The 5 Wants Of the Narcissist



  1. I want your fuel


I want your fuel. I want it all and I want it from you, him, her, them and especially you. I want it from the moment I rise until the moment I am embraced by slumber. I want it pouring over me, potent and plenty, gushing from you. I want your positive fuel, the joy, the adoration, the love, the passion and the praise. I want your negative fuel, the hatred, the anger, the tears and the fear. Pour it over me, immerse me in that edifying, invigorating and sustaining fuel. There is never enough and I want to keep on experiencing the surge as your fuel increases the flames inside me, burning and rising, powering me as I blaze a trail through all that `I do. I want your fuel now, tomorrow and always.

  1. I want to engulf you

I am immense, a giant, a prince amongst men, a behemoth that moves with ease and purpose about the earth. I want to subsume you into me, ensuring that there is no trace of you left as I fully integrate you into what I am. I want my tendrils to reach out to you, feeling their way towards the fuel vapours that emanate from you, their probing senses tracking you down. I want them to coil about you and pull you towards me, binding you to me until steadily I suck you into my world and into my false reality. I want you hooked up, connected, locked-in, attached and embedded as little by little I consume you and encompass you with my greatness. You will not resist for the elation and delight that you experience as this process happens is irresistible. I want to own you, I want you to become part of me, I want there to be no start to you and any end to me.

  1. I want to be the one

I want to be the one that you think of all of the time. I want you to be the person that you orbit around, your sun, your centre of the universe. I want to be the one that is recognised for my greatness, for my brilliance and my achievements. I do not care that I have exaggerated them or stolen them from others whom I have brushed against, stripping away facets of their character to add to my own. I have no care for that. All I care is that I am the one towards whom heads turn when I enter a room. I am the one who is applauded. I want to be the one who leads, conquers and smites. The destroyer of worlds, the creator of new ones, a god. I want to be the one whose power radiates from him so that is tangible to all those who look upon me. I want to be the one who shocks and awes. I want to be the one who does. I want to be the one who rules, who presides and who dictates. I want to be the one you rely on, turn to and devote yourself too. I want to be the one who is credited for all successes, I want to be the one who is your alpha and your omega, your first thought and your last thought. I want to be the one whose name you utter with your dying breath.

  1. I want your essence

I am the stealer of souls, the charlatan that comes and with sugar-coated promises and offers you the world in exchange for your very essence. You never realise that this is the cost of this transaction but I want to suck the essence from within you, drain you of it and consume it for myself. I want to leave you a broken, dried out husk. I want your essence to fill the gaping hole that endures inside of me. I want that sweet, wonderful essence to flow through me, easing the pain, soothing the fevered freneticism and bring comfort and relief. Like a purifying river, I want your essence to course through me, sweeping away the disease that riddles me. I want your essence to wipe away the dirt, remove the smears and eradicate the stains. I know I flirt with all kinds of dirt, but your essence will save me from such temptation. That is why I want it.

  1. I want it to stop

Or do I?

7 thoughts on “The 5 Wants Of the Narcissist

  1. Asp Emp says:

    I read the poem (the top comment on this thread – ) and I also read this particular comment. I found it interesting to read it from this person’s perspective, I did not feel I disagreed with any of it and did not think it was ‘rubbish’ either.

    It did remind me of a similar conversation on another thread about whether both narcissists and Co-Dependent empaths are ‘drawn’ to each other because of their experiences of / addiction to narcissism. And my sharing about ‘letting people in’, the ‘fear’ of the pain of being hurt. Hence my
    posting the link to the particular comment that I could understand, applying my own past experiences as an individual.

    So, I suppose, we all have a need to be part of humanity, to be loved, to fit in and be accepted. Not that everybody would necessarily openly admit it.

