The Rules of Seduction
We are the masters (and mistresses) of seduction. We are experts at choosing our targets, gathering information about that target and then moving in for the seduction to commence. It is rare that we get it wrong in terms of our target selection. It is even rarer that our seduction fails.
Much of why our seduction is so effective rests on the nature of our targets, the traits that appeal to us and which we focus on. There are however several reasons about the way we conduct our seduction which means that a successful entrapment is more or less guaranteed. These rules of seduction are put into effect (whether through instinct or calculation (the latter being reserved solely to the Greater Narcissists)) whenever we want to seduce someone and draw them under our influence. Here are five of these rules which are entirely applicable to the way we seduce and contribute to how you, as our victims, are seduced.
- Opposites Do Not Attract
People often cite the adage that opposites attract. This is usually rolled out as an excuse for some imbalance and considerable difference between two people in a relationship and is often quoted by the weaker or more dependent of the couple in an attempt to explain away the seemingly incongruous set-up between people. There are always anomalies but in the majority of cases it is not a case of being attracted to someone who is your opposite.
You are attracted to someone who is similar to you. When people refer to their intimate partner as their “other half” this is exactly what they are looking for. A near-mirror image of themselves because people love themselves and it follows that loving someone who is like yourself is natural and more likely to result in a successful relationship. You are looking for your other half. This is why we mirror so extensively. We ascertain from our preparatory work what you like and how you behave and we then mirror this.
You want someone who is similar in intelligence, socioeconomic status, moral outlook and general likes. If you are a tolerant and liberal-minded person you want someone who has a similar world view. Thus we will copy and replicate those traits you exhibit and make them our own. We do this across the entire spectrum, ranging from the minor (you like watching spaghetti Westerns so we will) through to major stances and views (you are pro-choice and therefore we will mirror those views as well). It does not matter if we do not share those views, whether we are disinterested or even hold opposing views. We know that in order to attract you, you want to find your other half and therefore we hold up a mirror to you.
- Just Reward
We are aware that if you receive or perceive the receipt of a benefit from certain behaviours then you are more likely to repeat that behaviour. This is a prime way of gathering fuel but also of drawing you to us because you feel good receiving this benefit so you want to keep doing it. Accordingly, we very quickly allow you to realise that we will be pleased by you doing certain things such as complimenting us and praising us in order to cause you to do them again. We will treat you well if you behave in a certain way so you do so.
We will sound happy, take you out, buy you gifts, say wonderful things to you. It becomes like pressing a button. You take a certain step and we will respond in a positive manner so you will keep doing it. Knowing that you are able to please us and we will then do good things for you and say good things to you means you become drawn to us all the more. This repeated reinforcement is something we aim to cultivate. Why do you think we keep doing the same things with you as we did with all the previous victims?
- Familiarity Does Not Breed Contempt
With you the more familiar we seem to you the more attractive we are to you. This is a basic principle. You feel at ease in a room with people you know as opposed to a room full of strangers. Of course in the normal development of a relationship the cultivation of familiarity evolves over time and builds gradually. The more familiar you feel with us then the more positive you will be towards us. Accordingly, it is important for us to be familiar to you as soon as possible. This is why we undertake such preparatory work so that we present as if you actually know us. We will refer to having been attracted to you for years, suggest we have known you for a long time in order to engender this concept of familiarity. We also seek to increase this familiarity once we engage with you. This is one of the reasons why we spend so much time with you during the seduction. This also links with the first rule of attraction above. The more we mirror you, the more you recognise the things you like, they are familiar to you and thus the attraction increases.
- Stereotypically Good Looking
For all the comments about it being what’s on the inside that counts, that personality is more important than looks and other such supposedly meaningful comments which are designed to make the less fortunate looking feel good about themselves, it is a simple fact that people are motivated by physical appearance. The stereotypes that are attached to being good looking are those that someone who is of good looks, who is handsome, beautiful, pretty or physically attractive are that such a person is regarded as kinder, more sociable, more outgoing, more trusting, more intelligent and so forth. That immediate judgement is made by people within seconds of meeting somebody. This means that our victims are drawn to us through this initial assessment in addition to the unconscious drivers caused by their innate addiction.
