Stargazing With The Shieldmaiden

STARGAZING

 

The Shieldmaiden and me journeyed into the countryside recently. It was a jamboree of navy blue, green and sky blue, with the magnificent countryside all around us. There was nobody to see and nobody to see us. The only sound was that of the beck rushing by our lodge and even that was muted when we rounded the bend from our sanctuary in the mountains.

The cloudless sky that had embraced an unseasonably warm day remain unblemished as night arrived. Following a satisfying dinner, The Shieldmaiden and me extinguished every electric light, lantern and candle at the lodge and then ventured outside as our eyes adjusted to the darkness. The moon was low to the east, having just ventured beyond the horizon and the tree line beneath it, its milky pallor not able to impact substantially on the cloak of darkness which now enveloped everything around us.

We stepped onto the extensive veranda which surrounds our lodge and then lay down on our backs side by side as we looked upwards to the wheeling heavens. The evening air was cool, but not frigid and all that could be heard was the gurgling of the beck a little distance away. The birds and animals had fallen silent and the harsh sound of humankind was absent from this haven. No horns, no engines, no sirens.

Silence.

As we lay there, the vastness of space loomed over us. The shimmering stars from light years away glinted and sparkled for us. Thousands of them, clear and visible, since not only were we free of the noise of humankind but we had been spared the polluting effect of thousands of streetlights and the glow cast from tens of thousands of windows by lamplight, screen glow and flashing neon. The night sky was untainted by the construct of humanity and instead hung over us as it has done for billions of years prior to our appearance.

The Shieldmaiden said nothing. I remained silent as I lay there and stared up at the sky. Ursa Major was immediately apparent and within it The Plough or as our transatlantic friends would label it, The Big Dipper. My eyes lowered and I looked upon the constellations of Leo and the Lynx which nestled beneath the large bear. As I turned my head I could see the Milky Way, like some stellar smear across the centre of the sky, ranging across nearly the whole of my field of vision as I looked across tens of thousands of light years of space from my vantage point on the top of this mountain.

I thought of how I was able to see all of this from my position on the rooftop of the region and that far away and far below me scurried the minions, the underlings and the tertiaries and how unaware they were of the brilliance and majesty which spiralled above them. I felt a sneer of contempt form on my lips as I contemplated the ignorant hordes who would be staring at pavement, turf and foam rather than lifting their heads and drinking in this vista. ´Twas ever thus. They always look the wrong way. That is why they never see me coming. Even those that broke with convention and rejected a lifetime of shoe-staring would only see a tiny fragment of what The Shieldmaiden and me were looking at. They would, if fortunate, see some of the stars, maybe a part of a constellation but their view would be obscured by the light pollution, ruining the spectacle and reinforcing the fact that they would go through life without true vision and clarity. My thoughts of their frustration and resentment if they were told of what they were missing caused that pulse of power as the Thought Fuel arrived, landing on the far more potent and plentiful Proximate Fuel which The Shieldmaiden had been providing throughout our visit.

“It is truly spectacular,” said the Shieldmaiden softly besides me. Her clear and elegant voice gently intruding into my contempt-filled thoughts and scattering them. The dispersal of those thoughts however was rapidly followed by that sharp shard of envy for she was commenting on the stars and heavens above, her fuel was directed elsewhere and whilst her tone was that of admiration and delight and her words appreciative, they were not aimed at me. This was a waste. Yet this was not the occasion to bridle with her, not at all. Her fuel needed to be mine, but I would not lash out, there was no need.

“Yes it is, absolutely majestic,” I replied as I readied my comment to draw fuel from her.

“And can you see Jupiter? Over there. Can you see that bright “star” that is Jupiter, to the south-west,” I explained and raised a hand, extending a finger pointing to the giant of our solar system.

“Where is it please?” she asked and I felt the flames of fuel rising again as her words of enquiry directed  to me, because of me and I sat up.

“Sit between my legs,” I instructed and she too sat up and shuffled into position, her back pressing against my chest, the outside of her thighs, brushing against the inside of mine. I placed my chin on her shoulder, the light fragrance of her shampoo detectable from her long, blonde hair and I raised my arm around her.

“Follow my finger,” I said and waited as I pointed to Jupiter.

“Ah, yes I see it. I love how you know what is where in the sky, but you have always loved the stars and planets haven’t you?”

The positive fuel splashed over me.

“Oh yes, ” I confirmed edified by her validation of my direction and her remembrance of what I had told her previously.

I felt her lean back into me and I recognised that this once again signalled her ease and comfort with me. I felt the instinctive bristle against this closeness but the presence of her fuel enable it be surmounted and I allowed the contact to continue.

