it.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Leela,

            That’s an interesting comment about Emotional Thinking offering some kind of protection. I don’t see mine in that way. I see it as nothing but a hindrance to me recognising and accepting the truth of things. Without Emotional Thinking I would have seen the narc as a negative influence far quicker and cut off emotionally far sooner.

            I understand why you wouldn’t want to think about your patrinarc’s lack of feelings for you. This has to be entirely normal and is not necessarily Emotional Thinking. I would envisage that you feel completely cheated by having a narcissist for a father. I imagine that the paternal influence and support must be something you crave and will always wish you had had. I don’t see that as Emotional Thinking. I see it as a very justified response to a situation that can’t be changed. I also don’t see a great need for you to have to think about it or dwell on it too much if you don’t want to.

            You know what he is now, you dealt with him, you cut loose and emotionally you have left him behind. All testimony to your strength and resilience. You are a huge bundle of fun, compassion, and energy. You beat him, continue to feel proud that you did. Xx

          2. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Truthseeker, these are exactly my thoughts and feelings about Patri Narc. This Upper Mid Range Somatic is not just an ex partner, an ex friend or a co worker. It´s my PARENT! My parent: who should have protected me, care for me, love me, comfort me, encourage me. Instead: What did I get? An empty shell. A 2-6 year old child, who tried to raise a child! 😣

            On the other hand, to be fair, I woudn´t be where I am now without Patri Narc. I wouldn´t be the person I am. Some things, on the other hand, make me proud. But there will always be a dark abyss in my heart, always the wound due to lack of love, lack of care, and always the feeling of never being good enough (textbook ACON!). I can live with that, BUT: Exactly THIS makes me vulnerable to narcissist! Exactly THIS makes me vulnerable for the Love Bombs of a narc. 😱

          3. A Victor says:

            Leela, I have had the same thought, I wouldn’t be where I am now without my parents. But sadly, now I usually finish the thought with “no, I’d be better than I am now.” Or maybe that’s a happy thought, I’m not always sure. Anyway, we were cheated, compared to most people. It sucks, coming to adulthood with so many huge, enormous, gaps in how to live, because we were raised by “children”. And having the abyss also but, I am a victor just for the fact that I am here, learning and doing what must be done to be better in spite of them. I will not let them win. I will not.

          4. A Victor says:

            Of course, it likely is one or both. Thank you Leela.

          5. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Leela,

            I don’t have the answer for how to fix that exactly. I wish I did. What I can say though, is that there is one overreaching feeling that I always feel from the ACON’s here. It has nothing to do with school or cadre, but they all give off the same vibe. The vibe is just ‘strength’.

            I think once you have come through the childhoods that you have with your sense of dignity, open heartedness and your decency still intact, I honestly don’t believe that the world has anything up it’s sleeve that you couldn’t deal with.

            Hope this helps xx.

        2. Truthseeker6157 says:

          I understand what your son is driving at there. There is no way to compare emotions or the way we experience them. My happy might not be your happy. We don’t have the depth of language to communicate emotions very well. HG’s well fuelled likely feels very similar to our happy /elated. For all we really know HG’s infatuation with a new primary source could feel very similar to our feelings of love / infatuation. There’s no real measure. Plus, cultural differences, life experience to date, prior relationships, all will impact the way we think about and experience love.

          If you can’t adequately compare how you feel then you are left with behaviours. We don’t devalue as we are not narcissists. We might argue, lose our temper or throw stuff, but we don’t systematically devalue. As HG says, “If he abuses you, then he never loved you.” Behaviours are the giveaway.

          Educating your son on what abuse is, what it looks like, how systematic it is, how subtle it can be, how it makes you feel in the short term, how it breaks you down in the longer term. These things might be easier for him to recognise and understand than the concept of feeling or not feeling love. The end result will be the same. He will be more aware.

          Black Flag might be a good place to start when the time is right. That way he can read and draw his own conclusions. Be careful not to overload or it becomes “Mum has this thing that everyone is a narcissist.”

          My two are getting older as well. I’m also considering how to educate and make them aware without removing the magic of love and relationships. Sophie is the one more likely to reject the idea of narcissism. She does accept the idea of empaths. Sam is the other way round. He would likely reject the term empath, though he would recognise the behaviours if he thought about it. He would readily believe that there are narcissists in the world. I’m very careful to ensure that he knows how women should be treated and relationships handled. I think he would expect the same respect from a partner. Black Flag and Red Flag might be a route I would go with him when he’s a bit older. Of course if he isn’t an empath then he is less at risk. I’m reasonably sure Sophie is.

