A Stolen Love

A-STOLEN-LOVE

 

Our victims have many things in common. Those shared traits are why they are chosen and why they become subjected to our incessant manipulations. The evidence of considerable empathic traits is of course one of the pre-requisites to gaining the attention of the narcissist. Exhibit a tendency to care, an ability to see another person’s point of view and a desire to help and you are issuing a neon-lit “Come and get me” to our kind. Your high-scoring on the empathic scale is naturally of considerable value to us. There is, however, another core principle that you all share which is irresistibly attractive to us.

This is your devotion to love. You believe in love, you are advocates of the act of loving, you give love and (although not always) you want to be loved in return. Love is all you need, love conquers all and love is a many splendored thing. Love matters. You see that the world can and will be a better place if more love is exhibited. You love with a depth that is beyond many people.

You truly give your all. Your love is perfect, selfless and based on a deep-seated notion that loving someone is the best and most wonderful thing one person can do for another. Such noble and laudable sentiments. Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained. Love may give the appearance of having departed but you know, you believe, you always believe that it can be found and resurrected. That which has become dulled and blunted will be polished and returned to sharpness.

That beautiful golden glow will shine again and you are the person to make it happen. You are the healer and the fixer. That which is broken shall be mended by the application of your burgeoning heart. You are a disciple of love and as such there is nothing you can do but act in accordance with the principles of loving. It is second nature to you. You are so full of love you must find ways of allowing it to manifest in the world and of course the pinnacle of doing so is to find that special someone. You want to find the one so that all of this marvellous love can find its true home.

You are compelled to find your soul mate, your life partner and your best friend. Only then can your obligation to provide this amazing love be fulfilled and we thank you for being this way. On a daily basis we give thanks that you delicious and beautiful empathic individuals are committed to the promotion, promulgation and practice of love.

We come with the appearance of being that one special person who you can lay all your love upon. That person who will readily accept all of the love you have to offer and we will return it. Some of you would happily give this love in order to ensure there is an elated recipient and amazingly it would not matter to you whether that love was returned or not. Your sacrificial nature is stunning yet even more welcome.

We are of course content to reflect your love in order to bring about yet more from you. We understand the transaction and we are happy to oblige because we are giving you absolutely nothing. We have come to take. We have descended on you ready to strip you of every ounce of love that you can provide. We will slurp it from you, nibble it from your straining frame and gulp it down as we devour your love. We will take it away from you time and time again. Do not be mistaken and think that you are providing this love based on a reality.

You are doing so on a false premise. You have been conned into giving this love to us because we make you think we are the very thing you want when in reality we are anything but. We are fraudsters and we have come to take your love. If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it. We want it so much and we always take it. We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love. We come without warning even though we appear with an explosion, all of it aimed to distract and misdirect so that we may pilfer your love.

Our thieving knows no limits or bounds as we take what does not belong to us and use it for our own warped purposes. We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone. We gorge on your love, gluttons that feed at the banqueting table as you slowly realise that the sumptuous love we appeared to return to you is in fact empty, a puff of air and without any substance.

Yet this realisation comes far too late for by then the damage is done. Not only have we helped ourselves to all of your love we have, invariably ripped away and stolen your capacity for further love. Once you finally extricate yourself from our grip and eventually make sense of what has happened to you, even though it may take some considerable time, how often have your kind uttered the sentence,

“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”

Words similar to such a question are regularly uttered by those who have been sucked into our malevolent maelstrom.

We are the love thieves.

We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again.

We steal your love.

We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.

32 thoughts on “A Stolen Love

  1. WhoCares says:

    Z….(perhaps you’ll see this?),

    “You are more lucky than me! 😉”

    Not so! My laptop died. (Well, it won’t currently power up to be more precise.) So that comment in KHG, that you replied to, may be the last that I can make in the forum until I, either, create a new WP account or repair/replace my laptop.

    I thought “Stolen Love” may be a good spot to place this reply. Hey Z – did you see the newest image on the cover for the YT video of “The Creation of Unusual Milestones”? Both an umbrella AND what looks to be a crow or raven.

  2. BC30 says:

    After all this, BC30 is still a Love Devotee. ❤️ I couldn’t change that if I tried.

