Hair´s To You – How The Narcissist Uses A Physical Trait Against You




I have always been a fan of red-headed women. Oh and blonde-haired ones too. Of course I love brunettes as well. From deep auburn to fiery titian, platinum blonde to ash blonde, chestnut to raven black I love them all. Show me red-gold, mahogany, black brown, highlights or lowlights they all work for me.

Long hair, short hair, cropped, bobbed, straight or curly. I love them all. I recall on one occasion talking with a female friend who I had designs on. We were sat in the café of an art gallery and the topic moved onto hair. She asked me what was my favourite type of hair colour.

“Oh raven black,most definitely, I shot back without even pausing to think.”

She smiled and raised a hand to push it through her raven black locks. If the waitress had come over and asked the same question then I would have said blonde as I gazed at her short bobbed blonde hair. On other occasions I might get asked this by someone else and naturally I would tell them my favourite. Lo and behold it just happened to be the same as the one she had.

“You are just saying that because it is my colour,” she responded.

“No, it is my absolute favourite. All of my previous girlfriends had strawberry blonde hair.”

“Really? I thought the one before me was a brunette. I saw a picture of her.”

“Oh her? No, no, she was not my girlfriend. Goodness me no, she was just a friend. Admittedly we did lock lips a couple of times, but it was nothing, she was a tad obsessed if you really must know.”

“Was she? I am sure you referred to her as your girlfriend.”

“You must have her confused with an earlier one maybe. No, always been ladies with strawberry blonde hair, it is a particular weakness of mine.”

If she had green hair with blue dots in it I would have said the exact same thing. Sometimes these comments have been said so many times but with the appropriate alterations that I cannot help but say them. Occasionally, if my target has some awareness and has been listening, I might contradict myself but I have enough charm and evasiveness to get out of the situation.

Hair colours and hair styles are such a useful device for currying favour with a target or by contrast upsetting them. When all is well in the world and we are enjoying our golden period, then whatever you do to your hair I love it. You can colour it, put in extensions or even shave it all off. I will always tell you how beautiful you look because that is what you want to hear.

With every visit to the hairdresser’s a lady wants that compliment. I have seen you sashaying back from a visit to the salon and parading before me. I will be effusive in my praise, espousing how natural it looks, how the colour sets off your eyes and the shape frames your face magnificently. I have a whole list of suitably complimentary comments to churn out when you return with your new ‘do’.

The stock that a lady places in the power of a new hair style or hair cut is such that it really makes it too easy to gather some negative fuel. I can tell you are really happy with this new style and you are just waiting for the compliments. Not today.

Why should it be all about you and your new hairstyle? What about me? I look after my hair too and have it cut every twelve days so it always looks smart, but do you say anything? No. You regard a man and his hair as purely something of function. You on the other hand regard the colour and style as an opportunity to express yourself. Feel free because I am only too happy to rain on your parade and make that sleek do go frizzy. I will frown and peer at your new hairstyle.

“What’s wrong?” you ask as your triumphant smile vanishes.

“It does not suit you.”

“Why? How? Roger at the salon said it was very me.”

“Well he would when you spend that ridiculous sum of money there. It does not suit you. It makes your face look too….severe.”

“Are you serious?”

Damn right I am serious. This is about getting some lovely fuel from you and this is too good an opportunity to pass up. Whereas once I rolled out the barrage of compliments, I now issue my damning verdict on how wrong the colour is, it is too short, too long, too voluminous. I will pick fault and soon have you running from the room to the bedroom to cry and try and alter it.

You bring it on yourselves you know, you really do.

140 thoughts on “Hair´s To You – How The Narcissist Uses A Physical Trait Against You

  1. Asp Emp says:

    HG, I would like to ask a question. In relation to the ‘Mallen’ streak of a child, would that put the ‘fear’ within an unaware narcissist parent? What I am asking is, whether the parent, should they believe the “historical significance” (whether it is factual or not) ie people having inherited the genetics of the white streak being a ‘witch’?

    Or, would the narcissist parent ‘view’ it as an “imperfection” within their child, like my deafness would have certainly been another “imperfection” so the narcissism causes them to treat the child as some kind of ‘abomination’?

    I realise it is quite a long ‘multiple’ question. I am interested to understand more about the workings of a narcissist parent – not that I am thinking or feeling about ‘her’, if you get my gist. Having said that, she never dyed my hair to ‘hide’ the streak.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It would depend on the school of narcissist and other material factors at a precise moment in time. The Mallen streak may well be used to triangulate with others (malign or benign) or be used versus the vild in a malign or benign manner.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Thank you, HG. My grandmother loved my visual white streak – probably loved my ‘internal’ white streaks too.

  2. Asp Emp says:

    Laughing……long hair, short hair, beard or no beard, red hair, blonde hair, brunette, black hair. It matters not. It’s the person inside that matters.

    Having said that, a female narcissist at work dyed her hair the same colour as I had dyed mine. Stayed away from hairdressers over Covid-period, cut it myself and recently used dye remover for the first time – wondered if it actually worked! Maybe I am left with my original hair colour but it’s been years since I’d seen it LOL.