          Just a thought AV, there’s no real right or wrong way, depends on the personality you are trying to protect. X

          1. A Victor says:

            Thank you Truthseeker, your comment is confirmation and encouragement! I did go to the behaviors, the manipulations, in fact he used that word first and he brought up the lying. He clearly sees it with his grandma and he was in agreement that people who abuse don’t love you. He said it just the way you did, about not knowing how another perceives feelings, or anything for that matter. He even asked for and accepted my definition of empaths and we discussed the good narcissists can do, along with the bad, in the world at large. He acknowledged he is not like that, he doesn’t have that drive. I think that was good, I have been concerned that he believes he is a narcissist and that’s why he’s been so resistant to it. Anyway, it was a good discussion, it ended on a positive note. He is aware of my books, I have several in paperback now and he knows right where they are. He is concerned I’m getting all my information from only one source and that there is psychopathy involved as well as he says that could color a lot of things. I don’t know enough about that to speak to it. I do understand why he’s concerned but unless he delves in with an open mind, which is not happening at this time, or experiences a narcissist, let’s hope not, I don’t know that he’ll ever really get it, which is okay, he is still more aware than he was and it will help. Thank you for your thoughts, much appreciated, it is a tough thing, not to overwhelm but also not to underwhelm. I hope it goes well with your children, if you come upon any great insights in that process, I’d love to hear them!

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            AV,

            I definitely will share any flashes of inspiration! I’m due one in July, so I’ll get back to you then! My approach is always to keep lines of communication open at all costs. As long as kids confide then there is an opportunity to guide them. You clearly have a close relationship so I think you are in a great position just the way you are.

            Your son sounds like a smart cookie. He’s considered in his approach and clearly seeks a well rounded view of the subject. I still read and research around the subject of narcissism plus psychopathy to a lesser degree. My view is that the information that HG provides is entirely accurate. By comparison, I haven’t found another source to rival him. So in many ways, I’m wasting my time reading other sources. However, I find that by doing so I actually receive confirmation that what I read here is correct. I therefore remain invested in the material and its wider distribution.

            Yes there are two elements in play. Narcissism and Psychopathy. I believe that HG is very well aware which parts of his behaviours are influenced by one element or the other. What he talks about in his articles and videos is pure narcissism. The psychopathy will be recognised and kept separate. I imagine it’s a little like the way we look at things as empaths. Once we fully recognise how we are put together, we can see the various elements light up individually. I know I can recognise my Magnet element in action and I don’t confuse it with my Saviour element for example. I estimate that HG recognises his various elements in action in a similar way.

            There’s a book called ‘Dangerous Personalities’ by Joe Navarro. I thought that was solid information. There isn’t the detail and level of real life application that HG provides but I didn’t find Navarro to be conflicting. It might be worth a look if you haven’t read it. It would offer additional context and confirmation for the accuracy of what is provided here.

          3. A Victor says:

            TS, how do you know ahead of time when you’re due inspiration?? Yes, keeping lines of communication open, paramount!

            Yes, he is smart, he is teaching me, though he doesn’t know it, how 2 people can discuss something, even vigorously, and walk away still “friends”. This is something that I need to practice since I have never really done it. I have usually walked away from such situations since they were usually with a narc in my life and ended badly for me. It made me skittish about doing so with anyone, very uncomfortable. I am trying to get over that, it is very difficult. So it’s good that I have him around and that he thinks and makes me think.

            I actually have the book you mentioned, since about the time I found narcsite. I have only read a bit as most of my reading time has been spent here. But now I will take a look at it, thank you for the suggestion.

            The idea that I will someday be able to differentiate between my schools and cadres, with any kind of confidence or accuracy, is exciting. I look forward to it.

          4. Truthseeker6157 says:

            AV,

            Laughing at that. The flash of inspiration usually falls in line with the regularity of my good ideas. I estimate July will provide my next good idea. ( I was joking x)

            The schools and cadres. I think when I first received the EDC I was expecting some but was not convinced about others. I set about trying to prove and disprove. I paid more attention to what I do and say without thinking. There are elements that I rely on, use all the time so I expected those and they were all in the EDC. What I didn’t expect were other elements being stronger.

            The end result of the exercise was that firstly I concede. The EDC was entirely correct. Secondly, I’m now very in tune with elements lighting up. I know when and I know why. They are instinctive for the most part. I’m trying to slow my responses down a little so I think more before I react. I can do that in some situations but not in others.

            Saviour is a pain. It’s kicking my ass and wearing me out at the moment irl. If I get some control over it that would definitely be a step forward.

            So I see HG’s elements lighting up in a similar way. I see him being very very aware of which element is which. His probably come with a thunder clap and a flash of lightning though!

          5. A Victor says:

            TS, I’m glad you laughed! I thought maybe being here helped us in more ways than I realized!

            I did the EDC and TDC so early that I knew nothing, it was best that way, for me as I had no preconceived ideas of one being “better” than another less tendency to “cheat”. I was extremely surprised to be an empath at all. I was also surprised to have so many traits, especially the empathic ones. WhenI first arrived here, I was so out of touch with most of my feelings that I couldn’t believe I had any love devotee, for example. Having learned of these things has literally changed my world. Taking the time to make them visual will help me be able to identify them each more individually, I think.

            Savior does feel heavy at times, I think, if it is wanting to protect others. I struggle with that though because I feel that if it’s the way I’m made, it should “feel” natural, not stressful.

            I’m curious about it kicking your ass, not trying to pry, just curious how it manifests. And always happy for an opportunity to offer some support, if possible. I understand if you don’t care to share though.

            I think you are probably correct about HG knowing himself that well. Haha to the thunder and lightening!

