Game For a Laugh : The Narcissist and Humour

 

GAME-FOR-A-LAUGH-_-THE-NARCISSIST-AND-HUMOUR

 

Where does a sense of humour fit into the make-up of the narcissist?

I am pleased to report I have an excellent sense of humour – when it suits me. As a consequence of being well-read, interested in the world (for the purposes of ensuring my place is firmly recognised within it) and the fact I am quick-witted, I am able to fashion wit out of many situations but only on the basis that is serves my purpose. Like nearly everything else, laughter and humour are tools that some of our kind are able to deploy for the purposes of furthering our aims. They are devices and conduits to achieving what we want and how our sense of humour is fashioned is very much dependent on the circumstances in which we find ourselves and our fuel needs.

Take for instance a Friday evening. I often attend a local bar with a number of my inner circle friends. In some of the bars which I frequent regularly I also know outer circle friends who will often be there at the same time and tertiary sources, people I might say hello to and little else.

This is an environment which allows me to hold court as I regale my eager listeners with my tales of corporate derring ‘do, mock the latest blunder of an intimate primary source, argue about politics in order to keep a secondary source in his place in the pecking order and so on. Humour always plays a part. I am well aware that by demonstrating  a keen sense of humour and drawing giggles, snorts and belly laughs this is all good positive fuel and aids in the maintenance of the façade to demonstrate that I am entertaining company, fun to be around and amusing. I always find my jokes and witty anecdotes amusing, obviously.

I also recognise that for the purposes of continuing to draw fuel and to maintain the façade that it is necessary for me to laugh at the comments and antics of others. This does not come naturally. If someone else is telling a joke, the spotlight is on them. I do not like that. It does not ignite my fury, far from it but I want the laughter to be because of my anecdote not say my friend Paul’s recollection of an incident at work.

I recognise that what he is saying is meant to be amusing and I know that other people will laugh, but I do not find it funny because it is not humour generated by me. Of course, if I see it as appropriate to maintain the façade and I often do, I will laugh and chortle and throw out a compliment such as ‘very funny’ or ‘good one’ before looking to trump it with my own joke or anecdote. I do not however find the comment amusing per se. I feign my amusement for the purposes of fitting in, maintaining the façade and in order to ensure people respond to my comments in a positive manner.

Of course there will be times when I deem it necessary to allow my lack of humour to manifest. This might be done with some cocky newcomer to the group who thinks that he can take centre stage. As he unleashes a joke or fire out some one liners, I remain unmoved. I can see other people may laugh, but I do not. This is not manufactured. I do not find what is said as funny because it is starving me of fuel and starving me of fuel is not a laughing matter.

I want this young turk to know that I am unamused and therefore I shall not laugh and instead comment about how I have heard it before, (if I have not already interrupted him and told the punchline before him) or that it is a sick joke, or it is racist or homophobic so as to gain the moral high ground (who me?!) and cut him down to size. I know that the Lieutenants in this gathering will see that I am unmoved. They will either wait to see if I laugh and follow suit or if they start laughing and see I am not, they will halt their own laughter. They value their positions in the group. Even if others in the group continue to laugh, there is a degree of discomfort since some of us have not laughed and that provides me with the fuel that I want. I have made it about me and wrested the spotlight away from this interloper.

Of course, when I dole out my observations, witty anecdotes and so forth, I am on sparkling form. I will raid the gags which I have heard elsewhere (all part of the trait acquisition) and whilst it is well-recognised that people re-tell other people’s jokes, I will claim to have invented the joke. Often my humour is spur of the moment and is a genuine pithy comment or witty remark which amuses. I truly relish the fuel that arises from doing so. I am able to allow my sparkling repartee and witty badinage to spread its wings so that those with me are howling with laughter.

Similarly, if I am watching a film or a television programme which is a comedy, I do not sit and laugh to myself. What is the point of that? There is no fuel to be gained. Instead, I might remark by text to a friend that there is a good stand-up performance so that he or she replies in a fuelling manner. If I am with somebody and they are laughing at the comedian on the television I am fighting to keep my fury under control.

I do not want their attention focussed on this gagmeister on the goggle box, I want them fuelling me. Thus, I will either, dependent on whether I am seducing or devaluing, sit frowning at the television and heckling the performer so that whoever is with me reacts and suggests watching something else or berates me for interrupting, I do not mind so long as the attention switches to me and I am gaining fuel. If it is seduction, I will allow my laughter to issue forth to show that I am a man of humour and that I enjoy watching the same comedy as you. I will also use it as a platform to tell my own jokes so that you laugh with me as well.

