I Second That Emotion

 

I-SECOND-THAT-EMOTION

The emotional spectrum afforded to my kind is limited. The bulk of the positive emotions that you experience have either been stripped away or moulded into one all-pervasive sensation and that is of power. Whereas you might experience joy, elation, happiness and delight, we feel power. That surging sensation which courses through us as a consequence of the receipt of fuel, be it positive or negative. Secure a promotion? I feel powerful. My football team wins? I feel powerful. I seduce a new victim? I feel powerful. I experience amusement, indeed, I have an excellent sense of humour but if I make you laugh through my sense of humour I feel a sense of power once again.

I do not feel sadness. I have, for the sake of gathering fuel, sat through numerous films which are described as tear-jerkers and entertained myself as I have alternated between watching the film and the reaction of the person, invariably an intimate partner, as their expression alters to one of compassion, sympathy and then the tears to begin to flow. I have watched the same film yet I feel nothing. I recognise that the scenes played out by the relevant actors are ones which would be labelled as moving, sad and upsetting, but I feel nothing. When I shift my gaze to the sobbing intimate partner besides me, I begin to feel something. I feel contempt for the weakness exhibited by becoming upset. Not only the fact that these tears flow at all but because they have been generated by acting. How readily people fall prey to what is acting, but I am thankful for that, because if they did not, my existence would be far more difficult. I experience a degree of amusement, because someone is moved by something which is not even real. At least when the tears fall because a pet has been run over in the street, or because a relative has exhaled their last breath on this earth, there is a genuine event which causes grief. Yet, it is always in others. You could flash a montage of images, snippets of footage which encapsulate what people would regard as tear-inducing responses, be they grief or joy and I would remain unmoved. It means nothing to me. The capacity to feel sadness, grief, woe and misery have been removed. I knew them once. I can vaguely remember, or at least I think I can remember, being sad. I do not know what the feeling is but I recall the image from the depths of my memory.

I do not know guilt. Remorse is a stranger to me. I feel no regret nor penitence. Compassion has never been available to me. As for empathy, I do not feel that either. I am, because of my heightened abilities and intelligence, able to understand how people must feel. I have spent many years watching and observing the way that people react to certain situations. I understand when happiness is expressed, I know when regret should be exhibited, I recognise when sadness should make an appearance but I do not feel any of them. If I see you in pain, I know I should demonstrate a concerned expression for you and ask how you are. That is the accepted societal expectation. During my seduction of you, I will indeed adopt that mask of concern and compassion in order to con you into thinking that I am a caring and warm person. I can don the mask which places my facial expression in the correct places. I am able to adopt the appropriate tone of voice and place my hands on you in the gentle manner which is associated with expressing concern for somebody yet despite all these learned expressions, words and gestures I feel no concern for you. I do not feel sorry for you, I do not share your pain, I am not worried about you. I know however that if I am to bind you to me and to extract fuel from you, through your expression of thanks and your gratitude for my apparent care of you, I am obligated to place the mask of compassion on. Of course, as such time as your devaluation commences, I see no need for the pretence and indeed my lack of compassion provides its own reward as your pain is increased by my dismissive attitude, refusal to help and contemptuous sneer.

The Lesser of our kind often do not even know what mask should be adopted and during the seduction stage rather than clumsily grope for an appropriate mask, they will prefer to vacate themselves from the situation, conjuring up some excuse as to why they cannot stay and help. The Mid-Range and the Greater of our kind understand that certain responses are preferred by you and therefore the masks will be brought forth and worn, but only in order to achieve what we want. If the situation dictates that our interests are better served without donning a mask, then that is what will happen.

People often make the mistake of assuming that we are totally devoid of emotion. That is wrong. Yes, there are many emotions, as I have explained above, which we do not possess, but we are not empty of all emotion. I know only too well the emotions of hate, malice, frustration, annoyance, irritation, shame, envy, fury and jealousy. Why am I afforded these emotions and not others? In my discussions with the good doctors and my own consideration of these matters it is evident that in my evolution to what I am, it is necessary for me to have these emotions because they are the catalyst for causing me to behave in the way that I do so I will drive forward, that I will be brilliant, charming and seductive, that I will be outrageous, grandiose, belligerent and destructive, because ultimately all of those things must exist in order to compel me to gather the precious fuel.

