The Married Target



“Nuns and married women are equally unhappy,” so said Queen Christina of Sweden.

I have not (yet) targeted a nun although I would readily claim to have done so, since an entertaining tale would surely be attached to such an endeavour. It is a different story with regards to married women.

Our kind often target married women and men for the purposes of seducing them, causing them to engage in an affair with us and cause us to put asunder that matrimonial union.

Why do we target those who are married? Given that our kind generally prefer to be pushing on an open door when it comes to the question of seduction and the fact that we like to conserve energy, why we would pick a target which is already with somebody else? Not only are they with someone else but they are married, joined together by ceremony and therefore this coupling has become elevated to the ultimate statement of commitment and therefore ought to be regarded as unassailable.

  1. Entitlement. The world is ours and that includes all those within it. We want therefore we should get.
  2. Lack of boundary recognition Nothing is off limits to us. The institution of marriage is one we respect for the purpose of the facade but otherwise it means nothing to us ( The Narcissist and Marriage ).
  3. Lack of accountability. We might be labelled as a marriage spoiler and home wrecker but what do we care? It won’t be our fault because our narcissistic perspective automatically causes us to advance reasons as to why we have done nothing wrong – “He obviously wasn’t happy otherwise why he did he leave?”
  4. Triangulation. A favoured manipulation of ours which allows for contrast, the creation of drama, pitting parties against one another and of course two fuel streams.
  5. Magical thinking. This includes the triangulation and lack of accountability as we regard ourselves as actually doing a good thing. We are the White Knight riding in to rescue the damsel in distress or the Angelic Soul tending to the downtrodden man. As is often the case we will portray ourselves as the rescuer – at least to begin with.
  6. Omnipotence. Seducing someone single, anybody we choose and of course succeeding, shows how effective we are. Steal that person away from a partner, our power is even greater. Pluck them from a marriage? How mighty are we to be able to do that?
  7. Malice. The cuckolded individual might be someone who has mortally offended us and by stealing something so precious as their spouse, then that allows the delivery of sweet revenge on this transgressor.
  8. Confirmation of empathic traits. A married person is clearly a love devotee. They will be honest and decent because they agreed to this statement of commitment. They subscribe to the institution of marriage which will indicate a good moral compass. They will be caring since they have agreed to be with another in this environment and that means they will share resources, tend for that person when upset or ill and so forth.
  9. Confirmation of residual benefits. It is highly likely that this individual, being part of a domestic set-up will engage in earning a wage, DIY, cooking, cleaning, tending for the other person and similar tasks which tells those of our kind who prioritise those matters that these are residual benefits which are ready to be conveyed on us. There may even be property and financial advantages to sequestrate post divorce.
  10. Fuel. By turning the head of this dazzling exotic creature which is locked in a gilded cage, he or she will be grateful, joyous and ecstatic to be freed and of course the recipient of all this positive fuel will be us, the glorious rescuer. Throw in the negative fuel of the bested spurned spouse and it is a fuel frenzy.

Accordingly, the fact that somebody is married signals to us that there are many benefits and our mind set sees this individual as an entirely viable target.

However, might there be concerns also? I am sure various questions have already formed in your mind as to why we might not regard a married person as a viable target. This may include.

  1. Why choose someone who is already with somebody else? Surely that requires more effort to lure them away?
  2. Is it not the case that Lesser and Mid-Ranger Narcissists are more likely to be deterred from hoovering when their former Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”) have a new partner post escape/dis-engagement? Does this not apply when seeking a target?
  3. Are we not concerned about reprisals from the target’s spouse, family and friends?
  4. Are we not concerned our facade may be damaged by such behaviour which society generally frowns on?
  5. Would we not be perturbed that if this person can be stolen away from another that that means they will do the same to us at some point?
  6. If someone is willing to cheat on their partner, are they as empathic as we want them to be?

Fair questions. Taking them in turn.