Accordingly, this means that many of our kind tend to be good-looking, but not all.I do not mean necessarily stunning or of model looks (although there are those people in our number) but people who would be regarded as good-looking. Even the relatively average of our kind in looks will enhance that position through the effect of the other rules of attraction. It is unlikely (albeit not impossible) that your narcissist was physically ugly, the later ugliness came from elsewhere, but that does not figure as a rule of attraction. They may have been relatively average in looks, but as in terms of being representative as a percentage of the population, our kind are far more evident amongst the ranks of the physically attractive when compared to our numbers as part of the world’s population as a whole.
- Confidence Breeds Confidence
Confidence is attractive. Not cockiness (though this can be appealing to some) but that strength of conviction, the fact we are self-assured, comfortable in our own skin, at ease as we prowl and move. Why do we have this confidence? The fundamental reason for this confidence is that we are doing something that we have done scores of times before. The first time penalty-taker in a world cup competition will be nervous. The seasoned pro who has been there before is far more confident. When you have been doing your job for twenty years you exhibit greater confidence than a rookie starter. We are creatures of habit. We are well-practised in the way we behave. We operate in similar ways, adopting the same behaviours and this gives us an ease and an evident confidence which proves irresistible to those we have in our sights. Our confidence makes you feel confident that being attracted to us is natural and the right thing to feel.
14 thoughts on “The Rules of Seduction”
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The mirroring thing fascinates me. After having entangled myself with a variety of narcissists over the year, some unknowingly and some because I was curious to see how they worked, my body now has a strong reaction every time I meet a new predator, lightning down my spine. And I smile and think, ‘Oh there you are, hello.’ Recently I met the best mirror I’ve ever seen. He didn’t only shift words, but energy, body language. I’ve truly never seen his equal. I recognize I’m on his radar now I’m here preparing for the inevitable next meeting. I have a question… is it fun for the narcissist to see our seduction? I enjoy the attempts because I enjoy whimsy. Sometimes I’ll throw out astral projection to see if they mirror that, it’s fun… I can always accept a narcissist exactly as he is until he turns on me, then it’s no longer interesting. And why do women wait on the shelf? That I don’t understand. This blog is astoundingly good. It’s like getting spaghetti to throw on walls, just to see what sticks…
Catherine, it was interesting to read your comment. I laughed at your choice of words “It’s like getting spaghetti on the walls, just to see what sticks”. This blog is more than astoundingly good and I think you will enjoy reading HG’s work and comments on KTN site. Just leave the sauce off the spaghetti, less messy 😉
“This blog is astoundingly good.” Absolutely agree.
“astral projection” I heard this term for the first time yesterday, my kids used it, and giggled about it. I will be checking it out further, it sounds fun. But I would likely never intentionally do it to a narcissist, too scary for me. I just want to avoid them.
k mac
Just read your comment. I don’t think you are attracted to HG, I think it is his qualities that you are used to and fallen for time and again with other people. We are all in a way attracted to HG and we always will be. But we have to look beyond what we want and realise his kind and our kind do not mix. Think Interview with a Vampire. To put it in easy to understand terms. If I was to go on a blind date with HG, I would have every internal alarm bell ringing on full volume and I would be wanting to leave. Not because HG is not charming and suave, but because deep down I will know something is very much off and I will just have to get out of there. Red flags will be flying high and telling me to go. HG, is not mean, far from it. The information and help he provides is solid gold and has helped many people, is continuing to help people, and will be helping many more people in the future. He says it straight. He says it like it is. He cuts through the crap and gives you the important information. Some people can find that hard to deal with. Perhaps this is because their ET is in a heightened state and their LT is practically non existent. Like everyone who comes here, this is not easy to deal with. You have to do the work on yourself. It takes time but you will get there. HG provides top notch quality tools to help you do this. My best advice I can give you is to meticulously go through his work both here on the blog and YT. This will help you a great deal, to help you understand what you were ensnared with. Remember, it was not love as they cannot love. I wish you well on this journey and remember we are all here to help you out if you need it along with HG.
