They Will Not Believe You
Go on then, tell them all what has happened to you? Go on, here, take my phone and ring my parents, my family and my friends. Ring my colleagues too. Telephone the golf club in fact why don’t you take out an advertisement in a local, no, make it a national newspaper and tell everybody about how badly you have been treated?
Climb on the roof and shout it to the neighbourhood, tell everyone who calls at our door and bellow it to strangers as they walk past. Do it, go on, tell them about. Announce it, broadcast it, transmit it, send it out by mail, e-mail ,message and radio signal. Have it blaring from the radio, repeatedly playing on television, hell I will even let you strap a message to a flock of pigeons and you can let them deliver the news that way. Scrawl how badly you have been treated by me on a piece of paper and wrap it around a brick and hurl it through the window at the police station. Scream it long and loud until you are hoarse. Go on, tell them, tell them all.
Tell my parents about their successful son who has studied hard, achieved brilliant results and now excels at work about what I do? Why don’t you gather all my friends around here and announce to them what a bastard I am? I am sure they will be intrigued to listen to you saying that about their loyal and dependable friend who always makes time for them and has helped them out in repeated ways through his largesse and influence.
Pop next door and bang on their front door, explain to them with your wild eyes and even wilder hair what has really been happening? After all, I only every show them friendship and politeness don’t I? I don’t think they have heard me shouting at you (I wait until they are away before I raise my voice) but I know they have heard you ranting and bawling.
Go to the local shopping parade and mention to the pleasant lady at the bakery what I really get up to behind closed doors. I am sure she will love to hear you tell her all about the charming man who is her best customer and has arranged for her to supply the restaurant of two of my friends.
Call my brother and give him chapter and verse. Oh you can’t because he won’t answer the ‘phone to you anymore will he? I know, head down to the gym and see if you can interest any of the regulars with a hysterical rant about the chap who they all say hello to and who works out quietly and regularly. Type out a memo for my colleagues and circulate it to them. I am sure they will be interested to read all about their boss who holds the keys to their futures.
Declare it to the group I attend football with, they will want to know all about what I do won’t they? What’s that? These are all my people. At last you have recognised the truth of the matter in between your vile outbursts and hateful comments. I know then, ring up your sister and see what she has to say, mind you, I daresay you won’t want to give her the satisfaction after the way she came on to me would you?
Tell your friends all about it. Oh wait, they are now my friends and all they have ever seen is how happy I have made you, the gifts, the trips, the presents and the love. What about the vicar? He will listen to you I am sure. It is what he does after all although what he will make of such slander against a regular attendee at his sermons and generous charity donor remains to be seen.
Do it, grab a loudspeaker, create a banner, haul a message behind an aeroplane and write it in the sand on the beach. Do it in this frenzied manner with words spilling from your twisted mouth, a word salad which makes no sense. I am sure the staccato way you spit out your accusations will be well-received.
Make sure they look deep into your crazy eyes when you are talking to them, I want them to see who they are really dealing with. Tell your father will you? Ha, he has put up with this for years and was glad to see you leave home, he told me himself. He knows what a drama queen you are and as for your mother well she hates confrontation and she adores me since she knows just how much I have done for you.
Go on, beat your tiny fists about that façade, see if you can punch some holes in it although I know you will not be able to. Shout and stamp and holler all you like. I will enjoy watching you do that and there will be no favourable outcome for you. You are the crazy one and you are trying to unseat the stable, rational, dependable and ultimately far more likeable me.
But you keep trying, it amuses and fuels me as your bloodied hands slap against the façade with no effect and your voice becomes no more than a rasp. I will watch as the hope fades in your eyes to be replaced by fear and incomprehension. Keep trying though, keep going and reinforce what I have already indoctrinated them to believe.
They believe me.
They won’t believe you.
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I appreciate everyones comments here. This is something I have struggled with terribly. I sure wish I had found Narcsite before I left & been able to use it to medicate myself into advocating for myself with logic instead of emotion. On the bright side though, after almost 8 years my little sister finally came to me to ask for my side of the story & after listening to it, has decided to believe me 🙂 !!!!! I still struggle with the others though & when I bump into my former friends it causes me so much pain that I really don’t socialize at all anymore. I really need to overcome the desire for validation but I am kindve at a loss for how. Thank you for reading this
Summer, apologies for delay in responding to your comment.
It is positive and constructive for your sister to believe you after such a long period. I know and understand exactly what you mean when you explain about not socialising any more with regard to former friends because of the amount of hurt you experienced. It is not easy when you find yourself in that position.
RE: Your desire for validation – if you already know the answer to why you feel / think that you desire validation, you have an answer to start ‘working’ from. You have to ask yourself who do you need validation from. Why do you need it?
In my experience, my sister was “better than me” at many things (muvver said so), there was no maternal nurturing / care / love, not mentoring / support / validation for anything I may have ‘achieved’. Like when I passed my driving test, she never said “well done”. She criticised me for not doing as well as my sister did. Effectively, I never really got “validation” from the only parent that was around.
Yes, it damn well hurt. Like hell. Once I read HG’s work, looked at my past differently ie by ‘applying’ the narcissist parent treated me like that / spoke to me like that because it was the way they “saw” things that were different from the way I “saw” things. My sister did not always “see” it from the way I did. My sister did not always “see” it from how muvver did “see” it. There is 3 people with different ‘lens’ of the same thing (not everything, but more than enough to make a difference). Sometimes my sister and I both “saw” the same thing. At least, she and I both “saw” muvver as the abuser.
