The 5 Wants Of the Narcissist

 

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  1. I want your fuel

 

I want your fuel. I want it all and I want it from you, him, her, them and especially you. I want it from the moment I rise until the moment I am embraced by slumber. I want it pouring over me, potent and plenty, gushing from you. I want your positive fuel, the joy, the adoration, the love, the passion and the praise. I want your negative fuel, the hatred, the anger, the tears and the fear. Pour it over me, immerse me in that edifying, invigorating and sustaining fuel. There is never enough and I want to keep on experiencing the surge as your fuel increases the flames inside me, burning and rising, powering me as I blaze a trail through all that `I do. I want your fuel now, tomorrow and always.

  1. I want to engulf you

I am immense, a giant, a prince amongst men, a behemoth that moves with ease and purpose about the earth. I want to subsume you into me, ensuring that there is no trace of you left as I fully integrate you into what I am. I want my tendrils to reach out to you, feeling their way towards the fuel vapours that emanate from you, their probing senses tracking you down. I want them to coil about you and pull you towards me, binding you to me until steadily I suck you into my world and into my false reality. I want you hooked up, connected, locked-in, attached and embedded as little by little I consume you and encompass you with my greatness. You will not resist for the elation and delight that you experience as this process happens is irresistible. I want to own you, I want you to become part of me, I want there to be no start to you and any end to me.

  1. I want to be the one

I want to be the one that you think of all of the time. I want you to be the person that you orbit around, your sun, your centre of the universe. I want to be the one that is recognised for my greatness, for my brilliance and my achievements. I do not care that I have exaggerated them or stolen them from others whom I have brushed against, stripping away facets of their character to add to my own. I have no care for that. All I care is that I am the one towards whom heads turn when I enter a room. I am the one who is applauded. I want to be the one who leads, conquers and smites. The destroyer of worlds, the creator of new ones, a god. I want to be the one whose power radiates from him so that is tangible to all those who look upon me. I want to be the one who shocks and awes. I want to be the one who does. I want to be the one who rules, who presides and who dictates. I want to be the one you rely on, turn to and devote yourself too. I want to be the one who is credited for all successes, I want to be the one who is your alpha and your omega, your first thought and your last thought. I want to be the one whose name you utter with your dying breath.

  1. I want your essence

I am the stealer of souls, the charlatan that comes and with sugar-coated promises and offers you the world in exchange for your very essence. You never realise that this is the cost of this transaction but I want to suck the essence from within you, drain you of it and consume it for myself. I want to leave you a broken, dried out husk. I want your essence to fill the gaping hole that endures inside of me. I want that sweet, wonderful essence to flow through me, easing the pain, soothing the fevered freneticism and bring comfort and relief. Like a purifying river, I want your essence to course through me, sweeping away the disease that riddles me. I want your essence to wipe away the dirt, remove the smears and eradicate the stains. I know I flirt with all kinds of dirt, but your essence will save me from such temptation. That is why I want it.

  1. I want it to stop

Or do I?

14 thoughts on “The 5 Wants Of the Narcissist

  1. lisk says:

    RE: Number 5

    Why don’t you make up your mind?
    Stop wasting all my time

    (Lyrics/Song by Aurra, 1981)

  2. Asp Emp says:

    When I was reading through this article – I was reminded of the ending of the film ‘Lucy’ (2014).

    The visuals of the film ‘Lucy’ made me think of HG’s articles about fuel; the tendrils; the character trait acquisition; the different cognitive thinkings (perceptions) between narcissists (and the relevant schools), empaths, normals, scientists, medical people.

    The ending is where it seems she ‘consumed’ the whole world into her mind and she, also dissolved into the mass she became.

    Yet this film is not about narcissism at all.

  3. Lisa says:

    Bloody hell, if this doesn’t explain addiction to narcissists, I don’t know what does.

  4. Ebony says:

    One of your parents is a malignant narcissist. You don´t live with that anymore but you recognize the damage done. A criminal one.
    You have those dark triad traits, some empathy (I don´t know how much that is because I suppose if you are a more grounded/practical person you will see/feel things differently than another type of person) and you purposefully isolate yourself because you don´t like losing time with other people most of the time (you need time for your art, your sport, your reading, your philosophical thoughts, your garden). Here you know you are a misanthrope because you have zero wish to know other people and they are so boring, really ; and if people mess with you you know what you can be. So you avoid people when you can. Maybe you inherited some of the things that made your past a sad one. People disturb you with their superficiality and you just really don´t need them for reassurance or wathever. But you are kind if it´s necessary, you can discuss about problems when they appear and apologize for yur mistakes and work hard on yourself; you just really don´t feel well with other people. You don´t trust them, some times you feel as if you could take great advantage of them but you choose not to, because you see them as disgusting. But you can like and help someone who is in your very VIP selection of close people genuinely, consciously not using that manipulation and wathever, if they manage to get your trust (decades maybe). What would that be? A Dark Empath is said to be an extroverted, so it does not check. A malignant narcissit is capacle of doing much harm and know it, but, it does not seem to be able to shut down some bad traits for some people (at least when,if, they are passing the tests of been trustable, are able to follow intelligent /weird themes and always been there after many years of knowing and not trusting that much and somehow you get to trust to some extent, very few people and you don´t feel treatened and you can just be with them. I perceive that these people see me as commited, too serious, loyal, deep, but they behave as if they pay much attention on answering the best way possible. It seems that they enjoy the depths of communication, even if it may be too deep sometimes for them and they value it but there is always this “diplomatic aproach” from these vere few people and I ask myseld if I scare the hell out of people without noticing. Does someone have some insights on those dynamics?