If I did not become envious of those in my social circle praising a friend, I would not feel compelled to draw the spotlight of attention on to me by upstaging that person, telling a glorious anecdote or causing a scene. If I was not jealous I would not take those steps and thus I would be denied fuel.

If I was not envious of my neighbour’s new sports car, I would not be driven to throw battery acid over it during the night and then watch from the window his horrified reaction on seeing the damage the next day. Again, I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no hatred towards you for failing me, I would feel no need to keep doling out the various prejudicial and abusive manipulations. Thus you would not be hurt, upset or frightened and I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no malice towards the world and its treatment of me, I would not be compelled to seduce people to provide me with that shield from the world and its outrageous injustices.

It is these negative emotions, the Dark Motivators, which cause me to always be driving forward. The absence of The Hindrances – remorse, guilt, empathy, regret etc. – means that I am not stopped or slowed in my ever onward march. I am not distracted from the sole and necessary task of gathering fuel.

This approach does not mean that my life is less fuel. I am still able to appreciate much that is beautiful, engaging, fascinating and scintillating in this world. I can appreciate the grandeur of centuries old architecture. I can appreciate the magnificence of a musical composition. I can appreciate the athletic prowess of a sprinter to win a gold medal at the Olympics. I can appreciate the taste of excellent cuisine. I can do this because of my higher function above others of my kind who have little or no interest in such spectacular elements of the world. Whereas you will enjoy the piece of music in that moment, I am using the experience of that piece of music to further my aims.

  1. I may tell you how brilliant a song is because I know that you will be pleased with me for telling you this and thus you will smile, appreciate me and give me fuel;
  2. I may use the experience of having heard the philharmonic orchestra play Scheherazade in order to boast about it to other people and draw fuel from their admiring and/or jealous responses;
  3. I may use the experience of knowing all of Depeche Mode’s music to be appealing to a target because she likes that music too, or just to demonstrate that I have a detailed interest in a particular band so that I am of greater interest to her;
  4. I may use the experience of having heard a particular song in concert to trump your tale about having heard a different one played in order to assert my superiority over you and draw a reaction from you and others.

You experience certain emotions when engaging in certain experiences. I experience a sense of power in that moment or if I do not, I store the experience to use it feel powerful when it is allied with something else, usually an appliance.

My kind mimic emotions because we are unable to feel so many of them. Thus we will second the emotions that we have seen you exhibit and make it seem as if we feel them. I know many of your emotions; I do not feel them. We second your emotions because we are reliant on your emotions to exist. It is something of a paradox that we have never cultivated certain emotions and/or we have been stripped of them in order to make us lean, effective and efficient, yet we also must receive those emotions from you in order to sustain us. We do not want to see your joy directed towards us for something we have said and done because we will then feel joy, but rather for the power that is unleashed as a consequence of your joy providing us with positive fuel.

I am filled with hatred, jealousy, envy, fury and malice but that does not mean there is no room to accept your hatred towards me, indeed I welcome it. As a consequence of my manipulation of you, I want you to stand there screaming your hatred at me until your voice is hoarse and your eyes stand out from your face. The fuel I gain from such an intense expression of negative emotion is immense. Once again I appropriate your emotion and use it for my own purposes. Whether I take it in order to allow me to mimic and copy it, to make me appear more acceptable to other people or whether I seize your emotion as fuel in order to power me and allow my existence to continue, I will always find a use for your emotional output. I put to good use your emotions.

I am the ultimate recycler.

19 thoughts on “I Second That Emotion

  1. leelasfuelstinks says:

    It may be a little off-topic but still got a little WTF 😊 In my life I met 6 narcissists (maybe more don´t know). In one of them I saw such an extreme aggression i had never seen before in my whole life. I saw fury in all of them but particularly in one the aggression was absolutely over the top! Right from the beginning I was horrified! I felt such an anxiety and unease in the presence of this individual.

    I have never had that before with any narcissist. My gut-feeling told me that particularly this individual is especially dangerous! Very dangerous! This person is capable of anything! This person is really ice-cold and extremely aggressive and can turn very dangerous!

