A Peculiar Placement
When I watched you and him and her, I saw so many things and so many of those things I did not understand. I hate not understanding. To fail to understand is weak and I was always reminded, reinforced, told, instructed that we were not weak.
“Never be weak, boy,” she told me. You three were never told this though. I asked you and you told me she never said those words to you, but she said them to me.
“She believes you are born of greatness,” one of you told me in later years because she thinks you are like her, but she actually fears you.
“Good,” I answered and you just smiled because that was a response you had become familiar with. You still disliked it but you had accommodated it in a manner of finding comfort. Like a pair of shoes that always still pinch you, but you have to wear them because well, they look so good and cost so much.
I always needed to understand. I still do. It is one of my greatest strengths, my intellectual brilliance allied with a desire to know and to understand. To understand how you all work, so then I can own you all the quicker and ensure that my world, that I place you in, runs just how I prefer it.
I watched how you and him and her would talk together, play together, laugh together.
“Come and play,” all three of you invited. Oh, I wanted to play but my game was altogether different, of a more urgent and rewarding purpose.
You used to stare wide-eyed as I asked you all question after question after question. Why? How? What? Where? When? Rapid fire questions, since so many of them formed in my mind, racing, pulsating and demanding. You all answered me, furnishing me with the information that I needed and granted me the understanding of why you smiled, how you found things amusing, what made you cry, where did it feel best and when did it become too much? I asked and you provided me with the answers that I sought. Each new day brought fresh interactions and fresh queries until I understood so much of all three of you that I knew what could be achieved with what you had given me.
“It is like you are an alien sent here to learn from us,” she remarked. I recognised the remark was not said in scorn but with what I know understood and recognised was affection. I knew that a short smile was required and so I gave it, although the chill that emanated from my eyes caused you to look nervously to one side. You told me later of the icy stare and how it made your insides churn. I said nothing in response but inside felt the warmth rising as I delighted at your admission of weakness.
“Yes, like an alien who has to learn how everything works so he can fit in,” said he.
I gave a confirmatory nod. Not because I necessarily agreed but I understood that doing so made the speaker feel validated and thus easier to own.
“Yet I will be the one that teaches you,” I commented to myself silently. The most effective conversations were and are always held with myself.
You would laugh at times at my absence of response. I saw no reason to provide one. I was unmoved by what I witnessed but then I recognised the advantage of allowing you to believe that I was similar to you and more importantly to all of the others. How easy it became as I disarmed them simply with a nod, a smile, a certain sentence. In the beginning I was taken aback at the ease by which people lowered their guard, gave me what I required, did things for me, simply by providing an ascertained response. I never felt the response, never had a sensation inside (as she had so often spoken of that she had) but I understood the response and even better I understood how that response gave me what I wanted.
Power.
Control.
With words alone, I made people give me what I craved.
With a shift of expression, people opened up and became supine. Inside I sneered at their weakness but learned not to let that show, unless letting them know how weak they are served me better.
The little beetle people ready to be squashed. The hand-wringing earnest individuals ready to be instructed. The knee bending supine servants ready to effect my bidding. Such peculiar appliances but so be it.
Yes, I am alien to you because you do not truly understand me. I made the effort to understand you, but you all failed to understand me. That only goes to reinforce your weakness and why it is I that governs and why you are governed.
I am the alien that accepted this peculiar placement and invaded your world to make it mine.
Now that it is my world, you will never be allowed to leave it.
Ever.
112 thoughts on “A Peculiar Placement”
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HG did you change the password to the private forum?
Which one?
Alien. So, it’s my locked capsules with ballast, that are circling in orbits, that attract Aliens 😊
—————–
I am reminded of a scene from 17 years ago.
We walked by the lake with “my N” and my sister. There was a dead mouse in the road, possibly run over by a car.
My sister and I leaned over her to see if she was really dead. She was dead. Poor mouse. For me, the topic was over. Nothing else can be done.
– My sister, of course, began to lament how this mouse must have suffered a lot and why did it have to happen to her (?!) How beautiful she is and that she needs to be put on the grass and buried.
