Why Haven’t I Heard From the Narcissist?



The infamous hoover is widely-used and once people learn to recognise the various hoovers that we deploy they can often be seen coming thick and fast following your escape from us or if you have been discarded.  Every so often however some people point out that they have not have been hoovered. The narcissist in their life just vanished and the victim only realised after the event that they had been callously discarded. The victim has heard nothing from the narcissist ever since and cannot even locate him or her. It is rarer, but it might even happen when you escape our clutches, instigate no contact as best you can but you expect a hoover to happen because he knows where you live or she works near to where you work. Surely that hoover will be coming? Usually it does. Usually there is the initial grand hoover which is a forceful and frenetic attempt to win you back, in effect, when you have sought to escape us. If we disengaged from you, when we decide we want some hoover fuel perhaps as part of a triangulation with the new primary source, we come looking for you pledging a new start and issuing promises to change as part of a benign hoover. Resist that and the malign hoover may make an appearance as you are berated and denigrated in order to punish you and draw negative fuel from you. However, what does it mean if there has been nothing but silence? Is that it? Are you free? Have you beat your narcissist?

When the expected hoover fails to manifest in the days and weeks after escape or disengagement there are differing reasons as to why this is the case. Those reasons are as follows: –

  1. If you have been disengaged from and not heard from us, then there is a high chance that we are revelling in the positive fuel from the new target that we selected. This person was courted by us during your devaluation as we tired of your increasingly stale fuel. They were lined-up, seduced and drawn into our web. Their seduction was effected without you being aware and once we were content that this person had been plugged in to us and was pumping out the required fuel we disengaged from you as we no longer had any use for you. We regarded you as never having existed. You have not heard from us because we have a new toy and we have no need of you. Consider how long your own golden period was with the relevant narcissist. Was it a year, perhaps it was longer? If so, although there is no guarantee that we will afford the same golden period to each person we ensnare, there will be a similarity. This is because we tend to choose similar types of individuals as our victims and therefore the golden period whilst not identical is likely to be of a similar length. Thus, if your golden period was a year, the golden period for your similar replacement is likely be of a similar length of time. We are delighted with this person, they are wonderful, our soulmate, you know the drill by now. Since this person is the centre of our universe we have no need to trouble you for, say, at least a year, hence you have not heard from us.
  1. If you got rid of us by in effect escaping us and put yourself not beyond total reach but it would be difficult for us to establish contact with you for the purposes of commencing the initial grand hoover against you, then you may not hear from us. This scenario is one whereby you have reduced our spheres of influence and cut off most of the channels of communication. You could be found but the effort required in doing so is beyond the capability of desire of the particular narcissist you were embroiled with. If this person is a lesser or mid-range type of our kind, they are less likely to have the capability to track you down nor the energy to want to do so. The sudden loss of their primary source, because you escaped us,will have them thrown into a panicked state. Your escape is a criticism of us. A massive criticism. This creates a huge wound. This will ignite our fury and we need fuel double quick to cope with this. You cannot be found or reached. We have not had time to put in place a new primary source. In this instance we face a choice. Do we waste energy trying to hoover you when the prospects are slim or do we turn elsewhere for fuel? When dealing with the lesser and mid-range of our kind, the answer will always be that we will turn elsewhere for fuel. This will mean :-
  1. Targeting a new primary source and seducing that person as quickly as possible;
  2. Targeting a new primary source whilst relying on supplementary sources for fuel to keep us “topped up” until such time as the new primary source is attached and providing fuel;
  3. Relying on supplementary sources and withdrawing and stabilising before seeking a new primary source. This scenario causes us to adopt a low profile.

Any of the above permutations means that our focus will be elsewhere and therefore we will appear to have no interest in you.

  1. If you discarded us by escaping and also, as a consequence of your preparedness not only managed to escape effectively but exposed what we are to people who have believed you before we could smear you then you will have caused us massive damage. In such an instance the following would apply:-
  1. We have suffered an immediate cessation of our primary source of fuel and do not have a replacement;
  2. We may well have suffered damage to our supplementary sources who have been shown the truth of what we are;
  3. The wound caused by the criticism caused by your escape AND the exposure to our façade will be huge.

