Alec Baldwin : A Very Angry Narcissist? Part One


Alec Baldwin is a well known actor. He recently appeared in the headlines following the death of Halyna Hutchins and questions have been asked about his reaction to this event. Is he an angry narcissist? HG Tudor analyses the evidence in detail.

121 thoughts on “Alec Baldwin : A Very Angry Narcissist? Part One

  1. lickemtomorrow says:

    Well, I haven’t watched the interview yet, but …

    Here’s the headline from the Daily Mail U.S.:

    “Alec Baldwin says he doesn’t feel guilty about accidentally shooting cinematographer dead and says someone else is responsible for the tragedy”

    He also claims he didn’t ‘fire’ the gun, that it went off accidentally or misfired.

    He believes someone should be charged, but not him, and questions how a live bullet made its way onto set … (which he somehow mysteriously fired without pulling the trigger).

    The murky waters of denial, blame shifting and projection.

    1. WhoCares says:


      I haven’t yet watched the interview either, but just wanted to say – I love your cardinal!

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        WC, ’tis the season <3

        I'm somewhat of a bird lover, too, though not a particularly knowledgable one (yet) x

  2. BC30 says:

    I thought there was something odd about the photos of him lingering on set looking distraught.

  3. lickemtomorrow says:

    I never thought about Alec Baldwin being a narcissist. Probably because I never thought much about narcissism before I got here. It had zero profile in my world.

    Of course, the acting world is different, and I can’t even begin to imagine the clash of egos which takes place there! Alec Baldwin always came across as a man with a BIG EGO, and maybe deservedly so going by your rundown, HG. He has also come across from time to time as a bully. That became especially obvious in relation to the phone call with his daughter who was at quite a tender age at the time. She is defending her father now, so he is still hidden from her.

    My favourite Alec Baldwin film would have to be ‘The Departed”, and “It’s Complicated” plus “Blue Jasmine” are two others I enjoyed. So, I appreciate him as an actor.

    He did appear to be utterly devastated at the death of his co-worker according to reports, and I’m sure he was in shock being a veteran of the game. He appears to have done what was necessary to show an element of remorse, so how is it that he’s not feeling it? I hate to say it, but his acting skills must come in very handy at a time like this.

    Another indicator may be their family snaps post tragedy where the children have been dressed up for Halloween. They may have been trying to portray a sense of normality of the children, but it all seemed a little ‘naff’ after he had just shot and killed a woman, subsequently appearing remorseful about it. Not sure about Hilaria’s influence there, but she seems to want to be in the spotlight on this occasion, too. So we have two narcissists, according to HG, and I’ll try not to focus on what that means for the children 🙁

    I am sorry for Alec Baldwin and that his happened to him. It was a tragic oversight on someone’s part that left a woman dead and her husband and son grieving. It should not have happened. Alec Baldwin states it was a one in one trillion chance of it ever happening, unfortunately he’s become the poster boy for this one in one trillion event now unfolding. Is it because he is a narcissist?

    That will be interesting to find out.

    Or maybe this incident has nothing to do with him being a narcissist – how could it? – but it raises his profile for consideration around how this happened to him and how he handles it, too.

    1. Asp Emp says:

      LET, just something to consider. Would someone who is not narcissist ‘pose’ with family and post those on social media or wherever the pictures are, after such an ‘incident’? Would they also continue to be in the public ‘eye’ during an ‘investigation’? Being a producer is also a position of responsibility and therefore has an element of accountability for what happens on set. Just a thought or two, or three 😉

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        AspEmp, it’s why I mentioned the photo 😉

        Very narcissistic it seems, in terms of lacking empathy, considering there is a child now who would not be celebrating Halloween with his mother, and a mother who would not be celebrating Halloween with her child 🙁

        I don’t think Baldwin can avoid the ‘public eye’ in light of what’s happened. He’s got no choice but to be hounded by press as they seek answers to the tragedy.

        In the short interview he gave at the roadside, he claimed it was done to protect his own children who became upset as the family car was followed. The interview was given to also request reporters stop following them. Hilaria got short shrift (more so than the reporters) on that occasion.

        Perhaps he has put himself out there in other ways, but he knows he has a case to answer and there’s been a bit of blame shifting going on from what I can see as the determination is made as to who is actually to blame.

        He does have an overarching responsibility in terms of the production and a very direct responsibility in terms of firing the gun. Where it gets messy in between those two things, in terms of who knew or allowed live ammunition on set, and who was responsible for the equipment being used in terms of its safety.

        It will be interesting to see how it plays out with the husband also hiring a lawyer to file for wrongful death in the circumstances.

        Lots more to come, I’m sure, AspEmp 😉

        1. Asp Emp says:

          LET, thank you for your response. I still beg the question, why are they still using the same ‘method’ ie real guns for ‘real effect’ in film production? Surely someone can come up with a safer ‘invention’? It is 2021, not 1921! While the investigation is going on, his behaviour in public will not help when it comes to the psychoanalysing part of the investigation. Recalling our conversation RE: that woman who stabbed her husband with this thread…..anyways, he can scrape his knuckles on the tarmac all he likes.

          You know, the more HG exposes these people, the more it explains why I ‘sensed’ that I do not like that actor, or this one. Interesting. Yes, lots more to come 🙂

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            “James Bond’s Walther PPK . Dirty Harry’s Smith & Wesson Model 29. Even many of the flintlock guns featured in Pirates of the Caribbean were legitimate 18th century firearms. If you like period war films, chances are good that you’ve seen an actor wield a gun whose pre-Hollywood existence had it being fired in anger.

            There are exceptions if a gun is never shown being fired. If you were a background extra in Saving Private Ryan, for instance, chances are good you were issued a rubber replica . Some productions are also known to use airsoft guns , replica firearms designed to shoot small plastic BBs that, in a pinch, can resemble the real thing (which is also why airsoft guns have been found among seizures from drug busts).

            But if the gun is going bang, it’s almost certainly a real firearm.”

            That snippet is taken from a National Post article by Tristan Hopper titled: “The guns on movie sets are real: That’s why they can kill people” dated 22 October 2021.

            I believe the reason is authenticity.

            It’s hard to imagine of all the movies that have been made, and here I can maybe agree with Alec Baldwin on his “one in a trillion” comment, very rarely has anyone been accidentally shot and killed in a production. Think of all the war movies and Westerns, as well as ganster films, etc.

