The Final Battle : How to Stop Thinking About the Narcissist

 

The hardest part of achieving freedom from the narcissist and the effects of the narcissist is stopping thinking about the narcissist.

Whether it is the endless whirring mind of questions, the desire to plot revenge against the narcissist, worrying about being hoovered or contemplating the golden period over and over, there are a multitude of ways in which the narcissist stays in your head.

Not any more.

This Assistance Package addresses :-

Why the narcissist being in your head is The Final Battle of No Contact

What drives you to keep thinking about the narcissist

How those thoughts manifest

How the process of such thoughts happens and how their duration is governed

How thinking about the narcissist is detrimental to your interests

How thinking about the narcissist leads to further risks from the narcissist

A comprehensive example of the dangers of thinking about the narcissist where you are taken step by step through the process, why it is happening, what it means and the effects

How to implement techniques to prevent you from keep thinking about the narcissist

How those techniques work with examples

The impact of those techniques on your thought processes, Emotional Thinking and emotional well-being

This Assistance Package is unique and effective and is an essential part of your No Contact Regime and achieving freedom from the narcissist

Win the Final Battle Here

26 thoughts on “The Final Battle : How to Stop Thinking About the Narcissist

  1. Duchessbea says:

    HG,
    Thanks again for your advice. I slept very well last night and I was at the Gym 7.30 this morning and got a great workout. I’m off to do a little bit of retail therapy now and I am also getting a new number. I closed all social media last night and shut down a couple of email addresses. I’m booked in for a hair appointment this afternoon and I’m feeling very good. New year, new me. Out with the old and in with the new. Out with the crap and in with the good. Thank you.
    Best,
    DB.

  2. Duchessbea says:

    HG,
    I always get clarity from your blog. I just did a few sit ups and I think, writing everything down over the past few days and posting it has made me re-evaluate things, even tonight sending those posts to you. I’m sitting her thinking why should I feel so upset, or allow myself to be so upset. I shouldn’t and I won’t. I have more respect for myself than that. My sisters and brothers have shown me nothing but, unkindness, meaness and arrogance. I’m not willing to accept that any longer from them. I think it took for me to see it written in those posts over the last few days and tonight, to realise I did nothing wrong and should not be feeling like that. I treated my sisters and brothers very well. They didn’t show me the same kindness. I deserve better. I’m not a dumb blonde whose empathy is a weakness, I’m a hot blonde whose empathy is my strength. Stuff them.
    It’s a new year. So it has to be a new me.
    I’ve decided I’m getting a new phone number tomorrow, I’m initiating a distance with the start of no contact. I’m going to do it in small steps. I have always being very loyal to my twin, but my twin has shown me no loyalty, I don’t hold that against her, she can’t help being who she is, but I have to distance myself from her aswell. Enough is enough. They can’t be respectful and kind, well I will shower all my kindness, empathy, respect, and love and friendship on people who do respect it.
    You know HG, I have gone from feeling hurt and upset to feeling pure happiness. Thank you for listening and being there HG. If you have to admonish me, go easy. Right, I’m off to bed. Thanks HG.
    Best,
    DB

  3. Duchessbea says:

    HG,
    I know you are probably going to admonish me for sending that last post, but I can’t help how I feel, and as you know, we feel things on a very deep level. I’m trying to work through my overwhelming feelings, between being annoyed and upset and having a very short fuse at the moment, I’m not the best company to be around. I hate making anyone feel uncomfortable so I’m working from home and spending early mornings and late evenings in the Gym, working out hard and just trying to work through what I’m feeling. I feel sorry for the Gym equipment because I’m giving it a good hard workout.
    Reading through and watching your work is what is getting me through at the moment. I can feel myself coming close to being so fed up that it’s enough, and not want to have any contact again, because of the actions of my sisters and brothers. Yes, I am the youngest, and the only empath in my family, but I always show respect to my siblings and don’t get the same in return. They take and take and take. They think my empathy is a sign of weakness. It’s not. Should respecting who and what I am, be enough of a reason to not speak with any of my siblings again because I keep getting hurt? I know that it is the only logical thing to do, as I am the only one who keeps getting hurt and upset by their actions. But the past few weeks with them, really opened my eyes to how selfish, enabling, ungrateful, obnoxious and arrogant they really are. Yes, I saw that in them before, but I turned a blind eye, pretended I didn’t see it. I didn’t want to see it. I’m so thankful for my friends, they are more of a family to me and a lot more respectful.
    With the way I’m feeling just completely swamped with overwhelming hurt and upset, I think I need to do a few sit ups before bed. I won’t bore you anymore tonight HG.
    Best,
    DB

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, I will correct your inaccuracy, it is not admonishment.

