Utter Disgust
You disgust me. How did I ever choose to be with you? How did I not see what you really are? You conned me. There can be no other explanation for what has happened. You drew me in and promised me so much. You offered all that I needed and now you have revealed your true colours. Another chameleon. I would have thought that I would have become more adept at identifying you by now but I suspect that you came with leaden tongue which was draped in sugar as you sought to lure me into your despairing world. I cannot believe that you behaved in such a way and after everything that I have done for you. This is the method of your thanks is it? You are a disgusting person to behave in this way. Building up my hopes, thinking that after so long searching and hunting that I have finally located the one that would always give me what I need. The sole supply of my strength, the bearer of joy, the provider of sustenance and yet you promised all this and when it came to the moment of reckoning you failed to deliver. I should not berate myself for once again I have been fooled by someone who came with obscuring smoke and confusing mirrors. I am but a simple and straightforward person who offers only dedication and a perfect love. You knew this yet you lured me in with your false promises and empty words.
How did you think I would react to such perfidy? With a smile and a “oh it does not matter”? Of course not. You failed me and in the most offensive way possible. You have insulted me, me of all people. You have caused grave offence through your disgusting conduct and that was why you had to be punished. It is not good pleading for clemency. You held a position of trust and you abused that trust in a foul manner. You were given complete and utter access to my inner being and you achieved this through manipulation and fraud. Your punishment accordingly must match this heinous crime. Look at you, snivelling and begging, the crocodile tears spilling down your face as you plead for leniency and another chance. How many chances must I give you? You have failed me so many times and you have taken advantage of my most generous nature. You disgust me. So weak and so pathetic. You thought you could break me but you could not. You thought that you could outwit and outflank me. Not a chance. You thought you could do as you pleased but I have found you out and for that you shall receive your comeuppance. Get up and have some dignity. By heaven, I cannot stand it when you behave like this. Your weakness offends me. I can smell the putrid stench of your pathetic vulnerability now that I have pierced that fraudster’s veil. The offensive odour is all pervasive and I want to vomit such is the disgusting sensation that arises from it. Get out of my sight, you turn my stomach. How did I ever think that you would be the solution? I must have taken leave of my senses but then in a way I did. You made me believe in something that was not real. You duped me. Me, me of all people, someone of my brilliance and intellect, taken in by the sleight of hand of a trickster. I cannot stand this association with something so vile as you. I despise you but I also despise myself for having ever chosen you. You promised me everything and I fell for it. I thought I knew better. I thought I had it all worked out, the path forward and the road to infinite excellence but you were waiting around the bend again weren’t you, you despicable bastard. You ambushed me and just as I thought everything was right, correct and well, you sought to topple me with your clandestine behaviours. Your deceit runs through you like a disease and you are riddled with it. Do you see how it causes your features to twist in some sick parody of what you are? The vitriol and the malice age you. It is bound to be the case for nobody can sustain such sick sin for too long. I suppose that is why you try and conceal it isn’t it? Your leering sick grin cannot be looked upon for it will reveal all your other warped features, the grimacing evil that stems from being such a disgusting creature as you are. I cannot stand to look upon you, I cannot bear to hear your screeching and pitiful voice which makes me shudder when I think how often I desired to hear it. Oh what a fool I have been to have been taken in by your promises. You have misled me over and over again. How could you behave in such a manner? Are you not disgusted with yourself? You ought to be. I can feel the bile rising in my throat as I contemplate what you have done to me and now as I see you for what you truly are. Leave! Be gone! I have no desire to have you in my eye any longer. My disgust overwhelms me and I must escape your presence. I said for you to go. Why do you remain staring at me and mocking me with those hooded eyes? Is there no end to your torturous ways? Stop looking at me. Stop it, I demand it. Perhaps if I shut my eyes and yes, you have gone. Ha, I am not finished yet. I have dispelled you but even as I keep my eyes shut tight I know that when I open them again you will have returned because I can never escape you can I?
5 thoughts on “Utter Disgust”
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“My” narcissist in all its glory.
Amazing reflection … One of the better texts.