            When it comes to accountability it seems like Alec Baldwin is made of Teflon if you think of his past transgressions, so I might expect him to ‘slip’ out of this one, too. His behaviour in public up to now in this instance I don’t think will have come across as overly egregious (unless you know what your are looking for) and people will also be feeling a great deal of sympathy for him. I’d say there will be a lengthy investigation, possibly red herrings being thrown in now with talk of a deliberate swapping out of the ammunition for a live round, and it’s going to take time to see what sticks in terms of fault and accountability.

            LOL to him scraping his knuckles on the tarmac all he likes 😛 We’ve already seen him beating his chest, and likely there’ll be some more monkey business to come!

            What I find most interesting about HG’s exposures is the fact that I haven’t sussed some of these people out, and have generally fallen for them hook, line, and sinker … being actors they may be less easily spotted as they’ve learned to mimic behaviours so well. I mean how else could a narcissist be an actor? Al Pacino’s the closest I’ve come to recongizing the ‘devil’ and that’s because he played Satan himself!

            I guess it’s back to the drawing board for some of us, and either way I certainly don’t think this death was deliberate on Alec Baldwin’s part in any way, shape or form, but he may well be answerable for OH&S regarding the production with the wrongful death suit is likely to succeed, as it should.

            Always good chatting, AspEmp 🙂

          2. Asp Emp says:

            LET, I know about the authenticity of the use of the older firearms and I agree that there has to be the need of them to look real.

            But what if the prop gun was mis-firing on previous occasions on this set? What if people raised concerns about the health & safety “procedures” on set? What if people were unhappy about working conditions prior to the incident? There seems to be a lot of mitigating circumstances going on at the same time. Was he focused, or distracted?

            The fact remains, he has a temper that he cannot control – this has been reported time and time again in the press.

            Al Pacino was really good in that film. Almost too good. The ‘eyes’ he gave were very good.

            I did wonder if he was drinking / taking drugs, but it appears maybe not. According to him, he stopped drinking and taking drugs before he turned 27 because he had an overdose and effectively passed out. I was thinking about why the self-medicating when he is a well known actor etc. He was dating someone around the time of his drink / drugs but his work meant that he was travelling a lot. I recalled HG’s video ‘Harry’s Wife Part 79.16 Why is Harry’s Wife Looking Fatter?’, especially in relation to fuel substitute via food, alcohol etc. He would not have been proximate to his main source of fuel around this time.

            I was also thinking why is he so ‘overly’ aggressive? = Lesser? Possibly more than just narcissism?

            Is his fuel quality / quantity not as much as he would like ie from his wife / children? Did his acting career dwindle a bit over the last 10 years?

            Yes, good to chat as always 🙂

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            Keeping me on my toes, AspEmp. I like it 🙂

            OK, so there was much more to your thinking around the use of real guns on set, and I appreciate your thorough questioning of the circumstances. There are obviously a lot of questions to be answered and Dwayne Johnson, “The Rock”, has already decided to change the way his production company works to add in the necessary effects after filming is done.

            I still have this question around that … there have been a couple of incidents over multiple decades and someone pointed out in a comment I read yesterday that more people had died in helicopter crashes on movie sets than from guns, so does that mean we should ban all helicopters from movie sets?

            From my perspective this is becoming an ever increasing problem in todays world.

            An investigation needs to be done to determine what went wrong and who was responsible. All the factors you so succintly pointed out must be gone over with a fine tooth comb to prevent the same thing happening again. That is reasonable and just.

            The problem I have is that now EVERY movie set must be judged and found guilty on the same basis. We cannot take reasonable measures to ensure the same things doesn’t happen again, AFTER determining what went wrong … we MUST prevent ANY gun being used on ANY movie set, on the off chance someone didn’t do their job properly and on the basis of that someone might die.

            It is tragic, and should not have happened, but is prevention worse than the cure?

            Our current society is obsessed with ‘safety’ and one incident means everything gets shut down, turned around, etc. My thoughts on this could take all day, so I’ll stop there, but your comment raised some very good points and I appreciate it. You’ve pinpointed issues specific to this happening and questions that need to be answered.

            I honestly don’t think Alec Baldwin’s temper had anything to do with what happened on the movie set. It’s purely and OH&S issue, so while his temper, or fury, might indicate his status as a narcissist, I don’t think it applies in the direct circumstances of the shooting. Where it could apply is in relation to his short temper or impatience with those involved with the production, his lack of empathy in ensuring staff were not overworked and their concerns (around safety) considered, any hasty replacement of staff with perhaps a sense of entitlement around his needs to complete the filming, etc. All of these possibilities could have added up to the disastrous consequence he is now facing. So maybe his narcissism is to blame.

            The other extenuating circumstances you mention could also have had an affect. He doesn’t appear to have ever had much of a facade so he will be more obvious as his fury is ignited.

            Looking forward to more of HG’s input as this saga unfolds.

          4. Asp Emp says:

            LET, laughing at “Keeping me on my toes”, of course, it’s an empath’s prerogative 😉 Constructively (me, looking all innocent LOL).

            Yes, I read about Dwayne Johnson saying that he’d not use guns again. Obviously, there is ‘changes’ happening already. It could lead to reinforced regulations around it?

            I know what you mean RE: helicopters. Then again, a gun is held in someone’s hand and hell of a lot smaller than a helicopter. I would be inclined to agree to a degree.

            The fact that the prop gun mis-fired (I think it was 3 times altogether) – why still use the same one then?! It’s a no-brainer FFS. In my view, a narcissist with a higher level of intelligence would probably have said, get me one that works and is safe to use.

            Another fact to consider, people walked off 6 hours before the incident. That is surely to cause less focus?

            People who are not aware of narcissism and / or narcissists around them will not know why a narcissist appears to ‘ignore’ the ‘rules’ because of their sense of entitlement etc (like Harry’s Wife calling senators), because that is what the narcissism does.

            So, the simple answer? Start from the base-lines, narcissism awareness and then take it from there. But all aspects of the Law need to include considerations whether narcissism is the factor (which in most cases, it could be). The Law needs to change, in my view, to make it mandatory to include narcissism awareness training.

            He may not have been in a ‘temper’ in the sense of the word, but, maybe consider the narcissist’s ‘fury’, which, I think was simmering regardless and affecting his ‘train of thought’ (rational is not present because his narcissism would be a ‘barrier’ but he does not realise that because he does not know). He is ‘clumsy’ – hence the angry gorilla concept.

            A ‘fury’ of a narcissist (even non-narcissists) can remain for a long time. In the past, maybe I would have said ‘fk this’ and said we are not going to continue until we have established H&S ground rules and sort some of this s*it out and reconvene when people ‘decide’ to come back to work or not (replace them if necessary).

