Ultra Interview with Doug : Part 7 : Narcissists and the Empath

137 thoughts on “Ultra Interview with Doug : Part 7 : Narcissists and the Empath

  1. Tyger says:

    This is great!, HG Tudor is amazing and I have been sharing him. I share him because I respect him. He’s a REAL man and the world needs to understand and embrace real MEN

    He’s part of a Pantheon of MEN I’ve found and share

    Thank You HG (outside of your honesty about narcissism/psychopathy) your manliness is very needed in society

    I’m not kidding. We NEED MEN

    Love Antic Fox/LT

  2. Isabelle says:

    This interview is fantastic! One of the very best I have listened to. Fascinating. And I am still learning a lot. Thank you for this.
    Can’t wait to hear your take on Roe vs Wade.

  3. WiserNow says:

    On a more serious note…

    In this interview with Doug, HG described empaths as all having a base of ‘standard empath’, and then their standard school has other empath schools bolted on as majority or minority elements.

    The way I understood HG’s description is that every empath has at least some proportion of ‘standard’ in their mix of empath schools.

    Later in the interview, when Doug revealed his empath detector results, he said his schools are SE, Contagion and CoD. Unless I misunderstood, Doug didn’t appear to have a Standard element.

    HG, could you answer a question about the empath schools please?

    Does every empath necessarily have an element of Standard? Or, can the basis of standard (as you explained it) be altered in some way?

  4. WiserNow says:

    The rapport between HG and Doug continues to go strong in this interview. It’s almost a bromance; they are BFFs haha

    It reminds me of the song from The Hangover movie:

    “What do tigers dream of
    When they take a little tiger snooze?
    Do they dream of mauling zebras
    Or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit?

    Well don’t you worry your pretty strip-ed head
    We’re gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed
    And then we’re gonna find our best friend Doug
    And then we’re gonna give him a best friend hug
    Doug, Doug, ooohh, Doug Dougie Dougie Doug Doug” 🎶

    …maybe not the part about the hug…

  5. Sweetest Perfection says:

    Alexis, I checked that actor and he’s not very attractive. But, like you, I would also go to any place where they greet you with a bottle that enthusiastically says “Drink Me!”

    1. I get what you mean re attractiveness but he has the naughtiest eyes I’ve ever seen and I do love naughty eyes. We know what they say and do is bad but I guess that’s the addictive part

  6. KitKat says:

    “Such objectification” Well HG, we learned from the best: People are appliances, to be used as we please. A logical step would be to say that some men are vibrators.

    1. Joa says:

      KitKat, only if you allow it.

      Both men and women treat themselves as: a live vibrator, a live vagina.

      You should always start with yourself.

      1. KitKat says:

        Absolutely Joa. I merely jest.

        1. Joa says:

          KitKat, I know you were kidding.

          Simply put, this was just the thought, that occurred to me. It wasn’t directed to you directly. This is just a general thought, I let go into the air 🙂

  7. A Victor says:

    A really fun and of course excellent video. Doug’s schools and cadres were no surprise, so cool to hear that breakdown though, and who would be drawn to him and why. Also one new thing I had not been previously aware of was that the closer together the empathic and narcissistic traits are, as far as percentage, the easier or more difficult it would be to cause their empathy to be dulled and they start functioning from their narcissistic traits. That explains a lot from my past. Haha!

    1. Alexissmith2016 says:

      It was such an interesting interview AV. I’m loving these so much. Also I may have a teeny crush on Doug. Thank goodness I’ve done the ED or I’d be questioning whether I’m an N again hahah

      1. Leigh says:

        Lol Alexis! Me too! I’m enamored by him. I think he’s adorable!

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          He smokes too much. I’m not being judgmental, just worry about his lungs. But he is lovable. Or rather, his interaction with HG is lovable.

          1. Leigh says:

            He smokes? How do you know he smokes? That actually just kicked it up a notch for me. Lol! I always equate smoking with being bad. He’s an empath and a little bit of a bad boy, lol!

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:


            He has a nice motorbike too.


          3. alexissmith2016 says:

            oh he has majority SE lungs though SP so he’ll be fine and as Leigh says it adds to his appeal.

          4. Leigh says:

            TS, a motor bike? That definitely adds to the appeal!

          5. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Majority SE lungs? Hahaha!


          6. HG Tudor says:

            I do like a pair of super Empath lungs

          7. Sweetest Perfection says:

            For dinner?

          8. Asp Emp says:


          9. WhoCares says:

            “I do like a pair of super Empath lungs”


          10. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Chianti anyone?

