I Spy A Private Eye



I have often mentioned the empath’s need to know. Initially this is borne out of your desire to know and to understand for the purpose of enabling you to discharge your caring and nurturing abilities. Only by understanding and knowing what is wrong, what is going through someone’s mind or understanding their situation are you able to assist and help. Some people like to know because they are inquisitive. Some people like to know because they are downright nosey. We like to know so we can use it against you or to further our own schemes. You like to know so you can help. This is a core trait of the empathic individual and it is not something that you are ever able to let go.  Even when we are subjecting you to the devaluation you are unable to accept that it is happening without being able to understand why. You need to know. We know you need to know and we exploit this. This is why we engage in denial, deflection and circular arguments because we are entirely aware this inability to allow you to know and to understand draws fuel from you but also keeps you doing this. Even when we discard you, you still want to make sense of what has happened. You need and want to know why did we treat in the way we did, why did we do all those awful things to you and why were you not enough? By tapping into this trait of yours we also ensure that you have to know what we are doing once we have flung you to one side.

You will ask our friends what we are doing and pose similar questions to our family in a bid to ascertain what we are now doing without you. You ask your friends to spy on your behalf, gathering information about the places that we have been to and the people we have fraternised with. You see, if you try to escape from us then you cannot get rid of us as we appear with Hoover in hand ready to suck you back. However, if we have decided that we have extracted as much fuel as we possibly can from you (at least for now) we will do our utmost to remain invisible and keep you guessing. We want you wondering what we are doing? We want you to be sat contemplating where we are and who we are with? Are we happy? Are we thinking of you?

This need to know becomes overwhelming and you then embark on your role as private eye. You will stalk our Facebook page in order to gather information. We will block you in order to increase the work for you but you will use a friend’s profile to look or create a false one. You will drive past the places you know we might be, home, work and recreational and social places hoping to catch a glimpse of what we are doing so you can satiate that need to know. You will create a new profile and follow us on Twitter, checking each day to see what we have written. Is there a new girlfriend? What is she like? Are we taking her to the places we took you? Who are these people in the photographs and where are they taken? We know you will be spying and the more you try and learn the more questions will arise. We use obsessing as a method of manipulation and this continues in this mould.

Our everpresence will keep reminding you and you do not help yourself as you repeatedly reinforce our presence in your mind by searching, checking and spying. You will search our name on Google, examine our work website for any changes, check on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn. Like a detective hunting for clues you will keep at it each day. You create a habit in order to feed the addiction which is the need to know. We know you will do this, we engineer and we encourage this behaviour in you. The knowledge that you are engaged in these practices gives us fuel. We cannot see you or hear you yet we know you are spying on us. We know what you are like and we can picture you earnestly hunched over your keyboard as you stare at your monitor. Don’t deny it because when we do Hoover you it is one of the first things we tease from you. How many times a day did you check our Facebook profile? You will admit you did it at least three times a day and tell us how much you missed us. You will ask about the new person we were with and who you saw posts referring to and all the photographs that we displayed. Did we miss you too? You always ask this as well. Why? Because you always need to know.

19 thoughts on “I Spy A Private Eye

  1. Joa says:

    HG hit the spot perfectly on this day with the article.

    “My N” like a typical ghost is untraceable on the Internet. He is nowhere to be found, although he heavily exploits this way of seduction (be careful, ha ha ha :)).
    Even in reality it is difficult to catch – with legal methods.
    He is very good at covering up traces.

    I do not hide. It is very beneficial for me. I’m not tempted.

    But … when he wants to, he transmits the information himself. Sometimes seemingly pointless.

    That day I received some unnecessary information – which caused panic first (he will disappear again!), and then considerations – with whom, why, what happened. About 10 minutes of black despair and confusion.

    Then I understood what the purpose of sending this information was and calmed down.

    And then HG posted this article and I smiled even more 🙂

    If only I could eliminate the first, instinctive reactions… Maybe someday I will be able to achieve perfection 🙂 Probably when he… get bored to me.