  1. Yes, it will require more effort but our sense of entitlement, unshakeable belief in our brilliance and moreover the rewards that await us mean this effort is worthwhile. Keep in mind that as we are targeting this person we will usually be devaluing our own IPPS and therefore there is plenty of negative fuel to hand to power the seduction of this newly acquired target. We are not in any rush to secure them (our IPPS is not looking to escape and the conditions for dis-engagement have not yet been met).
  2. That consideration is certainly applicable when applied to the Follow-Up Hoover but this is a Seduction Hoover and therefore the condition and context are entirely different. The fear of rejection is not one which is looming large.
  3. No. Our belief in our superiority pushes such a concern to one side. The Lesser will resort to physical violence if necessary. The Mid-Ranger will use this unwarranted (in his or her mind) attack to prove that he or she deserves pity and praise for doing the right thing in trying to set the poor spouse free from their “abusive tyrant”. The Greater will charm his way out of trouble or threaten his own far worse repercussions if anybody tries to get clever.
  4. This is a concern however it is overridden because whatever (unmerited) criticism may come our way for interfering in a marriage, we convince ourselves that it is justified and for the ‘greater good’. This person is unhappy, bored, abused and we are getting them out of there and if you were a real friend you would understand that and help me! (May as well manipulate the disapproving secondary source as well).
  5. Ha ha! Of course not, why on earth would they ever leave us after everything we have done for them? Don’t be stupid.
  6. This is an interesting question and one which merits its own article as to why do empathic people cheat? Suffice to state for the purposes of this piece, we regard their desire to cheat as a necessary ‘evil’ to escape the situation they are in/get to a better place with us and this is a temporary behaviour which will not affect their overall empathic nature.

Accordingly, with motivating factors in place and any potential concerns either not applicable or easily addressed, we commence our pursuit.

Why do we consider that this married target will succumb to our seduction? Leaving aside our belief in our irresistible qualities, our brilliance and magnetism there are a number of reasons why we see it as likely that these people will fall under our spell.

  1. The married targets we lock on to are of course of similar make-up to our targets who are single. Namely they have the relevant empathic, class and special traits as explained in  Sitting Target: How and Why the Narcissist Chooses You . Moreover the people we target are susceptible to being drawn to our kind. They have an inherent vulnerability to our kind and being married does not mean this vulnerability has vanished.
  2. The married target may already be with one of our kind. Thus, whilst the Lesser and Mid-Range will not recognise this, they will instinctively have identified a person who is susceptible to them also AND will invariably be devalued (or is being devalued) and therefore allows the incoming narcissist to play the role of rescuer. It is the case that our kind will steal empaths from one another. The Greater Narcissist will of course recognise one of the brethren and use this to his advantage in spiriting away the empathic married target.
  3. The married target might actually be one of our kind and the Lesser and Mid-Range have not spotted one another. The married target is of course absolutely game for infidelity and whilst the outcome will be the relevant conclusion of a romantic collision between the relevant school of narcissist, the fact that the married target is a narcissist means that the coupling is going to occur.
  4. We see how people’s lives become humdrum and monotonous. We do not recognise the deep-seated bond between two people because we are incapable of attachment ourselves. We do not pay heed to  the stability that some relationships acquire through the passage of time. What we see instead is someone who must be bored with the same routine (because of course we become bored easily and therefore judge others in a similar vein) but our magical thinking means they cannot possibly become bored with us. Whilst we may not play the abuse card, we still see this person as stuck in a rut, fed-up, in need of spice and adventure and of course as the dazzling whirlwind that we are, we arrive and provide that all. Who could fail to be excited by such a marvellous array of glitter, gold and garnish?
  5. People always have something to complain about with regard to their spouse. He isn’t romantic any more, she has let herself go, we never do anything together, she just wants to watch television, he won’t show any interest in what I do, he insists on going fishing every weekend, he snores and it drives me nuts and so on. Whether it is significant or trivial, we will count on these facts and uncover them and use them to our advantage. We will heighten our attractiveness based on this (for instance asking you all about your interest in 18th century literature) and denigrate the spouse’s unattractive trait (i wouldn’t go fishing if I could go to the theatre with you instead). Of course this is just part of the lying and mirroring that we do.
  6. Our split thinking will automatically paint your spouse as the villain of the piece. His concern about where you are is painted as him trying to control you. His friendly demeanour with other women is evidence of his flirtatious nature. Our insidious techniques drip feed dissent and play with your mind. We dangle the golden carrot in one hand and pump toxic lies over your spouse with the other, looking to steadily tip the scales in our favour.
  7. We will readily invent tales of your spouse’s supposed misdemeanours and/or manufacture them. A Lieutenant will be sent to flirt with your husband and we will provide you with footage to show their entanglement (of course we remove the part where your husband tells her where to go). Another Lieutenant will be sent to get your wife drunk or slip drugs into her handbag for you to find later, ramping up our suggestions that she is selfish and tripping the light fantastic whilst you stay at home looking after the children. Why are you putting up with that when you could leave and be with someone who really appreciates you?
  8. Everybody has their price. Nobody is immune and above being manipulated into a position whereby they are seduced by us. Yes, some may take longer than others, but combine the target’s susceptibility, the fact they may be in a difficult relationship, the fact they may be bored or lonely, the fact we are exciting and invigorating, the fact we will manipulate the battlefield so it is always in our favour and you have a situation where it is impossible for someone to resist us. We will secure our married target. Ultimately, if there are those who are impervious to our overtures, we won’t target them to begin with.

