A Peculiar Placement
When I watched you and him and her, I saw so many things and so many of those things I did not understand. I hate not understanding. To fail to understand is weak and I was always reminded, reinforced, told, instructed that we were not weak.
“Never be weak, boy,” she told me. You three were never told this though. I asked you and you told me she never said those words to you, but she said them to me.
“She believes you are born of greatness,” one of you told me in later years because she thinks you are like her, but she actually fears you.
“Good,” I answered and you just smiled because that was a response you had become familiar with. You still disliked it but you had accommodated it in a manner of finding comfort. Like a pair of shoes that always still pinch you, but you have to wear them because well, they look so good and cost so much.
I always needed to understand. I still do. It is one of my greatest strengths, my intellectual brilliance allied with a desire to know and to understand. To understand how you all work, so then I can own you all the quicker and ensure that my world, that I place you in, runs just how I prefer it.
I watched how you and him and her would talk together, play together, laugh together.
“Come and play,” all three of you invited. Oh, I wanted to play but my game was altogether different, of a more urgent and rewarding purpose.
You used to stare wide-eyed as I asked you all question after question after question. Why? How? What? Where? When? Rapid fire questions, since so many of them formed in my mind, racing, pulsating and demanding. You all answered me, furnishing me with the information that I needed and granted me the understanding of why you smiled, how you found things amusing, what made you cry, where did it feel best and when did it become too much? I asked and you provided me with the answers that I sought. Each new day brought fresh interactions and fresh queries until I understood so much of all three of you that I knew what could be achieved with what you had given me.
“It is like you are an alien sent here to learn from us,” she remarked. I recognised the remark was not said in scorn but with what I know understood and recognised was affection. I knew that a short smile was required and so I gave it, although the chill that emanated from my eyes caused you to look nervously to one side. You told me later of the icy stare and how it made your insides churn. I said nothing in response but inside felt the warmth rising as I delighted at your admission of weakness.
“Yes, like an alien who has to learn how everything works so he can fit in,” said he.
I gave a confirmatory nod. Not because I necessarily agreed but I understood that doing so made the speaker feel validated and thus easier to own.
“Yet I will be the one that teaches you,” I commented to myself silently. The most effective conversations were and are always held with myself.
You would laugh at times at my absence of response. I saw no reason to provide one. I was unmoved by what I witnessed but then I recognised the advantage of allowing you to believe that I was similar to you and more importantly to all of the others. How easy it became as I disarmed them simply with a nod, a smile, a certain sentence. In the beginning I was taken aback at the ease by which people lowered their guard, gave me what I required, did things for me, simply by providing an ascertained response. I never felt the response, never had a sensation inside (as she had so often spoken of that she had) but I understood the response and even better I understood how that response gave me what I wanted.
Power.
Control.
With words alone, I made people give me what I craved.
With a shift of expression, people opened up and became supine. Inside I sneered at their weakness but learned not to let that show, unless letting them know how weak they are served me better.
The little beetle people ready to be squashed. The hand-wringing earnest individuals ready to be instructed. The knee bending supine servants ready to effect my bidding. Such peculiar appliances but so be it.
Yes, I am alien to you because you do not truly understand me. I made the effort to understand you, but you all failed to understand me. That only goes to reinforce your weakness and why it is I that governs and why you are governed.
I am the alien that accepted this peculiar placement and invaded your world to make it mine.
Now that it is my world, you will never be allowed to leave it.
Ever.
9 thoughts on “A Peculiar Placement”
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I wonder if he is speaking about his relationship with his siblings.
I’m just beginning to delve into HG’s work and life,
hence it is inevitable that I will have questions which will be addressed as I advance.
I’m very curious about Rachel.
Being an empath, I’m sure that HG discovered quickly how easy she was to manipulate, and get to do his biding.
Yes, Kat, HG is speaking about his relationship with his siblings from what I understand.
HG has determined his sister is a Co-dependent empath, which would make her particularly easy to manipulate, and his book “Chained” will give you more insight into Rachel and their relationship. From what I remember, it’s focus is largely on the CoD empath, which makes me think I should go back and read it again. It’s another one I become particularly emotional over, and I literally cried when I came to the part of HG’s sister distancing herself eventually from him. She did the right thing, but somehow it still felt heartbreaking to me.
Thank you so much! I’m new, and I really appreciate your help navigating through his material. So much about HG’s experiences are heartbreaking to me also. Even when he is quite hurtful towards people, it makes me angry that he was made to be that way. Robbing someone of the ability to love and be loved removes one of the greatest gifts of being human. Well, in my opinion anyway.
I didn’t mean to take so long to get to this and I didn’t remember the title either, so I thought I would take my time to read it.
Definitely intriguing.
That ‘alien’ aspect of your nature provides a fascination for us also, HG. Though, it has to be said the coldness and callousness that underlies it must also be acknowledged.
I’ve seen that curiosity here in your earlier articles and posts, when you seemed to be drinking of the information and understanding empaths were providing. It was very childlike. There was also an openness about it. Of course, that element of openness is deceptive as it is going to form the basis of later manipulation. Empaths will see the openness and open up in return, never knowing it will later be used to their detriment. It’s where we fail in these relationships.
When you accuse us of failing you, it’s definitely not in this respect. It’s in not understanding you. By that I assume you mean not understanding your superiority and place above us.
At the end of the article you speak as though you are an alien, invading our world and conquering it.
“Now that it is my world, you will never be allowed to leave it.
Ever.”
Spoken like a true conqueror.
LET, very well stated. While he has been very good to all of us and helped us remove the rose colored glasses, he has benefited as well. He has gathered and acquired our character traits for himself. Sometimes he uses them against us and sometimes he uses them to help us.
Hi Leigh, I appreciate your comment 🙂
You have stated it well, too, although I might just clarify on one point, which is HG using these things against ‘us’. No doubt HG uses manipulations in his personal life he would not necessarily use here, and for the most part I would see his manipulations here as being benign. We are fortunate in that sense. The fact we are at a distance and tertiary sources only helps prevent us from coming into contact with the full extent of his manipulations and possible fury.
I did take on board from the article his determination, even with tertiary sources, to be the conqueror he envisages, and some will see themselves under this protective mantle. He certainly has provided life saving help to people ensnared with narcissists, and so I take him at his word of being “a bad man doing good things.” I don’t want to lose sight of either.
Indeed, that’s the crux of relationships with N. Currently, at least four people in my life.
I seem, I don’t mind that someone sees me that way. It is not important to me. I put the point of importance on a different scale.
“My N” was less subtle. He boasted about this skill to me. But only now, years later, when he wasn’t trying so hard to hide himself from me. As if he was opening the veil sometimes.
As if he deliberately wanted to show his way of thinking… and even then he waited for feedback 🙂
I wonder if he realizes, that even total honesty can be a defense/veil… if he has to.
“The most effective conversations were and are always held with myself.” Narcissists talk with themselves just like empaths can! I had not realized this! But should have, my dad did it all the time!