    1. A Victor says:

      I would admit it now, it is the reason things such as what’s is in the video “The Greater Redemption” would have worked on me. It’s the reason my exes bs worked on me. It’s the reason I stuck my head in the sand. But back then I would’ve denied wanting to be loved, fit in, be accepted. Now I admit it but would not allow it in those same ways. I think that’s some sort of growth? 🤔😂

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Interesting you saying back then you’d would have denied wanting to be loved etc. You and I have had different experiences in life altogether – even as a child and living at home, I was not always part of the conversations with muvver & sister BUT sister would ‘relay’ to me what muvver had said. I ‘learned’ to hate muvver partly because of that. So basically I learned very early on that I was not accepted, did not fit in, was not loved.

        RE: growth? Only you can answer that, in all honesty.

        Around the same time as HG setting up KTN, I had set up the official status of the group I was involved in. Now, some of these people that attended could well have been narcissists (yet given another ‘diagnosis’) but I do not dwell on it, no point. But, some of them said that they did not feel they fit in with society as we know it, nor felt ‘accepted’ as the individuals they are. A small number of them are vulnerable adults but not narcissists. Deaf people also are not always considered part of the mainstream society and still have difficulties in accessing some services – unnecessarily, of course.

        1. A Victor says:

          Hi Asp Emp, yes, to admit my desire to be loved would have been viewed as admitting a weakness, having a need or a want of any kind was considered a weakness. In my home you learned early on not to show any weakness, if you did, you were attacked and belittled for it. The same was true with my ex, he would’ve used it against me and I knew that from experience, so I did not ask, I learned to meet them myself or go without. I also was not accepted, fit in or loved, since having needs and wants is a part of who a person is. There is not room for taking the rest but leaving that piece behind, not with real acceptance, fitting in or love. Childhood sucked. I seriously hope not to accept attention ever again from a person who does not respond with care and concern to my needs, wants, vulnerabilities etc. Seeing this is in itself growth, I didn’t even realize it was a missing piece in my relationships until I got here, not clearly anyway. That is exciting.

          Yes, I was able to re-connect with my deaf friend recently, she had stayed quite apart for some time due to Covid. It has been so great to see her again and it has struck me just how isolated she is, we can be in a group of hundreds and there are only one or two of us that can communicate with her. I don’t know what the answer is, maybe there is no simple one. But I do wish that was different. When I was a young single mother, between husbands, I lived for 3 years with 2 adults who had Down Syndrome. They did not perceive that they did not fit in, I always felt accepted by them, my daughter and I loved them very much. It was a good time in my life even though the second ex was a part of it and mostly what he did was bring dumb narc issues, as they do. But, it was still a good time, apart from him. I am “damaged”, according to the larger world’s definition, so it makes sense that I fit in well with others who the larger world sees as damaged also.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            AV, thank you for your response. I recall you saying TTU is in her 80s? If you ‘dial’ back the years to when she was a child, what was life like at that time? What was ‘society’ like at that time? What was the local community like at that time? Those could be contributing factors to TTU’s upbringing and within her home LOCE – I am not saying have sympathy – far from it. Yet that would also contribute to what seems like a ‘Victorian’ approach in your own upbringing – especially when you talk about wants / needs / loves being a sign of weakness. Muvver was a child living on the outskirts of a village community life, in a large house with a very loving mother.

            Apologies for not recalling this – are you the eldest child out of your siblings? That could be another factor. I think it is a very poor assumption that the eldest can “manage” and do not need as much attention as younger ones. However, in my personal experience, it proved to the opposite and I know I am not the only ‘eldest’ to have vulnerabilities that the siblings may not necessarily have had.

            Yes. Childhood sucked. Fkg sucked.

            RE: your words “I seriously hope not to accept attention ever again from a person who does not respond with care and concern to my needs, wants, vulnerabilities etc” – you don’t have to. Either they do. Or not. You will know very early on whether that person is the right person to have in your life.

            It was also ‘missing’ from my relationships too. It was not necessarily a missing ‘piece’ as such – only a distorted version of what I now understand to be a relationship.

            RE: Deaf friend. I was referring to services ie doctors, etc. Yes, there is a simple answer in relation to that. I would suggest, at least, a Law or Act, aimed to make services easier to access.