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      AspEmp, totally agree it’s the person inside that matters. Unfortunately, that doesn’t apply to narcs 🙁 LOL to the narc at work and her mirroring you. Take it as a compliment 😉 And give her a wide berth! Very brave to cut your own hair. And sounds like you’re in a period of discovery … I’ll be interested to know what your original colour is 😉

      1. Asp Emp says:

        LET, that female was copying me because of the MR – he was probably “doing” her too, I could not care less now – but at the time I had issues with it. They are all blocked etc – I’ve not seen any of them for well over a year. Can’t be arsed to think back to when. Having said that, for a while, I thought and got the impression she wanted to ‘lick’ me down if you get my gist. LOL. Yes, I discovered a way of cutting my hair. My original colour? LOL. I have a Mallen streak which was white when I was born – hereditary. Brunette at birth. Now? I’ve no idea what to call it LOL.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Ah, I see I misunderstood they dynamic there. Sorry about that! So, she was copying you to try and impress him? Because she knew he was interested in you? I think I get it now. And you could be right, she might have wanted to impress you, too. Wow! These situations get complicated sometimes. I have never heard of a Mallen streak. That’s so interesting. And it’s hereditary … I’m going to look it up now 🙂

          1. Asp Emp says:

            LET, no need to apologise, at all. Yes, it was a TRIANGLE to quite an extreme! I’m not into wimmin. He was not interested in her when I came on the “scene” until after a few months then he started to do the triangle thing because she ensnared him back in – start of my devaluation obviously but alas, I had my uneducated empath ‘blinkers’ on. There is no ‘complication’. It’s narcissism at it’s best – I can say that now without feeling or thinking negatively about it. Because, I “learned” from them and their behaviours which added to my learning about people simply by applying what I have learned through HG’s work and yourselves, the other bloggers on KTN site. So effectively, my ‘education’ that I obtained at school is really Fk All in comparison to what I really needed to learn about life as a whole.

            Yeah, that will be interesting – to see what you have to say about this ‘witch’ here, obviously the W can be replaced with a B (laughing). Going to buy a cauldron now 😉

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            Well, that situation sounds like it sucked, but I’m glad you have been able to take your empath blinkers off to see it for what it really was AspEmp. Doesn’t take away the pain immediately, but it gets you to where you need to be. Good to know, and there is a serious lack of education around matters that impact us in the most basic ways.

            Ha, I see the Mallen streak comes with a reputation 😛 I also see you can laugh it off as necessary. Fascinating feature, btw. Really makes you unique xox

          3. Asp Emp says:

            LET, I am so over the narcissists of my past. Yes, I am blessed to have the special white streak in my hair. Mother didn’t have one – so she was not ‘unique’ (LOL). Her eldest sister had one though – I have more inherited physical traits in similar places as she had them which is very interesting really. Probably also why my grandmother loved me the more for it. Hugs back to you 🙂

          4. Another Cat says:

            You have no mercy, woman.

            Beautiful avatar, LET. You remind me of one of my favourite musicians (whom I believe is also genuine nonnarc). Gonna listen to a Debbie Harry-clip now.

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            Thank you, AC 🙂 Debbie Harry! Wow, that is a compliment <3

          6. Another Cat says:

            After seeing your avatar I listened to Heart Of Glass and Denis, Denis. My empathic dad and I used to listen to her a lot. Nice memories.

          7. lickemtomorrow says:

            AC, thank you for sharing that and your lovely memories with me. I think I’m going to indulge and check out a couple of her songs while I take a break <3 Hope you are keeping well xox

  3. BC30 says:

    MMR triangulated me with a blond actress, and he saw it hurt me so he did it again. Then, I spoke with a friend about it and took her advice.

    The next time he brought it up went like this:

    MMR: Blonde actress is so hot.
    BC30: Why do you say that when I’m not blonde, what is wrong with you?
    MMR: *some bullshit excuse blah blah*
    BC30: Yeah sure, she’s cute, but she’s not on the menu. Keep dreaming. You’re gonna f*ck her when I f*ck Keanu Reeves.
    MMR: *surprised Pikachu face*


    1. Asp Emp says:

      BC30, ah, bless you for that. it’s hilarious. Pikachu face LOLOL. That certainly one way of 404’ing the narcissist……. LOL

    2. BanterAlong says:

      What is 404ing the narcissist. Hahahah BC30 you are da bomb, get his insecurities raging too.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        BA, re is the link…..

      2. BC30 says:

        Yup. She’s the friend who would eventually realize MMR is a narcissist and start me on my journey to HG.

    3. Witch says:

      The MMR tried to get under my skin by saying
      “Your sisters are really pretty … but you’re more unique looking”
      I said, “did I ask?”