            Alec does have a facade but his mask drops, a lot. He is just not as ‘refined’ as higher echelon narcissists in ‘controlling’ himself.

            Yes, this is a very interesting and educating ‘slant’ on narcissism. I am glad HG is doing this, because Alec is a different school compared to Harrys’ Wife. So we can ‘see’ the differences with so much clarity.

            Thank you, HG, for your time in moderating. As you can see, we are enlightened by this. Kudos to you for selecting Alec and for our work on this, thank you.

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp, of course as an empath your feedback is constructive, so your innocence is guaranteed x

            Reinforced regulations are a little different to changing regulations, and I think changing regulations are what we are talking about in some instances, at least as far as “The Rock” is concerned. That’s his prerogative, of course, and filmakers must do what they think is right for them. I guess what I’m concerned about in general is ‘over regulation’ in the sense we no longer take responsibility for our actions or inaction because they all become so thoroughly regulated. The art of decision making is decimated because the need to think is taken out of the equation … our job is only to do.

            LOL, there’s some way out there philosophical thinking for today 😉

            When it comes to narcissis, as you suggest, others won’t know the reason for a sense of entitlement, but someone like Alec Baldwin will make sure they don’t question it. My way or the highway, which reminds me of my ex-husband. Nobody else’s needs come into it. That would create a great many opportunities for things to be overlooked in order to appease this sense of entitlement.

            Education, education, education. Top priority when it comes to narcissism.

            It is interesting to see the differences in respect of schools and cadres when it comes to narcs, too, but some things like a sense of entitlement belong to them all.

            I think part of the problem lies in the fact narcissists hold so much power, and therefore are often not held to account in the same way other people are … even if it’s imaginary power as in the case of Harry’s wife. Alec Baldwin will have an element of heavyweight power in Hollywood, which is also probably why he’s like Teflon. Think of the narcs you know, alot of them get away without anything sticking to them. Now imagine the ones who have enormous wealth and power.

            Can you imagine any of them giving us the education HG is giving us?

            How many magicians would give away their secrets?

            It is as well HG remains hidden for now as those who are aware narcissists would likely try to hunt him down for revealing them. Harry’s wife is on the hunt for those who are critical of her, many of them calling her out for what she is, and she’s not even an aware narc!

          6. Asp Emp says:

            LET, thank you for guaranteeing my innocence 😉

            ‘The Rock’ has chosen wisely. Wonder if any more will come forward to state similar? Either way, it will make people think.

            ‘My way or the highway’ is quite common among the narcissists. Some may use the same words, others will ‘navigate’ around those words but still have the same ‘meaning’. A Lesser would put it across more ‘aggressively’.

            I understand when you say that “narcissists hold so much power” – it has negative and positive (pros / cons) of them in positions of power. It depends in what field of work. It is beneficial in decision making where a lack of emotional (sometimes cognitive) empathy is best left ‘out of the equation’, otherwise they would end up ‘dithering’ for too long to reach a decision. A prime example would be during a protest (where emotions could become a ‘hindrance’ in some way and ‘interfere’ with rational thinking) where it could get out of control and sudden decisions (cold, logical thinking) are required.

            Sometimes it’s a ‘Catch 22’.

            Alec is probably too much of a ‘heavyweight’ for himself in public 😉 They give the impression of being made of Teflon internally when it comes to sticking something on them, they’re slippery fkers.

            Donald springs to mind RE: wealth & power (just!).

            “Can you imagine any of them giving us the education HG is giving us?”. No, I can’t actually. None of them can think like HG. In my view, he is not giving away secrets as such, he is imparting what he knows to people who need to know, as an Expert by Experience, it is one way of his ‘getting back’ to ‘them’, partly driven by his ‘fury’. The difference is that HG is ‘navigating’ around the manipulations he experienced and is turning the tables back on ‘them’.

            RE: your last paragraph – I agree that he has a need to be ‘safe’. He is also ‘protecting’ us, educating us and ensuring his Legacy will continue.

            Harry’s Wife really is summat else! LOL.

            Great to read your views, thank you 🙂

            Thanks, HG, for your time 🙂

          7. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp, good to read your thoughts again and I disagree with “the Rock”.

            I don’t agree with the over regulation of any area which has already been sufficiently regulated and where an incident has occurred that basically amounts to someone not doing their job properly. Dwayne Johnson in this instance will not help Teflon Alec to be held accountable as he now calls for cops to take responsibility for the handling of guns on movie sets! I read at least one comment that would indicate the only people qualified to the job are the armourers already employed to do the job, some of them ex-military. They already have trained people on set. Someone f*cked up and now potentially every movie set must change how they do things based on that. My opinion, do the investigation, get a hold of the culprit, sue the ass off them for negligence and wrongful death in order for justice to be done, everyone learn a lesson from that and then let everyone else get on with the jobs they were already doing quite capably on every other movie set.

            I appreciate you sharing your perspective on the pros and cons around decision making, and I agree. Leadership positions require an ability to make difficult decisions and we know narcs with their black and white thinking will at times do what needs to be done. I don’t apply it to ‘logic’ as much as to this aspect of narcissism. Sometimes the narcissism gets it right. That’s about as much credit as I’m willing to give to some of the atrocious leadership we have seen recently in many different areas.

            The Donald does not immediately spring to my mind around talk of wealth and power, there are many more rich and powerful with an iron in the fire who don’t need to be the President of the United States to make their power felt. In fact, the more hidden they are, the more worrisome to me. At least Trump was up front, and as a Lesser even more so. It’s the Greaters and even Mid-Rangers you need to watch out for, the slippery snakes in politics and other fields who hide so well or charm so effectively. I’d take Trump over them any day on that basis. At least I know what I’m getting 😉

            Thank you for pointing out some of HG’s motivation for doing what he is doing. That’s important. Yes, it is to get back at ‘them’ while also creating a lasting legacy. Either way we benefit. I mention magicians because the way they operate is by a sleight of hand and we know the narcissist deceives. That is an important reminder to have as well due to the fact we are being taught not to be deceived. I’m sure aware narcissists would not appreciate the rising awareness of empaths, but then again going by what HG says there’s aren’t that many of them, and the more aware they are the more likely they are to evade detection.

            Enjoying the conversation, AspEmp 🙂

          8. Asp Emp says:

            LET, RE: Dwayne Johnson. Maybe consider that what he has said is his ‘indirect’ way of ‘speaking out’ his ‘views’ on what happened?

            I don’t know why but I was reminded of the incident of George Floyd and the response by people following that. It is similar in some ways. Something happens, people respond and effectively leads to changes. If you understand what I mean? Having said that, I watched a programme last night about the statue in Bristol and it was interesting because that statue was put up 200 years after the slavery took place – history is being re-written and I think in this case, in my view, it’s only right that the statue stays down.

