All In The Eyes



The eyes are one of our powerful weapons. I hear so many comments made about my eyes.

“I saw the world in your eyes.”
“Everything I ever wished for, I could see in your eyes.”
“I’ve never known anyone give me such a malevolent stare.”
“You are dead behind the eyes.”
“That hollow look you give me, chills me inside.”
“Your reptilian, empty stare always unnerved me.”

When we first engage with you, we are able to reflect back at you want you desperately want. Hope, optimism, desire and trust are all mirrored in our eyes. Do not be mistaken and think that we generate those looks. We do not. All we are doing is ensuring that you see what you want to see in order to ensnare you.

This mirroring serves two purposes. Firstly, it shows you what you crave for and makes us all the more attractive to you. Secondly, it masks the empty void that truly exists. Whilst my kind and me learn how to behave and act, we mimic the way in which we are expected to respond in the most favourable manner, we do not truly feel any of those things and we cannot generate it in our eyes.

Everything else we are able to simulate – the laugh, the smile, the look of surprise, the intonation of elation in our voices. We have carefully crafted these facsimiles of your emotions but managing to do so in our eyes has always eluded us. We cannot fall at the first hurdle however and have you see through our charade. Accordingly, we have managed to master the mirroring technique.

You want that love and hope so badly you will see it in us when you are really just seeing yourself. We hold your gaze for longer than anyone else. You are conned into thinking this is just demonstrating the intensity of our desire for you. It is not. We must look directly into your eyes to shine back at you that which you send towards us. Should we look way, the reflection may fail and we must always have you in our eye.

As with all of our pretence we are unable to maintain this deceit for long. The mirror breaks and the shards of reflection fall away leaving the chasm of emotionlessness behind. The barren hinterland beyond our eyes is all that is left, bereft of anything at all. That is why in the later stages you will see nothing when you look at us. We cannot generate those real emotions and our mirror has now failed. Our real gaze is all that is left, cold, empty and lifeless.

People often remark about how the eyes are the window to the soul. Our soul left long ago and that is why you look into dead, uncaring eyes. Even though our mouth is upturned in a smile, the crows feet at the sides crease and the brow rises, our eyes betray us. Glacial and sterile they show the reality of what we are; devoid of positive emotion and spiritually bankrupt.

All that we are able to muster is hatred. Our loathing of this unjust world is so intense that it will break through when we wish to direct that hatred against you. That is when the emptiness vanishes and instead you are subjected to our laser-like, pinpoint accurate malevolent stare. I mentioned in the recollection about the cookie jar, how I had practised my withering stare one summer.

This is the precursor to our malice, our antipathy and our scorn. With consummate ease we will call on it to intimidate you and signal our contempt for you. It is powerful, unwavering and unsettling. To be on the receiving end of our hateful stare is not a pleasant experience. We muster such power with our eyes, to seduce you and then to break you, but the reality is that we only have three settings. The mirror, the void and the hatred. There is nothing else. That is all that our eyes have.

11 thoughts on “All In The Eyes

  1. Alison says:

    I’ve seen the black stare a few times, and it is terrifying.

  2. Rebecca Levan says:

    I remember that stare, the angry vibe coming off him. He was about eight feet away from me and I stared back at him trying to figure out how so much anger could project from someone who was so kind and gentle before. This was the beginning of my education and I felt like I got hit in the head by all the books. 🙄

  3. positivefuel8 says:

    Oh yes I remember that evil stare.. never before had I experienced the chill that ran down my spine that day.

    That look in his eyes I’ll never forget it.
    It was something out of a Stephen King horror movie..
    Like he had just become possessed by the devil.

    I don’t scare easily, but seeing somebody with eyes filled with so much hatred towards me…
    This time I was scared..

    I remember saying to him, what’s going on…
    You look like your possessed or something..
    Not a word was said. I kept asking him what’s wrong.
    I’m sure he didn’t hear any word I said his hatred for me blocked everything else out…

    That was 7 years ago and I’ve stayed single ever since…
    I think I’ll stay single it’s a heck of alot safer…
    Knowing myself as well as I do now, I accept the fact that I’ll always attract your type to me.
    And of course it has never been with any of the lower or lesser types; no of course not..

    My training seems to come from the School of Hard Knocks with a curriculum designed especially for me.. How to be in relationship with the Greater (Elite) Narcissist…and live to talk about it…lol

    I sure know how to attract your kind.
    I don’t have to do anything..they just show up..
    Like a moth to a flame type of thing.
    I think it’s coded in my genes DNA to be a certain way.

    When the next “One” shows up as they always do, he’ll be kept at a distance….well maybe..haha

    “Devil inside, devil inside every single one of us has the devil inside” sung by INXS…

    I remember really liking that song and singing along with it…. I guess I should have known better…….oh well..
    Moving along………

  4. Joa says:

    HG, you write about “black eyes” many times. Does this mean enlargement of the pupil?

    This is a very important question for me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes along with the contortion of facial features.

      1. Joa says:

        Thank you, HG.

        Too bad. I see it sometimes in my daughter. Huge, dark pupils. And only a thin strip of the iris. Almost no reaction to light.

        But she doesn’t have sharp facial features then. She is slightly smiling, as if pleased with herself.

        She’s definitely not on drugs. There is no what and where to buy them. Anyway, it also happened during the long quarantine, when she did not leave the house.

        I used to look to see, if it was some kind of disease, but nothing matched.

        On the other hand, I also have severely dilated pupils when I think about sex. May this be… My last hope.

        So many symptoms, so many behaviors…

      2. Rebecca Levan says:

        I just read your, The Married Target and I have to say a lot of my questions were answered and I gained more insight of what happened and why. I’m still relieved that I didn’t give in to him, I’m still married and no intimacy between the narc and I.

        1. k mac says:

          Well Rebecca, you’re a better person then I. I’m still married by the grace of God. A very forgiving husband as well.

          1. Rebecca says:

            K mac, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it in a “I’m better than you” way. I’m relieved I never trusted him enough to even try intimacy. It takes a lot for me to trust someone to be intimate with them physically. I was molested when I was 12, so I have real trust issues. I also think if I had somehow managed to trust him enough for intimacy and all that happened,happened, it might have been the extra shove that might have pushed me over the cliff…who knows,just glad I didn’t have to find out.

        2. k mac says:

          No apology needed. I didn’t take offense. I knew this man for many years before. I knew what he was like and did it anyway. That makes me stupid. I very glad you were able to avoid the many heartbreaks that were sure to follow.

    2. k mac says:

      Joa it looks like if hate were a person. The physical manifestation of hatred. I’ve been on the receiving end of it a few times as I have a defiant streak.

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