            RE: your words “you are ‘damaged’, according to the larger world’s definition” – in what sense?

          2. A Victor says:

            Asp Emp,
            Yes, TTU is 82. She grew up on a farm with many farmhands, esp spring and fall, and not always safe people. Her family worked very hard to make their farm successful and I believe there was little softness anywhere around her. There was incest in her home also though not by her father and supposedly not done to her. It was a hard life and I know that it affected her treatment of us, also very hard.

            Yes, I am the oldest, GC of my dad, sometime scapegoat and back to GC of my mom. Her best friend when she needed someone to dump on about all the horrible things my dad was doing. Cognitive dissonance happened here because the things she was doing to myself and my siblings was absolutely far worse and yet he was made out as the bad guy. Oh geez, I just got queasy.

            We were all vulnerable, we were kids. Your deafness made you even more so. Sometimes I can get really angry at bad parents. It doesn’t have to be like that and it should not be. Spoken by a very broken parent who still did not abuse her children! I do not accept excuses for bad parents, we all have choices.

            In order to not accept those things, I have to know what they are and how to spot them, working on that! Yay!! There is a way to go as evidenced by a recent conversation with Bubbles, I still don’t like seeing the abuse, sometimes still don’t recognize it, or have a name for it which does help me a lot. But, there is progress!

            “a distorted version of what I now understand to be a relationship.” This is profound. Thank you.

            I agree about the Law/Act, would love to see changes here also regarding this.

            “you are ‘damaged’, according to the larger world’s definition” I am all screwed up. I don’t let it bother me as much any more, nor feel the need to disguise it from people as I once did. But, I don’t feel things properly, don’t connect properly with others, I have the addiction, which I believe is a massive deficit to life in general, I am a self flagellating empath (though not as often or bad as I once was!), I have never been truly intimate with anyone because I did not know what that meant, I don’t recognize and put a hard stop to abuse. There may not be a “label” but, I am all screwed up. Or was, things have been improving dramatically for about a year!! Thanks to you all and HG!! 🤗🥰😊

          3. Asp Emp says:

            AV, interesting and thank you for your response.

            Alright, I am going to approach this from another angle (my lateral thinking).

            TTU has her own ‘conditioning’ from growing up on the farm. Most likely having witnessed abuse herself. As a child and growing up, learning how people ‘work with’ farm animals is not the same as learning to work with people ie in an office or retail based environment. Working and living on a farm leaves very little time for creating a family life (cohesion via working, not really via family, if you can understand), so ‘relationships’ were observed and learned from a very different perspective – animals compared to people. This could also lead to dissociation ie connecting with others? There would not necessarily be a lot of ‘loving’ and kindness around this ‘home-life’, effectively where the ‘dismissive’ behaviours come in?

            Where you describe not connecting to others ‘properly’ – depends which way is considered ‘properly’ – there are many ‘perceptions’ of this. As I suggested in the paragraph above, it could be dissociation, in dismissive way that you also learned? Could it partly explain your being attracted to the narcissists in your past? Could it partly explain the sometimes highly emotive and sometimes dismissive emotive responses / reactions you may show? If these are more or less explanatory, then it may be possible to ‘unlearn’ these via understanding it and re-programming your mind (which can lead to ‘quietening’ down of your emotions)?

            Reading up on Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder gave me a different angle at looking into the addiction to narcissism because CPTSD usually results from repeated and sustained abuse. In my view, CPTSD and the results of narcissistic abuse as a child is basically the same thing but explained differently. Not all abusers are narcissists. CPTSD is not known to that many doctors, and still relatively ‘new’ to the ‘system’. Having a little read into this may help you approach your ET / LT from another angle?

            Sometimes when people are on this journey of learning about narcissism adopt a form of compartmentalising in order to make sense of it all. I did. I learned to understand and was able to ‘separate’ – the trauma of dad’s passing; muvver’s narcissism; my own comorbidities; abuse from others towards me because of my Aspergers etc etc. That way, I was able to close one door at a time, free up unnecessary psycho-babble and insert some new education.

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