            I agree. Sometimes the narcissism gets it right.

            RE: your last paragraph, yes, we benefit too. Not many aware narcissists is still a number that is large enough to have an ‘impact’ yet the lower echelons are the more dangerous but easier for weaponised empaths to spot. (Trump is a dangerous man, in my view, so I’d stay the fk away from him – he is the type to pay ‘keep your mouth shut’ money).

            Enjoying the conversation, me too. It’s good for stretching our minds 🙂

          9. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp, I have no problem with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson doing what he believes is right. That goes without saying. I just happen not to agree with him 🙂

            The comparison to George Floyd’s death could be made in terms of a reaction to an event which mobilizes people to consider the cause and what needs to be done about it. In the case of an accidental shooting on set, what likely needs to be done is to ensure an enforcing of the regulations already in place – namely experienced and qualified people on set who work to certain standards with all the correct checks and balances in place. So, I do understand what you mean but view situations somewhat differently in terms of cause and effect.

            The issue of monuments has come up for me time and time again as someone who has an interest in the American Civil War. There’s hot political potatoes all over the place! As we can see from what is happening across the world, the disagreement over these stretches way beyond them and is overtaking what I see as any reasonable discussion. Many of these monuments are works of art in their own right created by well known and respected sculptors. This political discussion is probably much too far reaching for us to have the discussion here.

            I’m afraid I don’t agree that lower echelon narcissists are by far the most dangerous, they are just the most ‘visible’. Trump was a much more visible narcissist in that sense than Obama. And yet both became President of the U.S. Obama managed a second term, that doesn’t make him any less a narcissist, just a more effective one. There are rumours about the Clintons that involve a lot more than people being paid to keep their mouths shut, but now it’s all politics, as well as narcissism. I think I need to move away from the politics again as graciously as I can x

            I am enjoying the conversation, AspEmp, and it is a stretchy one indeed 😉

          10. Asp Emp says:

            LET, thank you for your response. I see and agree your point in relation to the statues being pieces of art / sculptors who created them. Again, I agree “This political discussion is probably much too far reaching for us to have the discussion here” – even though HG permits it to a degree – his blog is not necessarily the place for some points that are beyond political.

            In relation to the Lessers, I was speaking from personal experience (especially from a physical aspect). They can still ‘fk’ your mind up but not as bad as the MRNs. Muvver was not an MRN, certainly not a Greater.

            It seems that the case of the shooting is still ‘open’……..

            Thank you, HG, for moderating this conversation. Most kind of you 🙂

          11. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hey AspEmp, thanks for your reply which I have just seen.

            We’ve managed to touch on quite a few complex topics in this thread and not one of them, from my perspective, is untouched by politics. There is a definite crossover here with narcissism as we know many narcs are in politics, but not just in politics. They are in every walk of life which impacts on our own and often powerful, admired, ruthless, etc. The world right now is like a minefield, which to my mind suggests the narcissists have the upper hand. If we imagine here we are discovering ways to get the upper hand on the narcissists then the future doesn’t look quite as bleak.

            I see you were speaking about Lesser’s from a more personal perspective and they are definitely easier to spot due to the lack of a facade. Sounds like you count your mother among the Lesser’s and there’s no doubt whatever school they are, they are going to have an impact. I would say the mindfuck is most overwhelming from the Greater’s because they are masters at manipulation. A Lesser’s manipulations appear coarse and rude, Mid-Ranger’s manipulations are slimy and subtle, while the Greater’s manipulations are couched in largesse. Spot the most dangerous narcissist indeed.

            I haven’t seen too much on the Baldwin shooting in recent days, he’s been seen out and about having a good time with his family, so no idea what’s going on behind the scenes except to imagine multiple lawsuits being prepared and filed for a reckoning.

            HG has been very generous in allowing the thoughts to flow and I appreciate that, too x

          12. Asp Emp says:

            LET, thank you for your reply. RE: your first paragraph – yes, I agree, political – there is such a lot going on, everywhere!

            RE: your second paragraph:

            I was unfortunately very naive where that Lesser ‘ensnared’ me. His ex-boss was able to see his ‘true nature’ so to speak. I liked her and have lost touch since my last workplace, she is a really good un. I don’t know if she got ‘brain-washed’ about me but we had known each other 15 / 16 years longer than she became involved with them. She was delighted to see me after so long and surprised them fuckens at work at how she came to give me a hug, like an old friend. Just a pang of ET. Sigh. That is what them fuckens have done. Knowing her, she would not necessarily have ‘judged’ me.

            Yes, much thanks and appreciation to HG for moderating. I have enjoyed this chat, LET. Thank you x

          13. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp, you seem to have had some good bosses in your time and also made a good impression on them. More power to those people who accept us for who we are and see the good in us. I do wish sometimes people weren’t so easily influenced by what others had to say without finding out the truth for themselves. Hopefully she has kept her good impression of you in spite of any naysayers. Maybe she even refuted what they had to say, knowing you as well as she did. I know I would defend someone I knew, and take criticisms of those I didn’t with a pinch of salt … narcissists can’t have it all their own way xox

          14. Asp Emp says:

            LET, thank you for your words. “narcissists can’t have it all their own way” – damn right, I had to deal with one today, indirectly. There is a ‘system’ in place and that is my ‘grenade’, should the need arises. Basically to summarise ‘a patient can change their communication preferences at any time without having to give a reason’, NHS England guidance. I had stated my preferences a few years ago but will use that ‘grenade’. Thank God for this site and the empowerment, the words of support and ‘lift-ups’ when they are needed. Thanks, LET xo

          15. lickemtomorrow says:

            <3 You're welcome, AspEmp x

            By all means use the system as it's meant to be used, without fear or favour. The guidelines are there for a reason and knowing your rights is paramount. Good to know you are feeling empowered 🙂

          16. Asp Emp says:

            LET, thank you x

          17. Sweetest Perfection says:

            So let me get this straight. A toy gun can be considered “not authentic”
            in the shooting of a fiction movie (whose spectators, I believe at least the vast majority of them, are not artillery experts), but then a black kid can be shot for carrying a toy gun that “looked suspiciously authentic.” If that is so, why don’t they use that brand of toy gun? I call it BULLSHIT.

          18. A Victor says:

            Since I was a kid and my brother had those metal cap guns, I have wondered why they use things that have the potential to injure another in the making of movies. Those cap guns had smoke, the sound could easily be dubbed in, I have never understood it. Even with the limited number of accidents that have happened, zero would be better.