  3. Joa says:

    Indeed, I care about giving love and it is not that important to me whether I receive it in return.
    When I love, in a way I love “forever”.

    I have pronounced that bold sentence many times.

    All in all, 1.5 decades have passed and not much has changed. Let’s face it. He is able to smash me with one purr.

    Such a bream. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t even pay attention to him.

    I’m puking myself 😊

  4. Asp Emp says:

    Magpies are known to have a ‘love’ for shiny objects. How apt that the image of this article reflects a magpie.

    I have, in the past, possibly twice, uttered the words (or similar) “I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”. In my early 20s (non-narcissist). And with that MRN.

    Can I love again?

    Yes.

    I do.

    1. k mac says:

      Joa,
      I’ll hold your hair if you hold mine? 😄

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Gladly 😉

      2. Joa says:

        Oh, K Mac, how much you made me laugh and comforted me at the same time!!! 😍

        Thanks a lot!!! They “battered” me recently N. at work (with their fucking excess of pseudo-friendship, and one N. even pseudo-love, wherever I look, they pop up like surprises on the cake) and I fell to the bottom. But you just gave me the spark that makes me bounce!

        Aaaaa, great. I’m soaring up! Thank you for this feeling.

        I swear, I’ll be a tamer tomorrow, and I won’t be nice. Let them move away from me. I’m not here. Temporarily closed.

        I need to regain my strength, because with every cell of my body I feel “my N” approaching (after Christmas). It must be closed here too.

        Thank you Dear, of course I will also hold your hair! 🥰

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Joa, I like your wording “temporarily closed” – very good 🙂

          1. Joa says:

            This is what it looks like, Asp Emp. Sometimes I rush higher and higher like a comet, then they do not leave me even one step away. But there comes a time when I need to rest (about 2 days) and they understand that perfectly well. They leave me alone. I don’t even need to say anything.

            I’m going back myself.

        2. k mac says:

          Stay strong sister! You are amazing Joa! 😘❤

          1. Joa says:

            I smiled again 🙂 A smile is a very valuable thing. Thank you 🙂

  5. A Victor says:

    It just hit me that I didn’t allow myself to have feelings from a young age, I stuffed them because having them brought pain, but my parents, particularly my mother, and my ex always wanted my emotions. What the heck??? I’m so confused right now…They controlled every emotion I had, they caused them and they took them. Oh dear, so did my dad! He was the one who expected the “good” and “happy” emotions, I had to put them on for him! This is a new mess I need to untangle. None of them wanted to see my actual, real emotions about anything, nor could they just let me have them and enjoy them or whatever, oh no, they controlled them all!! Too much time to think today, clearly. They were forced, fake “emotions” done to please the narcissists. And what did they get from that? The fuel from seeing me try to make them happy, my honest frustration that I couldn’t do so, my fear of failure to do so and what the consequences of that might be etc. They did see real emotions but they were not understood by me, I thought I was being a good actress but they weren’t looking at what I thought I was portraying, they were looking beyond that, to the effort to portray. This is so clearly layers upon layers. But more understanding is happening all the time. This is why I felt like a fake person for so long. Ugh. Like, my emotions were stolen at a level that I was unaware was even there. Okay, now I know. This will be helpful as I process it.

    1. WhoCares says:

      AV,

      I appreciate you sharing this comment. It seriously does feel like a huge betrayal sometimes – doesn’t it? We were just simply little emotion producing machines for them – or little production pieces.
      I think it’s one the main reasons I am so grateful for HG’s work – it’s freed me to own my emotions. *I* choose whom I allow my emotions to be affected by and which individuals I’ll extend my empathy towards. I won’t be swindled out of it, now that I am informed.
      We couldn’t possibly know any different, as children. 💓

      1. A Victor says:

        You’re welcome WC, and you are right. They didn’t want to know me. That is actually pretty hurtful. But in this sunny, cold pre-Christmas Day, I will not give them that. As you said, we have choices now, I’m so grateful for that! So, so grateful.

