5 Fears of the Narcissist


1. You will leave

You are our primary source of fuel, our life giver and without this precious fuel we are thrown into chaos, impending oblivion on the horizon. You signed an unwritten contract to supply us with potent and delicious fuel until we decide to the contrary. It is our decision. It is not yours. We know what we do to you, the repeated push and pull, the games, the abuse and whilst we rely on our significant powers of manipulation and your near indefatigable desire to heal, hang in there and make things work, there is always that slight doubt that perhaps this time we have gone too far? There is an iota of concern that this is the occasion where you put the pieces together and realise what you are dealing with and therefore you decide to escape us. Leaving us when we have not ensured your replacement is in place or that he or she is working to maximum efficiency places us in peril. If you leave our fuel supply has been fractured, maybe even cut off. If you leave you have wrested control away from us and this is not something that can ever countenance. If you leave you are telling us that we are not the superior being we maintain that we are,  you are pouring scorn on our might and undermining our magnificence.

2. I am ignored

There are those for whom the spotlight of attention causes them to flush with embarrassment, that searing heat which makes them feel uncomfortable. That is not the case for us. Its light brings us warmth and power. We need the spotlight like plants need the sun. We bask in its brilliant blazing light and revel in the attention that comes with it as we drink deep of the fuel that is provided. Should you ever move that spotlight away from us, the icy chill of the cruel and desolate world we have been placed in becomes all too real and this wounds us. The removal of the light of attention criticises us and strikes at our core. All eyes should be directed on us, ears should be pinned back in appreciative listening of our oratory, attention should be focused on us. It is about us, not you. Whether it is just you or I, a group of friends in a bar,a family gathering or in a meeting, everyone should know that we are there and they should be reacting to our presence. We do not care how that reaction comes so long as it is laden with emotion. If you ignore us you are telling us that we are worthless and that takes us to a place that we have consigned in the depths of our minds. Never ignore us, we cannot stand for that to happen.

3. I am exposed

Whether it is the unmasking of us as a narcissist or the revelation of my abusive machinations when you do not know fully what you have become entangled with, the fear of exposure lurks within us. Of course we will react and fight against it, of course we will deny, deflect and withdraw from your treacherous behaviour in telling the world what we are. We will paint you as a liar, a crazy person and a fantasist even though, for those of us who are aware enough, the words you issue are arrows of truth that rain down upon us tearing and wounding. Whether it is exposure in terms of you, as a primary source, telling us what we are or the wider unmasking to our carefully constructed façade, we fear this happening because it hurts us, it burns and it wounds. We will fight back, we will seek our retribution against you for this most heinous act but this requires precious energy which we would much rather use in a more productive way. In the worst of cases, your revelations force us to new hunting grounds which means we must re-build our twisted empire afresh. It will rise again but we would rather not endure the agony that this entails or the effort required.

4. I grow weary

The mindset of the narcissist is one of coming as a god to walk this earth, a colossus astride this planet, leading and forging ahead as my massed ranks of admirers watch on in awe and wonder. I am omnipotent, immortal and unstoppable, my power endless as I seduce, abuse and recycle. There is so much fuel to drink up and I will never stop. Yet, occasionally that scintilla of concern manifests. What if I were to lose my powers? What if the ability to seduce started to wane? What if I lost the appetite to abuse and slay? What if I said the unsayable and admitted that I am tired of this endless routine? What if I no longer had the hunger or desire to stalk my hunting grounds and wanted an end? What if I wanted to remove my demagogue’s crown and vacate the throne, my appetite diminished and senses dulled? What would I do then? I soon shake off these terrible considerations but they remain in the shadows, occasionally calling to me. I dispel them as quickly as the manifest but still they come every once in a while.

5. The creature escapes

What if as a consequence of all the above we can no longer keep the craven creature within the prison that we have constructed for it? What if one day it is able to breach the walls and emerge from the depths of is incarceration so that it surfaces, hissing and tormenting us, its once whispered threats becoming a reality. What if it takes us to the edge of the abyss and forces us to look into the great void, oblivion just a step away, the howling winds of desolation whipping around us. Sometimes and it is a rare occurrence, but when all is still and dark this thought forms in our vast minds, this awful, terrible thought as we feel the craven creature’s clawed hand against my back, ready to shove us over the edge……..