      Maybe it was pay back for coming on to a woman right in front of him when I was drunk …
      She gave me a little kiss too.. no regrets

  4. Chihuahuamum says:

    The narc used to triangulate me with certain celebs the Duchess of Cambridge being one of them. I’ve always liked my hair and felt good about my appearance, but he would bring up in particular brunettes. I think because i wasn’t brunette. If i’d been brunette he’d use blondes to triangulate with lol I can see this now, but lookkng back i felt inadequate like i didn’t measure up. This has angered me realizing i was manipulated this way. Self doubt equals control in their eyes.

  5. Bubbles says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    I have great dress sense and I know what hairstyles n make up suits me (I’ve been round long enough to know) hahahahaha
    No man could ever tell me otherwise, I’d never listen anyway !! 😂
    Terrific article
    Thank you
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  6. Duchessbea says:

    Yawnfest here. You really are full of yourself HG. Thinking you are all that. If you met a real woman and not these soft, full of themselves moanbags, you wouldn’t have a breeze on how to handle her. She’d eat you for breakfast. I’ve met men like you – you give a good game but nothing else. Bored Bye.

    1. Bubbles says:

      Dearest Duchessbea,
      Is all ok lovely ?
      I feel there is something slightly amiss!
      I’m concerned
      My thoughts are with you 💕
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  7. Asp Emp says:

    The image – a good idea. I’d get streaks of different colours, so if someone is in a red-head ‘mood’, I can spread the red streak across the other coloured streaks!!!!

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      Haha, AspEmp, that’s the ideal solution to the problem!

      1. A Victor says:

        Hi LET, is your Avi young you? I would be so nervous of doing that, my ex would recognize me, not to mention people I would not tell about my involvement here, not many but some. You were very pretty though.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Yes, it is. Those were my “blonde in a bottle” days in my early 20’s 😉

          My ex would never find his way here, and nor would the last narc who would be clueless about how I looked at that age anyway.

          And thank you for the compliment <3 I was reminded of the time I did dye my hair, when I bought into the old adage "blondes have more fun" … which may be true, but now I'm true to myself xox

          1. A Victor says:

            Haha, well speaking from experience, blondes do have a lot of fun! And I’ve read that it’s actually true from a poll standpoint as well. Brunettes tend to be a bit more serious, in general. I am not sure if that matters to being more attractive to narcissists, as the article states, it’s only about the prime aims for them!

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            Wow! The polls prove it. I had no idea 😉

            I must admit, I certainly turned some heads, but what does that say about stereotypes? And is that the reason blondes have more fun? Did this all start with Marilyn Monroe?

            Anyway, she was gorgeous! Bottle blonde?

            I had my fun <3 Now I'm a more serious brunette, with grey added in xox

          3. A Victor says:

            Haha, you are funny!! Yes, the stereotypes are somewhat accurate. And yes, MM was a bottle blond, she had to touch up her roots every other day or so! Was she a narc? If so, it would suit for her to do this! And to happily start such a trend!

          4. A Victor says:

            Haha, you are funny!! Yes, the stereotypes are somewhat accurate. Blondes stand out because we are in the minority as well as being light, which draws the eye. The attention used to bug me but it just is a fact so I learned to ignore it. Yes, MM was a bottle blond, she had to touch up her roots every other day or so! Was she a narc? If so, it would suit for her to do this! And to happily start such a trend!

          5. A Victor says:

            Oh dear, now I am repeating myself in comments! I apologize, to both you and HG. Time to go do something in the sun and fresh air, clear my head!

          6. lickemtomorrow says:

            No problem, AV. There’s a lot to get out here!

  8. SParham says:

    My husband is racist so I can’t type what he calls my hair. It’s black and spiral curly so that should give some idea. I’m gonna try the green with blue dots then watch the meltdown over how much that cost. heeeheee

    It’s hard to digest that narcissist’ prey on feeling happy. My former bosses, husband, friends could/can not stand my happiness. It has became a source of contention many times. Kindness towards people they deem lesser than them gets me into trouble too. I cannot help it and I don’t play favorites in life. Everyone deserves respect until they prove otherwise. I kinda thought that I was a narcissist because anything hateful makes me go silent and then I bolt. If I’m trapped on the edge I’ll lash out but it’s never come easy to me. Even when I’m super upset I try to play fair and think of the ripple effect of insults, etc. I can’t figure out if this empathy I was born and imprinted with is a blessing or curse?

    1. Bubbles says:

      Dearest SParham,
      ‘My husband is racist so I can’t type what he calls my hair ‘
      Sorry, did I see right ???
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. SParham says:

        Yep. He’s not ashamed of it either. I live in a rural community where many share his views. Secretly, I feel like punching them in the face when I hear remarks and discussions but I excuse myself asap. Occasionally I’ll go into the history of racism in many cultures and they get bored. What’s weird is that my family growing up was racist too. I was born in ‘71 so there was little awareness like there is now. I never adopted their views. I found them offensive even as a young child.