        I will share another conversation with my son. Two evenings ago we watched a movie and it brought it up. He said to me he’s had people tell him when they realized they were their own person, with their own thoughts and choices etc. He and his friends have talked about this! They remember it about the age of 5! He didn’t believe that I was 17 before that began to happen for me, he doesn’t know a lot of my history, but it made me realize just how controlled I’d been, and why I struggle so with a sense of self. More to build from. And I am so glad he doesn’t understand! The one piece I can hold to that I did know was that I quit sucking my thumb (gross!) at age 5, because I was going to kindergarten. No one made me, I did it and I remember it. I always knew after that that I could quit a bad habit. Haha! And it gave me a sense of power, I looked forward to getting away.

        1. WhoCares says:

          Aw, thanks for these stories. I love hearing about them.

          “He said to me he’s had people tell him when they realized they were their own person, with their own thoughts and choices etc. He and his friends have talked about this!”
          I think that is so cool…a pretty weighty topic for 5 year olds – and evidences a heightened self-awareness.

          I love watching or observing young people’s minds and thinking mature and get more nuanced.

          That’s pretty amazing, and independent of you, that you just took it upon yourself to stop sucking your thumb as a child.

          1. A Victor says:

            WC, no they weren’t 5 when they talked, they were likely teens then, but they were remembering being 5ish when they realized they were there own person. My husband once said he remembered the day he realized he was stronger than his mom, and she did also, I always thought that was interesting too. Lol, my mom put Tabasco sauce on my thumb when I was 9 months old, to stop the thumb sucking. Clearly it didn’t work, since I still had to quit at 5, but, she said I screamed for a long time, and then would try to comfort myself, by sucking my thumb, and so on. I have wondered if that’s where she realized we were useful to her. She has told that story with pride many times in my life, to many people. Thankfully I don’t remember it.

    2. Witch says:

      @A Victor

      I partly relate to this
      Not so much faking emotions but learning to keep them hidden
      Also knowing that everything is a transaction and no one would help me for free, there would always be a price and something they wanted in return. So I either needed to look after myself or make sure the price wasn’t too high

      1. A Victor says:

        Yes. That part also, everything’s has a price. I think I mostly faked with my dad, and learned to do so with men, it was happiness and humor, entertaining them. With my mom it was only during disciplines, is the only times she really paid attention to us. I looked after myself, and somewhat my siblings, by staying out of her way, trying not to enrage her.

      2. A Victor says:

        @Witch, yes, everything came with a price, am I willing to pay it? I sometimes think my dad didn’t realize I was faking, I think he actually thought I was enjoying being entertaining. And then I’d have to stay invisible once his cold rage came. And my mother had to drill down through any faking, to expose whatever was there, but she enjoyed the process of doing so, it was horrible. I really think I hate my mother. I’m really happy that I don’t feel the need to act most of the time anymore. Now I recognize when it’s happening and that is a self defence. Then I assess why I’m feeling defensive. And, depending on who the other person is, I’ll talk to them about it. Either way, I get back in control of myself, and back to being myself without faking. It’s a good thing to have a grip on, I felt so out of control when it happened before I understood. Everything has, and still has, a price, that is a horrible truth.

      3. A Victor says:

        I learned to be a people pleaser very early. And I always hated it.

        1. Witch says:

          @A Victor
          I definitely relate to feelings of hate. Now I don’t feel that way so much because I’ve accepted that it’s not my parents fault why they are the way they are, it was their circumstances and their genes so I’ve started to feel more indifferent to them as people.
          In fact I was born from a swans egg and that’s how I got here.
          Most Narcs are not greater so count yourself lucky that the genes of narcissism skipped you and you can have a good relationship with your children

          1. A Victor says:

            @Witch, I don’t think I actually hate my mother, I also realize it is not her fault that she is as she is, I realized that many years ago. But, it’s the ongoing stuff that brings that feeling out in me, and I don’t like that. But also, I don’t have to spend a lot of time dealing with her, and I just keep it short and remember she’s just being a narcissist, it’s not personal, and that helps. Yes!! I feel so blessed to be an empath! And that my children, I think, are all also!