– I immediately started comforting my sister (I often lie to soothe her pain, my certainty and infallibility calms her down): This mouse certainly did not suffer long, because death under the wheels is very quick. She looks male to me, so she certainly did not leave her children without food. She has nice fur, so she must have had a happy life. I suspect that he is already in the sky of mice, dancing happily with the other mice.
– “My N”, impatient, amazed, contemptuously delighted: You really? This is the first time I see something like this! You both are like some aliens!
I thought the same thing about him then. He interested me so much. He was so different. I wanted to meet him even more. Even more.
Joa,
The paragraph about how you spoke to your sister is so sweet, so empathic, you saw right to her need and addressed it. She is blessed to have you.
AV, it’s even worse now. My sister has four children aged 15-2 years old. Four “clapper”. When they find a trampled beetle, the whole family bends over it and laments for 5 minutes.
It’s not on my nerves, ha ha ha 🙂
Sister is vegan and terrorizes everyone with her way of life 🙂
When my sister and her eldest daughter leave the house, a flock of pigeons is flying over them, like over the pigeon-woman from Central Park in “Kevin in New York”, ha ha ha 🙂
This is a small part of her total “animal” madness 🙂
Unfortunately, there are also the black sides of her sensitivity and “insanity”. Sometimes it loses boundaries. It’s good that brother-in-law puts her upright (but it’s not easy for him).
Joa, this made me laugh, your description of the lamenting over a beetle and terrorizing everyone! It’s good she has you, to bring some balance!
Always exciting to see a new article! Excellent and fascinating.
Off the wall question HG. You watched all three of your siblings playing together? Your two sister’s and your brother?
No.
Thank you for replying HG.
HG, did the girl, you counted dead birds, say about the alien?
(I think a cousin).
I don’t know why I’m asking this, but it interested me.
Yes.
Thank you HG. I don’t know her, but I like her.
I like people, who say what they think honestly. Only in this way can a human know a human. And this is real courage is.
Joa, thank you for asking that question. And thank you to HG for the answer.
Hi FMT1, I understand there to be 2 male and 1 female siblings.
Hello Asp
HG actually has two brothers one of them is a step brother from his father’s previous marriage, and two sisters, one of which passed away at an early age. You can find this information and more in the knowing H G posts.
Half brother, not step.
Sigh. Oh, HG. I’m truly sorry to know that. You have been through hell. Now I have more clarity. Hugs to you xx
Apologies H G
Asp Emp:
C’mon, you know better. The man wants FUEL, not hugs. Remind him how brilliant and charming he is. He knows it, but he’s never objected so far to being reminded of it.
Violetta, I do, every day 🙂 AE goes to place an order for a gazillion gallons of fuel for HG 😉
Asp Emp:
Excellent. I hope your using different brands; too much BP is like strawberry to him.
Violetta, whatever fuel HG gets from this blog is not as potent as what he obtains from his private life. I can always add a bit of chili to the strawberries 🙂
Dear Mr Tudor,
Snap ….. I’ve just discovered thru my DNA, I now have a half sister from my narcissistic arsehole of a father 😱
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
FMT1, ah, thank you for clarifying that. I somehow, missed that information.
Yes, I can see which of KHG series it is. Thank you for sharing.
You’re welcome. Xx
Thank you FMT1 🙂
Ooooh … “my N” has a twin sister.
My pregnancy was a twin for a moment, but the stronger embryo absorbed the weaker one (there was an empty fetal egg left). And my daughter has a memento in her body – an additional mini-spleen.
My mom has an extra mini-kidney.
Some time ago I was wondering about twin pregnancies and the principle in nature – the stronger wins – in correlation with narcissism.
So is autism-narcissism. Often intertwined with families.
I’m sorry about your sister’s death, HG. I didn’t know ☹
I need to read those knowing HG posts.
They are very difficult for me but I have found them instructive on the creation of narcissism and also of course, HG’s personal journey through life. They are very difficult for me though, very painful.
Nice to see you drop in FM1T.
Thank you NA.
Asp,
HG had a twin sister who passed away. I’m sorry I didn’t write that in my last comment, I was working. Shhh.
HG,
I am sorry to read this about your twin sister. I didn’t know that before. Your twin sister will always be with you. I would like to give you a hug if I was standing beside you, but as I am not, I am sending you a hug and much love.
DB
How did I miss this! HG was a twin! How did she pass?