I learned the very hard way that I was not “validated” by that many people. I also learned that because “they” did not “validate” me, does it really matter to me? No. Why? Because I know I am good at things, better at things than some other people. I was better at art, decorating, accounts / book-keeping, many things than muvver was “good” at. Basically, she was crap at these things. So, my ‘applying’ that factual knowledge, I was “validating” myself above muvver. Even my cooking is better than hers. I am more creative than she ever was. That, is what ‘helped’ me to ‘validate’ myself to a degree that ‘helped’ me see her as an even more crap parent.
At the same time, because my sister was the golden child, she was “taught” that she was “better” than me. Even as an adult she was like that. Her husband was the one that would say “well done” to me. I helped them move homes. They did not ‘return’ the favour, or rather maybe it was more that my sister did not, rather than her husband ‘deciding’. If you can understand.
When I was with a friend the other day, they mentioned two people that I had not heard from for 2 years (no, I am not referring to that MRN I got ‘ensnared’ in). Maybe they wanted to ‘gauge’ my “reaction”. My response? Well, if they had cared about me as a person, they’d been in touch during the last 2 years. I’d blocked them around a month ago on one social media platform. On FB, I’d blocked while I was ‘at the end of my tether’ at that workplace. What I will add here is that despite having an addiction to narcissism, I never went near that workplace after I left. They weren’t ‘there’ for me after I left either. Not during Covid lockdowns – no communications.
A couple months ago, I’d had a review of something. The person who assisted that ‘review’ asked if I was still volunteering at that place, I said no, not since the month / year I left. It ‘dawned’ on that ***person that I had been without support. I felt I could not mention HG’s work but I did share that I had put myself through therapy especially in relation to CPTSD / PTSD and it was the first time I had mentioned the childhood traumas. Because I had accessed; utilised and applied HG’s work in relation to my overall ‘situation’, in some way, I also felt I had “validation” of what I’d endured (including at that workplace).
*** I did tell that person that I was experiencing ‘gaslighting’ from one of the names of people mentioned earlier in this comment. Again, basically “validating” my correct ‘analysis’ of this ‘named’ person, simply through the behaviours at the original time and afterwards. In my view, it was fk all to do with the ‘threat’ of job losses. To date, I was not proved otherwise so cannot “view” it differently to how I saw it back then, recently and again now. I now see myself as not needing to validate myself to any of “them”. That is one way how HG’s work has helped me and I stand by my ‘values’.
It is about ‘consistency’ (assurance; reassurance). Ie no ‘variations’ in behaviours, no ‘back-pedalling’, no changing ‘faces’ (facades / masks), etc. In saying this, the 3 people I know locally remained ‘consistent’.
Summer, I realise that this is a lot to read. If you read up on CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) – it is another way to look at understanding what addiction to narcissism is, how your ET / LT is impacted – what I found useful was the fact CPTSD explains why people are “attracted” to abusers and also other ‘behaviours’ that a victim may ‘display’ as a result).
Sometimes, when one “avenue” does not ‘work’, ie telling yourself you “have a desire for validation” is not effective, trying another ‘direction’ of your thinking / feeling may produce ‘answers’ sooner than pursuing (and continuing) the ‘path’ of desire for validation. That may come later. Approach it from another aspect?
Maybe re-read your Empath / Trait Detector results as a refresher? Does your sister know about KTN blog / HG’s work?
If you feel / think it will benefit you, if you can, maybe consider a consult with HG on this one,? He can advise better as to where to start, and what with. It is good that you have come back to KTN blog 🙂
What a nonsense. Wasting energy and knocking weapons out of hand yourself.
I remember feeling satiated with the thought of renting a billboard, but I always knew that it would not go beyond my imagination.
An attitude of calm resolve and dignity is more effective. But you have to wait for the effects.
As for my surroundings – he had no chance. I have a strong and stable position. And his – I don’t care anymore.
PS During a recent interaction, I was toying with the thought of putting up a poster, with his photo with his shorts tucked down, on the window of the nearest shop in his town (he showed how he got tanned, showing off his body and ass, and the shorts hang so sadly 😀). To this day, I am amused by the thought of this photo 🙂
However, I really liked the idea of HG with subsequent actions 🙂 But I’m afraid that by then I will not want to play such pranks 🙂
I am already light years ahead. I’m going on super express. It feels like it’s just a strange, curious dream that I woke up from again.
…..an angel with a dirty face (and body)…….bath time.
First they bank on us not taking them up on their offer to call people, then they bank on the people not believing us. Then, if those fail, they bank on being able to charm us back to where they want us, or silent treat us to where they want us, or some other manipulation. They are so cocky. But it always worked on me. 🙁
Narcissists: Always banking!
Exactly. And it works for them. 😢 It actually makes me sad when I think back to these times when I consciously made a choice,wasn’t brave enough to face it, to go along with what my ex wanted. Even when I knew he lied, I couldn’t bring myself to confirm it because it would have led to more decisions I didn’t want to make, like having to end the relationship, being faced with such logic that I couldn’t deny the truth and ending it would be the only logical course of action to take. Any other choice would be telling both of us that he could do anything he wanted and I’d still be there.
I was avoiding all of this by accepting his ‘banks’ and not checking things out. It was a non verbal agreement of sorts and I was a part of it. Now this is making me nauseous. I can so clearly see my ET here! This is eye opening! Thank you Lisk! I think going forward, any man who I feel the need to check something out with its just going to be dumped right there.
This is very powerful, making me cry. I can’t believe I did this. And my daughter’s too.
Thank you for helping me see this HG.
Well, you didn’t know and now you do. I am also surprised at how many people have believed me. TBH I think being able to communicate what Ns are all about using the knowledge I’ve learned here is what makes the difference.
I agree! Being able to speak from a place of knowledge makes all the difference!