To Have and To Hold
We marry. Sometimes we keep dangling the carrot of matrimony for the purposes of future-faking and keeping a primary source interested and working hard to keep our favour. Other times it happens quickly in that whirlwind of the narcissistic seduction for the purposes of ensuring that you are bound to us as tightly and quickly as possible so we have the comfort and satisfaction that you, as our wonderful new primary source, are firmly embedded and attached to us.
A swift engagement with the wedding following hard on the heels. It is customary move of our kind to enter into a marriage. We give the appearance of being utterly devoted to you, smitten and with our love bombing and repeated protestations of love and desire it is little wonder that the victim readily says “yes” and has the engagement ring slipped on her finger and the planning for the wedding itself happens minutes later. Marriage is important to the narcissist. Not the actual institution, although we will make a great show of emphasising just how important it is, what it means to us and how we could not wait to get married. All good material for ensnaring the victim and maintaining the façade.
When that day comes, what goes through the mind of the narcissist when he or she is stood before the altar, in a registry office or atop a cliff overlooking the sea in a civil ceremony? What is the narcissist thinking about as the priest or registrar conducts the ceremony? What thoughts percolate through the mind of our kind with the guests all stood behind us, staring in rapt attention and admiration, smiles plastered across faces and the occasional tear trickling from the eye of the emotional onlooker?
What are we considering as the hymns are sung, the readings are read and the service proceeds? I shall endeavour to tell you, from the perspective of a male narcissist by reference to a traditional ceremony. Bride and groom are stood side by side, excited smiles exchanged and eventually the vows are reached.
“I HG Tudor, take you Victoria Tim, to be my lawfully wedded wife.”
I chose her. I chose her above all of the others. She looks amazing but then so she should, for me. I knew she would look so beautiful and all these people gathered here will be looking at her and thinking how beautiful she looks and how lucky I am to have married her. There was no luck involved of course. I planned this and it made perfect sense to marry so she is bound to me now. I don’t mind them all looking because although they might be looking at her, I chose her, so their admiration of her, is actually admiration of me. I am looking forward to walking down the aisle with her.
So many faces and all looking at us. I can barely keep still as it is now, knowing that so many hundred pairs of eyes are fixed on my back, watching us. This is brilliant. I should get married every week. The whole day is about us, but I know it is all down to me. I chose her. I drew her to me. I am the one that created this wonderful union and I get to spend the entire day basking in the glorious attention and well-wishes of the congregation and wedding guests.
Even more of them will turn up for the evening reception. So many guests, but that is what comes of being so popular. I wonder if the Predecessor Primary Source, what was her name again, Wendy, that’s it, I wonder if she turned up. She accepted the invitation. Not that Victoria knows she is a former girlfriend but the pained look and frozen smile that I am expecting from Wendy will give me an extra special boost.
“to have to hold”
Oh she is mine alright and I want to make her happy because then she will make me happy. I do think I have got it right this time. Everything seems so right about her. She lies everything that I like. She is so helpful and caring, I picked very carefully after the disappointment of the others, like Wendy and so on. I should have invited some of the others actually. That would have been very entertaining to see their faces when I walked down the aisle with my beautiful wife. My wife. Mine. She belongs to me alright and this time it is going to work.
I am sure I have selected the right one. I have her and I will have her time and time again. I know how to delight her and she responds magnificently to my touch. Well, to be honest, they all usually do, but this one, more so than the others. Another reason I chose her. Yes, she is mine to have and I am always going to hold on to her. I treat her well. I really do. That’s because I adore her. There are so many reasons why I do. She is clever, she is witty, she is beautiful, she looks after me, she understands what I need. I know that to be the case. This is why I chose her and this is why I married her. You don’t let someone this good wriggle free, so I will indeed have her and hold her Mr Priest, I will hold on to her very tightly indeed.
“from this day forward, for better, for worse”
There will be plenty of better because that is what she and I are about. We fit together so perfectly. My soulmate. I deserve her and she is delighted to have me as her new husband, I know because she has talked of little else since the engagement. It was quick but so what, you snooze, you lose as the saying goes. Yes, lots of better, we are so fortunate to have what we have, more than most people, but then we are not the ordinary people.