          19. Sweetest Perfection says:

            No need to die for the sake of verisimilitude. Completely futile.

          20. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I totally agree, Asp Emp (plus I’m near sighted so what do I care if the weapon looks real or not). Meanwhile, my man The Rock (somatic empath) came to the rescue:

          21. Asp Emp says:

            SP, laughing at “somatic empath”. I reckon he’s a good ‘un too.

          22. Sweetest Perfection says:

            HG told me once. It’s somewhere in the blog.

          23. Asp Emp says:

            SP, I was thinking about the schools and cadres earlier today, of both narcissist and empath. I’ll share some more on my thoughts about this at some point. 🙂

          24. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Ok. I know empaths are not classified in the same way, but I was playing with the meaning of “somatic,” which comes from “soma” or body. If there’s someone truly corporeal, that person is Dwayne Johnson, ‘The Rock’!

          25. Asp Emp says:

            SP, yes, I know what you mean. Some ‘games’ are not meant to be played LOL 😉

          26. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Oops I see the topic was already discussed sorry. I like Johnson. I was excited to read that. Like I said, if they held a banana instead I wouldn’t even notice the difference.

          27. Asp Emp says:

            SP, laughing again, “if they held a banana instead I wouldn’t even notice the difference”. I would 😉

          28. Sweetest Perfection says:

            If Daniel Craig was holding a banana you would be looking at the banana??? Come on! Well, only if that meant he was happy to see me…

          29. Asp Emp says:

            SP, you are giving ‘off’ two perceptions here 😉 And another one in an earlier comment. I’d be looking into the eyes and giving the third eye another look 😉

          30. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I can’t multitask.

          31. Asp Emp says:

            LOL. Why not?

      2. Another Cat says:

        Good observation,
        A E.
        I would probably not have the strength to present a high-energy Halloween post like that, at this point, if I were in the situation of Alec (and Hilaria).

        Narcs love plausible deniability, so the couple can always refer to making safe familiar feelings for the children, after this devastating accident. They can always blame it on something.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          AC, I suppose it is the narcissism at ‘work’ here – deniability to the extreme in this case. Deflection too. It is as if they (Alec & wife) ‘switched’ off from the reality of what happened. Their children, possibly future ACONs (even, narcissists) may, may not, understand the seriousness of the situation today but will they in the future? Would it change the ‘dynamics’ of their relationships with their parents? That is years down the line. Yet, there is a possibility of the children being ‘ostracized’ at some point in the not too distant future.

          Thank you for your thoughts on this. Good to read 🙂

  4. Ness36 says:

    I was hoping you would do an analysis of Alec Baldwin. Throughout the media coverage of the accident on the set of Rust I’ve been wondering if he’s a narcissist.

  5. Joa says:

    Finally someone I know. I’ve never liked it visually. Blocky beauty.

    But his brother William, uuuuuu, hot. I spotted him, when he was not so famous yet, he was playing some … psycho. He “seduced” me right away, ha ha ha 🙂

    I feel sorry for the incident with the gun.

    1. Another Cat says:

      That´s interesting, Joa.
      I never noticed Alec Baldwin either, thought to myself, how did Kim Basinger fall for that guy? But yes, William, any time.

      Some narcissists just aren´t that attractive, I learnt. It´s a matter of taste.

      Regarding the incident, I don´t think anyone on the set wanted to kill Mrs Hutchins.
      ,It doesn’t seem that way.

      1. Joa says:

        Oops, bugs. When I have pressure to write, I don’t check the automatic translations so thoroughly and such freaks come out 🙂
        More precisely: “I’ve never liked him visually. Rough-hewn beauty.”

        Another Cat, of course you won’t be interested in every narcissist. I don’t like men who are dripping with testosterone. Nothing attracts me about them.

        I prefer a more subtle male beauty, but still predatory. Someone complicated to discover, interesting, psychologically masculine-feminine.

        The harder, the better 🙂

        1. Another Cat says:

          Hrm Hrm I wish I was less shallow in that sense. Although intelligence very much attracts, for me it’s beautiful eyes. Hair or eyes with a strong colour, thick hair. (or bald with shiny eyes)
          I guess lookswise it can be both narcissists and empaths.

          Well, trying to head off for less shallow in the future.

          1. Joa says:

            Another Cat, physical attraction is a big plus, but I am able to fall in love with Quasimodo. When I love, this man is beautiful, attractive and the best to me.

            The above applies to all my relatives.

            Of course, I have my own types of beauty, but it is of little importance in relationships.

    2. A Victor says:

      I agree Joa, William’s a hottie.

      1. Joa says:

        AV, was 🙂
        For me in the past tense.

        1. A Victor says:

          Haha, I suppose that’s true!

  6. Aleksandra says:

    Very interesting!

  7. Asp Emp says:

    I had watched part of a film that Alec was in recently and I thought to myself, yup, a narcissist. And also possibly more than one of his brothers.

    There is something about their eyes that I found rather ‘chilling’ in my view, to some degree, they act as if they are ‘being’ themselves in some of the films they have done in the past (where the narcissism can be ‘visible’ to those who have good observation skills). I have said this about Kevin Spacey. Ugh.

    Granted, some narcissists are not ‘obvious’, some are when they are in their acting roles. Granted some of these actors are good, as you say, they do it because of the ‘benefits’ they obtain out of it.

    The Hunt for Red October, I enjoyed the film itself.

    HG, I look forward to your further analysis on this particular actor. Thank you so much for your time in researching, reading and collating the information to produce these videos.

  8. Duchessbea says:

    A very sad and horrendous accident that happened. May Halyna Hutchins Rest in Peace.

  9. Asp Emp says:

    HG, I had hoped that you may consider doing an analysis on Alec Baldwin. I was absolutely mortified in relation to the person who died because of the props being used and thought to myself, why are these still being used these days? Thank you so very much for doing the work on this guy. I look forward to reading what you have to say about him.

  10. A Victor says:

    This man is scary. I would guess he is a narcissist and is an ULB Somatic.

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Me too AV. I should have known because he resembles my dad so much, and now I know it’s not just physically.

      1. A Victor says:

        He has always freaked me out a bit, since being here it has made sense. But, maybe we’re wrong, then you get to have your dream continue! 😃

  11. Sweetest Perfection says:


    1. Asp Emp says:

      SP, sometimes, not always, their eyes can be a clue…..

