A reader, Rhonda, seeks help from. These are their own words which have been published with their permission and approval in order to gain assistance.
“I have been married to the narcissist for 14 years. Over the years, I have worked with the businesses that the narcissist decided to venture into.
I have not been in the work field ever since. Especially with the birth of our only child, 13 years ago. I also homeschool my daughter.
I’ve known about who he really was approximately 5 years ago when I truly began to pick up on his repeated cyclical patterns.
One year ago, I caught him in the act of being unfaithful. He left home one night , supposedly on a job call, didn’t return home that night or return my texts or calls. In fact, it appeared I had been blocked. The roads were becoming treacherous and I was really concerned about his safety.
The next morning, still the same. As if I had been blocked on his phone. It finally dawned on me to check the cellular detailed report online to check for the most recent activity. The last number that was shown was the last number he contacted before he left the house the night before. Jotted the number down to call the “ customer”. Put the numbers in my phone to send a text inquiring about his whereabouts, and wouldn’t you know, a name popped up on my phone since it was already programmed.
The number belonged to a woman that he had been hell bent on getting us to know one another. I knew that was an immediate red flag, but I went along for the one time for dinner. She was definitely not someone that I would even want to be friends with much less being a so called friend of my husband. Could not wait to get out of there. Told him that even he should not be seen there ever again because she was definitely trouble. She was on the run from something serious. Of course he didn’t listen. Even gave her my phone number which I was very upset about. Talked to her once and that was it. Left her name on the phone number in case she tried to call again and I would know not to reply.
Went to the location the next day where she lived. Wouldn’t you know, his truck was there. Right in front of her place. Judging by the thickness of the ice on it, it had been there for quite sometime. There were no fresh tracks in or out in the snow. Took a deep breath and told myself to stay calm. Got out to walk to front door and was about to knock, and something told me, don’t knock, just see if it’s unlocked and walk in.
It was unlocked, I opened the door and walked up the stairs. Got to the top, and there to my left he sat there with no shirt with her at her kitchen table. They both looked as if they’d seen a ghost. He immediately asked if I had called. Yes, I had since the night before. He reached for his phone and said it was dead. (No surprise) it could not have been because the phone activity log showed him using data all through the night at various times.
I knew the real answer. I stayed calm and just stared at him. Turned around and walked out. Got in his truck and took out his key. Left him there with her to figure out how he was going to be able to leave. It was only a few minutes before the raging calls started and I did not answer. I knew that she was a supply he had been using and was trying to use her to triangulate me.
Things haven’t gotten any better since, in fact worse and I knew it would. Would have been gone long ago had I not been trapped in this relationship due to a child, home and business. After this incident, he cut me off financially. Opened a new account that only he had access to, bread crumbing me and my child ever since.
Then it escalated to physical violence. Was forced to call police. Made a report , but didn’t file charges and I should have. Didn’t because I knew he was the bread winner of the family. I also knew that he would likely get worse if it happened again. Made him get out and stay in a travel trailer on the property. Didn’t feel safe around him or my child anymore. Limited my interaction, used logic without emotional thinking as much as possible.
Fast forward to the present time. He has since acquired a “customer” that was just passing through that was in need of his assistance due to an accident with their camper. (He repairs RV’s, mobile usually) In this case, he tells me this is a couple from Hawaii to the mainland that were looking for cheaper property. About 2 weeks later, they are still here. Curiosity got the better of me. Went out to where he was with this customer talking about the job. It was a woman’s voice. I walked up and caught them both by surprise. He had to introduce us and was as if he was going to croak saying this is my wife. He tells everyone I’m his ex. We haven’t started any proceedings yet. Kind of hard for me to without money.
Then it turns into a month. I began having more and more issues with getting any financial help from him for food, necessities, etc. I notice him with her more often all over the property. My suspicions kicked in. This is an attempt to triangulate me with this girl. She’s only 26 and he’s 59. Eventually mine and my daughters’s phone was turned off for non payment. This was unacceptable.
Went over to where he stays, I could hear the two of them talking. As soon as I knocked though, silence, and did not answer the door.
Went to our work van to get some tools he hadn’t returned. That did it. He did not want me in his van. (Our Van technically) he came at me at full rage and hit me in the face with his flash light. Got more violent as I began to walk to the back area of his place. He had that look of intent to kill in his eyes and on his face. By that time, my daughter saw what he was doing and called police. He was arrested and I pressed charges this time. He spent 3 days in jail for assault. Was able to get into his phone after he was taken away. Just as I suspected. He had been grooming this girl. She had some money to spend and he was going to take advantage of it. She had already paid him 2000.00. He used part of that to pay his property taxes because he was about to lose it. He had been taking her out to expensive dinners every couple days. Buying liquor, he had not drank in years. Let her borrow the company work van to go to the doctor (her truck he sent to the auto repair) the texts between them were obvious that he was the one trying his hardest to pursue her. She was very business like. She just wanted her stuff done. He was trapping her in and not letting her leave without saying something. (Even blocked her truck in) with his van. I could see all the red flags I had missed that got me trapped. She is still not gone yet and I’m sure is all by design.
The Monday following the arrest, I filed for a protective order so he could be served in jail. The judge granted an Emergency Order of Protection. We have a hearing set for the 5th of next month. I am not sure what to expect. This is a hearing to hear his side since the emergency order was an ex parte.
I can not have any contact with him nor can he with me. So , any financial support is out of the question. May be for some time after as well. I fear for my daughter’s life as well as my own. I have no one to help me as he has isolated me from everyone.
So, what I am asking , is there any way that I could get any advice? I am in a very desperate situation and don’t want to screw up at all. I would be eternally grateful and will contribute to the fund when I get to a better situation. You are the most knowledgeable on the topic of these people. He would likely be in the lower to mid range area. Seems to have crossed into psychopathy. Thank you, in advance, Rhonda.”