I know I have elevated her, but she has accepted that with good grace and enthusiasm, just as I thought she would. She will do as she is told. I was pleased she didn’t go in for that modern rubbish of excluding her vow to honour and obey. If she had resisted that, well, there would have been a problem. I know some couples both say it to one another but I am traditionalist. I wear the trousers. Of course I will honour her, she knows that, but I do not need to say it, besides, I decide what I do, not some vows. Don’t get me wrong, I intend to stick to them, but if something happens, well, I have to do what is right for me.
I am hoping she keeps giving me what I need and that day does not come, but if she does mess up, I don’t think she will, but let’s just say for the sake of discussion and argument that she does mess up, well I will ensure I have other options. I mean, she will be a grade A idiot if she does that, after all, she is getting a great deal with me, but you can’t be a fool and rule it out. Not after what I have seen with the other ones. I do think she is different so fingers-crossed we will not have to go down that route. So, yes I intend to honour her. Obey? You can fuck that sky high! I do what I want. I am the doer, not the done too. Obey? Seriously? That one is for her and believe me she had better fucking comply with it or there will serious repercussions, but hey, I am getting ahead of myself here, I know she will, that is why I chose her.
It is important that she does obey me because that way we stand the best chance of happiness and success. If she obeys me, which I know she will, I will keep her happy and not have to do what I have done with the others. Still, let’s not think about that on a day such as this. I don’t have to obey. She will. That is all that matters.
“for richer,”
No problems there El Vicaro, I have wedge and so has she. That box is well and truly ticked. How much longer will this go on for? I think I will have a cheeky peek over my shoulder. That bridesmaid is rather tasty; Natasha isn’t it? Victoria’s friend from university. She is totally wanting some of me. There we are again, that little grin and the bite of the bottom lip. Oh yes. Well too bad Natasha, this isn’t your gig but if it does go tits up, not that it will, I will look you up, of that you can be assured.
“for poorer”
Not going to happen so no concerns about that. Easy to agree with that one man of the cloth. Come on, when are we getting finished, I want to show off the vintage champagne that I bought. That will impress her old man. He loves that kind of thing. There he is, proud as punch that his girl has been chosen by HG here. Let’s give him a wink. He liked that, winked back. You wouldn’t be winking at me like that if you know what I am going to be doing to your daughter tonight. Hell yeah. Must have laughed then, I am getting a sideways glance from the soon-to-be Mrs HG, give her the smile. There we go, melting straight away. Easy.
“in sickness and in health”
Bollocks to that matey boy, who do you think I am? Some kind of fucking nursemaid? She gets ill she deals with it and anyway she can go and see the quacks, that’s why I pay private health insurance. Don’t expect me to be arsing around looking after her though, I have other things to get on with. Of course, it is a different proposition for me. I am in rude health, strong as an ox, fine mind and so on. I don’t get ill. Being ill is for the saps and the weaklings, but if I am hurt, I daresay with me it will be something pretty serious if it going to slow me down, then I know she will run around after me. After all, who wouldn’t. I am worth it.
“until death do us part.”
Absolutely right daddio. That’s the only way she is getting away from me, when either her or me shuffles off this mortal coil. This is for life.
19 thoughts on “To Have and To Hold”
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I do believe what you type is true. A friend told me once that she worried that I would unconsciously tell my cells to just end it. Cliff edges are weird too, as I age it gets easier to say fuck this. I must admit that since I found HG’s work I am doing better. Inertia is a bitch after being high output for so long. I had COVID back in November and I’ve not been the same since. The narcs in my memory and in everyday life have shrunk in their power. I suddenly stopped caring if I received respect by listening to this https://youtu.be/wRjaViA7xag It took the right collection of words and messenger to snap me out of it. This is my go to as well https://youtu.be/tfv9SY09suQ ET has me feeling guilty for not believing folks who tried to tell me. I made many attempts to learn more from books and occasionally YT. I could not comprehend what I was reading or listening too. The word narcissism is used way too much and the messengers are confusing af. I’m not a religious person but allll this shared understanding is an answered prayer. Thanks a million HG and supporters. 👍🏼
I wouldn’t want to be roomed with narc. I’d be demanding a good drug drip. Prison doesn’t matter at that point so why not take some revenge? I’m just playing of course. 😁
Haha, I love the humour in this article (very effective). Probably because I never married any of the narcissists I’ve been involved with. Made it easier to escape. Though of course the best is never to get involved in any form of ‘relationship’ with any narcissist.