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dearest SParham,
          When a person truly loves another ……its from top to toe…. including hair !!! We are all guaranteed to age … that’s just part of life
          Marriage vows or living together, does not give each the right to treat each other in a demeaning, belittling, downgrading, humiliating, insulting or abusive way ….. you’re not their property, your’e equal partners (sadly some countries are different)
          Mr Bubbles n I compliment each other every single day, we respect each other and privacy is never an issue eg we would never dream to look at each other’s phone, mail or computer unless invited to
          We encourage individual growth and support of each other is crucial, vital in fact
          Mr Bubbles is a silver fox now and I luv it because it’s still him …..we both have wobbly bits and we luv that too! He usually tells me how gorgeous he thinks I am when I’m not made up n I’m still in my pjs haha
          He’s had a number of health issues lately and wasn’t going to march on Anzac Day as he’s had leg issues …… his other small contingency didn’t want to go if he didn’t. I secured a wheelchair for him and he proudly participated, it brought him so much happiness …. that’s what it’s all about SP…. making your partner happy n content
          Ignorance doesn’t excuse bad behaviour ! Neither does isolation of rural communities, even sheep are smarter haha
          I’m like you, I don’t tolerate small minded people n find them offensive as well ….. my narc mum is one …..racist, biased n judgemental
          Ostriches never learn anything whilst their head is in the sand and its the same with trying to flog a dead horse……you’re never going to get anywhere
          I’m dreadfully sorry to hear that about your husband and community SP ….. most disheartening
          Just so you know …. you look as cute as a button n absolutely adorable in your piccy and that definitely includes your hair….. what’s not to luv ? 💕
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. SParham says:

            Awww. Thank you. You are so kind and lovely. It’s nice to hear of happy couples in the world. I’ve wanted to escape more times that I can count but my husband is the type that would hunt me down. Once, I was planning an attempt to leave but a mutual friend tipped me off that the word kill was mentioned a few times so I abandoned that idea. I also told close friends and hid notes in my personal possessions ‘just in case.’ As I’ve heard HG say, I just sucked it up buttercup and learned to deal.

          2. Bubbles says:

            Dearest SP
            I’m so sorry you’re in this terrible predicament lovely, it’s heartbreaking
            At least being here hopefully brings you understanding and support
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Bubbles, it was really refreshing to read your comment here. I loved “even sheep are smarter”, laughing. Yes, I imagine they are as they would have ‘evolved’ over the centuries – just like people have. Bless you, Bubbles x

          4. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Asp Emp,
            Their conversation is way more interesting…….. Baaaaaa 🐑
            Luv Bubbles 😘

          5. Asp Emp says:

            Bubbles, ……laughing. Until the day sheep start going “Booooo”. LOL.

        2. Another Cat says:


          Wow, some mighty weird husband. My mother is like that about my nose. Very awkward and brought me lots of shame through life.

          I wonder sometimes if she invented being antisemite just so that she could bully my father and me about our noses (not looking like hers). “you look like Jews”.

          Excuse me for asking this but have you tried putting him through the narc detector?

          1. SParham says:

            I am thinking of putting him through the narc detector. First I wanted to be sure that it wasn’t actually me that was the narc. My detector came back an empath so I feel better and can understand why many have called me empathic over time. I believe that he is a middle lesser without the physical violence.

          2. BC30 says:

            If you don’t mind my asking, what kind of empath are you? Why did you think you were the narcissist?

    2. BC30 says:

      Ya’ll should hear the narrator in my head. When I read what your husband says about your hair, I thought, “F*ck, what an asshole!” Know that someone out here is insulting him. 😆

      1. SParham says:

        I love laughing! Thank you!

    3. vandenboss says:

      Unlimited tape measure! Say nothing and take a quick look at their hair,and then show a kind and gentile smile.

  9. lickemtomorrow says:

    I had a dream about Daniel Craig the other night. We met and he loved the grey streak in my hair. He was playing with my long fringe and loving it <3 Just thought I'd give a shout out to all the gals who don't dye their hair, but prefer to age naturally x

    1. Bubbles says:

      Dearest lickemtomorrow,
      I wish !!!! ….. I’d look so ‘insipid’ if I went ‘a la naturale’
      I need all the help I can get 😂
      I do envy those who can pull it off though ……they’re so blessed
      Colour colour n more colour is my motto ….. I want to look ‘fabulous’ in my casket ….it’s that last look they’ll remember you by ⚰️ 🤣
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Hi Bubbles 🙂

        I have very thick hair, and while I used to have highlights I decided once the grey began to show that I would like to save myself the trouble (and expense) of continuing to highlight, plus I was curious about how grey hair would look … killed the cat, I know 😛 Anyway, my hair somehow naturally ‘streaked’ with the grey, the hairdresser admired it, and other people thought it looked like I’d had it professionally done! Fortunately for me, no cats died and I survived as well 😉 That’s not to say my children wouldn’t argue in favour of colouring and have harrassed me in the past to’do the right thing’. LOL. I told them I intend to grow old disgracefully! Ha. Kudos to you, Bubbles x I love the idea of looking fabulous in your casket <3 If you're hair is anything like your sparkling personality, you'll have no problem looking fabulous … just try not to make it any time soon xox You're sparkle is badly needed here for now <3

