Shiny New and Improved
Shiny, New and Improved
You messed up. I gave you the world, I really did. I truly gave you everything you ever wanted from someone. I know I did because this is what I always do. I always deliver. You did not though and you let me down. Despite everything I said, everything that I did you failed. Oh I hear you bleat on about how you loved me like nobody else.
You protest about all the things you sacrificed for me, all the things you did for me and how you put me ahead of everything else in order to please me, to make me happy. Stop going on about yourself will you? It is not very becoming. This hysteria surrounding how you pulled out all the stops, gave your all and did everything that I ever asked of you, even doing some things you did not like is pathetic. Ah I see, you complain about it now, but you did not at the time did you, you charlatan? You disgust me.
I am well rid of you and in a way I suppose I must thank you because if you had not failed you would not have made me realise how we did not belong together. I did everything I could to make it work but you let me down. Thank goodness I woke up and saw it otherwise I would still be trapped by you.
You at least enabled me to realise how flawed you actually are and I won’t be making that mistake again. Not a chance of that happening. In fact, as testament to just how wonderful I am and how brilliantly I treat you I have someone else. What do you mean I wasted no time in moving on? Why should I? I am not going to sit around and bemoan how you let me down. That will not serve any purpose and besides I cannot help it if people want to be with me, it is only natural.
Yes I am with Lauren now. She is wonderful. She is everything I have ever wanted and I am her soul mate. I know that we are going to be very happy together now. She is the one. I know I thought that of you, but you misled me. Lauren is not like that. I am moving in with her next week. It makes perfect sense. I want to be with her all of the time. She is beautiful, just look at her, perfectly put together. She is so shiny and new. I am head over heels in love with her, I cannot be apart from her.
Take a look. If you had been more like her then I would not have had to punish you the way I did. That is not going to happen with Lauren. No way. I can only see a bright and beautiful future for us. I hope she falls pregnant soon as our child will be such a wonder to behold. Thank God I did not have a child with you. Imagine that? Good God that would have been terrible having to share a child with a monster like you. Lauren will be a first class mother, we have already talked about it and I can tell that she is keen. She adores me and always will. Not like you.
You had your chance but you messed it up. You only have yourself to blame. Oh I know what you are like, you will try and make out that it was me that was the problem but I know it was you. So do all my friends and yours. Yes I have already spoken to them and they agree that I am better off without you and that Lauren and I are the perfect couple. She always knows what to say you see. She understands me like nobody else does. She gets me.
She is the only one. I bought a new ‘phone with an increased megapixel camera because there will be so many photographs I have to take of Lauren and I. I want all those perfect moments captured so I can show the world how happy we are together. I know other relationships have not worked out but that is what happens when you get duped by harpies. Lauren is not like them. She is not like you. We have booked a holiday away already. Two weeks in the sunshine. We are going to have such a brilliant time being together in paradise.
You can expect plenty of postings on Facebook so feel free to look in on them, I know you will. You can expect all my friends to be talking about us. We are the golden couple. Thank goodness I found her. This is it. This is the one for me. We just fit together. It is as if she knows what I am thinking. She listens and learns and then always knows the right thing to say and to do. It is marvellous and just shows why we belong together. I know you will need to know all of this because, well, I deserve to be happy after what you did to me.
You should be happy for me, you should, that is if you really do love me. You tell me you do but that does not matter now. I have a perfect love with Lauren and this is the one that will last.I imagine we will be married by the summer. It will be a glorious ceremony and she will look absolutely stunning, polished and gleaming, stood just the way I want and looking at me with rapturous adoration.
I could not be happier, I really could not. I have my soul mate, I am her angel sent from heaven to make her happy and I will do that because I am so good at doing that for people. Everything is going to be just wonderful and you had your chance but you blew it. I get so excited when I find someone new and when I know they will be better than you. Someone who puts me first rather than themselves.
Someone who deserves me.
Someone who is not you.
Someone who is shiny, new and improved.
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I’d started reading into ‘avoidance’ – to understand a bit more about it. It was rather interesting because it revealed a number of ‘behaviours’ that people adopt following such traumatic events in their lives – it also depends on the individual’s neurological ‘path-ways’ and emotional responses. Unresolved or non-recognised ‘train’ of thoughts / emotions (ie buried memories, or even ‘avoidance’ – whether consciously aware or unaware) can cause the individual’s own ‘defense mechanisms’ to ‘kick in’ and also ‘construct’ itself to form a ‘protective’ wall within the individual.
I can ‘relate’ to what I typed above. I have, in the past, ‘self-medicated’ as a result of ‘coping mechanisms’ – in my early 20’s. Partly because I was young, and having left home, I was trying to ‘cope’ in the world of people who did not understand me as an individual. I didn’t understand myself. It also made me ‘fear’ of allowing people get too close to me on a ‘connection / intimate’ level and certain social / environmental situations.
Since I have been on KTN blog, I have learned so much to understand myself, my own ‘reactions’ and why I also have a tendency to go on the ‘defense’ when someone else is being subjected to unfair treatment (in my perception). Maybe it is my inner ‘maternal’ instinct ‘responding’.
Having said that, explanations about ‘avoidance triggers’ can be what HG has described as ‘external stressors’, some of his articles and conversations on this blog may be as such, termed as ‘external reminders’ on ‘connections’ to the traumas of (usually, the more sensitive / empathic / vulnerable) people who may access or interact on KTN blog.
From what I understand, and through HG’s work, more often than not, traumas experienced by children lead to more complexity to their mental and emotional health – whether narcissism plays a part or not. Having said that, people who have been in the Forces may also experience traumas to cause PTSD (and possibly other ‘conditions’), so adults can also develop ‘avoidance tactics’.
I actually find it fascinating to learn more about understanding the human psyche because it also adds to understanding myself further. Alongside learning about narcissism, I now have read about CPTSD and ‘avoidance’. These (and possibly more), in my view, are ‘interlinked’.
HG really does understand ‘trauma’ and it’s impacts on the mental, emotional and physical psychology of humans. His work is one tangible encyclopedia – directly (and also indirectly) about narcissism. It is not a one-dimensional ‘puzzle’ – it is multi-faceted. It is a world of multi-faceted ‘prisms’ – of different colours. The way he has provided his work may be in black and white, yet it is up to people like me to ‘apply’ their own ‘colours’ to create our own individual multi-faceted mountain of prisms of how we see and project ourselves within this world.
HG, thank you. For your work and what you are doing for humanity. Thank you for the resources for me to find myself. I now, can also understand why there would be a need to develop a ‘mechanical’ approach to learning, taking the emotions out of it. It works! It does work!! (laughing, delightfully).
You are welcome.
(The Aggro Index stands at 0.94%)
Thank you, HG 🙂
Excellent comment. 100%
BC30, thank you. I’ve not ‘scored’ 100% before 😉