Listen to ‘The 5 Fears of the Narcissist’

12 thoughts on “5 Fears of the Narcissist

  1. Duchessbea says:

    HG, if your kind changed it’s ways they would not have to worry about anything. But as a Greater, I presume you have no worries at all.

  2. Joa says:

    ONCE. Do you remember how young we were? You believed that I would save you 😊 “You colored my world, you raised it high enough to throw me off later.” I know you don’t believe anymore. Anyone. All selfishly failed. And the new ones… they want too much.

    NOW. You said: Let’s make a deal. Let’s sign a pact (I don’t know if there is an English equivalent of this word, it is about “a pact with the devil”).

    I know what you want to protect.
    You know I’d be inclined … Such arrangements are known in my family. Long-term systems, mutual benefits. A very good facade.

    Are you able to keep the terms of the pact ???
    I offer a lot, you much less. A bit uneven. You give more? Hahaha. Ok, we won’t argue which scales are heavier. After all, I like to give. What? The fact that I can give to you is at your risk ??? Ha ha ha 😊

    I build, you destroy. Sisyphean work.
    I give you safety, you are a danger. Big.

    Your condition: “Once a month whores and coke” – you can cross it right away, ha ha ha 😊
    The Cure for the Creature? Then do not disturb? Approx. I remember, I remember. Let’s continue to negotiate. What in exchange? You? Ha ha ha 😊


    Written in jest. All 5 points were negotiated. One of the points is not negotiable. Is necessary.
    Now it loads in its own way. Me too.

    1. Joa says:

      Ekhm, I was in a rush. This translation is very inaccurate, but I won’t go back to it anymore.

      It was just a “ground survey” anyway.

  3. tyger says:

    All of this can change ,,, reprogram it. Sure it takes some effert … but that’s to be expected. With a mind like yours – It can be done.

    You can keep all of your gifts, temper them and gain more

  4. tyger says:

    That beast is your protector. In the cave it lives,always there to protect…

    Why not say something to it? Ask how it’s doing?

    Your faithful servent

  5. tyger says:

    You helped me. Thank You

  6. tyger says:

    There’s a lot more to this world ….

  7. The Tyger says:

    Nothing but Empathy and Hope.

    1. tyger says:

      I feel for you HG

      I know you’re dangerous but you are doing Good along with what ever else you are doing,


    2. tyger says:

      You’re doing something that no one else has done.

  8. Asp Emp says:

    In response to this article, even though I have narcissists in my life, they are not influencing me in any way – my friends.

    While they are in my company, I would not give them any ‘cause for concern’ to feel that they are being left; ignored; exposed; weary or if their ‘creature’ escapes. I doubt that they would ‘permit’ their creature to escape because they are not aware of what they are (as narcissists). However, should their facade ‘drop’ in front of me, I would do my utmost not to react but I would not ignore them either. I have known these people for so long, so I know their ‘quirks’ (I think, that is a respectful way of describing it), just like I have my ‘quirks’. We are all individuals, doing what we can to live in this world.

    I would not tell them, ever, about them being a narcissist. I am that loyal to them. They have, on occasion, done the ‘isolation’ thing, to me but not with me, with another friend, because their narcissism does it.

    They know I have been on KTN site and I have not made it such a secret. They needed to know and understand that I had a real reason / need to do so. Would I feel comfortable talking about narcissism with them face-to-face? Yes. I would. I would also give them a perfect example of a narcissist that we all knew, once upon a time.

    I have less ‘fears’ than I once did. I feel different in not having such a high level of ‘fears’ yet I am aware of having had them.

    It is about understanding people. And not giving in to the addiction to narcissism (ie not letting ET increase or get in the way!!). HG’s article springs to my mind ‘Why Can’t You Resolve An Argument With A Narcissist’ has some good pointers when you have life-long friends who have narcissism.

    Thank you for posting this article again, HG, and for your work and your time in moderating. You’re a star X

  9. Jaana says:

    Oh how empowered I got by this. #1 and #2 that’s what happened. Oh I am free!! Thank you HG

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