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        My dad’s eyes are exactly like Baldwin’s but green. Same eyebrows, same face frame, everything. But of course I have only seen Baldwin in acting roles so I didn’t put it together.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          SP, thank you for sharing that. Now that you know, you may ‘see’ it in Baldwin when (and if) you watch any films with him in it in future. Hmmm, wonder if HG’s list of Who’s A Narcissist and Who’s Not (of Famous People) would be in our libraries in the future…..I’ll be sitting in the library purring away with that book 😉

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            To be honest, the only film I have watched with Baldwin in it was It’s Complicated. He is exceptionally good in his Narc role.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            SP, it’s complicated now 😉

          3. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Good one haha!

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Oh! Not true! Lickemtomorrow mentioned below Blue Jasmine, I watched that too but I tend to forget the rest of the cast in any movie with Cate Blanchett in it.

          5. Asp Emp says:

            SP, it’s getting more complicated now 😉

          6. lickemtomorrow says:

            Cate Blanchett is mesmerizing … one of my favourite actors, and I don’t know if you’ve seen her in The Gift, with I think one of your faves also, Keanu Reeves, but that movie takes my breath away <3 Probably because she has those special psychic abilities. But, she doesn't see the bad guy until it's almost too late … remind you of anyone?

            I just watched her again the other day in Veronica Guerin … heartbreaking.

          7. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Lickemtomorrow, no I haven’t! I saw a 2015 film with the same title, nothing remarkable. I’ll look it up. Keanu and Cate together, ahhhh!! I love her dignified stance, her ethereal look. I adore her since her role as Galadriel. I cannot imagine a better actress to embody that majestic character.

          8. lickemtomorrow says:

            Yes, I think I’ve seen the other film you are talking about, SP, so hopefully you can find the one I mentioned and check it out. It really is worthwhile, although Keanu is definitely not playing his empathic self in this movie!

            She is dignified and she does have an ethereal look. So much to appreciate about her as an actor and her abilities more than anything.

            Afraid I’m not a Lord of the Rings fan, so can’t comment in relation to that one, but I can certainly imagine her being the perfect actress to embody the character you describe.

            Obviously haven’t seen all her movies, but those I have I enjoyed 🙂

          9. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Thanks for the recommendation, lickemtomorrow. I found the movie and I’ll watch it today! I am not a Lord of the Rings-movies fan either, they last way too long in my opinion, but I love the books. When I was little, my parents bought me a copy of an illustrated book with scenes from the original Ralph Bakshi’s animated film The Lord of the Rings. It was incomplete, more like a summary of the Tolkien’s saga, but it was enough to catch my attention. I watched the animated movie later with some friends, I was terrified of the Nazgûl (Dark Riders). Ironically, I ended up studying Tolkien’s more academic articles as a fellow philologist. I’ve always admired him in both the academic and the creative fields. On a different note, I watched a cheesy movie last night, Finch. Just because I was feeling under the weather after the new vaccine and this movie was free on Apple. I cried like an idiot and now my eyes are swollen and my nose is congested. My arm also hurts like a mofo. So it’s time for Cate and Keanu to make me happy! I’ll let you know what I think, thanks again! 💕

          10. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Lickemtomorrow, I watched the film. I loved Cate’s having extrasensorial perception! Hard to believe Keanu plays such a nasty character. Thanks a lot. The movie and HG’s funny analysis of Hilaria (followed by the comments) helped me through the vaccine’s side effects. One little clarification though: after talking to my friend in London whose husband also got the extra shot because he’s in his 50s, the booster shot is given in the USA to all educators, both teachers and professors, which is the reason why I got mine. I am not 50. Which is a good age, but I’m not there yet. Ahh, vanity traits…

          11. lickemtomorrow says:

            SP, not sure if the “thanks a lot” re: Keanu is because you are pleased you got to see Keanu in another light, or because you are disappointed for the same reason 😉

            I haven’t watched the Hilaria videos, but I should check them out. She really takes the cake with her ‘foreign’ accent and exposure of the same. It’s amazing how narcissists talk their way out of these oddities with peculiar explanations and somehow expect us all to buy them. Magical thinking explains a lot!

            If we are talking Covid shots, they are a hot political potato right now and therefore I could have A LOT to say about them 🙂 While you talk vanity, I could talk pride, SP. Not shy to admit I can be very opinionated (you no doubt remember our recent conversation), it behooves me to avoid this subject on the basis it does not relate to narcissism (or does it?) and we could be here for months discussing it.

            I’m so glad you enjoyed the movie and, tbh, I was a little shattered to see Keanu playing the ‘bad guy’, but he did it so well 🙂

          12. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I talked a vanity concerning my age. Concerning the vaccine, I am honestly a bit tired of people that always want to go against everything and make it all political; I have a trip to Europe coming up and I’m going. The Hilaria videos are very funny, I almost choked laughing at the one with the pictures. The ridiculousness of the poses and the commentaries by HG were too much.

          13. lickemtomorrow says:

            I’m sorry I missed this post earlier, SP, as per usual I’m not getting all my notifications!

            You have inspired me to go take a look at the Hilaria videos, though 🙂 Thanks.

          14. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Lickemtomorrow, my thank you note was genuine, I really enjoyed seeing Keanu so young. It doesn’t matter he was mean in this film, we can forgive him. Hahaha

          15. lickemtomorrow says:

            SP, so glad you found the movie 🙂

            My brother was the Tolkein fan in the family and had all his books. As a fellow Catholic, I often feel I should know more about him, and it is suggested his Lord of the Rings trilogy denotes in many ways his Catholic faith, much like C.S. Lewis with his Chronicles of Narnia also denotes his Christian faith. I did read those when I was younger, but much of the detail alludes me now. Delighted to see H.G. narrating the Screwtape Letters over on the Treasure Trove <3

            That's the first I've heard of this new movie, Finch, so I might just have to check it out. It is a little frustrating to have to go to a variety of different streaming services these days to watch movies, and yes, some do offer them for free while others have them but will charge for them. The last injection I got left my arm red, swollen and sore for days. I'm glad I can help provide you with a distraction <3

          16. lickemtomorrow says:

            SP, just had to tell you I managed to watch “Finch” and was a little surprised to find the movie’s theme was my ‘signature’ song 😛 I hadn’t thought of that song or occasion in years until a few days ago when I mentioned it here, and now it’s shown up in a movie, totally out of the blue!

            Not the only coincidence to occur in the last few days, the other even more remarkable, but I’ll save that for the appropriate moment 🙂

            I appreciated the recommendation, SP, and I did enjoy the movie. My son said he had watched it a couple of days ago and left the room so I “could cry in peace” 🙁

            Such a thoughtful young man 😉

      2. Leigh says:

        Asp says, “SP, sometimes, not always, their eyes can be a clue…..”