      1. Duchessbea says:

        Thank you HG.
        I have changed my number and have had no contact with any of my siblings including my twin, for a couple of days now. I am feeling so much happier. I have been working on the ET and it has reduced considerably. LT is stronger.
        Best,
        DB

  4. Duchessbea says:

    The old saying of ‘the best way to get over one man, is to get under another’ always works.
    Best,
    DB

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, it does not.

      1. Empath007 says:

        I don’t know HG… I have stayed single for years now, and I do believe its affected my “recover” in the sense that now I don’t feel open to any relationships at all…. So I’m starting to think the people that jump from one thing to the next may have it more figured out then me.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, they have not, your ET is suggesting they have and they have not.

          1. A Victor says:

            This comment really expands the dirty work of ET for me. It extends to much more than just a relationship we are having. It seems that it also includes what we see others doing, maybe what we watch or listen to, where we go, maybe depending on previous experience, or not. Pretty much anything that supercedes or clouds our logic, tries to make us dismiss things we should notice and pay attention to is all part of this ET. It seems so unpredictable also, it could rear it’s ugly head in any situation and we can be caught off guard and fall for it. It literally makes me want to never leave my home, thinking of it this way. Haha, or go upstairs…🙄

        2. Asp Emp says:

          E007, people who jump from one relationship to another is usually the result of a ‘rebound’ without giving the emotions a rest, or even ‘re-configure’ in between. I am not one that tends to put my fanny first, if you can understand ie sleep with a guy on the first date. People going from one to another relationship very quickly are far less ‘figured’ out, in my opinion, and also from reading on KTN site. There was a break of about 1.5 years in between the Lesser and MRN. I never thought I could ever ‘face’ another relationship again, even when I had been with KTN for a while. Looking back, it was ET / LT ‘related’ due to previous narcissist ‘entanglements’ because of the addiction to narcissism. I can understand the slight ‘reluctance’, probably more related to self-confidence (I talk from personal experience on this one)?

      2. Duchessbea says:

        HG, are you speaking from experience? I’m not arguing with you HG, but everyone deals with things differently. You know it is a number of stages process you have to go through. Everything from tears, bad mood swings, to sadness to anger and they are just a few emotions felt. But they are felt with, and dealt with by such an intensity. You are always spot on in your observations of how normals and empaths, think, react, and behave. You have emotional thinking down to a fine science. But you have never felt those emotions in the relationship to know how they truly make someone feel. You sit and you watch and analyse how people react with those emotions, but you have never truly felt them. I have gone through all the stages and completed them thoroughly regarding my ex. But, with my sister’s horrendous behaviour and my siblings enabling, I am quite annoyed at the moment with them. I’m sure you have seen the anger in my recent posts. I don’t mean to come across like that. I have been a nightmare to deal with these past few weeks. What annoys me the most is my sisters and brothers ungratefulness, cattiness and rotten attitudes. This blog is the only place I can voice my unhappiness with the actions of my sisters and brothers. I don’t like being angry, and reading attachment certainly helped. I don’t mean to come across as being annoyed with you HG, I’m not. You have been the most valuable and best person, I could have ever asked to meet. You have helped me and everyone out immensely. I will always be forever grateful. Being an Empath can sometimes be a great thing and other times be a hindrance. I love the fact that I care so much, but other times I hate it, because I am the person who ends up getting hurt the most, just for caring. I have treated all my siblings like royalty, my ex (narc) like a king, my twin like a queen, and I end up hurt and upset and they all swan off to the next thing, not a care in the world. Yes everybody wants to forget they were ever with a narcissist, but it takes time, you cannot just turn off what you feel at the flick of a switch. I know you are in a happy and good relationship now with the Shield Maiden, but you weren’t always happy with your exes.
        I know of a few women who said getting under another man after a break up, helped them get over their ex, this worked for them. Not my method of choice, but if it works for some women or men, who are we to judge. Leaving a narcissist is hard to do, but you can do it, forgetting about the narcissist and what you had with them, takes work, but can and should be done. Emotional thinking is the hardest to work through, but with time and guidance and advice from you HG, you can get through it and logical thinking becomes strongest. When you realise what it was you were with, and how they have nothing of substance only faking and falsity, it becomes a lot easier to work with knowing that knowledge, to be able to forget them.
        Best, DB