How she passed is still a mystery Witch, unless someone has figured it out? Much of this information is in the knowing H G posts and also in the knowing H G discussion forum.
FM1T,
This feels to me like it is written by the False Self. On the outside looking in, learning and building strength.
TS, I believe this is an interesting theory.
********** Please do not publish this as a comment. **********
Dear HG,
I am writing to ask if you could kindly remove two of my comments that have not been approved yet. After giving these two comments further thought, I regret writing them. They are not representative of, and do not properly express, my firmly held thoughts and opinions. I am sorry for sending them. I hope they have not caused any offence.
The comments are:
1. A Peculiar Placement (30-Oct-2021): The comment refers to The Twilight Zone episode ‘It’s a Good Life’. It was written on 2-Nov.
2. I Second That Emotion (30-Sep-2021): The comment was a reply to Leigh. It refers to dinosaurs, Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, among other things. It was written on 1-Nov.
The removal of the above two comments would be appreciated. I apologise for any inconvenience this may cause.
Kind regards,
WiserNow
So something I would do ❤
I kinda need to know what you said now though. 🤔
Thanks for your comments k mac. Sorry for the delay in responding.
The comments were said in haste and weren’t important. That’s why I asked HG if he could remove them. I didn’t expect my request would go through … 🙄
Oh well, lesson learned … you shouldn’t ‘expect’ a narcissistic psychopath to do anything 🙂
I totally get it. I stick my foot in my mouth constantly. On another note, I dont get any emails for replys 🤔 I almost have to remember and keep checking which is almost impossible. I worry that someone might say something to me and I’ll miss it. You never have to apologize for late reply ❤
WN, It doesn’t look like Mr. Tudor has posted your comment to me. But now you’ve piqued my curiosity, lol. I would love to know how you strung Freud and Jung in with dinosaurs.
Yikes 😵💫
Cynicism has always been my way of dealing with the undeniable certainty that nobody in your family understands you, that you are not part of it and will never be like them. I think many empaths felt this way too within their own families. Unfortunately for us, this didn’t make us any more cunning or manipulative. Or fortunately, who knows. At this point, I’m not even sure whether it would have been better to be devoid of any ET.
If I may, HG, I’d like to comment on a comment that I saw on your video ‘Harry’s Wife Part 82.11 : Finish Her! Wounding’
Interesting to read a suggestion on how to adapt Machiavellian traits.
In my view, these ‘traits’ and other traits cannot be ‘adapted’, either someone possesses them or not (usually GPD and LOCE determines the ‘activation’ of these traits).
Yet, what can be ‘adapted’ is the way of thinking. You, HG, have provided SO much material to offer the tools to ‘adapt’ thinking and feeling processes.
Having said that, having Machiavellian (and any other of the dark tetrad) characteristics do help to aid the ‘re-programming’ of the mind. Dum de dum……(and, no, I am not holding my hand up here, I am not guilty…..of anything 😉 )
On that note, it is absolutely possible to use one’s dark tetrad characteristics for the ‘GOOD’. I’ve seen the evidence.
In what way did your mother sense you were like her? As she is not fully self aware I am guessing that it’s not because she knows you both are narcissists but possibly because of the abilities you possess? or because she knew you wanted to be like her and was capable?
My mother also used to say that I am like her or rather, she is like me (she thinks she is an empath) so I became part of her façade management – “single white female”
Intelligent, good looking and destined for greatness.
… and conniving
HG,
What do you think causes the narcissist’s obsession with ‘ownership’?
The Prime Aims.
Speaking of placement…….
Word is getting around. Both HG and his work are mentioned on the uk royal fans channel on youtube in a video regarding MM and titled: Abused.
I commented the following on the uk royal fans channel. I don’t know if it is in moderation or was removed, but it did not show immediately after I submitted as is usually the case on most channels.
