The Glue of Relationships : Normal, Empath, Narcissistic and Narcissist

50 thoughts on “The Glue of Relationships : Normal, Empath, Narcissistic and Narcissist

  1. Sweetest Perfection says:

    Speaking of the glue of relationships: “Within the band, he [Fletch]was the diplomat – the glue that held them together.” I think you will like this, HG, in case you haven’t seen it yet. https://www.theguardian.com/music/2022/may/27/andrew-fletcher-the-pop-loving-everyman-who-held-depeche-mode-together

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

    2. Z - zwartbolleke says:

      My condolences to both you Mr Tudor and Sweetest Perfection at the passing away of Mr Fletcher. He will be missed by many 💔

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        🖤

        1. Viol. says:

          Not a great week for musicians. A drummer for Yes also died.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            No!

          2. StrongerWendy says:

            Ha ha! You make me laugh even when I shouldn’t….

    3. lisk says:

      May he RIP and Enjoy the Silence.

  2. Asp Emp says:

    Ok, I get it now. Why some of my short term relationships in the past did not work as “effectively” compared to the longer term ‘entanglements’ with the narcissists, because of my addiction to narcissism. This video explains very well why the narcissistic people I may have been involved in my past were easier to ‘untangle’ from (emotionally and mentally) and not be as emotionally ‘traumatised’ about the loss of that particular relationship. The ‘residue’ of a narcissistic person does not ‘reach’ as deep as the residue of a narcissist.

    The depth I refer to is the fact as a child, I experienced a major loss and my father was the person who ‘validated’ me as an individual. He validated my personality; my disabilities (by accessing and obtaining equipment that I needed; sorting out the school I needed). That support was gone in an instant. Replaced with muvver.

    This also can explain why some narcissistic abused empath victims who are unaware of what they are but they know how abused they were can appear to be “too” much for some normals because of the unresolved traumas experienced by the empath.

    In this respect, in my opinion, HG’s work is really important to be able to understand oneself, to look at their traumas and how these impacted their thoughts / emotions as a child. To understand what addiction to narcissism is. Not necessarily focus on just about what the narcissist did when they physically / mentally / emotionally abused you in the past – only use those as ‘examples’ alongside the learning of HG’s work to be able to ‘register’ that learning to become understanding (knowledge) for preparation for the future understanding (wisdom).

    Very good video, HG, thank you for producing and sharing it. I would suggest this is a top shelf piece of work 🙂 xx

  3. psychologyandworldaffairs says:

    Do you remember the Die Hard films? It was not that I found the actor Bruce Willis good looking but the element of vulnerability and toughness portrayed – I did find incredibly sexy. My ex husband (likely a normal) was not great looking but he had the same quality and I thought he was the sexiest man I knew.

    Recently, I have looked at the narcissists I have allowed to get close over the years – all but one (my ex boyfriend) were just friends. All were vulnerable ones.

    I am less likely to be drawn in by an overt – grandiose type.

    Bragging about money or things = I am not materialistic and am really not bothered.
    Name dropping = again People are just people.
    Their success – depends on the context.
    Achievement’s = an interesting topic of discussion.

    Being asked to hang out on their boat…

    Much rather a good takeaway, a glass of wine – by a fire and talking till the early hours. Sharing thoughts and feelings within an open intimacy, where you feel comfortable that there is no judgement.

    I have already said I find vulnerability in a man very sexy – so stands to reason I am going to be more susceptible to a vulnerable narcissist.

    I am not going to be addicted to all narcissists tho and experience has shown that I can find a normal very attractive. I think it is just a case about being completely honest about what qualities you find attractive in a man; success, confidence, romance etc and how that manifests at the beginning stages – to identify what draws you to a particular kind of narcissist. What needs are being met?

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Wow, PAWA, that is some comment 🙂 Damn, it’s good 🙂 Thank you for sharing it 🙂

      1. Thank you Asp Emp (blushes) 🙂

    2. Contagious says:

      I agree but would add although a passionate attraction must be there, I have to love the mind. I am attracted to creative minds. I imagine if I went to a psychologist, they would identify my empathetic musician father. Although military (Vietnam and an alcoholic after), he was so creative. A singer. A folk musician. Although a lawyer, I have interests in culture and music and creativity. I have loved and married both rich and poor. I have been married twice. I wonder if somehow an empath can fall for a narcissist because she loves his intelligence, his creativity his mind strongly and therefore accepts his behavior by putting up boundaries?

      1. I can only respond from my own experiences. Others may have more thoughts on this 🙂

        I am not sure what you mean by putting up boundaries? I think you need to ask if it is their mind you are falling for – or the intense sexual attraction you need? Many normals and empath’s have brilliant minds and are very creative.