    I have never been that scared of a human being ever before! I just felt icy cold fear! I know that individual is capable of snapping within micro seconds and then turn extremely aggressive and even violent (that is proven!).

    Still have no explanation for that one? 🤷‍♀️

    NDC said: Middle Mid Range Type A – they shouldn´t be ASPD-comorbid, right?

  2. Eliza says:

    HG to only experience the negative emotions you describe, without the balance of the joy, love and even profound grief seems too desolate for anyone to survive very long. Do you not think that there is joy hiding inside your sense of humor ? Dont you Wonder if it will be possible to access the parts of you that died as a result of abuse? Aren’t you at least a little bit curious ? You were not BORN without them, isnt it possible they will surface at some point ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. No.
      2. Nothing died.
      3. No.
      4. No.

      1. Eliza says:

        Well Alrighty then ! 😂
        Okedokey, then I got it 😉

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          I enjoyed reading your questions, Eliza, and also HGs response. They are questions I think we’ve all had and maybe asked at different times, too. It is the incomprehensible nature of narcissism, at least from an empathic perspective. We cannot comprehend how it is not possible for someone to have the same emotions we have, or at least want to experience them. Where the narcissist is focused on fuel acquisition and efficiency of the same, we are focused on the whole of the human experience which includes those emotions HG said he doesn’t experience. There may be an element of not missing what you never had, and the possibility of having those things also interferes with the efficient gathering of fuel for the narcissist It sounds cold, even calculating, and that’s probably because it is. For the defence that is narcissism, that’s what it needs to be. Those of us who do not need, or have not developed, the same defence will always struggle, I think, to understand its necessity or its usefulness. Much like the narcissist might feel that way about our emotions. We are very opposite in that sense.

          Although the narcissist still has the creature to contend with, or their Achilles heel, which poses a real threat to their sense of well being. This creature, I believe, is part of themselves they left behind as they built up their narcissistic defences. So where HG says nothing died, he still gives acknowledgement to a part of himself that would like to tear down those defences and drag him into the abyss. The creature exists, but is not to be seen or heard for fear of the resultant outcome. Much of the narcissist’s time is spent trying to drown out the creature. It’s the one element of narcissism which gains my sympathy. For all the cold, hard, facts presented here, there is a suffering that underlies it all (hence the need for a defence mechanism), and the unfeeling nature of the narcissist became a necessary protection at some stage in their life. Sadly, it seems they can’t turn that back now. The narcissism has become them, and they have become the narcissist. Hope dies last, as the saying goes, but I think it depends on where we place our hope, much like our trust. We need to remove both of these from the narcissist as a way of being able to move forward. Otherwise the threat of their abyss becomes ours also.

      2. Eliza says:

        In all seriousness though HG – I am wondering if YOU ( because you are so intelligent and self aware ) could be one of the very few Narcissists to achieve some access to your former self. If you can manage ( within therapy ) to tamp down the narcissism long enough to let the Drs help you. Leaving the roadmap to recovery as part of your legacy?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          There is nothing to recover from.

          1. lilly2963 says:

            HG, what am I not getting ? I understand MOST Narcs will NEVER change and people should escape ! I’m NOT trying to circumvent all your efforts and give people false hope, truly. I am just curious about YOU because you are such an anomaly in that your intellect allows you a unique perspective. Maybe you could have just a small piece of a meaningful relationship in your future. Isn’t that part of what you work on ? Being less antisocial in your interactions with a GF or Partner ? Im just curious to know how far you could take this work and maybe have a personal benefit at the same time.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            All my relationships are meaningful.

      3. Leelu says:

        In response to your answers I have a few questions, if you will permit.
        If nothing died, where did it go?
        How were you made this way, emotionally? Like how you used to be and the change that created the narcissist, do you remember the age? Or the trauma that catapulted you?Could you stop?
        Is it a developed survival behavior or a disorder? I’m on my way to buy some of your books, but I have so many questions. Surrounded with narcissists and a little fascinated in a heartbroken, horrified kind of way.
        Thank you for this resource.
        I look forward to deciphering, arming myself and maybe having a normal life for a while.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. Never there to begin with.
          2. Already answered the rest of your questions many times before. Listen to “What Makes a Narcissist” and read the books.

