Love Bombing : If the Narcissist Was Honest

 

What if the unaware narcissist was made aware so they shared with you how they regarded you and their behaviour prior to the commencement of their love bombing of you? What if the aware narcissist decided they would share their thoughts and motivations about you, no longer seeing doing so as a transference of power? If they did, this would be the result.

Dear Victim,

There you sit. Soaked in innocence, drenched in unawareness, drowning in vulnerability. You are an empath. I can detect that. From the things that you say, the things that you do, the way you move, the way you interact with others, the manner of your gestures, the look in your eyes and the facial expressions that you make, you radiate as only the empath does. Great bubbles of honesty form on the surface of you and float upwards, arcing jets of the need for justice spray from you and decency shimmers about you like some ethereal cloak. I watch as the ripples of your caring nature sweep back and forth across you, beautiful display of what you are. The coils of your compassion emerge onto you and spiral upwards enveloping the fortunate recipient that you direct them towards. Your desire to heal and fix shines from you as if a magnificent light, sweeping around the world from you the lighthouse, banishing darkness and providing succour and support to those this ray of repair lands on. I see it all. These empathic traits and more besides are part of the empathic ecosystem and I am the predator that waits within this ecosystem, ready to take advantage of it.

I see the narcissistic traits too. The bubbling anger that resides beneath your cloak of decency, that cloak keeping your anger in check until it is permitted to make an appearance through the application of righteous annoyance. I sense the showcasing that you have, a glittering desire to be seen, but since it sits beneath your caring nature, it is only ever seen in its fair and entertaining application, never show stealing or vainglorious.

Your jealousy lurks, but trapped within those bubbles of honesty, save when one of those bubbles is pricked by an external force usually me and my abuse, albeit we are some distance away from that at this juncture.

No, this is that moment right before I commence my seduction of you. I say seduction as that sounds romantic but in reality, it is an invasion. You see, you are a nation state which has the resources which I need. My reconnaissance is at an early stage and I do not yet know whether you will become my Intimate Partner Primary Source (other half, wife, spouse, girlfriend ) or whether you will be an IPSS, either one which I will pick up and put down as and when I see fit and allow some access into my world, or one which I will keep tucked away in the shadows, there when I need a fresh injection of the fuel that I must have. What I do know is that you already belong to me. The moment I saw you meant that your fate was sealed, you became my property, all I must do now is invade you.

Will I spare you this invasion? No. I do not care at all for you. I have no emotional empathy whatsoever and therefore I will take what I need with no regard at all for the consequences for you. Will I invade you slowly and steadily, perhaps giving you a chance to work out whether this is right for you? No. This is an invasion. I must achieve your submission as fast as I can. You see, I cannot cope unless you are under my control and the possibility that you might threaten my control over you starts to weaken me, make me feel insignificant and powerless and that must never, ever happen. This means I have to achieve control over you so I can access your resources – your fuel, your character traits and your residual benefits – as quickly as possible.

Now, most invasions are a brutal display of force, battering the enemy into submission, destroying the opposition´s defences, shattering their infrastructure, terrifying their populaces and annihilating their armed forces with an impressive arsenal of destructive weapons. This invasion will be brutal in its speed, you will be battered into submission, I will overwhelm your defences, I will disable your support systems, I will occupy every inch of you, I will monopolise your time, I will isolate you from any interfering influences, I will harness your assets and make them mine to ensure that you are subjugated. I will not do this with terror however, I shall do so with love.

Well, I say love, truth be told, I have no idea how to love you. I have no emotional empathy remember which means that I am utterly unable to love you in the way that is best for you. Instead, what I am going to do is give you what I understand love to be (but actually isn´t) and thanks to my predecessor narcissists you have been conned into misunderstanding what love is. You see, love is actually premised on emotional empathy, that means respecting one another, having things in common, embracing the differences, being patient and supportive, taking time to know one another, to accept who you are and to be accepted for who one is, to share and to care, to listen and listen properly. This emotional empathy means recognising boundaries, it means never manipulating or abusing, it means working together and standing shoulder to shoulder when the world and it is a tough old world, throws what it does at you. It means not shirking responsibility, it means standing up and being counted, it means jealousy and envy are kept in check, there is fidelity and passion for one another. It is all in the doing and not the saying.