The dynamic of the married target and the narcissist also has to be addressed. We may see a ring on a finger of a person in a bar and opt to make them an Intimate Partner Tertiary Source by sleeping with them that night before they slink away to their spouse. We may never bother with them again, but fuel has been obtained, Thought Fuel gained thinking of the unseen spouse wondering where their wife or husband is and the ratification of our power achieved.

More often the married target becomes a Non Intimate Secondary Source. We worm our way in as a wonderful friend, but this is a mere staging post as we hurtle towards bedding them and making them an Intimate Partner Secondary Source. They may be a Dirty Little Secret, a colleague who we rut in the empty offices at work or who scurries away from their spouse under the pretence of attending the gym before meeting us in the back of our car in a shadowy car park. We may have no pressing need to make them our IPPS and therefore we are content to utilise that person as a Shelf IPSS, organising a night away together when he pretends he is on a business trip, or calling in to work on the basis of being unwell to spend an afternoon together. We may bring you into our world, letting you meet friends and family, seeing you intermittently, content to show you our enticing world and then place you on the shelf, leaving you longing for more, pining for us at weekends when you must be with your family and we are engaging with our own IPPS or a different IPSS.

We may hit the motherlode and realise you ought to be our IPPS and as our Candidate IPSS we go all out to smear your spouse, entice you and roll out all our dazzling illusions to show you that you need to leave him, be free and be yourself but with us. We will coax, cajole and entice, showing you the forbidden fruits and the liberation that awaits you at our supposedly benevolent rescuing hand. The more we smear your innocent spouse and the more we shower you with the love-bombing, your resistance will erode. Your emotional thinking will subsume your cool, hard logic as you become swept up in the moment and your emotional thinking cons you as it whispers to you

“You have been a wife and a mother for twenty years, never complaining, it is time you started living.”

“She is  just not  interested in sex anymore and you have needs, here is someone who makes you feel alive again.”

“She just takes you for granted. Here is someone who values you.”

“Yes he will be hurt if you leave but he will get over it. You deserve to be happy don’t you?”

Oh, the excuses will come pouring and of course we will not dissuade you from thinking in this way. We will say and do whatever is needed to get what we want. Charming you and painting your spouse as evil, awful and selfish.

The simple fact is that all people are targets. Married targets are often even better targets.

22 thoughts on “The Married Target

  1. leelasfuelstinks says:

    Lucky me! Mine was an asexual withholder with zero interest in an affair. He prefers wanking by far and I was wanking material instead. 😂

  2. Violetta says:

    …and then you dump them.

    Made me leave my happy home
    You took my love and now you’re gone
    Since I fell for you

  3. Blondie says:

    Quick question please HG. I am out 5 months now feel a bit of revenge coming soon ! In devaluation before I got out when I asked were we just super casual now ? Reply I dont want a relationship or to live with anyone. He had asked me several times to move in and be with him. He fliped it around and said thats what i wanted ..never ever did i say that, also kept asking me to go away stay over and cook for him. I was then told I want to be friends and casual and please keep in touch something I rearly did towards the end. Im gusseing demontion and future faking .i was also in the throws of ending a long term relationship with someone and had never left for him . Thanks HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Blondie, it is unclear what your question is, but since it relates to a relationship dynamic with a suspected narcissist, the appropriate route for this is through a consultation.

  4. SParham says:

    If one known married empath and a suspected, also married, empath engage in cheating behaviors is there regret/guilt? If it’s said that the behaviors can never happen again does that hold true? This is neither one connected on social media, texting or scheduling backseat trysts (yuck!). What if there is no guilt or love felt by one or both of them? I guess that would be empathy eroded and let the fun begin? It may be futile to even attempt an empath cheating scenario. It’s probably too weird. 😁

    1. A Victor says:

      Have you read the dirty empath articles? I don’t know if they would apply specifically but they might give some idea what the empaths are thinking. I suspect it’s eroded empathy that’s causing the narc traits to come out?

  5. SParham says:

    It would be very interesting to read why empaths cheat. You have to be psychic to post this today! Eerie ultra! 😁

    1. leelasfuelstinks says:

      The reason why Empaths cheat is, that they are human beings and make mistakes. Like every human being on this planet.