          1. lilly2963 says:

            I guess I am confused HG , thought you had a time before your Narcissism came into being. I know you have said (knowledge vault ) that you were predisposed to Narc personality due to your Mom, but you could have been like your siblings if your father had protected you.
            Didn’t mean to insult you, I’m sure your relationships have meaning, just was hoping you could achieve some level of happiness not just Fuel.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I did not take your comments as insults. I do not do happy. It does not trouble me.

          3. Eliza says:

            Thanks HG – Im just really starting to care about you and the people here you are helping 🙂
            Don’t want to hurt anybody 💕

          4. Violetta says:

            Narcissism isn’t so much about losing things as it is about certain things not forming, while other things formed instead. The neural connections that were formed or omitted during the formative period are permanent. More intelligent narcs will have an abstract understanding of other people’s emotions, but that’s not the same as feeling such things themselves. In addition, they see people doing some amazingly self-destructive things in the name of love or happiness, so they feel about as deprived about as deprived as the average person would be heroin or meth.

        2. Leigh says:

          Hi Leelu, welcome to the blog.
          May I suggest the following books:
          Fuel, Fury, Sitting Target, Manipulated, Pipelines & Your Fault.

          Those books are key to beginning your understanding of Narcissism.

        3. WhoCares says:

          Leelu,

          “Like how you used to be and the change that created the narcissist, do you remember the age?”

          You may find the KHG (Knowing HG) series interesting, Leelu.

        4. Kiki says:

          He Leelu

          I am not sure if you are new to the blog , but if so a big welcome.

          If you are here to recover it is very important you try not to get into HGs head and imagine you can figure why a narcissist is that way .Just know they have no emotional empathy.
          I’m sure you have witnessed the horror of this and how devastating it is .

          All this will do is add to your Emotional thinking that maybe the Narc you are involved with can be healed , understood etc if you can find those deep seated emotional wounds.
          Trust me , this will lead you down the wrong path.
          You cannot figure out why a Narcissist is the way they are , it is like playing with fire and will keep you hooked in.
          It is hard to accept I know , the most important thing is to learn how to protect yourself and HG will give you all the answers to the Whys .
          HGs articles , Ultra YouTube channel and books are brilliant.
          I like to listen to HG when taking a bath , cleaning or stretching out after a workout.😊
          Also his consults are great .
          It will take time but you can do this .

          Love Kiki❤️

  3. Asp Emp says:

    Re-reading this article, reminds me of certain aspects about myself.

    Laughing….. “I experience a degree of amusement, because someone is moved by something which is not even real” – exactly, there are some things that I cannot and will not watch on TV, for example, Lego Batman, I mean, seriously !!, it’s like WTF? I cannot stand the sight of Keith Lemmon, there is something really weird about his eyes, Jimmy Saville had the same.

    It is something in my brain-wiring. I do like the cartoons from the 1970s. But the more recent computer-generated ones, shite. I am similar with some films, programmes, people in Halloween costumes.

    “I know when regret should be exhibited, I recognise when sadness should make an appearance”

    There are times when the situation ie someone is upset and others around are sympathetic (saying “don’t cry”, or “it’s not that bad”, or “oh, dear…”) and I did not respond as the others did – it was as I was ‘indifferent’ to the person who was crying.

    Is it because of my eroded emotional empathy? Is it because of my Aspergers? Is it because I didn’t give a shit?

    Again, I think it is the way I am, maybe my brain decides when it is relevant or not, to express emotion. Maybe it depends who I am with. A stranger? I don’t care just as long they don’t drag me into it. A friend? A boyfriend? Ah, that’s different. I have re-read what I have just typed….the answer is there…..it depends whether I have an emotional ‘attachment’ to the person, or not.

    I am fully aware of myself. I am the way I am because of the experiences of my life and maybe I am also a ‘chameleon’ type of person – change from being indifferent to a stranger’s tale of woe compared to caring about a friend’s tale of woe.

    Oh, ain’t I lovely, sweet little empath? Not. Am. Not. Am.

    So, no, I don’t always ‘second that emotion’, I am not a sheep, I am ‘me’ and will not be dictated by society as to what they deem to be “normal” human responses / reactions.

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