Oddly enough, I prefer this kind of dialogue to the insincere compliments of the “golden age”. Then I feel that he is more real, that he is closer … Yes, I know, an illusion.
This is our “love” language, ha ha ha 😊 Yes, I know, an illusion.
Everything except begging is correct. I never beg. I never cry. He won’t see it, and he would like to. He often says, “Now, go cry,” even though he knows I never cry.
Sadness or anger – that’s my answer. Sorrow – about him. He would have gone mad if he knew that I am not feeling sorry for myself (I do not take it personally, because it is his perception), but that I am sad for him…
A few months ago, when he fell into this state, coupled with a little fury, I had the feeling that he was almost howling and struggling terribly, I shouted: “Hug you??”.
Then he talked-screamed-complained (all at once), and I calmly replied like a mantra: “Hug you?”, “Hug you?”, “Hug you?” And so many, many times…
“You’ll see me fucking hug you, tomorrow I’m at your place.” At the end he howled and disappeared.
After a few days, when it had cooled down, we talked about it. He took my words like an insulting attack.
Yes, my first cry was a cry of despair and anger. Another “Hug you?” were the only solution I saw in this situation to stave off the fire in him. All I wanted to do was hug him, hold him down, forcefully, forcefully, and relieved him. All I wanted then was to cover it with my wings …
Pathetic, right?
Not for me.
PS Indeed, at such moments I stare with half-closed eyes. The text only lacks comparisons to mustiness and mold – “my” narcissist likes them very much 😊 The rest is almost identical.
Projection! Just pure projection! This is exactly what you narcs are, this is what YOU do, not us.
The title and an article today has prompted me to put this here. WTH is wrong with people? Especially people now associated with Harry and his wife.
Apparently a sickening new series has just gone to air that lampoons young Prince George. Classed as a “satirical TV show focused on Prince George” who is “spoiled and full of sassy remarks for all his relatives” it is based on a heavily fictionalized and snarky character inspired by the Prince.
Orlando Bloom, a current neighbour of Prince Harry, is doing the voiceover for Harry, and apparently they are also friends, warning eachother of paparazzi in the area. They keep in touch via text. Bloom said he didn’t know Harry when he signed the contract, and his current partner, Katy Perry convinced him to sign on to the project. Bloom claims he is doing the project with a sense of affection.
Supposedly the decision to focus a satirical show on a child has “left many social media users, royal watchers and media BAFFLED”. They should be OUTRAGED. The question in the article in the Daily Express asked “Would a US company commission a similar series about a US president’s child?” Children are off limits, IMO, when it comes to this type of “lampooning”. I’m absolutely sickened at what they are doing. Reduced to picking on children. These people are pure evil.
Orlando Bloom hopes Harry keeps his “sense of humour” about it all and states “We’re showing real adoration to them in one form or another”. I don’t know who some of these people are any more, and I hope the bottom drops out of their world for what they are doing to an innocent child. I also hope the program is forced to be pulled from the air. What an utter disgrace.
The answer was given here recently to the question “Who are the Racists?” I want to know “Who are the Bullies?” George was trolled after attending Wembley with his parents, and for wearing a suit like his father of all things. Now he is being lampooned in a new cartoon series. No normal or empathic person would involve themselves with something like this, unless they were first influenced by a narcissist. And a malicious one at that.
Mr Janetti, who also voices fictional Prince George in the parody, explained his take on the character saying: “It’s never meant to be anything other than to give a laugh and be silly and funny.
“It’s never meant to be anything that’s mean.
“It’s all about George’s insane take on the world and HIS WANTING TO BE A STAR.”
Who would even think of a concept like this? I am reminded of the envy of the narcississt. George is going to be a ‘star’ in his own right as successor to the throne. Someone is trying to destroy his beauty and his innocence before that can ever happen. Those are the thoughts running through my head today. Including, may a millstone be placed around their neck for it.
…..not for the faint-hearted……’The Stick Shift’……..giggling…..
Oooh boy. Is Total Disgust. Everything vile he did, he attributed to me