        Was the relationship with a normal all fire works in the sky? Not at all – but I found him sexy enough to want a relationship. We had different tastes in nearly everything. I like a wide range of music – I hate Drum and Bass and guess what his favourite was lol. Some of his rap music was okay tho – so lots of compromise – for us both – the compromise was never one sided. I loved books and the Arts – he never read. Except for the occasional comment about too many books in the house – he was supportive.

        He was an extrovert and kept strong relationships with our friends – where I find this hard. In starting a project we knew each-others strengths and automatically without discussion did what was needed to complete it. One thing tho – he was in touch with his emotions and happy to express them. He was a great friend.

        The intense attraction the Narcissist creates is not real. They do what they need to – to create this within you. Liking the things you like – creating the perfect persona you will adore. They make you feel special and wanted. They give off vibes of overwhelming attraction to you and it causes you to reciprocate.

        You might not get this from a normal or empath. They might have a great mind, be very creative and have all those things you say you love. But they will not pretend or manipulate you into believing they are intensely into you – if they are not and if they are – will not want to lead you on if they are not sure about things.

        I guess it depends what love means to you? Is love what you feel for a friend – parent – child? Or is it intense sexual attraction?

  4. BC30 says:

    This is fantastic HG, thank you!

    Wonderful opening overview as well as unrivaled insight into the dynamics of the relationships.

  5. Alexissmith2016 says:

    Goodness! Thank you so much for this HG. I’m yet to listen to JD series, I’ve set some time aside and looking forward to the treaT.

    Back to this article, so informative and helpful. I wondered about narcissistics and how/who they fired relationships with and you didn’t disappoint.

    I wondered, do normals have some traits which shine stronger than others in the same way empaths can? Eg the N trait of pride? Could that be really strong or are their N/E traits more of an even keel all round. Thank you very much.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The traits of the normal sit between very low and moderate.

      1. Alexissmith2016 says:

        Incredibly helpful HG, as always. Thank you very much indeed.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome AS2016, surprised you are not on the gin and tonics and toasting the Queen!

          1. Alexissmith2016 says:

            Hhahaha oh I’ve been partying all night. Thought I’d read your blog quickly before I go to sleep. But might have a hair of the dog and toast away.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Touche. Bloody Mary it is then.

  6. WhoCares says:

    This was excellent.

  7. Truthseeker6157 says:

    This is interesting.

    The empath will find the narcissistic individuals attractive. Agree.

    I don’t see any problem there. The narcissistic individual doesn’t seek the Prime Aims and the empath has no addiction so could conceivably walk away if the narcissistic individual is too overpowering. The narcissistic individual has emotional empathy, probably very narrow range but that doesn’t pose a problem if you are the partner.

    If an empath has reasonably high narcissistic traits themselves, then chances are the narcissistic individual wouldn’t pose a problem. Similarly, this same empath could themselves be reasonably forceful personality wise. In this case the narcissistic individual should be best placed to deal with the more forceful side of the empath’s character.

    Personally, I would view the narcissistic individual as being more of a match than a normal for sure. Another empath might well be a better match but they would need reasonably strong narcissistic traits. I don’t think I’d rule out a narcissistic individual as I would a narcissist. I can be a right pain in the ass myself!

    1. Witch says:

      @truthseeker

      I’m going to have to strongly disagree
      I’ve been around narcissistic people in real time
      one of my sisters and a couple of my partner’s male friends.
      We absolutely don’t make a good match with narcissistic people and thinking that’s the case is probably partially out of narc addiction.
      A narcissistic person can still be highly selfish and highly inconsiderate of others, very petty and jealous and two faced.
      Empaths often don’t believe they deserve the best and the best is being partnered with another empath in my opinion and at the very least a normal

      1. A Victor says:

        @Witch, I agree, it is clear we might see narcissistic people as attractive initially but I think that attraction would wear off pretty quickly without the addiction to hold us in place. The narcissistic person would begin to be seen as just rude I think.

      2. lisk says:

        “The best is being partnered with another empath.”

        Yes, that should/would be the best but deep down—and to my detriment—I instinctively desire a Narcissist in Empath’s clothing.

        I really don’t “feel” like I desire another Empath.

        This is clearly something I need to continue to work on.

    2. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Hey Witch,

      I agree that the empath is likely the ideal match in many respects. I do now have a friend who is undoubtedly an empath. Lovely as a friend but he doesn’t interest me romantically, even though I do find him physically attractive. That likeminded agreeableness would drive me nuts haha!

      Labels are labels. All empaths are not the same, all normals are not the same although they certainly appear to be in my experience. Similarly, all narcissistic people are likely not the same. The only group you can really hang your hat on as being consistently bad news is the narcissist group.