  2. k mac says:

    I know understand why everyone adds names to the replys lol. It’s not totally clear.

  3. k mac says:

    Just so messed up. That’s why we have to fight doing this. It only prolongs our pain and suffering.

  4. Duchessbea says:

    It is great of HG to advise us all on his kind. It’s kind of unnerving that he knows how Empaths and Normals behave and is spot on with everything they do. The more people that have access to HG’s work and to know and become aware of Narcissists the better. Hopefully future generations of Normals and Empaths will be very aware and will break the mold and be a stronger force to deal with.

    1. Wendy says:

      Dutchessbe, I couldn’t agree with you more! HG’s work should be the number one go to for mental health providers and everyone concerning NPD. I feel it will be one day. I know I have informed my therapist about him and he was fascinated after reading some of his work! I often share his videos and point people to him on Tic Tok and in a few groups on Facebook. If we all continue sharing and getting his work out there I believe it will happen! 😊

      1. Wendy says:

        I also shared his information with the geriatric psychiatrist I work with. I know he will share with his colleagues!

  5. Wensical says:

    This seems so ironic that I see this post because literally as I’m sitting at my desk at work today, I click on my email and low and behold I see the ex’s LinkedIn profile. I sat there for a few minutes thinking “WTF” and “How in the hell?!”

    I swear I never thought about blocking him on LinkedIn because I never go on there. But, I did what I know I shouldn’t have and clicked it! There he was with a brand new picture of himself, cigarette in hand and a side profile of his face trying to look so unaware and suave! I looked at it for a minute and omg! The man wrote his profession as a professional writer and editor!! 😳Never, ever was he a professional or non professional writer and/or editor!

    I feel sick that I even looked! I feel like I just fell off the wagon! 😩

    Ugh! 🤦‍♀️

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You did. Now get back on.

      1. Wendy says:

        HG, yes sir! I am back on the wagon. Blocked him! Thank you. 😊

        Who the heck posts a side profile picture of themselves smoking a cigarette on LinkedIn?!

        Trying to go for the thoughtful look of a creative writer or something?! Which he is not! 🤷‍♀️😂

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Wendy, ESPECIALLY on LinkedIn. How UNprofessional! 😉

          1. Wendy says:

            Asp Emp,

            Lol, very UNprofessional!

    2. k mac says:

      Now you see him, actually see him for the retard that he is. Freeing isn’t it?

      1. Wendy says:

        K mac, omg yes! Thank you for saying that. You made me spit my drink out laughing with that comment! 😂 I thought of a few choice words for him that I won’t repeat here. Idiot came to my mind immediately! 😂

        I cannot express the feelings that came up inside me seeing that fool sitting there with cigarette in hand looking off into the distance trying to look the part of a professional writer and editor. It was a black and white photo to boot! I guess that was for added effect to make himself look more interesting and mysterious, lol.

        He is trying to suck in a professional on LinkedIn. I hope those women will see through his BS but some won’t. I sure didn’t! I’m sure he will attempt to win an academy award for his role as “professional writer and editor” extraordinaire! 😂

        And yes, it is freeing in a way to see this. Especially since I have learned so much about narcissism and the con men and women that they truly are.

        I give thanks to HG for that.

        Thanks again for that laugh K Mac! 😊

    3. Louisa says:

      I texted him was he in a good place, meaning emotionally, after disappearing for over a month he had relocated, surprise, surprise he was expecting me all that time to ask where he had gone!!!

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Asking someone if they’re in a good place is too open a question. They could reply honestly ‘yes’ and just be at the liquor store.

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dearest NarAngel,

          Or a knock shop 🤣

          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        2. Louisa says:

          I agree, thank you for that correction. Funny, a Narcissist with a sense of humour…’at the Liquor Store’ ironically, it’s likely he was there.

        3. Wendy says:

          NA, exactly!! 😂

  6. Asp Emp says:

    “I Spy A Private Eye”……..so do I 😉

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