        Can you elaborate? How so?

        1. Asp Emp says:


          I don’t think Alec is necessarily ‘seducing’ anybody at present 😉 I’ve been people watching all of my life, it was not always easy to ‘decipher’ them but I have more ‘tools’ now…….have a look at some still photos of him?

        2. A Victor says:

          Leigh, HG did a video, maybe two, about the narcissists eyes, very interesting. Here are some:

          1. Leigh says:

            ASP & AV, yes, I know about the Narcissist’s Stare. My narc husband doesn’t use it but workplace narc did. ASP, I actually thought you were talking about something else. Something less obvious. I feel like the stare is obvious.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Hello Leigh, yes, there is a difference in a ‘look’ which is less time than a ‘stare’ if you get my gist? It is not necessarily ‘less obvious’ when I observe it from somebody. I am laughing here because I stare at people but I am more aware of doing it these days because of the reduced ET / increased knowledge & LT.

          3. Leigh says:

            Hi Asp, lol, unfortunately, I don’t get it. Its going right over my head, lol. I’m gonna try and pay closer attention now though.

          4. Asp Emp says:

            Leigh, I understand – the difference is the fact I am Deaf, so I tend to ‘spot’ it even at the shortest time (a look can be one second or two, a stare is longer). You can slow the speed of the film. Or even spot it within still photographs. You can always start ‘staring’ yourself 😉

          5. Asp Emp says:

            Leigh, if you go to HG’s Ultra channel on YouTube, and click onto Playlists, look for Meghan Markle : Analysis and scroll down to video numbers –

            223 – Part 71.5 : The Death Stare
            224 – Death Stare : Analysis
            230 – Part 72.6 The Death Stare and The Smirk
            231 – Part 72.7 The Death Stare and the Smirk
            239 – Part 73.6 : Rapid Blinking : Why?

            I noted down the video numbers rather than copy and paste the YT URLs. Hope this helps 🙂

          6. A Victor says:

            Thank you Asp Emp, I’m away from home this weekend and not having much time to search yet. 🙂

          7. Asp Emp says:

            No worries, AV. Ohh, you’re “away” are you? 🙂

          8. A Victor says:

            Hahaha, visiting my kids and grandkids! 🤣, “away”….😂

            That’s funny, after I wrote it I realized it could sound cryptic, I never do anything super exciting!

          9. Asp Emp says:

            Yes you do, AV 😉 And, yes, it was rather “cryptic” LOL.

          10. A Victor says:

            Haha, yes, if playing in the dirt in the garden is exciting, yes!! 😂 Just kidding, I had an amazing time with them.

          11. Leigh says:

            Thank you Asp. I also watched the video whee Mr. Tudor compares MM to Mommie Dearest. I get it now. It’s frightening. Watching those videos I realized my husband does it on some level too. I’ve said on multiple occasions in the past that he ruins pictures. He either has an awkward grin and his eyes are weird, or he looks like he doesn’t want to even be in the photo or he has that cold, menacing look like Mommie Dearest. I’ve seen those looks on other people as well. Thank you again for pointing me in the right direction. It’s interesting that I didn’t even realize that he has a stare as well. Its probably because I don’t do eye contact, especially with him.

          12. Asp Emp says:

            Leigh, thank you for sharing your new ‘angle’ of looking at this. It is when you are reading HG’s work, you begin to see / understand more. I would like to suggest that the narcissism is probably not wanting the narcissist to have a photo taken, I have noticed that too, especially when they are caught unawares and prefer to have control (of the environment and of themselves). Even then they may appear ‘stiff’. Consider that maybe someone taking a photo of them is similar to them not having ‘control’ to some degree. It has to be on their ‘terms’. For some, there may be an element of anxiety? Yes, it could be quite a common ‘response’….”I don’t like my photo being taken”. Maybe it is similar to fear of exposure? Yes, narcissists like the ‘attention’ but it seems when it comes to photographs, the attention ‘movement’ stops ‘flowing’ (fuel receipt) if you can understand what I mean?

            Maybe you don’t do the eye contact with him because you sensed what he is but didn’t know until you came here. Maybe your instincts did not really like him so the emotional thinking ‘told’ you otherwise? Or did your instincts ‘learn’ over time and then your eyes started to ‘divert’ from his (and other narcissists in your past)?

            Glad you found the videos useful 🙂

          13. Leigh says:

            Lol! I’m afraid of eye contact. I rarely look at someone in the eye. It freaks me out.

          14. Leigh says:

            Asp, I can’t do eye contact. It’ freak me out.

            Sorry if this is a repeat. WordPress was giving me an error message.🤷‍♀️

          15. Asp Emp says:

            Leigh, you do not have to share here but do you know (or are you aware) of why it ‘freaks’ you?

          16. Leigh says:

            Yes I am aware of why and I don’t mind sharing. It makes me feel vulnerable and I can’t do vulnerable. Its a safety mechanism to keep my wall up. Even during intimate moments, my eyes are always closed.

          17. Asp Emp says:

            Leigh, thank you for sharing 🙂

          18. A Victor says:

            Leigh, I don’t do well with eye contact either. It was abused when I was a child and now it takes a lot of trust to be built before I am willing to risk it much at all. It makes going to dinner with people uncomfortable, sitting across from them. I have a goal, sex with my eyes open and the lights on, haha. If I can manage that level of trust with someone, I will feel successful at intimacy. Though there would have to be a lot of non-sexual intimacy prior to that happening!

            Btw, something that helped me regarding the eyes was comparing a known narcissist’s eyes to that of a known non-narcissist, like MM against Harry or Kate. You can see the life in Harry and Kate’s eyes, even if it’s pain. MM, nothing, just dead. It’s really creepy, almost like she’s not seeing the same thing they are. Of course, you can see it when she’s not looking at the same thing also, like she’s looking at the back of Kate’s head in the death stare. Her eyes look the same in all of them.

            One of the videos that was also helpful to me was Harry’s Wife : The Rictus Grin.

            I don’t think the stare is always present, it’s rather just a deadness and appears to me to be associated with always being focused on control, so they’re not really living in the moment like non-narcissists, who would have organic responses to what’s going on. I think narcissists are too busy thinking about maintaining control and sucking up any fuel that is available. It is their predation at work.

          19. Leigh says:

            AV, thank you for that tip about comparing a non narcissist’s eyes to a narcissist’s eyes. I’ll have to pay closer attention now. I’m sure this will help in my everyday life as well.