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dearest lickemtomorrow,
          Well aren’t you just a little cutie patootie ….. thank you gorgeous
          My hair is full n thick just like yours …. most of my ‘young’ life, my hair was down to my waist
          I just can’t do that basic standard short hair cut most ‘mature’ ladies get ……I’m just not that mature yet 🤣 I like to put my hair up as well !
          I didn’t realise I sparkled here ….. that is so extremely kind of you to say so ☺️
          I’m growing old gracefully as well lickem, but just with plenty of colour 🌈
          I’ve been going crazy buying very flowing culotte pants lately. I wore these when I was a youngster … omg ! I have plain, stripes, florals, polka dots, tiger pants and complimentary jewellery …very schmick!!!
          If I could go natural I would ….. lucky you LET …… embrace it, I bet you look stunning.
          Just so you know, I’m jealous hehe
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    2. Asp Emp says:

      Ooh, LET. Daniel Craig likes you…… 😉

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Only in my dreams, AspEmp … only in my dreams xox

    3. JB says:

      Yay, that’s me, LET! Shame I don’t fancy DC though! 😂

      1. A Victor says:

        Haha JB, I don’t either! My dream would have James Spader running his fingers through my natural tresses, heaven!

        1. JB says:

          Not favourite has got to be Colin Firth his younger days, he hasn’t aged that well!

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            He was smexy! His star rose too fast unfortunately.

          2. A Victor says:

            Oh yes, Colin Firth was a cutie.

          3. JB says:

            LET, smexy?

          4. lickemtomorrow says:

            Sorry, coined one of my daughter’s sayings … she’s an anime fan and I think it comes from that genre, also meaning smart and sexy! Oh, and btw, I read that as Colin Farrell, not Colin Firth 😛 Not sure why I have him on the brain, but Colin Firth’s star didn’t rise too soon, and for some reason I think he has aged well … Bridget Jones Baby proved to me he’s still got what it takes. It’s those long lingering looks … I totally go for those. Which is why I’m prime narc material and probably should never leave the house again!

          5. JB says:

            Ha ha, great word! Smart and sexy, yep, he certainly is! And his voice! Just makes me melt, I’m such a bloody sucker for a seductive-sounding voice! I guess that possibly makes me prime narc material, too, but I guess the main thing is that we are aware of it!

        2. SParham says:

          Ever seen Don Wildman from The Travel Channel? Gorgeous man that loves to travel and explore. No one never knows who is, haha.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Just looked him up. And unfortunately I didn’t know who he was 😛 Each to their own, SParham <3

          2. JB says:

            SParham, I didn’t know who he was, so I have googled him. Wow! Where have you been all my life? He’s gorgeous!

          3. A Victor says:

            I had not seen Don Wildman, wowsa! And he travels and explores! You can’t get better than that!

          4. SParham says:

            He seems like a nice man. His genre is fascinating to me and I’m never disappointed with his presentation. It’s hard to fake respect and empathy. I know, because it makes be paranoid to be nice. I’d die if others thought I was fake and a manipulator. It looks as if he’s very happy with his wife and I like that. My daughter says I have a type – Kevin Costner, Keanu, Henry Cavill. Kevin and Henry are probably narcs so they would have to be gagged immediately. Men have so many beautiful women to admire, women aren’t that lucky. 😉

          5. A Victor says:

            I don’t think I have a type, kind of all over the map. And some are not typically ‘good looking’ I suppose either, like James Spader. With him it’s the coolness, the control, the feeling that I could never have to worry if I was with him that gets me. But then, Pierce Brosnan, Liam Neeson, Mark Wahlberg etc, all over the place. I just like men. Lol!

        3. lickemtomorrow says:

          Ooohh, see you’ve takes your claim, AV 😉 I would have said definitely to that, but Daniel Craig was the one who showed up to run his fingers through my hair <3

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            OMG! Dyslexic moment … *staked* your claim, AV (SMH)

            Promise I haven’t been drinking 😉

          2. A Victor says:

            Haha LET! Thank you for this thread, I needed it tonight! Takes my claim, stakes my claim, all really the same, right? What surprised me was that you are a fan of James, I don’t remember seeing that before. And, I mean, I wouldn’t kick Daniel Craig out of my hair for eating crackers either, were he to show up!

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            It was HG that got me onto Daniel Craig … the KHG series kind of fired up my imagination in that regard. Now that it’s fired up I can’t seem to stop getting a little hot under the collar whenever he comes up on the radar 😉

            I thought James Spader was schmexy back in the day. He’s been in some very interesting movies!

            And haha to not kicking DC out for eating crackers 😛 I won’t kick James out either, but so far no sign of him in my dreams 😉

          4. Asp Emp says:

            LET, RE: you mentioning Daniel Craig, it’s 007 tied in a chair being smacked in the nethers naked scene (Casino Royale) that I am reminded of – HG’s article ‘In the End It Has To Hurt’ – those two are linked in my mind now …… wondering if I should post this comment, ah, fk it, I will! Laughing.