“HG Tudor is a narcissist who expertly analyzes his kind and their behaviours. He has a huge body of work (The Ultra channel on youtube and narcsite.com being two) that has proven to be accurate to the experiences of most of those who have accessed it and experienced narcissism in their own lives. He has given his opinion on a number of public figures (MM is but one in The Very..series) and backs that up with detailed analysis of the behaviours that lead him to that conclusion. Further analysis of MM specifically has been prompted by reader requests for analysis of MM’s behaviours in the news in real time, that in many cases helps to inform them of their own involvement with narcissists. He urges people to identify toxic people (narcissists) through his work and to get out and go No Contact (see also his articles on the Gabby Petito/Brian Laundrie case in this regard). His work espouses identification of abusers and escape. The reader is free to decide if they agree or disagree with his analysis and any hate resulting is interpreted solely by the reader and not the provision of information by HG Tudor/The Ultra.”
I am providing this because if my comment is not posted there and anyone here agrees and can see from previous experience why this might be and how better to present the information so that it is posted (perhaps posting narcsite.com flagged it and should be left out? for example) it would be appreciated. Any mention of HG’s work (even (or especially) when negative) is an opportunity to provide correction and direct people to HG’s work so they can receive the proper information to assist. I see It as a simple way to repay in part all that we have gained here with no cost to us but a few minutes that we already spend commenting here anyway.
Thank you in advance
NA
Thank you very much NA and well stated, I appreciate you and other readers who do this. It is fundamental that accuracy is provided with regarded to my work and it is placed in context as NA has done so. There are many, many more of you than there are of me and each time you (as I know many of you do) promote my work, share it, explain it and defend it, you are adding to a powerful force which is altering people’s lives.
My comment on the uk royal fan Abused article (above) is not showing as yet, so I tried again. Sigh. The comments there are largely negative towards MM
NA:
I’ve discovered that references to HG, Narcsite, or particular videos on DM are less likely to be censored if I put them as a reply to someone else’s OP instead of a stand-alone comment. I will try this on yt. The sugars can’t scroll through EVERY bloody thread, looking for heresy; even they have to sleep or poop sometimes.
I do agree with you, Narc Angel. I cannot see your comment on the UK Royal fans channel so far. I think this is the article mentioned in the video you were talking about: https://www.newsweek.com/meghan-markle-youtube-trolls-hate-accounts-amnesty-1643008.
There is a comment section below that article. We can also write there.
That is brilliant NA.
Best,
DB
Yay! That is excellent news!
Is this a new article, HG? I have read everything on here, right back to 2015, but don’t recall ever seeing this article?
Yes.
Thought so. Thanks for the clarification!
HG, I didn’t know it was new. Thank you for doing this article. 🙂
You are welcome.
Thank you, HG.
I’m impressed JB! I’ve read a lot and I’ve also gone back to 2015 also but I haven’t read everything.
Ah thanks, Leigh! 😊 Once I started reading, I found it hard to stop! Xx
Ominous.
I feel akin to you in some way. A fellow tortured soul I suppose. I wish there was a proper hug emoji. ❤
I am pleased there is not.
😄
Hahahahaha!
k mac:
I recommend you show your gratitude by referring people to his work and acquiring knowledge from the items in the Vault most appropriate to your situation.
Hugs and hug emojis will probably be regarded like this:
https://youtu.be/B1Kwcs8BOE0
🤣
HG,
Incredible article. You really are a great writer.
Violetta, Love this.
K mac, HG will come around eventually.
Best,
DB
Duchessbea:
He will not come around.
Violetta,
I think you mistake the context of what was meant.
Best,
DB
Duchessbea:
He will not come around to liking hugs. He is a tiger, not a lion. Lions are intrinsically social to some extent, but tigers really don’t want you around unless they’re eating you or mating with you.
Violetta,
With respect, I have no idea what you are talking about. My comment to K mac, was based on a previous comment I had read from K mac who wanted to know from HG, why HG was not responding to K mac’s comments. You have taken out of context what I meant. All I was saying to K mac was basically just give it time and HG will come around to responding to you. I have seen other people also let K mac know the same thing. Some people think that HG will respond instantly when they comment. Sometimes he does and sometimes he does not. He decides when and if he will comment and some people cannot understand that.
Best,
DB
Duchessbea:
Okay, thanks for clarifying.
Hi Violetta, agree. A Sabertooth!
Hi All, Im here to read and learn what I can. The blog is very heloful. I’d like to mention how everybody supports one another and the interactions between each other help to lower my ET. I find once my inquisitory mind gets answers I can move on safely to logical thinking. From what Ive learned, the abuse stops the mind at that incident from moving on to logic and inplace for protection ET steps in.This is what Im working on.