  5. A Victor says:

    This is hitting against my boundary issues. What a mess. How do we unravel this?

    1. Asp Emp says:

      AV, maybe you can view the articles as a designed test to your ET / LT levels management?

      If you consider “I want it to stop” to indicate maybe the ‘pain’ (of the creature) to stop? Also if you consider the word “want”, it relates to desire rather than ‘need’. So, if a narcissist needs fuel & control in order to ‘survive’ and to manage living their lives the way they do.

      Don’t give in to your ET. Stay strong 🙂

      1. A Victor says:

        This is an interesting idea, can you explain it a bit more? I don’t have a creature? Want vs need I do get. I am very curious about your thought here, using the articles to test my ET/LT. Today I am more stable, from the son situation. And I haven’t slept yet. I was going to go to a parade this morning but now I guess not.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          AV, I was referring to the narcissist’s perception in my second paragraph. I know you don’t have a ‘creature’.

          Yes, you can use the articles as a way to test your ET / LT – I do it – by re-reading my comments on earlier posts of the same article as HG ‘recylces’ them every 3-4 months and you can see the difference in your own ‘perception’ as time goes by. And I also noticed words / sentences that I may have not ‘registered’ in my brain at the original time I read it / commented on it.

          I am glad you seem easier over your son’s situation.

          Parade?

          Why did you not sleep? Do you have difficulties sleeping at times / often?

          1. A Victor says:

            Asp Emp, I see. Yes, I do go back to the previous time the article cycled, now I’ve been here long enough that often they’re on their third time around. And I do see the growth in my comments, that is very exciting! Getting past grieving my my dad’s death more has helped also, I see the ET separately from the regular emotions more easily. For all the comments I have written, it surprises me how many of the previous articles don’t have anything I’ve written. And often those are articles that I didn’t really grasp the first time or two, and now I might more. So yes, that is very interesting. I didn’t realize it indicated anything regarding my ET/LT but I suppose that makes sense, thank you for pointing that out!

            Yes, I usually stress right away about these things but then tend to get on with doing something about them. Sometimes the something I do is nothing, depending on the issue. This one I will be doing something, first thing is talking to the counselor.

            Yes, it was America’s Memorial Day yesterday, the day we remember our fallen soldiers in the wars we’ve been involved in. I usually go to a parade.

            I did not sleep because I am a night owl and sometimes, if I don’t work the next day, and I get involved in something fun, I will just stay up and keep going, I think that night it was the blog actually. That has been filling a lot of my time since I got here. I don’t stay up like this as often as I once did, but it’s still fun once in a while. No, no issues sleeping. I love sleeping, it’s just that my preferred hours are 2-10. But my job doesn’t allow that, so it was just a treat Sunday night.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            AV, RE: your first paragraph, good to read that you are understanding – very well and grasping the concept of HG’s aims for his work to do for people like you and me. And his article ‘recycling’!

            RE: counsellor. Good idea. I didn’t mention it sooner – your son leaving home would be detrimental to him because of your support that he would effectively ‘lose’ by not being at home with you. He would have needed his ‘coping strategies’ even more. I can understand you ‘stressing’ over it – it’s your maternal instincts as well as your personality characteristics / traits. I know you will do what you need to do (for yourself as well as your son), it is a matter of approaching it that has a positive result / effect in the longer term and it will build on the relationship between you both.

            Having said that (RE: above) – you and I did not have that ‘opportunity’ when we were younger and needed reassurance, support, love etc from our own mothers……. ho hum. That is one really, massive, huge positive about KTN blog – giving the space to obtain different ways of looking at situations, for the better, for your own descendants (changing future-patterns of re-occurring narcissistic affects) and also helping others around you.

            Good that you are sleeping ok.

            Thank you for sharing, AV. 🙂

          3. A Victor says:

            Do you sleep well? I have wondered if empaths do, once they’re away from their ensnarement.

            Thank you for the encouraging words and the ideas, thoughts and suggestions. He left for the day, golfing with friends that I do not believe do drugs. So it is a good day for calling the counselor. I hate doing stuff like that. Ugh.

          4. Asp Emp says:

            AV, I have always struggled on the sleep thing – since a child. Maybe it’s my brain-wiring (Aspergers / INFJ). Maybe it’s an ACON ‘fear’ thing (of mother) and never feeling ‘relaxed’ and it ran over into my adulthood? I think HG needs to share his secret of being able to get to sleep straight away – how he has trained himself to do it. Hypnotherapy won’t work on me cos I can’t lipread with my eyes shut! (laughing).

            Good to know your son is socialising and with the right people. I know that speaking with someone you don’t know about your son’s issues because it is very personal and talking to a stranger is difficult because of the inner ‘trust barrier’ as to whether they will be good in supporting you / son. You are doing good.

          5. A Victor says:

            Asp Emp, I am so sorry to hear about your sleep issues. I have never had them, amazingly, but I know several people who do, including my son, and it is horrible. I almost think I viewed sleep as an escape as a child, like I viewed books, and it just continued into my adulthood.

            “Hypnotherapy won’t work…”– this made me laugh!!

            Thank you for understanding about my fear about discussing with a stranger, that is very real, not sure how you knew about it. But thanks.

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