Mentioning the issue of laughing with me, I am of course content for you to do so, but I cannot stand to be laughed at. None of my kind can. If you laugh at me rather than with me then this is an almighty criticism and the fury is ignited immediately. We often struggle to contain our fury in such an instance and you will witness us lashing out, storming off or creating a scene in order to bring your mocking laugher to an abrupt halt and switch to annoyance, concern, fear or such like. Anything to stop the burning criticism arising from your laughing at us. We hate it. We have a complete sense of humour failure at being mocked in this manner and it will result in repercussions for those who are laughing at us.

I of course know when laughter is required and I decide whether I shall join in or not. Some of our kind are not as attuned and it takes them a little while before they realise that they should be laughing because the sense of humour is not there. Instead, they must realise that it would be appropriate to laugh and you will witness a pause before the laughter begins. Listen carefully and you will hear that it is hollow. Look to their eyes and you shall see that the eyes do not twinkle with amusement but remain fixed and hollow. This show of humour and amusement is an artifice and is part of the Mask Carousel which we operate.

Finally there are instances however which truly do amuse me and make me laugh. Whereas the supposed humour of others is either rejected or embraced all as part of the need to generate fuel, be it positive or negative and I make a decision as to what it will be rather than an instinctive response, there are occasions where I will laugh instinctively. Those are occasions where somebody else has suffered a misfortune, especially if it has been caused by me. Schadenfreude is a marvellous device and one which causes me to smile, to laugh and to bellow with laughter.

This accords with my perverted sense of humour which arises from gaining delight in the misfortune of others. Whereas with other people’s attempts at humour I have to decide whether I will remain nonplussed or feign hilarity for the sake of drawing fuel and the maintenance of the façade, when I see someone fail because I have hidden a report they need, I either break out into paroxysms of mirth behind my office door or if I know it would not look good to do so in front of the façade, I stifle my amusement and allow it to erupt when I am in the gent’s bathroom or with a lieutenant at lunch later.

The basis for my humour has been repeatedly touched on in my discussions with the good doctors over the past months and they have been interested to learn of this valve-like approach to exhibiting humour. They entirely understand that I use it as another device for the gathering of fuel.

They also recognise that my revelling in schadenfreude is related to the streak of sadism which runs through me, but we have discussed the origins of why I operate in this almost staccato like manner when it comes to matters of mirth. It appears that my almost completely regulated approach arises from the fact that I learned under the reign of MatriNarc that laughter was viewed as the voice of a fool and best kept silent. Thus like, as I have learnt and I am learning, much of my development has become warped, the creation of my sense of humour has been affected in much the same way, being seen as a product to be used rather than a natural consequence of matters arising, save for those where I witness the manufactured misery of another.

Some say that if they didn’t laugh they would cry.

I wasn’t allowed the luxury of either.

Thus I turned humour into another weapon; either to charm, to withhold or to belittle.

It really is no laughing matter.

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52 thoughts on “Game For a Laugh : The Narcissist and Humour

  1. NarcAngel says:

    AV and LET

    Re: might get tired of the calm.

    Long ago someone on the blog referred to being addicted to the chaos. I found that term apt in some situations. Especially where ACONS are concerned. If chaos is all you have ever known, calm can seem out of sorts or unsettling for a period of time or take some time adjusting to. One might unconsciously seek it out under the guise of “adding some excitement” or “shaking things up a bit”.

    1. A Victor says:

      Yes! That is so true! Chasing the storm is another term I’ve heard used for it. I have found that I can get a similar kind of “thrill” so to speak when goofing around with my kids, and since they are not narcs, it’s all just in good fun. I don’t know if this is a good thing though, maybe it keeps that desire stirred up when I should let it die.

    2. Joa says:

      It’s me! In all its glory 🙂

      I like the calm in myself. I have a lot of it under my emotions.

      But the tranquility around me is unbearable.

      When there is no chaos, it is not a feeling of anxiety. This is my death and fall. Total apathy, I live as if I’m dead. Emptiness. Missing.

      Shake the atmosphere a bit, give me some adrenaline and you will see me swimming and spreading my wings 🙂

      I can also shake myself – hence my outbursts and experiencing everything so much.

      For this reason, years ago, I came to the conclusion, that I have to be alone. My child was supposed to have a stable and calmly home.

      Narcissus is too much to live in one home with baby (!). Normal is not enough for me (!), I would destroy him, suppress him…

      I had to get a middle ground.

      I find chaos in my reaction with Narcissists outside the home and in amounts, that allow me to function at a good level, but within a calm norm.