C4EM, it is good that you are now here to find answers for yourself. Thank you for sharing where you are on your journey in learning to understand about your ET / LT. Yes, the incident as you suggest can stop you in your tracks but you seem to be aware of that, it does take time and it does depend on the depth of the hurt / trauma of the incident in order to be able to emotionally move forward 🙂
Ah, so true.
(Need to remind myself that toe beans are attached to murder mittens.)
Dear Violetta,
That was Hilarious 😂
Thank you….. 🤗
🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
HG, this was really good to read. I don’t recall seeing this one before. It is very powerful.
The first paragraph reminded me of some words I wrote in relation that I have to know ‘everything’. I never considered it to be a form of ‘weakness’ until I read your words here.
Matrinarc definitely ‘sensed’ your psychopathy from when you were very young. She ‘controlled’ you because of the strong and intelligent individual you are. Because she ‘feared’ you.
Interesting in how your siblings ‘viewed’ it from their perception.
What is also interesting to read here is that you learned from quite young how to obtain information from your siblings, to use against them at an ‘appropriate’ time for you (arsenal) – it reminds me of your ‘The Narcissist Knows Your Weaknesses’.
“I delighted at your admission of weakness” is an example of sadism in the way as I understand it to be.
The two who suggested ‘alien’ – ok, this may have ‘contributed’ to how you view as part of their betrayal towards you (because it seems like they are ‘teaming’ up). At the same time, the words about fitting in – that is definitely ‘isolation’, saying you are not part of this ‘circle’.
No wonder ‘dissociation’ on your part occurred. How you ‘dealt’ with it in our own way was to have ‘conversations’ with yourself. It is similar to the concept of the ‘day-dreaming’ aspect (psychotic dissociative – the coping strategy / mechanism) that I wrote about recently. I am suggesting that ACONs, including unaware narcissists, abused victims (including those of non-narcissistic abuse, ie from someone with no emotional understanding ie Alexithymia) may adopt this form of coping strategy.
BUT the difference is, I am speaking out loud here (from my understanding) that the words “Yet I will be the one that teaches you” – how you have described Greater narcissists to have awareness of what they are (not necessarily from a young age but they learn about themselves and recognise that they are ‘different’ from others around them), the ‘dark tetrad’ way of thinking is quite apparent in the words you said to yourself. You are delivering a ‘promise’ to yourself. That they will ‘pay’.
“Yes, I am alien to you because you do not truly understand me. I made the effort to understand you, but you all failed to understand me”. Very similar to how I felt for so very long. It would add to my frustration. Because of my combined Deafness, Aspergers and as an ACON. I was speaking a different ‘language’ from my perspective because I did not understand enough, nor was I ‘aware’ of myself to be able to explain myself to others. Most of the time, it was people who were NOT listening to the ‘unspoken’ words, or were too ‘blind’ to see the traumatised individual.
“That only goes to reinforce your weakness and why it is I that governs and why you are governed” – taking this into my perspective, I no longer need to explain myself to anybody, I am ‘me’. I know what I am and that is my ‘empowerment’. Because I now know what I am, that is my strength (empowered via knowledge & understanding from HG’s work). Other people who do not know me would be the ones who are ‘weak’ and if they cannot accept me as I am, that is their problem. I will not permit anybody to make it my problem again. They can take it, or leave it.
Oh, HG, I would like to ask for your permission to use the ‘Provocation’ image and print onto a business card size that I could carry around with me? I would not issue it to ignorants, just show them without saying a word 😉
BTW, I did notice the ‘further reading’….No. 26 happens to be a size of staples you can get in the UK……clever of you 🙂
“Oh, HG, I would like to ask for your permission to use the ‘Provocation’ image and print onto a business card size that I could carry around with me?”
Hahaha, AspEmp 😛
They would definitely come in handy!
LET, laughing…….of course they would help – it’s a method of ‘silent’ communication that can be used in several ways 😉
Asp Emp,
Have you stumbled across ‘auticulate’ on TikTok? The lady’s name is Rachel Wren. Some of her videos were eye opening for me.
