I Spy A Private Eye
I have often mentioned the empath’s need to know. Initially this is borne out of your desire to know and to understand for the purpose of enabling you to discharge your caring and nurturing abilities. Only by understanding and knowing what is wrong, what is going through someone’s mind or understanding their situation are you able to assist and help. Some people like to know because they are inquisitive. Some people like to know because they are downright nosey. We like to know so we can use it against you or to further our own schemes. You like to know so you can help. This is a core trait of the empathic individual and it is not something that you are ever able to let go. Even when we are subjecting you to the devaluation you are unable to accept that it is happening without being able to understand why. You need to know. We know you need to know and we exploit this. This is why we engage in denial, deflection and circular arguments because we are entirely aware this inability to allow you to know and to understand draws fuel from you but also keeps you doing this. Even when we discard you, you still want to make sense of what has happened. You need and want to know why did we treat in the way we did, why did we do all those awful things to you and why were you not enough? By tapping into this trait of yours we also ensure that you have to know what we are doing once we have flung you to one side.
You will ask our friends what we are doing and pose similar questions to our family in a bid to ascertain what we are now doing without you. You ask your friends to spy on your behalf, gathering information about the places that we have been to and the people we have fraternised with. You see, if you try to escape from us then you cannot get rid of us as we appear with Hoover in hand ready to suck you back. However, if we have decided that we have extracted as much fuel as we possibly can from you (at least for now) we will do our utmost to remain invisible and keep you guessing. We want you wondering what we are doing? We want you to be sat contemplating where we are and who we are with? Are we happy? Are we thinking of you?
This need to know becomes overwhelming and you then embark on your role as private eye. You will stalk our Facebook page in order to gather information. We will block you in order to increase the work for you but you will use a friend’s profile to look or create a false one. You will drive past the places you know we might be, home, work and recreational and social places hoping to catch a glimpse of what we are doing so you can satiate that need to know. You will create a new profile and follow us on Twitter, checking each day to see what we have written. Is there a new girlfriend? What is she like? Are we taking her to the places we took you? Who are these people in the photographs and where are they taken? We know you will be spying and the more you try and learn the more questions will arise. We use obsessing as a method of manipulation and this continues in this mould.
Our everpresence will keep reminding you and you do not help yourself as you repeatedly reinforce our presence in your mind by searching, checking and spying. You will search our name on Google, examine our work website for any changes, check on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn. Like a detective hunting for clues you will keep at it each day. You create a habit in order to feed the addiction which is the need to know. We know you will do this, we engineer and we encourage this behaviour in you. The knowledge that you are engaged in these practices gives us fuel. We cannot see you or hear you yet we know you are spying on us. We know what you are like and we can picture you earnestly hunched over your keyboard as you stare at your monitor. Don’t deny it because when we do Hoover you it is one of the first things we tease from you. How many times a day did you check our Facebook profile? You will admit you did it at least three times a day and tell us how much you missed us. You will ask about the new person we were with and who you saw posts referring to and all the photographs that we displayed. Did we miss you too? You always ask this as well. Why? Because you always need to know.
6 thoughts on “I Spy A Private Eye”
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No! I do not do ANY of those things! I tried tio disappear and be invisible. I Shrunk down in the passenger side if my best friends ride hiding cause we accidently met him at the intersection and I Said “oh shit!” and hunkered down. Never checked Facebook or anything.Dont want to be seeing any of that! Don’t want to know shite. Not helpful to my well being at all! You all just be fantasizing
We want to understand because it’s so unbelievable to us.
The thing i thought of this time regarding this article is the idea that what we know is what we’re comfortable with. With money, when people study the real thing, they can easily pick out fakes. I see this here also, people raised in healthy, loving homes will spot unhealthy behavior much more easily than those raised in unhealthy homes. An empath might try to fix it, or help the situation, risking ensnarement, but many might walk away realizing nothing can be done, probably normals. For people raised in unhealthy situations, that is our “real thing”. Healthy situations can make me uneasy, and often have, I want to get away, not knowing for sure how to “be”, and thinking they will realize I’m an imposter. It then makes sense that I am more comfortable in certain unhealthy settings, and at risk for being ensnared again. Learning all that I have here has helped so much in understanding all of this, and allowed me to process how I “be” in a situation. It has helped immensely with my confidence with other people.
AV, its terrible what our parents have done to us. I often feel like an imposter too and that people will figure it out. Something Will Smith said has been stuck in my head too. He couldn’t understand why he was being hit when he was a good kid and he always wanted to please. It made me think maybe that’s why sometimes I feel like I’m inherently bad. I thought I was a good kid too and yet I still got beat. On a subconscious level my father beating me must have sent the message that I’m bad because why would he beat me if I’m good.
Even you haven’t guessed, I hate narcissism.
Leigh, I have had the exact same thing to overcome, doing nothing wrong that I was aware of (how can you know what’s “wrong” when the rules change at their whim) and then having harsh consequences for my “own good”.
I even😉 hate narcissism.
I mean to say, *If you haven’t guessed, I hate narcissism. I don’t know why I said even. I can’t even blame autocorrect, lol!