The problem with all of that is that I am not designed to do any of it, but I am designed to give you the impression that I am capable of doing it.

My invasion has three parts to it:-

  1. I will use the narcissistic narrative to dazzle you,
  2. I will use my powers of mimicry to make you think I have emotional empathy , and
  3. I will mirror yourself back at you.

All are based on fabrication – the fabrication of what love is, the fabrication of emotional empathy and the fabrication of what you think I am.

The first part is that my predecessor narcissists have become the architects of the ideal of love. All of that which I just described about how love is based on emotional empathy, well they effectively threw all of that out of the window because it is too slow, boring and will not lead to your swift submission. Accordingly, actually loving you through emotional empathy would be too slow and not give me the control I must desperately have over you. Instead, what allows you to be conquered within the blink of an eye is fabrication. I will flatter you, compliment you, adore you, admire you, swamp you with my infatuation. I will idealise you and put you on the highest pedestal. I will treasure you, covet you, showcase you, polish you up and present you. Notice what this all signifies, yes, you are an object to me, my object. You will not realise this though because I will drape you with the narcissistic narrative so you think what I am giving you is the most perfect, incredible love but it is not. It is an illusion. It is fakery.

I am going to become the romantic poets all rolled into one, I will be a stormtrooper of seduction, blitzkrieg you into submission through the application of the most amazing sex you have experienced, I will buy you gifts, I will introduce you to all my friends and family, I will propose marriage to you within weeks of meeting you, I will move into your house within a week of meeting you because “this feels so right”, I will tell you how scintillating you are compared to that horrible person I was with previously, I will tell you that nobody compares to you, that you are simply the best, that I don´t want to miss a thing, that love comes quickly, that all you need is love – do you see how my predecessors have already done the hard work? They are the song writers, the artists, the poets, the authors, the entertainers and the writers of Hallmark cards. My narcissist brethren have created a tapestry of what romantic love is and it is false. That is not love but you have become conditioned by film, book, poem and song to believe that it is and all I am going to do is wrap you in all of those things and make you feel like the only girl in the world. It will be breath taking, amazing, mind-blowing and dizzying. Your heart will race, your spirits will soar, you will have a spring in your step and a smile plastered on your face for weeks and months on end. All of this is called a golden period.

This golden period is given to you so I can invade you and occupy you in the shortest time possible and with maximum effect. Inside this golden period. I will also use the artifice of creating the impression that I also love you with emotional empathy. Alongside the fireworks, glitter and rainbows, I will give you glimpses of kindness and support. This is the second part of the invasion. This means my invasion is guaranteed to succeed. After I have used the narcissistic idea of love to dazzle you into submission and the second is to layer on that, the appearance of having emotional empathy. I am an expert at fakery. I have been designed so I can mimic what truly empathic people do, but I only do this for a short time, intermittently when I absolutely have to and of course entirely to make you mine. I will bring you chicken soup when you feel unwell, I will do the laundry, I will take the dog for a walk, I will tidy up, I will cook for you, I will listen to you talk about how difficult your boss is and offer suggestions as to how you deal with it. I actually do not give a flying fuck about any of those things, but I have to do them, so you think that I am that type of person. I need to give you the fireworks, so you think I am special and the fake empathy, so you think I am supportive and reliable.

Within all of this is the third part, the mirroring. You see, I actually do not exist, well I do, but that part of me is locked away and must never be seen. What I mean, is what you see, and experience does not exist, it is a shapeshifting fabrication which takes on whatever form is needed to conquer you. Sexual Olympian? No problem. Bon viveur? Absolutely. Pillar of the community? Easily done. Captain Success? Already to be deployed. Dr Caring? At your service madam. Loving father? Kind companion? Hilarious entertainer? Sports mad? Fashion conscious? Brain the size of Canada? Literary genius? Comicon enthusiast? Friends binge watcher? Dirty Dancing worshipper? Religious acolyte? Dedicated to the literary works of great American writers? Fly fisherman? Equestrian? Ten pin bowler? Check, check and check. I will become whatever is needed to win you over.

 

Everything about you will be mirrored back at you, the way you smile, the way you love, the things you like, and the things oyu dislike. What I show you is not me, good God no, what I show you is yourself. In the most brilliant of perversions, I make you fall in love with yourself. How narcissistic is that?!