          11. Patricia N says:

            Yes, I noticed the smoking, too, which instantly put me off him (probably is judgemental, but I find smoking a complete turn-off in every way). Otherwise yes, their interaction is enjoyable to watch/listen to.

          12. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Leigh, haha thought it might.


      2. Witch says:

        Doug is so sweet… I have a crush on Harry though

        1. Leigh says:

          @Witch, are you talking about Prince Harry? There’s something about him that I’ve always found very sexy.

          1. Witch says:

            No not prince Harry, I’m referring to Naughty Autie

        2. alexissmith2016 says:

          Hmmmmm yes, I can’t disagree with you on that one Witch. Something very appealing about Harry too

          1. Witch says:

            He has pretty eyes and a nice smile ❤️

        3. Leigh says:

          Oh Yes, the naughty Autie was a cutie too!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Such objectification.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Exactly HG, I’m glad someone brought it out! Talking about these poor men as if they were appliances! Who does that? Atrocious.

          3. Witch says:

            If this is objectification then call me Hugh Hefner cause my mind is going places

          4. WiserNow says:

            It doesn’t sound like objectification to me. So far, only Doug’s lungs have been mentioned in an objectifying way – and guess who did that… ? … not naming names…

            If someone described Doug as a toaster or plasma TV or ‘fuel source’ or strawberry ice-cream or an “overused flappy fish market” …. *that* would be objectification.

            As it is, the way Doug is being described is kind and flattering.

          5. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Those lungs… boom chicka wah wah…

        4. Witch says:

          Ok it’s come to me now
          Harry reminds me a bit of Alex Høgh Andersen
          That’s part of why I’m obsessed

          1. Alexissmith2016 says:

            Hahhaa okay Hugh (I mean witch), I can see why you would like AHA.

      3. A Victor says:

        Oh no, this is why I worry that an empathic man may not work for me… 😳 No crush, not even a little. ☹️

        1. Witch says:

          @A Victor
          You may have already had crushes on empaths/normals and just not known it

          1. A Victor says:

            @Witch, thank you! Maybe that’s true!

        2. Leigh says:

          Sorry if this is a repeat. I think I hit the post comment button before I was done writing it.

          AV, Maybe he’s just not your type.

          1. A Victor says:

            Leigh, I hope that is the case, I look at all the empathic men, according to HG, and none of them have ever done much for me. I do actually worry about this!

          2. Leigh says:

            AV, if it helps, I’m attracted to him because I find him interesting and strong. I like a man that has strength and has something to offer. A narc can easily have those traits. In this case it just happens to me an empath.

        3. alexissmith2016 says:

          I would say almost all of my crushes have been for Ns but there are some Es, I mean who could not have a crush on Keanu?? But Doug wipes the floor with him of course. And HG is everyone’s number 1 N crush.

          Doug when are you visiting the UK?

          Obviously I’m married so Doug if you’re reading I’m kidding, but you are super hot!

          1. Leigh says:

            Alexis, I agree! Who doesn’t have a crush on Keanu Reeves! Another empath hottie for me is Hugh Jackman, especially as Wolverine!

          2. alexissmith2016 says:

            Ah sweet Leigh, I forgot about Hugh.

          3. Truthseeker6157 says:

            I don’t have a crush on Keanu Reeves. Bit Madame Tussauds for me. Haha! I know what I mean.

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Keanu and I, surfing in the sunset ❤️❤️❤️

          5. Truthseeker6157 says:


            Haha, crashing waves, wet hair, bare chest.

            And sand in places where you really don’t want sand! 😂

          6. Viol. says:

            I don’t have a crush on Keanu Reeves. I’ve heard good things about him as a human, but early performances in Dracula and Much Ado were pretty unimpressive. Maybe he just doesn’t do historical periods very well.

        4. Sweetest Perfection says:

          AV, maybe he’s just not your type. There was a male Empath that HG interviewed that sounded irresistible to me. And I haven’t seen him! But I loved the way he talked and the color of his voice… Empath men are not necessarily bland, I am married to one! However, I see the difference. With another Empath, it’s more of a mutual understanding, support, and affection. With a narc, I become idiotic, like under a spell. It’s an immediate attraction. The dynamic is completely different, but I always end up suffering. Narcs are like a powerful drug, and empaths are life companions. Or at least that’s my experience and I prefer the latter even if it’s not so exciting.

          1. Leigh says:

            Sweet P, that was a great description! I much prefer companionship over chaos!

          2. A Victor says:

            SP, thank you, your description does help.