  6. A Victor says:

    A person recently asked me how many times I’ve been “in love”. I had not considered this in this way before. What I came up with is that, though I have given love to two men, what I was in love with was the illusion they offered, I was not actually in love with them. So I look forward to my first “in love” experience, with a real man who offers real love back to me! This was such a nice thing to realize, it makes it a fresh start for me.

    1. Wendy says:

      Hi AV, your comment made me think about my own “love” relationships and to be quite honest I think my second husband was the one that I can say we had something special. But our relationship was not strong enough to withstand the storms that inevitably happen in life and we ended up destroying what we had.

      Like you, I have given my love to two men. My first marriage was my high school sweetheart and this was more of a “ puppy love” rather than the real thing. Since I have been single now for quite awhile when the narcissist came courting, my heart went all in. I have not felt that feeling since I was 24 years old! It was new and exhilarating, it was very real for me. As strong as my feelings were for him I now realize like you that I was actually in love with “being in love” and not really with the person.

      I’m still close to my second husband and we have a nice friendship. He is the father of my daughter and we actually get along so much better not being married. It’s kinda weird but maybe that’s what “real love” really is. That comfortable feeling you have. Where you can just “be” with them without all of the emotional thinking that can make things go crazy. Mutual respect, kindness, and feeling safe with each other.

      Unfortunately, I feel some of that with my ex husband but I don’t feel that spark. The attraction is gone and although he is physically attractive I just can’t seem to get back how I felt for him so long ago.

      I don’t know. I feel like I need that high feeling and those butterflies. The passion! I need that, lol. I kinda wish I didn’t! It made me fall for the narcissist for goodness sake! I don’t want to make that mistake again.

      Thanks for making me think about this AV. I have some soul searching to do myself!

      Hugs 🤗

      Wendy

      1. A Victor says:

        You’re welcome Wendy, the thinking process is what it’s all about for me, so I’m glad to do that for someone else. When the summer narc, and the fireman also a few years prior, hit me, I went for loops. But, thankfully I was able to recognize that true love doesn’t happen in a few weeks or months, so didn’t get to that point with them. It was still difficult when those ended, because my ET was through the roof, but, at least I didn’t have to pull my love back. Now that I know HG says love won’t be part of the picture in a healthy relationship for at least a year, I realized there is so much more to do before allowing that, so different from my past relationships. I’m so excited to get going on that year!! Haha, probably a bit of ET happening there! 😂

        1. Wendy says:

          AV, lol. I can relate. I think that’s probably about right at least one year. I also believe love isn’t just a “feeling” but actions and how we treat each other. Not that those butterflies and passion should go away completely but they should evolve into a new and better experience. You can bet I know now what to look out for now thanks to HG! The next time the “love” word is popped in the first freaking month or two I’m gonna be like “peace, I’m out” ✌️ 😂

          1. A Victor says:

            Haha, yes!! Wendy, your comment made me laugh so hard but it’s so true!!! Peace out all you narcs…! Love it!! 😂

  7. Brigid says:

    Future love? I may love again but it is very unlikely. As you have so perfectly described, my love has been burnt away.

    1. k mac says:

      Brigid don’t be silly, you will love again. This will all be a distant memory. One in which you have learned considerable amount about yourself and what you deserve.

      1. Wendy says:

        K Mac, absolutely! Great comment 😊

        1. k mac says:

    2. Wendy says:

      Brigid, I felt the same way after the narcissist but I know down deep that even if I don’t find true love with someone I am damned and determined to love myself regardless!

      I believe you will love again and be loved in the way it was meant to be. I have made a pact with myself to go on a self healing journey. That started with educating myself and finding out what happened to me. Coming here to this blog and sharing with everyone. Listening and using what HG teaches. This is my therapy and hearing the others share will make you stronger. I have my strong days and then I have my weak days. It’s all a process and it’s one day at a time.

      It’s cliche but true. Until I love myself properly no one else can love me. Although we have been preyed upon by the narcissist we can empower ourselves so that we are less likely to be a victim of one again!

      Thank God for HG Tudor because had I not found his work I would still be ensnared I’m sure! I am so much stronger now and you will be too. You are worthy of real love and the love that you have to give to someone will be valued and reciprocated by the right person.

      Hugs 💕🤗

      Wendy

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