Xx
TS, thank you for the heads up on Rachel. She’s signing in her vids, so I am assuming that she is also Deaf. That is one thing that people do not realise and why sometimes it is difficult to spot the Aspie because they see a Deaf person who has ‘anger issues’ when it is not – the combination of the two “disabilities” gives those that do not know the wrong ‘impression’ and medical ‘experts’ to issue the wrong ‘labels’. Hence the additional difficulties when it comes to a child that cannot necessarily use the right words to explain what they are thinking / feeling, when they are not old enough to understand their separate ‘components’ of a person who has co-morbidities.
Add ACON into the mix = personality traits ‘galore’ 😉
I will read more into Rachel. I am not on Tik-Tok.
Can I ask in what way were her videos eye opening for you? 🙂
Hey Asp x
I’m glad you saw the message. Yes, she signs through her videos. Each time I wish the video was longer, because she’s really interesting and very, very genuine.
She explains the information overload that she experiences exceptionally well. I had no idea that the filter I use to reduce the amount of information I take in from the world is absent in people with autism. I assume, the level of information overload varies in line with where someone sits on the spectrum. She uses a shopping analogy. The person with autism has a higher sorting speed, a non autistic person, a slower speed. The issue is that the autistic person has to sort a shopping trolley of information, non autistic, just a hand basket. So the sorting rate of the autistic person appears slower when actually, it isn’t.
I like her general acceptance of people. She stresses the need to ask, take the time to better understand, to find a communication compromise that is comfortable for both parties.
She does videos too about what is getting to her that day. For example the fact she still didn’t have her university time table a week before her course started, what that means to her, how that impacts.
She does a great explanation of how her autism sits alongside her deafness. She mentions ADHD too. She places disabilities in separate boxes and explains how her deafness sits alongside her autism.
I had to stop watching last night because I was so upset by one video. She described herself being lost and totally confused on her own in school. She was very emotional throughout and I sobbed along with her. Essentially, she was looking back on her younger self.
She was diagnosed late, around 40. This made me think of you. She describes how she has changed, become less apologetic for her autism rather than trying to ‘fit in’. She also explains that some friends and family have struggled with the new version of herself. This also resonated with me and again reminded me of things you have described here on the blog about you finding a different version of yourself since being here.
I should check if she’s on YouTube. I really really like the way she looks at things. I’ll do that tonight. It just made me realise, that autism is something I haven’t understood. At all. I want to make the effort to better understand.
Xx
TS, thank you so very much for sharing your views and observations. Now that you have looked into autism further, and taken on more understanding about how it impacts people who have it. With Rachel also being Deaf, it gives further insight into how I would have been impacted throughout my life. Yes, information overload can bring on a ‘meltdown’, for those who are hearing, add the Deafness into it = further frustration (LOL).
Laughing at the ‘higher sorting speed when shopping’ – yup, if it doesn’t break, I’ll throw it into the trolley (LOL). I don’t care if people look surprised. I recall throwing something heavy, like a box of washing powder, the trolley “responds” with a ‘clang’ and a member of staff asked if I was alright……laughing…… the Aspie attitood.
Even though I did not get an official diagnosis until mid-40s, I reckon my dad knew hence his ‘wish’ for me to attend a school for the Deaf so I would get an ‘ordinary’ education, so I was lucky in that respect. But processing information was not that easy in a couple of subjects because it was not necessarily ‘broken’ down enough.
It is also why people on the spectrum appear to ‘shy’ away from long worded instructions ie a washing machine – diagrams are easier to follow.
I am glad you are reading into autism further. A good website is the National Autistic Society. Thank you for considering my past comments in relation to this subject as a whole. I appreciate it. Well done, you 🙂 xx
Hi Asp,
Thank you I’ll take a look at the website.
I watched Rachel some more last night. I’m starting there because it feels more personal, I can see what she’s describing, hear the emphasis etc, so I can lock on better as the subject is so new.
The processing speed. We got our wires crossed there haha. Rachel uses that example as a means to illustrate her lack of filter. She takes in all data from the outside world (shopping trolley). I have a filter, so take in less data ( hand basket). Rachel’s processing is faster than mine. I have less to sort though. I appear to process faster. I don’t, I just have less data to sort. I found that so interesting when I really sat and thought about it. I remember reading that children with autism can’t stand labels in their clothes for example. Again, it’s because they register that the label is there, other kids wouldn’t notice. There must be so many distractions, and your experience of the world outside must be far broader than mine. Not better or worse, just different I think.