 

So, none of it is genuine but you do not have to worry about that now because the best part is, you will not even notice. I am so good at this because I am designed to be this way and you are designed not to notice (thank you emotional thinking). Settle in and enjoy this golden period because it will be unlike anything you have ever experienced before. It is absolutely incredible, and you may as well enjoy it because it will be removed. Yes, I only need to give you the golden period to conquer you and to extract your resources and after that, well I will take it away and then the full horror is visited on you, but we do not need to go into that now. What you must do is enjoy this and I guarantee you will, it is beyond the highest high, this is more potent and more addictive than heroin.

So, there you sit, my crosshairs trained on you, the target on your heart all lit up and easy to see to one such as I. It is time to commence the seduction, time to love bomb you. Time to make you mine with the application of falsification, fakery and fabrication on an unprecedented scale.

 

Do I feel bad about this? Of course not. I simply do not care, but I will make it look like I do.

 

I am like the predator that has learned to mimic the firefly. I will flash and signal so you think I am ready to mate with and when you come flying to me, all eager and enraptured, I will ensnare you and later devour you as you offer no resistance, confused and dumbstruck as to how you fell for this.

 

It is all a big con. I am the love fraud and you are my victim.

40 thoughts on “Love Bombing : If the Narcissist Was Honest

  1. Bubbles says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Came across this …..
    Karma says
    The wrong one will find you in peace and leave you in pieces
    The right one will find you in pieces and lead you to peace

    It’s Ironic that narcs can’t be honest and we can’t lie

    Excellent article, thank you
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. Leigh says:

      Dear Bubbles, I love this ❤❤❤ Thank you for sharing! 😀

      1. A Victor says:

        Hi Leigh, I have been missing you, I hope things are going well.

        1. Leigh says:

          Hi AV, I’m well. I’ve been busy at work lately so I don’t have a lot of time to post, LOL! I also think that wordpress isn’t working lately. I’m not getting notifications but when I look at the blog post, I see responses to my comments. Anyway, I did leave you a message on Does the Narcissist Think about you Afterwards. How was your vacation? I hope you enjoyed it. I saw you did the empath detector for your daughter. I’m glad she found this place so young. Hopefully she won’t have to endure what we’ve endured for so long. How’s your son? I hope he’s well too.

          1. A Victor says:

            Leigh, good to hear from you! My vacation was great! Had an opportunity to practice looking for red flags, had a job opportunity present itself, spent time with my son playing ping pong and other fun things. He is doing well, we’ve been working with some other people to get him back into life, and a good life, not one of avoidance. He said he’ll take the EDC also! And my oldest daughter did too! So those are both wins I am very excited about! Yes, my youngest being armed with the knowledge of her susceptibility to narcissists is very good. She has had us all concerned with her choices in men so now she has another tool to make better choices, should the need arise. She is living with her current boyfriend, I believe they plan to marry at some point, and I am happy, he does not give off red flags so far, in over a year.

            Besides work, how are you doing? Have you been able to make much progress with your planning? How are your kids? Are they thinking to go out on their own soon (I only ask because I know this is a concern of yours with regard to your plans)? I have never rushed my kids out, when the time was right, they went but they knew they always had a place here, within reason haha, should they need it. It is so hard for kids starting out now, much more difficult than when I was young, it is sad.

            I will check out the other thread for your message. I hope you have a great day!

          2. Leigh says:

            Hi AV, no new news. It’s really hard for me to make a move. I don’t why but change scares the crap out of me.

            My one daughter is working at her chosen profession but my other daughter just finished her associates in December. This was a tough year with COVID. She stayed working at her first job. She’s now stating to look to the future. She just got a job in her chosen profession. So to make a long story short, they aren’t quite ready to get there own place yet. Plus it’s very expensive where I live. Rent is off the charts.

            I’m glad to hear that your children are doing well too.

          3. Eternity says:

            Hi Leigh,
            How are ya?
            I need to be honest with you . You need to make the move sweetheart. I know that changes can scare the crap out of us, but you don’t deserve the crap with your Narcissist husband. It is really hard but not impossible. I did it and I also have kids. You can do it too. I felt the exact same way you did but I got out . I understand it feels difficult for you,but with baby steps you will make it ! Sorry , if I came on to strong ,but I just wanted to give you my personal experience.