      I miss more chaos… N2 came back in the perfect time, to mix things up a bit in my cocktail 🙂 Electronic, so out of reach of the child.

      I am not able to live in the calm you are talking about. I tried. This is a conviction for me. Slow agony.

      A life without emotions, highs, lows, flights, falls, happiness, misfortune, laughter, anger, longing, rage, energy – makes no sense.

      Yes, it’s me.

      —————–

      But don’t try to enslave me. Because I will consume you first with my hot and then my cold fire.

    3. lickemtomorrow says:

      Yes, NA, exactly. When it’s all you’ve ever known, it’s also what you’re drawn to as a ‘comfort zone’. The familiarity is what makes us comfortable, even if it’s abusive. Unfortunately, it can often seem people set themselves up for these things, and in certain ways we do, but understanding that underlying or hidden layer of motivation explains a lot. They are the ‘fault lines’ in our lives, and we know they exist we can also know what to expect. It gives us the ability to counter the narrative we’ve become so used to in our lives.

  2. Asp Emp says:

    Funniest Royal Cock-Ups (Channel 5) 03/04/2022. There were some hilarious clips in this.

    I was shocked not surprised to see the Queen’s expression on her face when D’Trump was walking ahead of her when he’d visited UK. When one displeases the Queen, she does not hold back – her expressions are priceless. On occasion she’d say something dismissive (bless her :-)), or uses humour.

    And Prince Philip, he’d come out with some cutting remarks. One clip showed his annoyance at a photographer who was faffing around – ooh, those eyes, glacier ice cold blue glass-like. Those eyes reminded me of Arnold Schwarzenegger as ‘Mr. Freeze’ in Batman and Robin (1997).

  3. Asp Emp says:

    Ah, HG,…… now I geddit!! I just read sum hysterically strange stuf. Farkin ‘ell. It dinnae mek sens.

    I suppose that is what happens when someone spends all day eating lard.

  4. Joa says:

    Similar, but different.

    Yes, laughter and humor are perfect “weapons”. I use it instinctively, but often deliberately, although my goal is different.

    Smart, intelligent and quick humor of Narc. is brilliant!
    If it doesn’t cross the boundaries.

    I smiled reading the sentence: “I always find my jokes and witty anecdotes amusing, obviously.”

    I like when they are satisfied with themselves, when they see approval 🙂

    Sometimes they are jealous, even when I thoughtfully smile at a flying bird 🙂

  5. lickemtomorrow says:

    The narcs are going to get some mileage out of the Will Smith/Chris Rock debacle.

    Here’s one comedians take in the headlines today:

    “Fuck that cuck!” – Comedian Tom Segura warns ‘cowards in Hollywood’ who didn’t defend Chris Rock: “We’re going to ruin your fucking life.”

    I’ve already seen some hilarious content directed at both Will and Jada.

    This is the unfortunate experience of the empath who ultimately suffers either way as a victim – both at the behest of the narcissist, and also at the behest of others who don’t understand what underlies the behaviour.

    1. Joa says:

      If he hadn’t apologized (stupid!), he wouldn’t have been suffering. He would show up in a courtroom with dignity and pay a large sum… to fight alopecia areata. He would come out with his face and he do something good.

      It would make a profit. In the eyes of people on both sides. The apology could be mutual. Sometimes it is enough to wait calmly.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Joa, do you think Will Smith should not have offered an apology? I’m confused.

        He should have been tackled to the ground the minute he walked off that stage. That’s what would have happened to anyone else. And arrested. And charged. It was a despicable action and example to set, especially for young men, and some would applaud him for his supposed ‘chivalry’. That was not chivalry, that was cowardice, because Chris Rock being a host had to try and maintain his cool exterior in spite of what happened to him. He comes out looking the bigger man who did not retaliate, and Will Smith looks like the ‘cuckold’ the whole world thinks he is. What they don’t know is why he is that ‘cuckold’, but right now even that won’t gain him a whole lot of sympathy, at least not from me.

        He needs to be held accountable, and as an empath will instantly know this. How much he feels he needs to keep up a front in front of his wife is hard to say, but he has issued an apology. Weirdly, he is now going to have the public conversation WITH HER about what he did. As far as I know he hasn’t responded to any other opportunities for interview, so she is going to interview him. That will be one very interesting conversation considering what we understand about their relationship dynamic now. Way to control the ‘narrative’, Jada.

        1. A Victor says:

          LET, I agree with your comment and believe that the fact that he did it, the slap, and then continued with the verbal assault, knowing as an empath how wrong it was, shows so clearly the control she has over him and, in my mind, fear of consequences from her over powering his fear of consequences from anywhere else. That fear, that we have of them, is so powerful.