            As for sex with the lights on & eyes open, I wanted that too. I though it would create intimacy. Especially since I don’t have that or even want that with my husband. I did it with workplace narc though and it ended up biting me in the ass. I suppose I still want it but I think its going to take a long time to get there.

          20. A Victor says:

            Oh no!!! My measuring stick is not useful!! Back to the drawing board…🤣

          21. Leigh says:

            Ha! I think your measuring stick is still useful. Workplace narc happened before I knew about narcissism. You know about narcissism and what signs to look for in a person. You won’t want to create intimacy with someone who is toxic.

          22. A Victor says:

            True, thank you Leigh.

          23. A Victor says:

            Leigh, one of the Harry’s Wife videos is about her eyes. It was the one that made the eyes click for me. I’ll see if I can find it this weekend, probably Sun, and put the link here.

          24. HG Tudor says:

            Just search Death State or Blink

          25. A Victor says:

            Thank you HG.

          26. Leigh says:

            Thank you Mr. Tudor.

          27. Leigh says:

            Thank you Mr. Tudor

          28. Leigh says:

            That would be extremely helpful. Thank you! 😀

          29. Leigh says:

            Thank you AV! That would be very helpful!

          30. Another Cat says:

            Asp Emp

            Regarding the non-staring narcissist.

            I totally get it. They usually do the constant non-stop fast blinking instead, is my experience.

            The Jennifeer-Aniston-expression.

            I had a boyfriend like that a long time ago. Fast blinking. Long eyelashes. I guess the stare was well-hidden, lol.

          31. Asp Emp says:

            Hello Another Cat 🙂 You have used a good example (Jennifer) for the fast blinking ‘theory’. Laughing at you suggesting that the stare was well-hidden. I agree, non-narcissists can do this ‘fast blinking’.

            If you observe a narcissist doing that, I’d suggest that is one of those narcissist ‘404’ moments where they are ‘malfunctioning’ (especially when the example of an empty warehouse shelf is used – I loved that when I read the video) LOL. I suppose it could also lead to the ‘reality gap’ if the empath grenade is the equivalent, or more powerful than a narc bomb. I have found it is easy to do to a Lesser (the one at the garage, that was brill and I felt so good!).

            Thank you for sharing your observations on this.

          32. Another Cat says:

            AlexisSmith2016, I think, called out a few years ago that not all narcissists stare.
            Well, on occasion/photos one can spot it, but not easily.

            One good example is Boris Johnson.

            I image-google his name, many many photos appear, but he just does the ‘nervous trembling thing’ on most of them. Check it out. No apparent stare or glare. Nothing stiff about the eyes.

            I noticed this behaviour through the years because I had a friend like that and a boyfriend (That boyfriend looked more like George Clooney than Johnson, but still, that same constant nervous image blinking).

            I suspect they realized when they were kids that their stare makes ppl uncomfortable and that this is a good cover-up.

          33. A Victor says:

            Hi Another Cat, this is very interesting to me, sent lot of unexpected emotions through me also. On googling Boris Johnson, which I had not done before like this, looking for this, I was immediately struck by how his eyes, expressions, directness reminded me of my dad! They do not look alike, just those aspects, but very strongly so. My dad did not bumble either, not ever. He is also the least of my narcissists to use any kind of stare. But the dead eyes are still there, I think, with both of them. The flat affect even when smiling broadly, the eyes, eyebrows, still don’t have life, sparkle, natural response to whatever they seem to be smiling about. I need to find out what type of narcissist Boris is now, my dad was the highest “ranking” one I had, per schools and cadre. He hid many things well. Just today it hit me that he triangulated us with his dogs my entire life. Don’t know why I realized it, but it explained a lot. Also, I had one ex who did/does stare, all the time, at everything! It was so weird! And then my second ex used his stare much more selectively, he did have one but I rarely saw it after the initial GP. Thank you for your comment, I am going to continue studying this, it is very interesting!

          34. Another Cat says:

            Yes, the dead eyes. I have a problem myself with calling anybody’s eyes dead, but that robotic stare… their eyes look a bit like the whole body and face is hanging from the eyes. The eyes still and the body moving around it like a puppet (in Boris’s case). I was rather hesitant to write this observation, feels a bit mean, describing a person in this manner.

            I used to just write features like that off with different excuses, like “interesting beauty when a person has so dark eyes and lightblond hair” or such. I didn’t reflect on intensive staring. But it is abusive. With time one gets totally worn out by living with a staring person.

            Like living in a panopticon.

            But it all happens so slowly, with the lovebombing and all, so the only part of us that noticed was the unconscious.

          35. A Victor says:

            Another Cat, wow, that is a good description. Oh, yes, and a panopticon, how creepy would that be. That is so interesting though, I felt this from my mother even though she didn’t use the stare. It is extremely taxing, the reason I am so private, will not share anything with her.

            Yes, and we just think they’re interested in us! So true!

          36. Joa says:

            AV, quite a strange desire – sex with your eyes open 🙂

            I close my eyes instinctively at the peak moments. Precisely to switch off one of the senses, in order to feel strongly with the other senses.

            Why should I deprive myself of a pleasure that is much greater than seeing? Better to multiply it 🙂

            Apart from these moments, I like to look at the male body. And even more on the face (but then I limit myself).

          37. A Victor says:

            I’m looking for the connection, the intimacy, sharing those moments with him, and he with me. My ex would not give eye contact, in or out of the bedroom, except in a moment of sucking fuel, usually during a disagreement. And, I’m not saying ALL the time, eyes open, lights on, just that there’s a comfort level to do so. Sex w my ex, very non intimate, mechanical, boring. It’s embarrassing to admit I tolerated it. He controlled every aspect, took control early on, and I allowed it, didn’t understand that it was a giant red flag. You are blessed that you have had better luck in this area.

          38. Leigh says:

            Joa, even with my eyes closed the pleasure isn’t heightened. Not even a little bit. I wish it was though.

          39. Joa says:

            AV, Leigh,

            hmmm, that’s really weird. I would not call sex boring neither with the first nor with the second N. Rather, very varied 🙂

            It was completely different with both. Great x 2. Completely different. As if they were filling other levels.

            After the end of both relationships, I thought many times, that if I could find a person, who combines the advantages of these two, it would be like a nuclear explosion 🙂

            Mechanical sex was at the end of relationships, when feelings were gone, so it didn’t surprise me at all.

            Yes, sex is a wonderful thing. Damn, it’s a shame I have to live without it 🙂

          40. A Victor says:

            Joa, if I had a dime for every time once thought your final sentence, if be a wealthy woman!!

    2. Leigh says:

      That’s how I feel foo. Say it ain’t so! I love Alec Baldwin.

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