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            Mama Mia! That’s really gotta hurt! Not helping my DC fantasy because I’m not that kind of woman either, AspEmp 😛 Buuuut … I did hear Daniel Craig does his own stunts. What is a girl to think? It’s sexy he does his own stunts. Not so sexy to get your nuts cracked for the sake of a movie! “Real or not real?” LOL. I know it’s not real. But now I won’t be able to get it out of my head! I’m going to have to watch it again …

          6. Asp Emp says:

            LET, if he does his own stunts……. laughing….. yes, when you watch it again, take into account his words – the sarcasm…. “if you don’t mind” – that was hilarious!. I am laughing too much!

          7. Asp Emp says:

            An after-thought….. RE: my comment I just posted – I must reiterate, I am not that kind of woman in reality.

          8. lickemtomorrow says:

            I’ll have to take your word on that, AspEmp 🙂

          9. Asp Emp says:

            Laughing. Back at you too on this point 😉 😉

          10. A Victor says:

            Haha! If James gets into your dreams I will be jealous!!

          11. lickemtomorrow says:

            I’ll make sure to send him right your way 😉

          12. SParham says:

            Haven’t been drinking, heeheehee! Isn’t there a saying that a drunk person speaks sober thoughts? Let it rip if you are! 😄 I’d love to be able to drink some days. Two beers and I’m down. I live in a beer city because of all the breweries around here. I’ve yet to tour one of them. Traitor 😄

            Once I was told that my life should be lived just a bit inebriated. Not drunk or addicted, just a tad of something minor in the world of substances. So much for trying to hide my anxiety levels that day! 😉

          13. Another Cat says:

            Pierce Brosnan and Liam Neeson, you say, AV, smexy, as LET would put it!

            I hate the fact that some narcs have a gaze like Liam. But somehow I don’t believe he is a narc.

          14. A Victor says:

            Yes, smexy! I am beginning to believe any man I find attractive is a narc. It may mean I live the rest of my days admiring from afar! Haha!

          15. SParham says:

            I don’t get the impression that Liam is a narc. He’s high functioning if he happens to be one. His performance in Schindler’s List is unforgettable. I really enjoyed his wife (R.I.P) in anything she acted in as well.

          16. A Victor says:

            I hope you’re right. I may put him on one of my tests to send in. He does seem pretty normal though. I loved his wife’s acting also. Too bad about her, they seemed so happy and I think losing her sent him spinning for a while.

      2. lickemtomorrow says:

        Ha! I was hoping I wasn’t the only one 😉 DC’s mine, btw xox

    4. A Victor says:

      LET, I have have always preferred natural but I’m just getting a bit of gray, I’ll let you know what I think as it progresses. My oldest daughter has been going gray since college, she rolls her eyes when I announce I’ve found another one. It makes me laugh.

    5. njfilly says:


      I bet your hair looks great!

      I stopped dying my hair a year ago. It was initially due to the pandemic but I liked the look so I have decided to stay natural. I also have silver steaks and I love the look and get many compliments!

      My hair was natural with grey for a while, but then in 2017 I decided to dye it because I wanted to try these new two tone dye jobs so I had a balayage. Now, with the grey, it’s multi-colored.

      P.S. I need a man’s hands in my hair desperately.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        That’s enough about hair styles and hair colouring. This isn’t Colour Me Beautiful.

        1. njfilly says:

          Ha ha!!

          Oops! I guess you should disregard my other hair related comments!

          I apologize.

        2. Asp Emp says:

          HG, erm….. (giggling)….. so I presume that rules out fluffy furry animals as well? 🙂

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Unless it’s relevant to narcissism.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Ok, thank you, HG…… (calculating…. thinking about it LOL)

      2. lickemtomorrow says:

        Thanks, NJF 🙂 I think the pandemic has caused a lot of people to rethink their styles.

        More men may have been losing their minds than women due to the regularity of having their hair cut. How did HG cope? Another question for the Q&A! Lots of beards were grown, and Jack Dorsey began to look like Rasputin 😛

        You and I sound a lot alike in the hair department. I had to look balayage up! It looks like a more natural option, so I’m guessing the grey is blending right in 🙂

        “P.S. I need a man’s hands in my hair desperately.”

        Haha, NJF, that last sentence made me laugh … must be why I dreamed about it 😉

        Although, I was very surprised that Daniel Craig showed up in my dreams <3 xox

        1. njfilly says:

          I like beards on men. I would like to see HG Tudor in a beard.

          1. NarcAngel says:


            I imagine a lot of women would like to see HG in their beard.

            I mean A beard! A beard!

          2. njfilly says:

            Ha ha!!!

            Yes! Oh, yes!!

          3. Chihuahuamum says:

            NarcAngel…lmao very naughty!! 🤣

          4. A Victor says:

            Hmmm, does this mean you’ve seen him without one???