Another point was empathy, this blew my mind. Without HG I wouldn’t have understood this. She stated that she has emotional empathy. She doesn’t have cognitive empathy. I fully understand what that means, how it appears and impacts thanks to HG’s explanation of empathy. If you have something, you don’t actually understand how it works a lot of the time! You just do it.
Suffice to say I’m seeing crossover in my learning, which I love. I’ve really learned a lot through being here. It’s a foundation for a wider understanding of other subjects that can then circle back into my understanding of narcissism.
I think your dad did a great service enrolling you in that school Asp. Listening to Rachel’s experience was utterly heartbreaking. She just kept repeating, “Why did no one pick up on it? (meaning her autism) I was confused, all alone, why didn’t they pick up on it?”
I’m interested in the communication aspect. The finding a way to better communicate in a way that feels comfortable. I’ve got a lot more to read up on, but I’m on my way. I’m an empath, communication is what we do, I think I could perhaps input there.
Thank you again for the tip. Xx
HG, thank you for moderating me, I do appreciate you.
TS, RE: the labels on clothes, they piss me off – a physical irritation, so I cut them off (or un-stitch it). Maybe for some autistics, it’s something that does not ‘belong’ on the clothes – physically seeing it could be considered a distraction. The brain-wiring of a child or young autistic sometimes cannot ‘relate’ to it or understand the “reason” why it is there. For other children, especially abused and / or those with other ‘conditions’, it could be emotional / memory ‘triggers’.
No-one picked up on it – a very common ‘theme’ until the last 5 to 10 years I would say. Some would have been bullied for being “different” or “difficult”. Misunderstood. They (at school, pupils & teachers) saw me as traumatised for loss of father. How blind they were.
RE: communication. Reading up on different methods of communication – including the methods that people with learning disabilities may use. Also consider how you would communicate with someone who speaks in a foreign language, what / how would you ask for directions to somewhere etc. A notepad and a pen helps 😉
Yes, thank you, HG x
Asp,
It’s so interesting that you cut labels off. Little ones couldn’t verbalise the irritation, or remedy it, they’d just be irritated / distracted. There must be so much going on, so much information coming in all the time, my poor addled brain boggles at the thought of it.
I remember my narc pulling me back to the pavement when we were out. I stepped out into the road as I was walking and chatting with him and just didn’t look. The opposite thing, I filter out lots of outside information when I’m locked on to someone. I’m not ordinarily unobservant, but I am when I’m using all my senses to read into someone. So it’s a hyper filter I suppose, active during conversations or interactions with people I’m less familiar with. The inverse of what someone with autism has to deal with.
Yes, I see your point with foreign language. One of my secondments was running an assessment centre for the French sales force. Mad as that sounds. My French is good, but not great. So, sitting in on interviews some language was lost on me, particularly with regional accents etc, but it actually freed me up to take in information beyond the words being spoken. The interviewer was more involved in the Q&A. So if a candidate answered well, the inclination was to recruit. They missed many non verbal cues. The non verbal cues are often far more revealing. The candidates I chose might have been less practised and polished, but they were genuine and they stayed with the company.
It’s a tough skill to verbalise or to teach, with the empath it’s instinctive for the most part I think. I agree with you though, being aware and respectful of non verbal cues has to be a big help in establishing more comfortable face to face dialogue with autistic people. I think asking questions is helpful too. Checking understanding, finding boundaries for personal space etc.
That reminds me of when I was pregnant. Why is it that strangers think it’s ok to come up and touch your baby bump?! I swear I used to do this low growl when I heard the thought. Mama bear be like, “ Step. Away. From. The bump! “
Xx
TS, RE: the labels, you can liken it to a fly on your face – would you leave it to crawl all over you? Actually it reminds me of muvver when she’d be taking the hem of my trousers and tickling / touching as she pinned them up…..she knew, yet she still did it. It made me bristle with anger. Makes me feel sick just remembering. I was ok when my grandmother did it.