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is not a logical step because your ET is very high meaning you are at a greater risk (note risk) of being ensnared again. I have seen that happen repeatedly with people who have failed to heed my clear instruction of no dating etc for 6 months whilst you maintain a TNCR. They think “oh I know about narcissism, I will spot the signs.” They date, they get caught and they come back tail between their legs “HG, I got caught again, how did it happen?” It happened because your knowledge about narcissism was obscured by your still high ET which you did not lower before looking for an intimate partner.

          There are a myriad of distractions whilst an individual stays in NC that do not include dating and the risk that comes with this.

          1. Duchessbea says:

            Thank you HG.
            Advice taken on board.
            Best,
            DB

          2. Empath007 says:

            I agree people constantly fall in the same patterns because they do not self reflect. However, even after 3 years of being single. I wouldn’t say I’m in a better position to avoid falling for a Narcissist’s again – then someone who’s been out for a few months.

            I’m not disagreeing people should remain single (like I have) … and work on themselves. But from what I can witness … most people are totally incapable of this (regardless of their personality traits). And most people are distracted by the new person … which helps them stop thinking of the other.

            I’ve had no initimate relationship for 3 years, as I said, and I don’t think it’s made me any farther ahead ….

            Not arguing. Simply stating my own observations and opinion.

          3. Freedom says:

            Oi HG,o que significa et?

      3. Wendy says:

        I agree it does not work! Makes things worse. At least for me it did. Everyone is different but I wouldn’t advise it.

    2. Violetta says:

      What about the saying, “Out of the frying pan, into the fire”?

    3. Isabelle says:

      Hello DB:
      As HG put it, the old saying does not work, but this Assistance Package absolutely does. Tested and approved!

    4. JB says:

      DB, in my experience, it may help you to get over the first, but in taking up with the second you’re likely to repeat past mistakes. Sadly, it seems you have to sort those out first, otherwise you just keep inadvertently making the same bad choices xx

      1. Kirsty Allen says:

        The psychologist who diagnosed my ex told me to avoid getting into another relationship for at least 18 months, or I would likely just end up with another narcissist. Tbh I was quite happy by myself anyway.

        1. JB says:

          Kirsty Allen, I don’t see how they can put a specific number of months on it like that – it’s learning where you went wrong which stops you getting embroiled with another narc, not just time itself, surely?

    5. Alexissmith2016 says:

      I do understand DB, I remember trying that method as a teenager. When dating the subsequent person even if they were hotter, more intelligent, a better financial prospect etc I found I still hurt and that I quickly felt contempt for the replacement simply because they were not the person I wanted to be with. I’d end up hurting them and that’s not fair either. It’s a bit like eating out of the bins really when you think about it. Can’t have the meal you want so take what you can find. It’s something I learned not to do and I felt a whole lot better for it to be honest. But we must all work out what works best for us. With HG’s advice of course.

      1. Violetta says:

        Alexissmith2016:
        Have you been reading my ’90s diaries? I didn’t feel contempt for the Rebound Relationship, but I felt resentment. The contempt was for myself, for doing such a dishonest thing.

        But I also despised myself if I didn’t date. I didn’t want to be the idiot girl in pre-feminist anthem “Johnny Angel”:

        I’m in Heaven
        I get carried away
        I dream of him and me
        And how it’s gonna be
        Other fellas
        Call me up for a date
        But I just sit and wait
        I’d rather concentrate
        On Johnny Angel

        1. Alexissmith2016 says:

          Oh wow Violeta, ah goodness you wrote diaries of how you felt at the time! I’m not entirely sure I would have been insightful enough to do that back then. It must be so interesting reading back through your diaries. Just the other day I was looking for something specific in a group chat it was for a period of time just pre the first ever lockdown. It was so interesting to read everyone’s thoughts and feelings at the time.

          I believe I felt guilty for feeling that way and doing those things but contempt for them at the same time. It’s yuck but when we’re young our emotions are much more raw. I guess why many Ns have a preference for younger people.

    6. Bubbles says:

      Dearest Duchessbea,
      Swapping one problem for another …….nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh
      Don’t even think of it
      Be independent enough not to need a man ….that’s when you know you’ve grown
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

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