“And now, if you follow my finger, I will take you to Saturn,” I explained. She gave a short, warm laugh at my interplanetary finger and more fuel washed over me.

“You should bring your telescope next time, HG, so we can see the moons and rings,” she suggested.

“Absolutely,” I answered.

We both fell silent as I lowered my arm and she remained still, nestled between my legs and leaning against me. She moved slightly, as if to ease herself even closer to me and this act of affection caused once more the fuel to be mine. Her I sat, her god, presiding over the galaxy. Entirely apt.

“What do you feel when you look at this?” she asked me.

I did not answer immediately. This gave the impression of gravitas and due consideration to her question and was a useful collateral consequence of my pause. The fact was that my delay in replying was not borne of conveying such importance, although of course I would claim that it was, but it arose form my consideration as to what to tell her.

Should I substitute knowledge for feeling and allow the literary splendour of my educated mind to fill the gaps occasioned by what I am? Should I plug hole with adjectives and poetic observation? Should I address the chasm with the acquisition of the described feelings provided by others that I had heard, seen and read, claiming them as my own?

Or should I provide my reality?

Should I tell her that my feeling for the vista was as empty as the space between the stars that shone above us? Should I tell her that it was the minions that made me feel, even if only slightly?

Should I tell her why the stars continue to matter to me not because of a feeling, but because of a historic significance or would that shift too much power from me to her?

Should I tell her that it was her that made me feel more than anything – namely power?

11 thoughts on “Stargazing With The Shieldmaiden

  1. lickemtomorrow says:

    I wonder how many times since this article was written she has experienced the rejection of her affection. When the bristling sensation you felt could no longer be overcome.

    How many times the temptation to lash out could no longer be resisted when her attention was not on you as it is here on the stars.

    What of the emptiness that was never shared?

    When will she know that power is not love and that love is not control?

    I wonder when she will know.

    1. Eternity says:

      I think SM had probably already realized early on that something is not right in their relationship. She is a Super Empath. Who knows maybe they are not together, or she is in deviation or respite period.

    2. A Victor says:

      LET, these are the questions I have had that make me sad to read this article every time it has come around. How many years will be given away for nothing real in return? Will she miss out on children, if she wants them? Having the regrets I have, these thoughts make me sad for her.

      This follows on the heels of reading some comments on Spanked that made me overwhelmingly happy about the education HG offers to the rest of us. It is a true dichotomy. Seeing the need for his material to be widely distributed is ever growing. It is a vision I have now, of a world where abuse can be effectively thwarted.

  2. Joa says:

    Ah, the wonderful orange moon today. While smoking a cigarette, I watched him move higher and higher. He was going up quickly.

    With him, the moon is probably just starting from the horizon … but he does not see it today, because the sky is covered with clouds.

    And even if he does, he no longer binds him to me, because he started to “clean” me.

    Yeah …

  3. Joa says:

    Aaaaaa, but not now !!! I’m getting ready to fight, I can’t “soften” and let him go again …

    I have a place too, far from civilization, where the night sky engulfs me with its vastness, stretching so close and at the same time as far as a brocade cloak. We like to watch with our daughter.
    Although ultimately this beautiful, brilliant abyss always scares me – I do not like things that I cannot comprehend with my mind, and thinking about where the end of the world is and what is the meaning of it all comes to my mind unambiguously.

    With “my” narcissist, we also often looked up to heaven. Now, during 16 months of long-distance hoovering, he was cycling into the woods (he lives by a huge landscape park) and I was going out with my dogs to the fields. And looking at the sky, we described and compared what he saw, sent pictures and … we talked, we talked sometimes until the morning … Many, many nights spent in this way. Crazy 🙂

    Unfortunately, I can’t think about it right now. Blockade. I’ll come back to these beautiful memories later when I get what needs to be done.

    Ah, a month ago ….

    But it’s over. As always, suddenly, quickly and sharply.

  4. A Victor says:

    This one continues to make me sad but the good news is that I’ve learned a lot since the November circulation. Looking back i am thankful not to be there any longer, with regard to my knowledge and understanding.

    1. Eternity says:

      A Victor , please try and not to be sad. Moving forward is the best thing. We all continue to learn here. Let’s wish upon a star to stay strong!

      1. A Victor says:

        It makes me sad for SM and HG, even though he’s not sad for himself. Or for her. But yes Eternity, moving forward is amazing! I am feeling stronger all the time!

        1. Eternity says:

          A Victor , yay! Feeling stronger all the time love it !

    2. BC30 says:

      Excellent, excellent questions during the Q&A!

      1. A Victor says:

        Thank you BC30, that was so much fun! I kind of ran out of questions at one point, for a little bit, so tried to follow up on a couple others had asked. It was so interesting to see the different trains of thought that were going on all at one time!

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.