          That interview will be a farce. But likely show more of the dynamic to HG’s students!

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            AV, all I can think is ‘out of character’ when I think of what happened. It’s like Will Smith stepped outside of himself and took on a different persona. Of course, he’s an actor, so that’s not hard for him to do, but there was a sense of something – or someone – overpowering him to do what he did. Maybe that something was fear, or the need to impress the narcissist. Perhaps he felt this was his night and he was ‘king’ (literally), so he could be seen to defend his wife and be the big man getting the Oscar to boot. It backfired hugely as his privileged position is not going to save him from the fallout and Jada will probably just view him as an embarrassment now. And a liability.

            The interview is likely to be a farce and a fascinating one. Definitely a treasure trove for HG to decipher more of the dynamic for his students 🙂

          2. A Victor says:

            So out of character LET! Absolutely! And the guilt we feel from this, whether has been caused by our fear of them or something else, is hurt on hurt for us! It’s so not right, I hope he can find his way to freedom from her someday.

        2. Joa says:

          LET, I have already described my position on this matter in the first post HG – about the ceremony.

          I will write like this:
          Your son has a close girl-friend in class who, for example, has psoriasis. His classmate, along with a group of adjutants, jokes – he makes fun of people in the class, about their vices, weaknesses. The son laughs, he holds his position. A classmate jokes about sons girl-friend, saying that she looks like a lizard shedding its skin. They all laugh, pretending it is funny and that they are not affected, that they are above it. The son knows, that this is an embarrassing topic for his gir-friend. The son knows, that if he says: “Please stop, death, disease, pain and embarrassing things are not being joked about”, he and his girl-friend will become an even greater object of mockery. The son recognizes, that the only way to stop this shit is through the shock method. He walks up to the joker – the clown and targets him with his open hand. It doesn’t hurt anyone physically. Doesn’t make his nose bleed with his fist. It clearly shows where the border is. Like a man to a man. He defends a woman, a woman he is close to. The clown is dethroned and has no words to keep on laughing.
          …Perhaps the clown will think longer and deeper before composing a similar “joke” in the future.

          Would you be angry with your son for standing up for a woman close to him?
          I do not. I would be proud. I would say, that my son has acted fairly and is to bear all the consequences calmly and with dignity.
          …I would transform this event into something good, that would spread widely and inspire people to think.

          —————–

          The only thing missing here, is then both of them should leave this “game” and not participate in it further.

          But this inconsistency in behavior explains, what HG describes about narcissistic dynamics.

          —————–

          Perhaps these are cultural differences. In my country, 90% of this event was commented on like this: He acted honorably. Way to go! I wish I had a husband like that. Normal guy. Anyone would do that.

          A man is a man. A woman is a woman. A baby is a baby.
          Let’s not lose boundaries. Let’s not make men clowns, suckers and cowardly figures hiding behind a skirt. Let’s not make womans – stone without feelings.

          —————

          And one more thing. I see a lively discussion under the HG posts and videos. There are words, that WS should be punished for his despicable, unworthy behavior. The clown and his workplace, people are defending. Turn a clown into a victim.

          I will write just this:
          If people reacted with similar determination to the murder taking place in Ukraine (and elsewhere), the world would be less evil.

          Meanwhile, people prefer to ruthlessly punish a man who stood up for a woman (no matter how shes stupid and how much the viewers are sitting in they bedroom), and the explanation is sought not to upset and not to punish a murderer, who – in front of the world – spills the blood of ordinary people, such as me or you. He sheds the blood of innocent children. He causes, death to leave an irreversible mark on those children, who survive.

          The world has gone mad. The world prefers to pretend it feels, by adhering to certain patterns rather, than actually feeling.

          —————–

          Looking at it all, watching people, I am so proud of my daughter. Despite the fact, that she has problems herself, even though she is sometimes flaccid and fragile, she is able to embrace the weaker with a protective wing, even if it is… an adult teacher. My own daughter is slowly becoming the woman, who amazes me so much…

          If only she cleaned up in her room and started studying instead of reading, ha ha ha 😊