Interesting “The candidates I chose might have been less practised and polished”. Can I ask why you’d select the less practised / polished?
Autistics tend to have higher sensitivity levels (on varying degrees) when it comes to the 5 senses. It is suggested that empaths do too. They may ‘respond / react’ with a meltdown (using similar to the narcissist’s 3 assertions of control). I am reminded of HG’s ‘How The Narcissist Conquers Your Senses To Feed On You’ – so telling a narcissist your weaknesses is not advised ‘The Narcissist Knows Your Weaknesses’. LOL, I was skimming through ‘I Fill Up Your Senses’ and started laughing as I read “I apply my scent, like some beast marking its territory”……
RE: people being ‘personal’ when not asking if they can touch a pregnant woman’s stomach – it’s similar to mothers of animals when a human does that to their very young babies – protection. I was like that when people approached to touch my dog, I’m like ‘Fk off’ because they have not asked my permission. I suppose what we are referring to here is a couple of perspectives.
Yet, if you apply the narcissist’s perspective – they do not like their fuel supply being ‘removed’ (because it’s their ‘property / their right’) from them and may react ‘accordingly’ – ownership.
To a degree, some autistics / people with learning disabilities (and maybe other ‘conditions’) can also be like that too – because of lack of understanding social communication / interaction. It could depend on the level of severity of the neurological condition.
Children can be a bit like that too. You don’t give a child a bar of chocolate, or biscuit only then to take it off them.
Have a little read into Professor Uta Frith who spent time with young autistics to study the mind of those with autism. I watched BBC’s Horizon ‘Living With Autism’. It was fascinating. I think this will also interest you 🙂
Asp,
Yes, the fly analogy makes it very clear, as well as making my skin crawl just a little bit! If you notice, you notice and it can drive you nuts.
Similarly the child and the biscuit. Ownership. This reminded me of a soccer coach talking to me about kids refusing to pass the ball in football. ‘I got the ball. The ball is now my ball.’ No way that kid is passing his ball away. He’ll dribble through every player on the pitch before he passes haha! No matter how many times you explain why passing makes sense, their minds just don’t take it on board until they are older. Similar idea, ownership.
The less practiced and polished idea. I have no problem with someone being polished in an an interview situation. Preparedness is key and demonstrates an interest in the role, company etc. What I don’t like, is the feeling that a stock and rehearsed answer is being trotted out. I was recruiting sales people at the time and I have a sales background. I recognise the sales person’s seduction routine haha! Some interviewers seem to look for the perfect answer, (also asking obvious questions) perfect prior work experience etc, but they aren’t getting any sense of the candidate themselves. Almost as if they could really just send out a paper questionnaire and ask for a photo to go with it and they would draw the same amount of information. So for me, particularly given I was not a native speaker, I was looking for more than just the practiced and polished answer. I was more interested in selecting people that really did want the job and that would go the distance in terms of the training and workload, people that would stay.
I’ll have a little looksie at Professor Frith Asp, thank you. Xx
A really dramatic image. I’ll read the article shortly 🙂
Fantastic article. In your quest for knowledge, you’ve become the teacher as well. Thank you.
This is more scary than any of the Halloween poems.
*Note to self: try to use “supine” in article.
Is this new? It is so powerful. It makes sense out of several things. Thank you. I don’t remember it if it had been around before. Glad to see it now.
You seek understanding as we do. You view us as weak for not understanding your perspective, feel you’re superior for understanding ours. But, we/I look it it the same way only backward to you, and not that you’re weak for not understanding why we/I feel our way is superior, just that you cannot. And I don’t want to hold you in my world, I wasn’t you to do what you must to be happy.
Great article, very thought provoking.
It was horrible of her to call you an alien. I understand the reasoning though, sadly.
Beautiful image.
You can join Demi Lovato’s cause, AV! https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/demi-lovato-aliens-1240678/amp/
Haha, yes!! Thank you! I needed that giggle!
Extraterrestrial lives matter.
Indeed.
There goes an awful lot of the sci-fi market.
Is it still okay for teens to feel alienated?
Sigourney Weaver starting in “Unidentified” (cancel edition).
Except she missed the fact that he was learning how it all worked not to fit in, but eventually to dominate. Keeping a low profile was just a means to that end.
Exactly!