      The most enduring relationship I’ve had is with someone I consider to be narcissistic.

      Xx

      1. Witch says:

        @Truthseeker

        For me narcissistic people are funny and there for entertainment purposes
        As a romantic partner I couldn’t take them seriously and would judge them and look down on them… I don’t know how you endured it 😆

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Hi Witch,

          Agree, humour has a lot to do with it. I have a kind of respect for a non filtered approach.

          To summarise the narcissistic individual as per my own experience. Confident, decisive, ruthless. Successful, charismatic, charming but not in an obvious way, dark at times, helpful in a selective way but never emotionally supportive. Straight talking, attractive but not vain, highly intelligent. Talented, calculating, considered, prone to exaggeration, a natural presence that fills a room. Protective, curious, sarcastic, respectful, funny, unapologetic.

          Numerous attributes, most of which I find attractive, similar to a narcissist but without the need for emotional output, forceful but not controlling.

          Each to her own I suppose haha!

          Xx

      2. WhoCares says:

        TS,

        This is interesting with regard to empath/empath interactions:

        “That likeminded agreeableness would drive me nuts haha!”

        I feel like this can pertain to platonic and familial interactions. I have a cousin who is an empath – and I am guessing she has some codependency. I have a small percentage of codependency. And we are both, for the most part, very chill, easy-going individuals. But decision making with her drives me batty – because neither of us wants to take control of choosing an activity… It’s like “What do you want to do?”
        “I dunno, what do you want to do?”
        This can go back and forth for a while, with some suggestions, but get us nowhere.

        Eventually, I just say “Look – ONE of us needs to decide here…soooo, I am just gonna say let’s do this: fill in the blank!”
        And then, we do that thing.

        Now that I aware of it, I don’t let the conversation go on without resolution anymore.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Who Cares,

          Haha yep, it’s funny, I had decision making in mind when I wrote that.

          I chuckled at your comment. I’ve done similar too, then I get frustrated with the conversation and like you, end up calling it, just to make it stop!

          Two empaths go house hunting. Discuss. Haha!

          1. WhoCares says:

            “Two empaths go house hunting.”

            Pahaha!

        2. Witch says:

          @whocares

          Yes I can see that is annoying
          But not all empaths are that agreeable, I’m certainly not.
          I can go with the flow but at the same time I can say what I want even to the point that I’m quite bossy about it.
          My partner told me that sometimes she doesn’t even understand why I ask for her opinion because I’m going to do whatever I want to do anyway

          1. WhoCares says:

            Witch,

            “I can go with the flow but at the same time I can say what I want even to the point that I’m quite bossy about it.”

            Ummm…yeah, I hear ya on that.

    3. leelasfuelstinks says:

      I can´t stand narcissistic individuals (no NPD)! I am repelled by them! And I am also repelled my narcissists (NPD) if they don´t love bomb. Without the love bombing I perceive people with NPD and also narcissistic people as arrogant, haughty assholes!

  8. A Victor says:

    Loved this video, right on the heels of Johnny Depp’s conclusion. Very interesting and informative. It makes a lot of sense also, so why is it still so difficult to see this until you explain it? It is a gift to us that you are willing to explain it, very thankful for that.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You’re welcome. Also watch out for my interview with Doug where I specifically talk about why Depp and Heard became enmeshed.

      1. A Victor says:

        I did listen to that already, excellent interview. I will listen again with that part specifically in mind. Thank you.

      2. WhoCares says:

        Yay! Another interview with Doug!

        1. Asp Emp says:

          WhoCares, that is what I thought as soon as I see the video uploaded 🙂

          1. WhoCares says:

            Right, Asp Emp!? I really enjoy the videos with Doug.

    2. WhoCares says:

      A Victor,

      It is a gift.
      I really appreciated the butterfly analogy with regard to narcissists/narcissistics.

      1. A Victor says:

        Same! That was a really great word picture!

      2. Asp Emp says:

        WhoCares, I agree, the use of the butterfly analogy was good because it takes away the people and applying a lateral as an example can prove effective for some learners.

        1. WhoCares says:

          Good point Asp Emp.

        2. lisk says:

          At the level of Plato and Aesop—that’s HG for ya!

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Thanks for that, Lisk, Aesop takes me back 🙂

          2. WhoCares says:

            “Aesop takes me back.”

            Me too, Asp Emp.

            When I was a child, I read the entire public library’s section on fables, fairy tales and legends.

            That, and the horse section.

    3. A Victor says:

      Oh hey, I just realized you said Doug! I was thinking of Naughty Autie! Oops! Going to listen to you and Doug now!

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