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hi Joa 🙂

            Some of what you say I can agree with and I appreciate your example (the son and his girlfriend). We expect, in many ways, men to protect women. I appreciate that protective instinct and presence of a man at times, and was only discussing this with someone recently. I had a male relative who wanted to visit with me in my home some time ago after they suffered an emotional trauma. They are a close relative so I did not object. When he came over it was obvious he was experiencing some difficulties in a relationship where I also had ties of loyalty. I heard him out and acknowledged the difficulties he was experiencing. At the same time, it was not my place to get involved. A few days later he texted to tell me he was coming over again. This made me uncomfortable as it meant those ties of loyalty were to be tested again. My first instinct was a desire to contact the narc who I was still involved with at the time (not knowing he was a narc). I felt very vulnerable in the situation and knew another man, ‘my man’, would create a barrier to the thought he could come visit me again. I managed to avoid the relative, but was upfront about the reason why. He never came over again. I never told the narc as I’d handled it myself, and what is the point in creating more drama, but my first instinct was to involve him as a protective measure. If I was painted white and someone had insulted or come on to me, he no doubt would have protected his appliance.

            I understand your perspective, but in the circumstances I think you are missing the point of how the incident came about and also the circumstances surrounding it.

            Will Smith initially laughed at the joke. He did not take offence in the sense of believing his wife’s feelings were hurt at all. She rolled her eyes in disgust – not in woundedness – and that was his prompt to act. Whatever about her feelings (I think it was contempt) he felt motivated to act. I don’t believe it was in defense of her, but in defense of himself – if he didn’t act she would consider him lesser. The narcissist diminishes us, makes us small and weak. He took the path of attempting to show strength, but it backfired. It is not strength to bring yourself and others in the audience into disrepute by doing what Will Smith did. A strong man would have handled it differently, maybe taken the other man aside afterwards to confront him if necessary. This was a widely televised awards program and if it’s reputation wasn’t already in tatters, it surely is now. What a disgrace that Will Smith wasn’t confronted based on his behaviour. That’s how I feel.

            I applaud men who will do what is necessary to protect those they love, and as you suggest Ukrainian men – and women – are showing their strength in the current situation. This is being applauded by the West. At the same time, it seems to me Western society is doing all it can to emasculate men. What a bunch of hypocrites we are (in my opinion). Yes, fight you men of Ukraine, let us send you weapons to do everyone else’s dirty work for them. These men willing to fight against the evil they perceive should be proud. Those encouraging them to lay down their lives need to take another look at themselves.

            You are correct to say there are cultural differences, which is one reason why I don’t recommend the path the West has taken. I agree with your sentiment in wanting men to be men and women to be women. I have a couple of very strong daughters and also a quite thoughtful young son. He has shown me his protection at times (he broke up with his girlfriend), and the girls have shown me how they like to depend on the men in their lives. We complement eachother, let’s not compete.

            Interestingly, in terms of your comparison to Putin, you side with the victims (Ukrainians), and yet the victim of Will Smith’s violence you do not side with him. That is because you see beyond to the provocation which caused his reaction. This may seem like a tangled thought process, but I think it makes sense if you want to make a comparison.

            The world would be better if we were done with narcs altogether! Sorry, HG.

            It’s lovely to hear about your daughter and she will no doubt continue to grow up into an amazing young woman with a mother like yourself. You continue to breathe life into her <3

            Yes, cleaning of rooms and studying can take a back seat to teenage impulses xox

          2. HG Tudor says:

            What are you sorry for?

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            I think that would be for saying the world would be better off without you (meaning narcissists).

            Although in your case, that would most definitely not be true as can clearly be seen by your excellent work and response to that.

            I’m in a muddle over the negatives and sometimes positives narcissists can provide.

            Being impacted by them personally, or in my personal life, I see only bad. Except at least one of them made me, and another helped make my children.

            Arrrgh!!!

          4. A Victor says:

            Maybe we’d grow tired of the calm.

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            AV, this is where I detect a ‘chink’ in the armour, and that probably goes for most of us. The excitement (and devastation) of the dynamic involving the narcissist is intoxicating. It helps form part of the addiction. The calm seems less appealing when the storm is all we have known. It’s time for shoring up some of those defences when we think or feel that way. It helps me to remember the bitterness of the fall (from the heights) which also helps me appreciate the benefits of the calm <3

          6. A Victor says:

            Oh no LET!! No worries! I said “Maybe”, I’m personally not feeling tired of the calm! I’m loving it!! Of course, I don’t have complete calm yet, but yes, I do agree that if there’s any leaning that way whatsoever, shoring up is in order! I’m trying to retrain myself as we speak, to enjoy simple things, things that don’t bring or encourage drama. Figuring out what those things are is a fun challenge in itself! It’s all about the gardening now!! Well, as soon as it warms up out…😂 Thanks for the comment, it made me feel so loved!