          5. njfilly says:

            Well, there was at least one photo on instagram that gave a general idea of what he looks like.

            Very athletic and handsome. No beard.

          6. Asp Emp says:

            AV,…. laughing…….. a bit ‘below’ the belt? 😉 😉

          7. A Victor says:

            What?! I don’t understand this comment!

          8. Asp Emp says:

            AV, think. Not imagine. Think. I am laughing, stuck writing my reply to you here….. (not at you)….. I read your words and responded “accordingly, not appropriately”.

          9. A Victor says:

            I’m so confused but…I’m laughing anyway!!!

          10. NarcAngel says:


            Haha, nice to see you. It sounds that you are really enjoying the Narcissist Ensnared series.

          11. TheVimtoSlut says:


            Ha ha!

            After a very trying couple of days, that has fair made me chortle this morning!

            Only problem is, i don’t actually have a beard for him to get lost in!

          12. Chihuahuamum says:

            Hi NarcAngel…ty it’s nice to see you and others here! Yes i really am enjoying the series 🙂

        2. Bubbles says:

          Dearest lickemtomorrow,
          I cut my narc mum’s hair … she luvs it … it saves her money haha
          Covid was never a problem here with hairdressers as they were considered an essential 😱
          I’ve never had a narc criticise my hair …. funny about that !
          Keep dreaming LET haha
          Luv Bubbles Xx 😘

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            LOL to your mum and saving money, Bubbles 😛 It would be nice to think there’s at least one thing she appreciates about what you do for her x

            And I’m glad to hear no narcs criticized your hair either. That’s really saying something!

            “Dream on”, as they say, Bubbles 😉 That’s me xox

          2. Bubbles says:

            Dearest lickemtomorrow,
            My mum appreciates my ‘ultra’ premium fuel …. nothing more ! As long as her needs are getting met, she’s happy……she couldn’t give a stuff about me or her family
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            Sorry to have prompted that unfortunate reminder, Bubbles 🙁

            Just as well we’re here with people who do give a stuff <3 xox

          4. Bubbles says:

            Dearest lickemtomorrow,
            No ….that’s fine precious, being here keeps my equilibrium at bay in my dealings with her and our greater friends

            I like to be ‘reminded’ because it’s so easy to get caught up again, seeing as we’re most vulnerable to their antics and manipulations
            Mum’s three priorities are herself, money n cats (strictly company only) in that order athough money ranks near equal no 1 ….. selfish to the core haha
            I too, am also more than happy to give a stuff haha
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            Thank you, Bubbles xox

            It is good to get these reminders and remind ourselves as well. They’re never pleasant, but your wonderful sense of humour has a way of making them bearable somehow <3

        3. A Victor says:

          LET, HG said somewhere else that he did grow his hair out for other purposes during the pandemic but had he not have had a reason to he would have paid someone to come to his home and cut it. He’s short again now. Don’t remember where I saw that though but I didn’t want you to waste a question since it has already been discussed.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ha, AV, you’ve saved me a question! Thanks x

            It may have been one of the Q&A’s last year where HG said that (if you have the transcripts).

            Ooohh, I wonder what HG looked like with long hair, and did he grow a beard, too? Was the beard question answered?

            Haha, when you said “he’s short again now” I thought immediately of height 😛 HG has shrunk! LOL. Funny how we register things the first time on reading them. At least we know with the regularity of his cuts that he still has hair 😉

            Going back to look at the transcripts, in case that gives me ideas for questions that haven’t been asked. The others are right when they say the time in the Q&A goes fast. You can’t believe it’s over when it’s done and there are always more questions to ask. Sooooo excited!

          2. A Victor says:

            LET, I don’t remember if the beard was covered. And I thought it was in comments, from Fiddleress maybe?

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            If HG has blonde hair, does he have a red beard?

            Ooohh, another question for the Q&A 😉

          4. A Victor says:

            That is common, my son has that. Strawberry blond beard I suppose. I didn’t like facial hair, except for sexy scruff, on men until my son grew his beard out, he looks very nice with it. Helps offset his baby face a bit. Lol!

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            Awww … that sounds so adorable, AV <3 My son still has a baby face in lots of ways. He'd kill to grow a full beard! And thanks for the confirmation on the colour … strawberry blonde is probably a good description 🙂

          6. A Victor says:

            Yes, my son has had grown men say they wished they could grow his beard. His dad’s side is quite hairy, in a good way mostly, haha. Hence the triangulation with my ex’s sisters over growing my long hair.

            PS-narc mother’s suck.

          7. BC30 says:

            *my thoughts* Really, guys? Really? Abundant– nay nay, endless knowledge about narcissists to be had and you want to know if HG is sporting a beard? Go buy Dark Cupid!! 😘

          8. lickemtomorrow says:

            LOL, BC30. Trying to keep it way above the waist 😉

          9. A Victor says:

            Oh, haha, just caught up a bit after spending the weekend watching my grandkids. I see what you mean, coming up with meaningful questions as we speak! 🙂

      3. Bubbles says:

        Dearest njfilly,
        As long as it’s not a narc’s hand hehe
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. njfilly says:

          Well……..ok. I’ll just leave it at that.