      2. Bubbles says:

        Dearest Leigh,
        I’m so glad, thank you lovely 😊
        I thought it resonated perfectly
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  2. leelasfuelstinks says:

    In my case the devaluation didn´t come suddenly. It came slowly creeping in. it was bleeding into the idealization period. After about 8 months I noticed that I´m on a huge roller coaster ride. He was wonderful in the morning and then awful in the evening. One day wonderful the other day pure horror. So, I cannot remember when exactly the full devaluation set in. 🤷‍♀️

    1. Eternity says:

      Leela, same goes for me. It happened for so many years until I came to the blog! I knew something wasn’t right a long time ago but I was patience and stayed ( ain’t that some shit) I get pissed with myself. I wasted the best fucken years of my life. Thank God I Escaped!

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        Yes, the most important thing is, that you escaped! Many victims do not escape (like my mother).

        1. Eternity says:

          Leela , so sorry about your mom. People stay for so many reasons and it is unfortunate that some take it to the grave. Being with the Narcissist till the death to us part

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            That´s what my mom does – with my Patri Narc. They have been married for about 55 years. No discard, no escape. I doubt that this is a happy marriage and really ask myself why mom stayed. Probably co-dependent. She´s no narc.

          2. Eternity says:

            Leela , again it is to bad that she is still with him and unhappy. Some people are just stuck in situations they can’t free themselves from. We do have choices in life and decisions to make.

        2. D says:

          My mom was married to a narcissist for 58 years. Definitely NOT a happy marriage. From the outside looking in, everyone thought they were a great couple with 4 kids, Dad having a successful career that brought in a lot of money, etc. Behind closed doors, there was domestic violence, adultery, gaslighting, triangulation, etc. The truth FINALLY came out 5 years ago when Dad was arrested for pushing my mom so hard she hit her head on the coffee table. Even then she still stayed…even bailed him out of jail much to everyone’s horror. The drama drove everyone away.

          Mom finally escaped Dad on August 20, 2020 when she died from non-small cell lung cancer. Dad has since changed the narrative of their marriage saying they had a great life together.

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            So sorry what happened to your mom 😢I´m sure my mom is not happy either with my Patri Narc. 🙁

          2. Leigh says:

            I’m so sorry D. I’m an ACON (Adult Child of a Narcissist) and I’m also an IPPS. My husband is a narcissist and we’ve been together for 36 years. My husband also believes we have a great life together, even though that’s the furthest from the truth. I’m sorry your mother’s story ended that way.

          3. A Victor says:

            That’s heartbreaking D. It is horrible that the narc’s behavior can actually lead us to physical illness, though this may not be in your mom’s case. But I know of several cases where the spouse of what I would guess to be a narcissist became sick and passed away many years before the narcissist. I also know of one or two cases where the narc passes prematurely, so I think their behavior takes a toll on them also.

      2. A Victor says:

        Eternity, those wasted years is one of my biggest regrets. And even the decade wasted after he left, when I was still spinning because I didn’t know what had happened to me. All a big waste of my time, of my life. I so want to get this information out to save other people from the same.

        1. Eternity says:

          A Victor, regret is the biggest thing to ever feel ! Being on the wheel of misery is the worst feeling ever, because you think what am I going crazy? If we can stop that wheel of misery and get someone off it would be such a relief. I love helping out people If I can. This information is extremely important and so many people don’t understand Narcissim.

    2. Sweetest Perfection says:

      I escaped before that but because I was shelved since I had to travel to Europe to visit my family. I realized he was distant and told him that I didn’t need that. But it’s true that during the lovebombing I thought he was too much and he said weird things. Lovebombing made me idiotic I think.

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        This one was my only relationship with a narc where I was IPPS. I escaped a couple of months after sustained devaluation set in. About four years later, he died.

    3. A Victor says:

      My devaluation with my ex came at 3 months and was quite sudden and unexpected. I had either gone stale already or it was a corrective devaluation possibly, since we weren’t living together or married yet. I may have been in IPSS position at that time but thought I was IPPS. I learned a while ago that even a NIPS, a roommate he had possibly, could’ve been meeting the bulk of his fuel needs during that time. And I am pretty certain at the 3 month mark there were other women, maybe all that time. The only time I felt possibly there weren’t was for a couple of years right after we were married. But then it was back to his old ways. Those couple of years were pretty great though, in a lot of ways.