          7. lickemtomorrow says:

            AV, glad you feel loved <3

            Also glad you are figuring out thing that don't bring or encourage drama … lol to it's all about the gardening now 😉 I've found a new challenge in Tai Chi which I'd been meaning to get into for a while. Basically it's all gentle physical activity with some benefits at the end – a beautiful garden or self defence technique.

            Good to know you don't need shoring up xox

          8. A Victor says:

            But LET, I appreciate so much your willingness to shore!! There is a day coming, possibly for both of us, any of us, where it could be needed! Especially with all those dreams you’ve been having…😂

          9. lickemtomorrow says:

            Haha to the dreams, AV 😛

            I know where to come when I have those “out of the blue” experiences which are testing my resolve <3

          10. Joa says:

            LET, I know this – there are times, that my thoughts also look for “shelter” in “my N”. It makes no sense, but it is. My thoughts, because I never contact him on my own (I react to some of his messages or phone calls).

            Indeed, I have a completely different view of the victim and the perpetrator in this case. I understand, what you are writing, but it still doesn’t appeal to me 🙂

            I admit, I spent little time evaluating. It seems too insignificant for me to want to penetrate deeper into an ordinary “slap” 🙂

            Ukraine – I’m running away today… Terrible images after the Russians passed, a lot of dead bodies, a lot of suffering. Lots of Russian anencephaly.

            I like, when a woman is strong and a man is strong. In a different way. Yes, complement each other – this is what we should strive for. Beautiful and difficult.

            It’s okay to rivaging if you don’t intend to trample on who you are competing with. Mobilizing. It is also needed.

            My daughter maintains the family tradition and categorically refuses to reproduce. Perhaps, also traditionally, she will not succeed 🙂

            Thank you LET, it was nice to read your thoughts 🙂

          11. lickemtomorrow says:

            Joa, thanks for sharing your thoughts again. The slap is very insignificant in terms of what Ukraine is undergoing at the moment. There are much more important things to focus on right now in your part of the world. My daughter’s boyfriend’s surname is Wisniewski. His brother and partner (who is Polish) are travelling back to Poland for three weeks over Easter with their one year old son. The family in Poland have not met him yet and it was planned before everything went down in Ukraine. I asked if they were concerned, but apparently they will be in the Western region of Poland near Prague and so feel safe enough to go. Her parents though have looked into visas in case there is a need to leave at some stage. Hoping for the best and preparing for the worst seems to be the mentality for now. I’m glad you and your daughter are currently safe xox

          12. Leigh says:

            LET/Joa, if I may interject. I agree that the slap in insignificant. I also think that Chris Rock will be fine. I’m also ok with Will receiving some sort of discipline for his actions. Here’s what I’m not ok with. Nothing happening to Jada. I’ll tell you why. Will was the gun. Jada pulled the trigger. Will may think that he did what he did to protect his woman but he was a mere puppet and Jada was the puppet master. Will’s empathic makeup means he felt her anger as his own and that’s why he jumped up and slapped Chris.

            Joa,
            I know this doesn’t compare to what’s going on in the Ukraine. Its horrific what’s going on there. This is a blog about narcissism though so its important to talk about Will/Jada/Chris because it gives us a real life example to learn from.

          13. lickemtomorrow says:

            Leigh, I agree and I also need Will Smith to take responsibility for his actions.

            It matters not who is pulling your strings, when it comes to your own behaviour you need to take responsibility. Jada, being a narc, will slide out – and has slidden out – from under that. It’s a hallmark of her narcissism. They encourage bad behaviour, while at the same time never being required to take responsibility. Will Smith had a choice. He fell for his wife’s manipulation. As victims of narcissists we all know how easy that can be. She pushed a red hot button for him with regards to his masculinity, but it was him who chose to act. They eye roll on her part was one of contempt. She was not hurt, she was not wounded, she was dismissive. I think Will Smith saw it as an opportunity to show her just how much of a man he was (no doubt she’s challenged him in numerous ways on that front, not least by him becoming what is known as a ‘cuckold’) and also hoped to gain ‘brownie points’ by doing so. He may have been painted black prior to the occasion and this could have been his way of trying to ensure he would be painted white again. In some ways, it’s a cry for help – “I am so beaten down by this narcissistic woman that I need to resort to violence to show her how much I care.” I’d say there are men who can relate to this notion after becoming entangled with a narcissistic woman. She will require it of him in a manner which any ordinary woman would not. There is a difference here being brought about by her narcissism that overrides the usual protective instinct we desire to see in men. This is not ‘protection’, it is ‘proving’ – proving that I am worthy. I think that’s where Will Smith’s head was at, and now he has to decide whether it was worth his while – or whether she is worth his while – to take such actions to prove he is worthy of her love. It is a very harsh lesson for him to learn.