    6. Leigh says:

      LET, I have long, brown, thick, curly, wild hair. I love it! A couple of years back my hair started going gray. I dyed it a couple of times but I just couldn’t keep up with it. I didn’t want to have to dye my hair every 6 weeks. Plus, my hair starts to oxidize and then turns light brown. Then my roots start coming in and it’s dark brown and gray. I finally said, I’m done and I’m letting it go natural. So far it doesn’t look too bad.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Leigh, love the sound of your hair and mine is part of me I love as well 🙂

        I thought the same as you, that it might get a bit tedious trying to keep up with it, and I’m excited for you that you’re going au naturel <3. I'll bet it looks pretty good, and now I'm curious what your husband, as a narcissist, might say – bringing it back to the topic at hand! Has he noticed? Commented? Do you think he will use it in the fashion HG has indicated?

        1. A Victor says:

          My ex wanted my hair long and triangulated me with his sisters until I agreed and grew it out. I remember seeing somewhere that HG said certain narcissists like it long, I took that comment to mean it was for not necessarily nice reasons. My ex never used it as a weapon against me, except for the triangulation and control.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Wow, he triangulated you with his sisters? It’s amazing sometimes what narcs get away with, all due to us being unaware. And it’s obviously not just the colour, but the length of hair as well. I never had an issue around that with my ex or last narc, but as a child I had beautiful blonde hair, and as I’ve mentioned it is thick. My mother had it cut short, so I looked like a boy, and later told me she had sold it for the money. There are so many things I need to question still about my mother.

          2. A Victor says:

            To get me to grow my hair! Yes he did!! The putz. Oh geez, my mother!!!! She forced a stupid little pixie cut on me until I was old enough to absolutely resist! I hated that, I wanted the long blond tresses of all the other girls but she used it to put me down, of course. It was an ongoing issue, she still finds the need to comment on my appearance, so frustrating.

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            I have a pic of the three of us children, a portrait shot, and my sister has long hair. In the circumstances, it wasn’t about forcing a particular style on me, though I accept that would be just as difficult. It was about me being more attractive than my sister – if I’m being completely honest – and drawing more attention. As a scapegoat child, it was important for me to know my place. And it was below my brother and sister.

          4. A Victor says:

            Yes, I was my mothers scapegoat most of the time too and while she insisted my hair be cut short, she kept my sister’s hair long and braided it every day so it would stay healthy and look it’s best. I was also pegged as the “dumb” one, triangulated with my siblings in this regard as well. These memories can literally make me cry. I had best stop now. I am so sad for all of us that have been mistreated by these people.

          5. Asp Emp says:

            AV, that is an interesting point you shared RE: length of hair – yours and your sister’s. Same here.

            I recalled reading something about long / short hair – copied and pasted from HG’s ‘Who’s The Daddy’ article…..

            “Your hair, a dirty blonde colour was not cut but rather chopped short, sticking out in a variety of angles which gave the appearance of not caring but most likely had been carefully pulled and twisted into place before a generous layer of hair spray was applied. I reasoned that you wore your hair short because as a child you were denied the right to have it cut short…..You always had to have it long and golden, like the hair of a princess”.

            I found the psychology of this interesting. And I never consciously thought as to why I started to grow my hair long but the above article gave me an answer. Goes to show that the psychological ‘reasons’ can be found in HG’s work – indirectly, if it is not consciously thought about, in my case, I would say it’s like an act of defiance (which is probably quite a high trait within me).

          6. A Victor says:

            I knew there were “hair” issues right from the start. I am high in pride and vanity and I wanted long beautiful golden hair, like a princess! And she made me have the short choppy look. When I was an adult, I did wear it both ways and didn’t think about it, except when I was around her, I would think, well, now she thinks I look bad, tough. Maybe my defiance is high too, I don’t remember right now.

          7. Asp Emp says:

            AV, would be interesting if TTU says anything about your hair and whether you would respond, accordingly, of course 😉

          8. A Victor says:

            She comments about everything, I ignore it. She’s so annoying. My son and I shake our heads every time we see her! It is unbelievable! I hadn’t seen her for over a week recently, which is now common, and she starts up immediately, I am now used to it. So I told him, and said, and she doesn’t get it that this is why she doesn’t see us, she can’t control herself. It’s really sad. She will die alone, no one likes her.

          9. Asp Emp says:

            AV, this is awful of me…. I envisaged the skeleton dressed in women’s clothes in the rocking chair from the film ‘Psycho’ – that is how warped my sense of humour is……

            At least your son is also learning about narcissism – good on you that your kids are on board with you 🙂

          10. A Victor says:

            Haha, I think the odor would alert us before the skeleton appeared!! Yes, he is aware now, it is good.

          11. Asp Emp says:

            AV, laughing. Yes, that is good 🙂

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