Best,
DB
The Narcissist I was involved with did act like minded from the start. Still, im confused by my attraction to you. You are so mean yet I’m a fan. Does that mean I’m like minded to you? I’m I just transferring my feelings for him to a safe source?
HG is very attractive to us, he feels like home because of our addiction, he is “kind” and interesting, and possibly above all, helpful, he answers our questions. He is also fun. But, he is also dangerous and we need to be aware that we are wise to keep him at a distance, like…continents apart?? Haha, that is for me anyway. He keeps us at a distance also, among other reasons he may have, the distance allows him to be more forthright with us, without repercussion in his personal life. HG has done some very bad things, if you read through old articles and comments, you will learn more about this. But he is safe for us as it is, as tertiary sources. Someone here told me a while back to lean on him, to let him handle all the crap and help me sort it out. That was very good advice and he can handle it. But, I don’t allow myself to think that he actually cares about us, he does not. He cares about his prime aims, his legacy etc. We are but objects to him.
Btw, I am glad you are here, you are a fun new voice, I have enjoyed your comments a lot. 🙂
A logical comment, HG approves.
Aw, thanks HG!
❤❤❤
Hi A Victor…Great post and a very good reminder!! I think that’s the issue with empaths is we trust and fall into that trap easily wanting to see the best in people because we are that way ourselves. We want to take people at face value. I’ve learned a lot while being on this site and learning HG’s teachings and that is that there ARE people who really don’t feel empathy and don’t give a damn. I’ve also come to realize you have to protect yourself. It’s great to learn from others, but you need to rely on yourself and have your own back. Never assume someone is there to protect you.
Hi Chihuahuamum, thank you. Yes, I agree, we have to take responsibility for ourselves. And knowing the realities of what is in the world is helpful in doing so. I have certainly allowed, even encouraged, narcissists to “take care” of me, because I didn’t realize what they were. Now that I know, even though there is still that emotional pull to give them the power, I know I need to resist that to protect myself. Thanks for your thoughts, reinforcement is always good. 🙂
AV
True. We can be appreciative of the collateral benefit to us in HG creating a legacy for himself, but we must never forget what he is and what he is capable of. If we see him as an exception to what he teaches we have learned nothing.
NA,
Yes, and what makes me really sick is that, in my empath heart I have a substantial amount of guilt for what I’m about to write, but, I almost don’t want the relationship with SM to work out. So many reasons. I want her safe, of course then there’s another, so no real benefit there. HG, I believe, is not concerned with it either way, I mean I think the pro-social is to appease others, not for his benefit, so there again not a reason to feel so. But I think the biggest reason is that I don’t want there to be an exception, for another narc to succeed, why couldn’t it have been mine that did? Or, if one exception, how did it happen, how can I get that for my ex? The fact of Mid-range to Ultra aside, if one can change, why can’t more? I suspect that is my ET and I really hope that people don’t get upset about this, but it is a thing I have thought about. I am happy for SM as long as she is happy, it is not meant to take anything from that. I am sure that HG is an amazing boyfriend, in the GP. I did love my ex, even though he did not love me. And there was really nothing there to love. I loved the idea of us anyway. Thank you for your comment NA, I am now sorting through this little bug that’s been there, I had not been willing to look at it before.
k mac,
The reasons for you being a fan of HG may be due to this forum giving you the information you need while being safe and anonymous too. Do you feel a like-mindedness to HG in particular, or to the blog in general?
I find that while we are here communicating and HG answers our questions, we are involved and detached as well. It’s unique in that readers are able to learn about all aspects of narcissism with like-minded people who understand. Personally, I can’t do that in the same way in any other setting but this one. I like HG’s style of moderating and communicating with us. It’s open-minded, yet reliable, sensible and consistent.
Ask yourself k mac, what is it about HG specifically that makes you attracted to him? Apart from his mesmerising voice, tanned legs and tangerine shorts, that is. 😍 Let’s face it, what’s not to like about HG?! 😉