          14. Leigh says:

            LET, yes, it will be a very harsh lesson for him to learn. I do believe that he feels like he has to prove to Jada that he is worthy. Its very sad.

            In this particular case, I think its more than that. I think because of his empathic makeup, he felt her anger and took it on as his own. He was already in a heightened emotional state and then the joke happened and it spiraled out of control.

            Yes, people have to take responsibility for their actions and he’s doing that. And Jada walks away squeaky clean.

          15. Joa says:

            LET, I smiled. Wiśniewski is a popular surname in Poland.

            I personally know three Wiśniewski. Including one good friend of mine – Wiśniewska – “Wiśnia” for short, which means: “Cherry” 🙂

            Relax, there’s nothing to be afraid of. It is safe in our country.

            At least for now.

          16. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ooohh, Joa, that’s so cool 🙂 I will tell the children about the “cherry”!

            The little boy calls my daughter “ciocia” (sounds like it’s pronounced Jaja), but he can’t pronounce the world for uncle yet, so he just calls her boyfriend by his first name.

            They are flying into Prague in the Czech Republic and driving across the border into Poland from there as her family is very close to that border.

            Good to know it’s safe and I hope it stays that way x

            (Thank you for adding the “accents” which I was unable to do, although I’m sure there’s a nifty trick for that on my computer somewhere 😉 )

    2. alexissmith2016 says:

      It’s so true and so sad. I was out with friends the other night. Mostly I’m cool and just talk about things like that on a superficial level but inside I’m thinking, well HG has taught us XYZ and I can feel my eyes scrunch a little as I feel annoyance at their lack of understanding hahah then I kick myself back into their reality.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Alexis, the reality we all used to live in before we learnt about narcissism and its effects.

        As empaths we’re likely to give them some leeway because we once were them.

        I’m not over Will Smith’s actions, so I don’t really expect anyone else to be either.

        I will second your annoyance at others not understanding, though.

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          Mostly I don’t think about it, just unconsciously realise they won’t. (I did in the beginning – a lot). And like you say, I definitely don’t hold it agains them, just in the moment, sometimes I feel like I wish they could understand on our level. But when I remember how long it took for everything to sink in and that’s with access to HG. Without him they don’t stand a chance. If I think they’ll be interested I’ll send them a link to one of HG’s articles and just let them read for themselves. All depends on the person, situation and subject matter.

          I know we’ll have to agree to disagree on Will S though. I haven’t worked my way through all of HG’s articles yet and I’m not a fan of what he did but a fan of him so I’d be behind him all the way no matter what. When you think about his childhood and he says he was the only one too scared to fight, coupled with his father etc how his wife manipulates him and people call him a cuck etc, he had to break at some point. I bet he hates himself for what he did too. Playing it over and over in his head feeling the shame. Where as if an N had done it, any replay would be thought fuel.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            It’s nice that you would still back him, Alexis, and he’s going to need more people like you if he hopes to survive the current onslaught. Getting to the bottom of what led him to that place and that moment is important. It helps people understand. I think he chose the wrong moment to express himself and the need to right a long held wrong in his mind, but I accept he will also be beating himself up about it, too. That’s the worst of being an empath. The sense of regret lingers. Agree, it would just be thought fuel for the narcissist. He’s in a tough place right now and I wouldn’t want to be him. I don’t have anything at all against Will Smith – loved him in some of his movies. I haven’t seen “King Richard”, but I’m sure it’s a great biopic and the William’s sister’s fascinate me in terms of their achievements. Perhaps all those women surrounding him that night and knowing the strength of their father prompted him as well.

            I’m sure there’ll be more to come and he has now resigned his position which is further detriment to his career. Such a fallout from an impulsive moment which should have been one of the greatest night’s of his life. That thought does make me sad.

          2. I can’t help it. Pre N knowledge I always supported the underdog and would go to great lengths to support them, make them feel included in groups etc if they weren’t. I realise now that on numerous occasions I was most definitely backing the wrong horse!

            Now, if someone has a kind heart I’ll back them all the way. If they don’t, only if it serves my purpose underdog or not.

            When you look at everything Will has experienced in his life his behaviours are explainable even if unacceptable but if he were someone i knew personally I’d just put it down to a bad day in the office and that’s it. Jada on the other hand with her eye roll, I would not be able to forgive her for that even though the public would perceive eye roll not that bad compared to slap. Even if it served my purpose I’d be unable to. But this is why I get myself into trouble and bitch offs. I need to learn to let go and treat her in the same way I would Will (that’s assuming I was in that circle of course, which I’m not).