          6. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hi AV,

            Usually I’m quite content for my Saviour element to light up. Very occasionally though I’ll engage in a losing battle. I’ll know it’s a losing battle, I can foresee the end result but I’m just incapable of stepping back and allowing the failure to happen. A bit like asking me to stand and watch a slow motion car crash.
            The situation I’m involved in will be ongoing for some time.

            Suffice to say I’m good, all is well, just a bit drained ! Xx

          7. A Victor says:

            TS, yes, I understand entering a losing battle now and then. I learned a lot about this from my ex and also my children as they became adults. It happens much less often now than it did years ago. Good to hear you’re okay.

        3. Leigh says:

          AV, when explaining fuel to your son maybe explain it as an emotional reaction that is provoked or manipulated by the narcissist. For instance, if I’m a narcissist and buy you flowers and then you tell me you love me, your emotional reaction fuels me. Also, if I punch you in the face and you cry and call me a fucking bastard, your emotional reaction fuels me. Both of these reactions make the narcissist feel good. It also helps to maintain the construct and keep the creature at bay.

          Do you remember when I told you about my husband complaining about his back right after I gave birth. I was still in the hospital and it was all about me. That weakened him and he needed to make it all about him. He had to provoke an emotional reaction from me in order to gain fuel and make himself feel better. That’s not love.

          I had just had a c-section and he had to make it all about him without any concern for the pain I was in. I still fueled him and it may have even made him feel good or happy but it was at the expense of my happiness and at a time when I needed his support. Thats not love. If he loved me, he would have had empathy for what I was going through.

          Have you read the Three Interactions with the Narcissist. I think you can benefit from that. You may want to reread Fuel also.

          1. A Victor says:

            Leigh, what a powerful comment. Every piece of it is helpful. I will likely read the first one to my son, you said it perfectly. Yes, I remember about your birth experience and your husband, also an excellent example. I actually just reread the 3 Interactions but not with this in mind, I will do so. And, I just reread about half of Fuel, save about 20 pages, about 3 weeks ago, again not with this specifically in mind, I will reread as such. It’s all highlighted up now, I love it!

            I think his question will be “But what if their ‘good’ feels like our ‘good’ but they just call it power?” or some such. At some point it becomes a matter of trusting what people are saying even if there’s no rock solid proof. I know from that experience with the summer narc that narcissism is real and dangerous, I am a true believer because of that. He has not had that, thank goodness, so it may be more difficult. Thank you for your excellent comment though, if anything can convince him, that should. I’ll update as things progress but it may be a while, I’ll wait until he brings it up again. He will, he is curious.

        4. Leigh says:

          Hi AV, after rereading my comment from last night, it sounds a little bitchy and bossy. I want to apologize. I had written out a whole response to you and then my husband walked in and I had to switch screens. When I went back to word press, the comment was gone. I was frustrated that I had to rewrite the whole thing. I apologize.

          I thought of another article that might help with understanding Fuel.
          https://narcsite.com/2021/01/21/try-walking-in-my-shoes-13/

          They need fuel just to get through the day. That’s what makes it different then happiness. They get a text and it fuels them. When I get a text, I may feel nothing. It actually might even bother me, if I’m busy.

          Its hard to explain to people. I try to use real life examples. It really helps.

          1. A Victor says:

            I didn’t read it as bitchy or bossy! Not at all, I thought you were trying to help me learn something, which at this point is becoming a seemingly impossible task, try as I, and those who would help me, might. I will look at the link and no worries or explanation needed, but thank you!

      3. BC30 says:

        🍞🍞🍞 pew pew pew

        Exactly, and that’s what is so pitiful. I had that same cognitive dissonance that I am certain she does. I can barely imagine what the ensnared IPPS is going through, since I highly doubt she knows he is a narcissist. I can see that some of the things she did during my time with the narc, were attempts to fix the marriage. Meanwhile, Bozo was out here messing around with toasters.

    2. A Victor says:

      Yes, that realization is a bit of a gut punch, to put it mildly. One I have yet to fully recover from.

  7. LG says:

    Are we talking about a narcissist here? Anyone could act loke this and not be a narcissist I guess.

    1. LG says:

      Is this article about “In love with a married MAN”? or “In love with a married NARCISSIST?”. The fact a man is married doesn’t make him a narcissist. I am confused. So then what is the difference between the situation with a married man or a married narcissist?

  8. Kiki says:

    Omg this is so accurate
    9 weeks absolute No Contact now , feeling better 😀 3 months before that but sent an email 9 weeks ago.
    Am I doing good .?

    Kiki

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Hi Kiki, 9 weeks is good. According to HG’s video ‘Three Types Of Revenge’ – 6 months of No Contact Regime applied – maybe that could be your new target? Stay strong & you can do it.

    2. A Victor says:

      Kiki, you’re doing very well. One day at a time and lean in here when you need to. For me it helps to write my comments even if HG is not moderating, it helps unload a thought, and then I can move forward. Hang in there, 9 weeks is 63 days!! That is success!

  9. Lima Delta says:

    omg I have experienced this. Exactly this.

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The Imitation Game