50 Future Fakes

 

50 FUTURE FAKES

The technique of future faking is a splendid device that we utilise by promising you jam tomorrow so we can have all the jam today (and oddly enough leaving you with no jam tomorrow). The ability to future fake is integral to us since it sits with our frequent and repeated lying so readily. Just like Enron did, we want the pay-out today based on the future profits and what if those future profits don’t manifest? Who the hell cares? We will just walk away and secure the pay out with someone else instead leaving you to rue all those promises of something down the line which never ever came to pass. We are persuasive, convincing and seem so genuine, such is our astonishing ability to act, that you readily believe that we will deliver on the promise, no matter how outlandish it may sound to you. We really, really mean it. Can’t you tell?

Such is our brilliance at convincing not only you as our intimate partner but also everyone else who gets caught up in our extensive fabrications. It never matters to us that we have no intention of delivering on that promise of something happening in the future because all we care about is the here and now. We are easily able to shirk accountability for our promises, avoiding liability and culpability is what we do best and if you think you can hold to us something that we have promised give it a go. All you will find is that you will be subjected to denial, deflection or another charm offensive whereby you have backed down on the strength of, yes you’ve guessed, more future faking.

Here are fifty examples of our future faking.

  1. I know we’ve not been together long but we really should get married.
  2. Of course I will go and see somebody for some help, I want to do the right thing for us.
  3. I will pay you back.
  4. I will never hurt you.
  5. I will never hurt you again.
  6. I will get tickets for that concert for us, no problem at all.
  7. I can’t wait to take you away somewhere exotic.
  8. I will bring it back for you next week.
  9. I promise I will call you tomorrow.
  10. I won’t tell a soul about this.
  11. We have such a bright future together.
  12. I can see us growing old together.
  13. I cannot wait until we start a family.
  14. Why don’t we go into business with one another, it makes perfect sense?
  15. Of course I will help you out when you start your new job.
  16. We should make plans to travel the world, just you and me.
  17. Let’s look at houses so we can move in and live together.
  18. I will always be on hand, whenever you need me.
  19. I cannot conceive of a day where we are not with one another.
  20. Come on, let’s go and look at engagement rings.
  21. I won’t let anything come between you and I.
  22. Imagine if you moved over here how brilliant that would be.
  23. Imagine if I moved to where you are, I think I should do that.
  24. If you can help me with this project, I will give you a great report for the pay review next year.
  25. That’s right, give the money to me now and you can look forward to a 25% return in a year’s time.
  26. No matter how ill you become, I will look after you.
  27. I swear we will move just as soon as we can afford it.
  28. We can’t move just yet, but we will when I have repaid this loan.
  29. I know the loan has been repaid but I want to secure this promotion and then we will move.
  30. The promotion has helped but I need to think about retirement at present and then we can move.
  31. I want a large family with you.
  32. Of course we will go there next time.
  33. Whatever you want, just say it next time we are here.
  34. We will definitely book there for dinner next time.
  35. My home is your home, it is just a question of when, not if, you move in.
  36. I want to be able to come home every night and find you there waiting for me.
  37. Just do it this once and I won’t ask you to do it again.
  38. I go to sleep safe in the knowledge that we have a future together.
  39. We should make plans for where we will get married.
  40. I want a huge wedding, all our friends and family need to be there, I want the world to know how happy I am.
  41. Why don’t we select a retirement home now, after all, we are going to be together then you know.
  42. If you do the groundwork for this project now, I will next time.
  43. Of course I will change, I am determined to do it.
  44. This is the last time, I promise, then I will stop.
  45. I will seek some help, now isn’t the right time, but I will do it.
  46. I will give you the world.
  47. I will give you the fairy tale you deserve.
  48. I know we will have a happy ever after.
  49. I don’t see me and you, I can only see us.
  50. Of course I will respect you in the morning.

4 thoughts on “50 Future Fakes

  1. 0poison0 says:

    “I don’t see me and you, I can only see us.”

    Holy crap, why not just come right out and announce “I don’t see or care about your personal boundaries because I see you as an extension of myself”.

    Most of this list would work on me, but a comment like this would set off all the “poor boundary recognition” alarm bells in my head. And yet I know too many people who would find it romantic.

    It’s endlessly disturbing to me that Western culture promotes relationships with terribly boundaries as the pinnacle of romantic attraction. By all rights, a comment like this ought to send anyone with a reasonable sense of self running for the hills. Hell, it always has for me, and my sense of self has only grown into the “reasonable” range in the past 3-5 years!

  2. Wendy says:

    Well here is mine.:

    1) We’re gonna move in together after you of course leave your very successful career and job.
    2) We will put our finances together to get a really nice place in the state “I live in” so you are the one that has to uproot everything.
    3) You and I are gonna be together forever “ unless of course you fuck it up.”
    4) I am looking at how much tickets to Europe costs so we can travel there this summer. You can put it on your credit card and of course I will pay you back.”
    5) “ I want you to meet my mother when we go to Europe. If of course you don’t make a scene!”
    6) If you quit your job and move here with me it will show me just how much you love me.
    7) Don’t worry if it doesn’t work out between us just know you will be in a very good city/area that you will be successful no matter with me or without me!”

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Wendy, at the mention of a credit card, I was asked in the past if I had one – never did, never have, fanks to muvver and life “experiences” with her and her fuel substitutes = expensive bottles of Whiskey!

      1. Wendy says:

        Lol, I’ve never been a whiskey drinker or really any hard liquors. I will say I tried a shot of Jäegermeister and found it quite nice.

        Thankfully, the mask fell off of my ex so no trips were made to Europe. Oh, but I still plan on going and I’m gonna have the best time without that person there to ruin it!

        😊

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

7 Backhanded Provocations

Next article

Impregnate