Along Came A Spider


I have made mention of how the advancements in technology have provided my kind and I with a smorgasbord of methods to carry out our works. From seduction to manipulation the freedom that comes with wifi and a functioning device provides is with a wealth of opportunity. My web can be spread wide over the….well the web. How apt it is that the pioneers of the internet decided on the appellation of world wide web. The electronic blanket which encapsulates this planet is indeed a web. A perilous place which readily ensnares the unwary.

From chatrooms, to text messaging, through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, e-mail and dating sites, the internet has proven to be bountiful in its riches for my kind. Of course, this vast array of different hunting grounds can only be of benefit to the seasoned hunter. You can fill a river with salmon but if you do not know how to fish then you will not catch anything. Of course, I know how to fish, to shoot, to spear and to hunt. My mastering of the tools of manipulation enables me to sniff out my prey in moments and like a lion tracking a bison, drag them to the ground and eat them from behind before they even realise what has happened to them.

Have you ever seen the expression on a felled bison or buffalo as a predatory lion gorges on their flesh? It is not pain, it is not frustrated struggle but an almost blissful ignorance to what is actually happening. They seem unaware that they are being devoured. It is so similar for my victims. They smile and purr even as I am taking chunks from them because that is the high level of my skill.

Thus the internet has become my hunting ground and my various manipulative machinations are given a good run out amidst the waiting and willing victims. There is one thing however that always works in this electronic shop window and that is the art of conversation.

My early forays in chatrooms bore fruit so incredibly quickly. Even I was taken aback at how easy it was. So many times I read comments such as

“It is such a lovely change to meet someone who can hold a conversation.”

“You are so charming and interesting, you actually hold a conversation than saying hi babe wanna shag?”

“You are clearly intelligent and interested in me. I am not used to that. So many of the men on here just want a picture of my boobs or want to send me a dick pic, you are not like that.”

Naturally, I was not engaged in conversations with men so I do not know if there is a boorish equivalent amongst the female ranks. Certainly in all my conversations I never came across any lady whose opening gambit was to offer a picture of her genitals. I take the view therefore that it is the male of the species that is letting you down. They are certainly not letting me down. By populating chat rooms and dating sites and trotting out such Neanderthal lines these men are increasing my currency.

The fact I can talk about a variety of subjects, ask pertinent and engaging questions and avoid suggesting a bunk up in the first ten mintues meant that I really was the desired exception. The idiots, the perverts and the inarticulate all made me look even better than I already did (yes I know that may be hard to believe!) and thus when I came sashaying into view I was greeted with utter delight by those I interacted with. Even if I had no interest in someone, I was hard pressed not to attract them, by virtue of being able to string sentences together and not engage in demands for instant sexual congress (of course that would come later when I was always pushing on an open door).

Time and time again I heard reports of the pathetic and ill-mannered behaviour of men in these arenas. I expressed dismay and castigated them for it but all the while I celebrated for so long as they continued in this vein it meant all the more eager and willing victims for me.

Those weak and pathetic spiders would soon curl up and die for there was only one giant walking through the net.

Along came a spider but this one could hold a conversation.

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15 thoughts on “Along Came A Spider

  1. Ken says:

    It always stands out how good the cover art for these articles is. They’re always very evocative and on point.

  2. Heather Cook says:

    HD. I’ve watched your videos for months. Your knowledge is top.notch, well presented and deeply needed. Thus, it is with a heavy heart, Daddy Tudor, that I must say that the writing here, and in some of your other written material, is rife with typos and errors. I am a writer, an editor and English instructor and would like to offer my services. Seeing your body of work corrupted and stained with every day human failings breaks my heart into a million little pieces.

    I await your inquiry.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Since you are unable to address me by my correct name, you have fallen at the first hurdle.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        HG, this made me laugh, oh the irony.

      2. WhoCares says:


      3. JB says:

        Ha ha! That did make me laugh, HG!

      4. Duchessbea says:

        Great to see you back. It is not the same when you are away. You were missed.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you.

      5. Joa says:

        Ha ha ha, my god, I’ve laughed many times here reading, but this is the first time with such a attack of convulsions, ha ha ha 😀

        Sorry HC, HD, HG, I’m not laughing at anyone personally, but the combination of the intention of this sweet-offensive proposal, the made banal mistake, and the perfect answer are an explosive mixture, ha ha ha 😀😀😀

      6. Bubbles says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        I think you’re knowledge is ‘top-notch’ as well 😂

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you. I agree.

    2. Duchessbea says:

      Heather Cook,
      With the greatest of respect, that is a rather rude and obnoxious post. One can only assume you are not of an empathic nature. I along with many people here have been an avid partaker of HG’s (notice I spelled his name correctly) work, and never once have I found fault, or have quarrel with HG over what you seem to have issue with on this blog. I also watch all his videos and find them both educating and highly entertaining.
      I along with many other people, are eternally grateful to HG for his amazing advice and incredible work ethic. HG takes the time to answer the many questions I, and many other people have asked him and he has helped us all from the smallest, to the largest ways possible. There really are not enough words in the English language to thank HG for the help he has given.
      I don’t know whether you sent that post just to get a rise out of HG, which you won’t do. HG is an educated man, whose professionalism is quite evident to see in each and every response, including the response he gave to you.
      I hate to state the obvious, but in this case I feel it necessary to do so. You state that you are a writer, well if that is so, editing is a writer’s best friend, and you certainly didn’t seem to edit your post correctly. Had you read over your post before you sent it, you would have spotted the dire spelling mistake of the name of the person that you were sending the post to. Now, that is an insult in itself to the person you are sending it to, but it also makes your post moot on the basis that you have done exactly what you are complaining to HG about. It breaks my little heart into a billion little pieces to have read that message.

    3. Violetta says:

      A million little pieces–just like Harry’s Wife in that Letter to Dad-deeeee….

    4. Isabelle says:

      Hello Heather,
      As a teacher of English I cannot help but comment on your comment.
      The editor, writer and English instructor that you say you are ought to know that when you address someone, first you get their name right, and second you don’t write a full stop just after their name, whether you got it right or not.
      Also, I did not realise a dot or full stop was necessary between ‘top’ and ‘notch’, but that’s probably because it isn’t. Mind your punctuation in the future, it makes for better writing – and reading.
      Oh and another thing: at the end of your paragraph, ‘everyday’ should be written in one word, not two, since it is an adjective in this case.

      “Daddy Tudor”, seriously?

      In a nutshell: please, pretty please, do show a bit more expertise in what you pretend to be an expert in; respect for the people you speak or write to, especially when doing so on a public forum; and a bit more humility generally speaking. Many people pass enough adverse comments as it is on teachers (instructors) without some like you giving them reason to do so.

  3. Asp Emp says:

    It’s pissing down out in the garden today (LOL).

    There it is, the mention of the ‘dick pic’ (laughing).

    “I do not know if there is a boorish equivalent amongst the female ranks”……yes, you do, Ellen Deneres 😉 James Corben as well LOL.

    Having said that, ‘boorish’ was a description that the MR’s wife used because she was challenging him over his affair years before I (unfortunately) met him.

    “Along came a spider but this one could hold a conversation”, and ‘weave’ a cocoon around the ‘prey’, before sinking the ‘fangs’ in, if they were selected as such.

    I am reminded of ‘The Incey Wincey Song’ video. That was good to read too.

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