            Talking of eye rolls it’s reminding me of Ronaldo’s wink in 2006 World Cup. Agghhh maybe I should try the, “My mum used to drive a car like yours” on him hahha
            Lucky I’m a low 2 on the aphantasia scale coupled with a poor memory.

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            Alexis, underdogs are my bread and butter 😉

            I often think there’s an element where we identify with their situation, and being a scapegoat child probably put me in that position. Knowing whether they have a kind heart or not can sometimes be a little harder to determine, and getting sucked in by Mid-Range narcs with their facades had taught me that. One of HG’s videos brought that to mind the other day – the ability or difficulty of discerning between the empath say who’s had a bad day and is acting very narcy vs. the narc who’s letting their guard down and revealing what lies beneath their facade. It can be really hard to tell and I’m learning to fine tune. So, not every underdog is deserving (Victim narc maybe) and not every seemingly kind hearted person is a genuine empath. You seem to have developed a way to tell them apart, but my most recent ‘entanglement’ (ha!) has left me guessing.

            LOL to the bitch offs 😛 I’m a terror for not holding back if that’s what it comes down to … very hard to let go of that righteous anger when you feel it is deserved. Personally, I think we need more of the truth telling kind which I think you are, and Will and Jada’s circle might just benefit from that 😉

            Just had to share a clip related to that last comment:

            https://youtu.be/H8Xjd5cWjw0

            The cheek of him! Although Rooney’s ‘stumble’ looks like it would have hurt much more than Will Smith’s slap 😛

            Lucky indeed, Alexis.

          4. Asp Emp says:

            LET, good to read what you say here. Thank you 🙂

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp, thanks and no worries x

          6. Leigh says:

            Alexis, I agree with you so much. I feel like we have a very special key and I wish people were more open to it. Having knowledge about narcissism changes everything.

            I also agree with you about Will Smith. I’m on his side no matter what. Jada Pinkett is a megabitch and absolutely no sympathy from me.

      2. A Victor says:

        This happens to me all the time now. It’s frustrating. It’s one reason I am so thankful for this blog, people here get it and don’t mind the discussion.

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          It’s so nice to speak with people who understand AV. Sometimes I speak with a couple of mid range Ns about it. The ones who have an inkling about themselves. Obvs talking about other people and not them. I do this because I find it fascinating how they see it in other. Then they still try and manipulate me using similar behaviours we’ve spoken about. I just find it so amusing. I know, I know, I’m feeding my addiction by engaging at all hahah but I can’t help it. My names Alexis and I’m an addict!

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Welcome, Alexis (to that last part) 🙂

          2. Thanks for the welcome Lickem, glad to be part of the gang.

          3. WhoCares says:

            “My names Alexis and I’m an addict!” Haha!

            (I hear you though – on how entertaining it is to watch MRNs.)

          4. A Victor says:

            “My names Alexis and I’m an addict!”

            Haha, I can’t tell you how often I’ve thought this with my own name in there!

            No judgement on your feeding your addiction for fun. I hope to reach that point someday too, you’re an inspiration! 😃

          5. Well it’s probably not wise, much better if you don’t I guess lol but I can’t help it and so need to rid myself of the cognitive dissonance lol

    3. A Victor says:

      Exactly what I’ve been thinking LET. How is Jada using this in their home right now even. He shouldn’t done it, he deserves consequences but he doesn’t deserve what she’ll do with it potentially.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        AV, unfortunately it’s not just her who will get mileage out of it and be able to use it against him. Now it’s the whole world. Other comedians are out for revenge, and the fact is what was meant for Chris Rock’s humiliation is going to become the bigger humiliation for Will Smith who will become the butt of jokes from here to eternity. If a narcissist can encourage you to spoil your own special moment like that what is there left to say? It’s a damning indictment on the effects of narcissism and hopefully will make all of those who are able, and maybe still entangled, sit up and take notice. I see many comparisons to Harry and his wife’s situation here.

        1. Alexissmith2016 says:

          Very much like Harry lickem. I haven’t got as far as to will’s or Jade’s school/cadre yet but I’m going to make a guess at carrier/CD magnet for will and megabitch (mid type B somatic) for Jada.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ooohh, I think you might be onto something, Alexis 😉

          2. Leigh says:

            Ha! Megabitch! 🤣🤣🤣

        2. A Victor says:

          Yes, I agree.

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