Constant Companion
The narcissist in your life may have turned to you and said,
“You are the one true constant in my life,” or words to that effect. Of course, when this sentence was said to you with faux sincerity shining in our eyes it was intended as another love bomb that rained down on you from up on high. What we were actually doing was engaging in a rare moment of truth.
We require a constant in our lives for a variety of reasons. To begin with it is because when we are seducing you, you provide us with all that delicious positive fuel and we cannot get enough of it. You are shiny and sparkling and that fuel tastes so glorious. We want to be with you all of the time to drink deep of your fuel but also to ensure that you become addicted to us as we love bomb you. We want you constantly with us so that you are exposed all the time to our charm, our wit and our affection so that as we drink up your fuel, you become addicted to the euphoria you feel by being with someone so wonderful as us. We also want you constantly by our side to isolate you from anyone who may just have the knowledge and temerity to shatter the fantasy world that we have created so you wriggle free from our grip. After expending time and energy in trapping you and clamping our jaws around you, the last thing we want is for you to be able to escape us.
Inevitably you let us down and your supply of positive fuel lessens in quality and quantity. Your dereliction of duty means we must draw fuel from other appliances. A normal and healthy person might think that if a person tires of the other in the relationship one might look at ways of rekindling what first drew those people together. Well, you know what? We do that, only we do it in our skewed manner. We have no interest in working at the relationship, that requires too much effort. We will however rekindle the golden period in order to enable our vacillating between devaluing and idealising to have the maximum effect.
You may also consider that if someone no longer has any interest in the other person in the relationship and especially if that person is looking elsewhere then he or she would do the decent thing and end the relationship and move on. Not us. We need you. You might question why that should be the case since if we are treating you so badly, why on earth would we want to remain with you? If we are committing acts of infidelity with other people, why do we remain in a relationship with you? The answer is because we need a constant appliance. You are that constant appliance.
We have decided that you would supply us with delicious positive fuel and although you would let us down and reduce that supply, we could keep you around as we drew negative fuel from you. You are the mainstay. There is no logic to us in having a relationship then ending it and moving on to another person some time later. That would not provide us with enough fuel, nowhere near enough. We need someone who will always be there so that he or she:-
- Provides positive fuel to being with;
- Provides negative fuel thereafter;
- Represents a good return on our investment (we are not going to throw away such an asset that readily);
- As a constant enables us to use others in our manipulation to draw more fuel from the constant and the other people (triangulation, smear campaigns and so on)
11 thoughts on “Constant Companion”
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What, HG? What was that? “(yes I know you only deploy machines and it should be employ, but you are an appliance remember)” and it’s in brackets too! Cheeky get. LOL.
“the wild man on a night out“ – I can believe that! Laughing….
“a steady wife who does not cause us trouble”….. hilarious……
“We have experienced so much upheaval and chaos when we were younger that this constant presence on your part provides us with a degree of reassurance”. Wow. I cannot speak for all ACONs, yet this is especially a reason for my repeated saying on this blog, the word ‘reassurance’. This also summarises what a narcissist seeks – that ‘calming’ peace, the ‘rock’, the stability – yet with the majority of narcissists being unaware of what they are, they do not understand, nor can they explain the reasons for needing a ‘constant companion’.
“we need you as our constant companion under constant control” – from my understanding, a narcissist is effectively asserting control over others and / or the immediate environment, in order to try their damnedest to keep their ‘creature’ under control to stem their unexplainable & instinctual anxiety, unease, wariness. The main issue here is that their ‘creature’ is within the ‘inner core’ of a narcissist and no-one but themselves are the only persons who can’t ‘reach’ inside themselves. They cannot do it because they don’t know what it is in the first place.
RE: the ‘restraints’ in the image on this article can be viewed as: a) an empath straining to break free yet being held back by their addiction to narcissism; b) the ‘creature’ holding back a narcissist, causing the fears to come to the fore (in the narcissist’s perception, it is other people causing the fears to come to the fore); c) a person simply trying / needing to break free from the ‘restraints’ that are holding them back from what they want to do……
@Leigh, I think this is why my ex didn’t care if he and I interacted: “We have no interest in working at the relationship, that requires too much effort.”. As long as he wasn’t trying to extract fuel, and I was quiet, he could go about his business unimpeded.
AV, SMDH! I was just reading this too. My husband doesn’t need to interact with me because he has no interest on working on the relationship. Plus he already has control over me. I already supply all of the Prime Aims, why does he need to work at it? I still can’t get over there delusion though. My husband actually thinks he’s a wonderful husband and our marriage is rock solid.
“My husband actually thinks he’s a wonderful husband and our marriage is rock solid.” It is from his perspective.
It is rock solid and wonderful for him.
AV & BC30, I know. The timing of these articles almost seems intentional, but I’m sure its not, lol. After reading this article and Victim or Volunteer? Can I call myself Victim anymore. No, not when I know that he’s toxic. Now I’m a volunteer.
I still feel like a victim, in the case of TTU. I feel that I was misled into this situation, probably by my own emotions regarding my dad and his health as much as anything else. But, I did volunteer also, ugh.
The articles do seem intentional many times, or timely anyway. I have come to think it is in the prolific-ness of them that this can be so. The cycling may also be done intentionally because there is a pattern that we understand in generally, maybe. Or HG sees a need and knows of something that will help and puts it out there. I have wondered about all of these possibilities.
You were definitely misled. When you gave up your home to help take care of them, you didn’t know they were narcs. You are most definitely still being victimized. You can’t walk away from your life savings and your mother knows that.
Leigh, this piece of the puzzle hit me this morning.
This explains why we would go out to eat and sit there in silence. I would ask him why everyone else had a conversation going and we seemed to have nothing to say to each other. I would ask him about things, to try to have a conversation going but he would either give me a one word answer, say he was just a simple guy so nothing too deep to share, or lie and of course if I felt he was lying it shut down communication or started a disagreement.
This also explains why he never knew me, my dreams, hopes, ideas, thoughts in general, he didn’t need to, his needs were being met. I was waiting to be asked, I wasn’t going to burden him with “who I was” unless he did so. Anything I did burden him with, he used against me down the line anyway.
This is a huge piece that just hit this morning, this is not how it’s supposed to be and I can wait for a man who actually wants to get to know me before getting into any kind of relationship in the future. Not the love-bombing, stalker get to know either, my ex did that too, but the slow and easy kind, the kind where he is actually interested to hear me and might not agree but where I’m still allowed to have my own thoughts and feelings and I’m not invalidated for them. This is exciting! I have never had this in a romantic partner and now I am starting to realize what can be there!
When my children were growing up, we had a whole entire life without him. I have a girlfriend who lives walking distance to the ocean. My girls and I would go there for the weekend, all the time. This girlfriend has only met my husband twice. Its a whole part of my life that he has no idea about and no interest to find out either.
When you’re ready you will find a man to really share your life with. You know what you want now and you won’t settle.
I had the same types of things. Sad.
To your second paragraph, you too! And it is exciting to think of this!