      1. SParham says:

        What if it doesn’t feel like a mistake and there is zero guilt by the confirmed empath? They also feel no love or wish to ever be a primary partner. I mean, aren’t carnal feelings more of a narcissist trait rather than empathic? The married, confirmed empath has never been known to be dirty and they are quite modest in life. If this was shared it would very much be a “WTF? No way!” The other person involved is a very married, religious, suspected empath and they felt guilty within moments. (This person is not a normal, observed behaviors look like wide spread empathy.) The confirmed empath admitted embarrassment when it was said that “it could never happen again” but still likes the memory. They literally feel no guilt or shame and they control any connections. It is rather narcissistic and it is surprising.
        This is a challenging situation to sort out. Either the participant is a narcissist, slowly ensnaring the empath, or there is some weird empath on empath action goin on. I’m determined to study this one out, it’s probably buried somewhere in HG’s work.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          SParham, RE: “or there is some weird empath on empath action goin on”….. let’s just say for arguments sake, two empaths would enjoy it better than two narcissists who do it for ‘fuel’ and ‘control’ (HG’s ‘Do Narcissists Enjoy Sex’ and ‘The Narcissist is a Sex Chameleon’ explains). I have say that your words gave me a giggle though 🙂

          1. SParham says:

            Asp ~ that is a wonderful point and one that makes complete sense. Instead of eye rolling and thinking of England when it comes to sex it would actually be pleasurable. Instead of the microcosm of the act itself it may be wise to look at the years long lead up to the “hello”. I’m more concerned for the suspected empath in the dynamic (stupid empathy). There’s no risk of them telling on themselves, they’d destroy their whole life if they did. The confirmed empath finds it amusing and liberating, they definitely aren’t saying a word either. If they’ve been locked up in a narcissist cage for far too long no wonder they are giddy. It’s like a super secret, highly enjoyable, fuck you.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            SParham, laughing “Instead of eye rolling and thinking of England when it comes to sex it would actually be pleasurable”….I haven’t even had my first cup of coffee! Laughing….. “suspected empath”….

            I would relate your words “been locked up in a narcissist cage for far too long” for this……One thing that I did notice that my ‘depression / stress’ for so many years had an effect of the ‘enjoyability’ of the sexual acts itself. It is interesting to see the difference once the depression / stress levels lessen, or is ‘dealt’ with. I suppose it was all unconsciously directly linked – the emotional, mental and physical because of the narcissistic abuse.

            There may be a slightly different type of ‘eye rolling’ when it comes to the activity in future 😉

        2. leelasfuelstinks says:

          As H.G. pointed out: There are situations, where there are external stressors, then the empathy gets dimmed down and the narcissistic traits come out. Empathy gets temporarily eroded and the narcissistic traits are allowed to take over.

          1. HG Tudor says:


    2. JB says:

      SParham, I think HG wrote an article which addressed this, but I can’t remember what it was called, sorry!

      1. A Victor says:

        Dirty Empath: Marriage Breaker and another one I can’t remember. That’s a start for a search though

        1. JB says:

          AV, that rings a bell, remember reading that one recently!

          1. A Victor says:

            Yes, both of those articles came by recently.

        2. jasminmagnusson says:

          Not here on the blog (what I’ve seen), but in the comment section on YT there are many who states that “real empaths do not cheat” or similar. I find them so annoying!
          Wounder if they are unawere narcs who found out that their IPPS cheated on them and want confirmation that the empath can’t possibly be one due to their infidelity??

          1. SParham says:

            Comments like the ones on YT make it harder on empaths. I sometimes wish I was a narcissist. I detest being controlled and would love a button to shut off all emotions. I know the feeling of my empathy completely eroded but it always comes back. I can be in the midst of a cliff situation and still show compassion for others. Narcs don’t seem to do that. That fury lens is pin pointed on me and no one else seems to exist until the control is established. Afterwards they are fine with others. I may understand why now but it still sucks.

          2. jasminmagnusson says:

            I don’t wish to be a narc but that button to shut of all the emotions – at times – would be great!😁
            Yes! They suck!

          3. A Victor says:

            YT is it’s own entity, that is for sure! Obviously many there don’t access the blog or they would know more. Their loss! I am a confirmed empath who cheated, as a result, though I am not proud of having done that, I know we exist. Would I go on YT and say that? No way. I suspect your second paragraph is correct in at least some of the cases.

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