This is hands down my favourite piece of art from NS. Every time I see it, I smile.
‘Victoria Tim’ is a very lucky woman.
TVS, that is sarcasm right, about Victoria Tim? It is a beautiful picture though it makes me a bit queasy thinking of what it represents, what it represented in my life. Still beautiful.
She’s called Vic for short. Not Vicky. Vic.
I don’t envy Vic Tim
There is a typo. “She lies everything that I like.” Is it a typo?
Now I wish the cake on the article “What Goes on Below” can be thrown over The Narcissist head, now wouldn’t that look great in Wedding Pictures.
K, K, K, now BC30……. maybe spell check decided to take the day off 😉
I’ve seen many older generations of narc-empath couples make it until death. I prepared their casket funeral flowers. If the empath is the survivor he/she seems to do better as time passes. Of course, I can see why now. Preparing wedding flowers is my least enjoyed task. This will make it worse, haha.
You should get married everyday?!?! 🤣 That’s the first time I’ve ever heard that!
My first wedding was a balls-out exercise in ‘keeping your shit together whilst others attempt to fuck it up’ dot com.
Points of interest:
The flowers. Dreadful.
Missing bridesmaid. Thanks ‘Hannah’.
Pissed up make up artist
Junking of the entire evening buffet by the hotel
Junking of the wedding cake by hotel
Best friend dropping Es
Idiot waiter who kept ON stepping on my dress. I told him to fuck off and back away. Like right, fucking, NOW! He did.
The whole day was essentially an exercise in futility.
Mind you, watching ‘The Count’ doing ‘The Twist’ with ‘The Shrew’ does actually make the edited highlights reel special as Uncle B mentioned that IF the Count goes on any further with his gyrations on the dance floor, medical help night be required.
But the B supports the Wanderers so IDK
HOWEVER! Though this monumental shower of shite I did eat a lovely lobster 🦞 in Kernow and visited the Witchcraft museum at Boscastle on my honeymoon. Also Tintagill. Lovely.
When I marry again, and I will, I now know the pitfalls. My food wasnt junked. It was eaten. Theft. I thank the Goddess I actually never even tasted my own, wedding cake.
Vimto
You remind me of Renarde who used to post here.
TVS, I enjoyed reading your comment here. Wonderfully written. ‘Tintagel’, the name has a connection to my childhood and I was given the explanation via a neighbour (lived down the road) who knew the previous occupants of my childhood home – hence the plaque / tile with a hand-painted black on white drawing and ‘Tintagel’ on it which was placed on top of a door frame. The house I lived in was built in the 1600’s with black timber beams – such a bugger to paint the inner rectangles with white paint “do not get paint on the beams!!” from mother, more than once. I do know that King Arthur has a connection to ‘Tintagel’ – it was interesting to read up on that a few years ago……
Tintagel is more magical sounding than the place where death subs are made!
Was the exclamation mark necessary, HG? I’ve not been to Tintagel, so I can only read about it. As usual, there is a lot of different interpretations and perceptions as to what went on and goes on around Tintagel.
I was referring to the other place.
Initially deciphered, by ping-ponging on the internet, thank you 🙂
TVS, I enjoyed reading this. I will be donating my big ballgown Wedding Dress with a 6 foot train to charity. I hope somebody has better luck in wearing it than me. I will never ever get married again.
I once met an older woman who worked in a care home and she told me that many of the older couples would demand rooms as far apart as possible when they came to live there. She’d found it shocking but when she told me my thought was “I bet you will too.” – not out loud of course! Her husband was a horrible controlling nasty man. She passed away a few short years later of cancer, sometimes I think the victims don’t live long due to the stress.