In such circumstances withdrawal would be the only likely option in order to conserve energy (and avoid the risk of continued criticism by engaging with people who now know what we are) to then enable us to find new source of fuel away from what has now become an infected area for us. In a large urban environment this is not such a problem for us, but in a small town or rural community it would necessitate us moving to pastures new.

Accordingly, in this scenario you would not hear from us for some time as we relocate and lick our wounds.

In the second and third scenarios not only is there the fact that we have to spend time finding a new primary source (and thus will not bother with you) but once we have them then we are focused on that person in the golden period and thus the period of time when you do not hear from us may well be extended.

There are three points to bear in mind.

The first is that where you have escaped us the initial grand hoover is more likely to happen than not but if it does not happen, it will be for the reasons detailed above.

The second is that where we have discarded you we often will still hoover you on a malign basis in order to triangulate you with our new primary source. If there is no hoover however then this is because we are engrossed in your replacement and have in effect forgotten about you.

The third point is that you may not have been hoovered for some time but if you appear in our sphere of influence then that hoover will come. It may be months away, maybe even years, but it will come.

Accordingly, when you ask the question, “why haven’t I heard from him?” You really ought to be asking the question,

“Why haven’t I heard from him, yet?”

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4 thoughts on “Why Haven’t I Heard From the Narcissist?

  1. Imastarchick says:

    HG, In 2016 or so, I used your advice to finally divorce from my ex, a narcissist. It took a few short years once I knew how to handle him. But the nastiness had been going on since 2009. Not easy, I prevailed in all things we had to deal with except one. My life is good right now. I have some issues on the horizon…

    Ex is a Greater Covert Narcissist with some Grand Narcissistic traits. He is amazingly skilled at using false humility to lure people in to his worship circles. Very intelligent tech guy and musician, successful in both industries, very fluid type of person. I eliminated most of my spheres of influence, went 95% zero contact. I had underage children so 100% not possible. I moved to the other side of the planet. He cannot reach me in any reasonable way other than by emailing. However he has set up a grand plan at being able to hoover me back in.

    My kids are grown and aware of what he is about, so that didn’t work. My attorneys were very concerned about his covert violence, saying he’s the nastiest of manipulators and most stubborn they ever encountered. He had used his little army of psychophants to get at me. In the end, he retained a large chunk of my assets. Mine as earned, as saved. He’s was ordered to pay it back to me Sept 2021. (court order). It’s a considerable sum and will keep me going through my retirement years. I’m currently living a very simple paycheck to paycheck life in a hut in the Tropics. I take nothing from him, although I was entitled to quite a bit with the kids and a long wealthy marriage.

    I have financial needs arising, medical costs, as well as wanting to send my son to University in the fall. So he went no contact, no hoovering attempts, since beginning of pandemic, (and about the time he got the court order to pay me). He moved, licked his wounds, got a new fuel source, got a new circle of psychophants. Recently hes become a spiritual “Guru” for a cult of Aghoris. That’s how he spent the pandemic. No kidding. (Look up Aghori philosophy. It’s non duality Evil IMO.) Infact, he did all that you mentioned in article above, and more.

    He is not responding to my attorneys demands for payment in 2021. He has the ability to do it. Says he will only deal with me DIRECTLY. Says crap like “D, you need spiritual guidance before you need money.” Ha! Fat chance I’ll be letting him put some tantric curse on me. This is laughable, but not really funny. How is it possible to get my assets without prostrating and becoming a victim? Sincerely, D.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No such thing as a Greater Covert Narcissist. I would recommend you put him through the Narc Detector and organise an audio consultation with me to address in detail your question which is an expansive one.

  2. Rebecca says:


    I don’t want to ever see him again. I hope he never hoovers me. I worry about it. I don’t believe you have to be the IP to get hoovered. I was stalked before for two years and I didn’t sleep with him either.

    1. A Victor says:

      Hi Rebecca, they can hoover any former source, they’re just less likely to the further you get away from the Intimate Primary position. The former IPPS’s hoover fuel is the best fuel there is, which is motivating to go after it.

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