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        Almost same here. Triangulations began very early in the relationship. I wanted to end it already at a early stage, I knew it was right to end this and this is not normal, this cannot be real love but he hoovered me back in.

        1. A Victor says:

          Leela, I had no idea what “triangulation” was before arriving here, only knowing that there were many times with my narcs where I felt compared to another in a negative light. My mother was very bad about it, the summer narc the worst. Now that I know what it is, abuse, I will see that red flag and run! It is horrible! Instead of admitting that it was hurtful, I would stuff my feelings down and try to respond “appropriately”, make it funny or nod in agreement, whatever. I did finally tell that summer narc to stop telling me about his sexual experiences with other women, in no uncertain terms. But, did I end it then? No. It ended later over some other abuse that I am thankful that I did recognize as such. I was so out of touch with my feelings, my gut reaction, likely due to growing up with it happening, yet another thing to relearn, thank you parents. Ugh.

  3. leelasfuelstinks says:

    If you pay close attention, you will notice that even during the golden period there are a lot of WTF-moments. There they are: your twin flame, you soulmate, the perfect person for you! But then there are those “something is not right”-moments. If he´s really my soulmate and if he really loves me so much, why the heck is he staring at other women? Why the heck is he looking for affairs and shags all the time? Why is he a dog with 6 dicks? Why the heck is he ignoring me for some days or even weeks? Why he suddenly lashes out over nothing? But he is so wonderful, so nice, the sex is amazing (for some victims), he really seems to love me, aw, that little lash out…[insert excuse here], he´s a wonderful man. Yeah yeah! Until you fall from the pedestal and you fall deep, the impact is horribly painful and you find yourself in hell!

    1. Asp Emp says:

      LFS, you have described it as it was – hence why it can come as a shock for people when they start reading and learning. Despite how painful it may be for some people to look back and ‘reflect’ as a means to understanding what / where / how – as part of the educational journey. Sometimes, and depending what the ‘experience’ was, you have to look back before you can move forwards – with the ET / LT not yet in ‘sync’, it can be difficult to look back to make sense of it all. Hence doing a lot of reading helps to start with (in my view). I think it also depends on the ‘depth’ of the traumas, what type of ‘trauma’ etc.

      I’ve yet to see a dog with 6 dicks…..that is funny though.

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        This is indeed how it was. Except for the sex which was not exactly “amazing”. It was okay, it was fine, he couldn´t hold up his erections though 🙄 and couldn´t finish.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          LEF, wow. Just like the MR I knew! He blamed his “issues”! Same here, wasn’t the best I had either. Sounds like we didn’t miss much afterall! 😉

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            None of my narcs was good between the sheets, even though all of them were Somatics. 😂

          2. A Victor says:

            Damn lazy narcs. 🤣

      2. lisk says:

        There was NO WAY that I could have looked back and had a million Aha! Moments without HG laying out to bare everything about narcissistic behavior.

        I am so thankful I discovered KTN when I did. I wish I could have found it sooner. The thing is HG wasn’t doing this blog when I was first wondering what the heck was going on.

        I did have instincts back then but I was too addicted at that point to listen to them and act in my own.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Lisk, I am sure there are thousands of people who have also thought “wish KTN, or similar was around years ago”. I am glad that HG did start it.

          Yes “Aha! Moments without HG laying out to bare everything about narcissistic behavior” – we would not be given the opportunity to lay ourselves bare either. Pity that all the ‘fake’ sites cannot be stripped away and just leave this one genuine site for the world to peruse.

  4. A Victor says:

    “truth be told, I have no idea how to love you.”. There it is. All my narcs.

    1. leelasfuelstinks says:

      After three days of chatting online: “I´m crazy in love with you” 😂😂😂

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dearest Leela,
        👩🏻‍💻🕷🕸👨🏼‍💻🤥
        🌪😈🚩
        😂😂😂…thank you
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. leelasfuelstinks says:

          Hahahahaha, Bubbles! Yes! This: 🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩!!!!!!!!

      2. A Victor says:

        It took the summer narc 3 weeks, and then only in a preventative hoover. After he said it I responded that no one can know that after 3 weeks, he never said it again, thank goodness.

        1. leelasfuelstinks says:

          As shown above: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩!!!!!!!!!!!!

          1. A Victor says:

            Hahahahaha!! Exactly!

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