          3. Witch says:


            I’ve come to realise it’s not even narcs… it’s me!!! It’s my own fantasies and obsessions that I have even over non-narcs/empaths too…
            When I was 14 years old I basically “stalked” a woman that fancied.. I would deliberately make my dad take me to the shop she worked in almost every weekend and buy something, just to see her…I saw a woman who looked just like her in an advert and recorded the advert and would watch it repeatedly…
            My mind is a drug of it’s own

          4. A Victor says:

            @Witch, your comment is an interesting one. I think it is the same for me, I think it’s why the Dark Cupid series made so much sense out of things for me. I have had a fantasy of what it would be like with my Prince Charming since I first saw Cinderella as a child. A very dramatic fantasy also and one in which only certain types of men would work, apparently narcs. Changing that ideal in my mind is what I now think may have to happen, to allow for a non-narc to have a chance romantically. Thankfully the DC series has helped toward that, I now understand the dynamic much better and now see how we are used as disgusting and horrible. But to fine tune it to day to day life? We will see.

          5. Witch says:

            @A Victor
            Eventually I need to experience dark Cupid. At the moment I’m trying make sure everything is covered for the wedding and trying to get a last minute honeymoon in there too which is more expensive in August, so it will have to wait.

            Disney movies never done it for me in that way. I liked it for the animals, the music, and justice (overcoming evil), I don’t remember really feeling much for the prince.
            But then again I was exposed to horror movies from about 5ish, maybe that’s what watching Candyman does to you.

            Even now I find a lot of romantic scenes in movies cringe. My narc sister used to love dirty dancing so we had to watch it repeatedly… personally I don’t understand the appeal. When the male romantic interest says that women used him for sex and was acting like he was upset about it, I just thought he was talking shit and was lying 🤥
            I’ve realised that I mainly get tied to narcs out of guilt and a self of duty more than anything

          6. WhoCares says:

            “My narc sister used to love dirty dancing so we had to watch it repeatedly… personally I don’t understand the appeal.”

            Patrick Swayze.

          7. WhoCares says:


            Re: Dirty Dancing…I can’t let this go…
            The man could dance AND ride a horse.
            Need I say more?

          8. Rebecca says:

            My problem is I crave that excitement and I’m drawn to thrills. I can’t stand boring and I’m not attracted to boring people. This is why I feel my narc addiction is engrained with me, like breathing, it’s just there and part of my survival. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to conquer is myself.

          9. Witch says:

            @who cares
            Patrick Swayze is a massive NO! For me, sorry I don’t get it…
            He and Jennifer grey were just cringe together

          10. WhoCares says:


            Just to clarify, it was never the movie that did it for me. In fact, Dirty Dancing was ruined for me, by multiple showings at Grandma’s house (a narcissist, claiming it was her “favourite movie ever”).
            It’s the ballet dancer/cowboy combo… something about a man who could move like that and handle a horse…
            I don’t know, maybe because my ex could neither dance, nor ride a horse…(what was I thinking?)

        5. Leigh says:

          AV, not even Kevin Bacon, Keanu Reeves or Hugh Jackman? Im sure there was one and you didn’t even know they were an empath.

          1. A Victor says:

            Yes, Hugh Jackman, I forget about him. He’s a cutie. Thank you!

          2. Rebecca says:

            I’m with AV, I like Hugh Jackman, but I think he’s an exception, not the rule. What about Tom Hardy? Empath, Narc or normal? Chris Pine?

          3. Leigh says:

            Tom Hardy and Chris Pine are definitely cuties! I don’t know if they are empath’s though. I only know Hugh Jackman, Keanu Reeves & Kevin Bacon because Mr. Tudor did a video on 11 famous empaths. They were 3 of them.

            I hope you’re well Rebecca. I think about you and your situation and I hope you’re ok.

        6. Joa says:

          AV, you are not alone!

          Attraction to empathetic men, even as only Friends, is zero or nearly zero. Too slow, too nice, too unnoticeable.

          The man must be a Narcissist. This is the sad truth about me…

          I can’t help it.

          1. NarcAngel says:


            “I can’t help it”

            Wouldn’t it be more accurate to say you choose it?

          2. Alexissmith2016 says:

            I really don’t think all empathic men are like that Joa. There are many empathic men whom I find very alluring and challenging. I have found many mid-range too, at least come across as you describe and that is off putting.

          3. Joa says:

            NA, indeed, it is always me, who choose men and give them the green light. Once, I even laughed with my friend, that if I hadn’t acted on my own, I would never be with anyone 🙂

            It’s like opening or closing a sluice in a dam. When it’s closed and surrounded by obstacles… they’re afraid to come near me.

            Many times I heard comments like this after I became friends or had a relationship with someone. Including the notion that when I walk in somewhere, it is as if the “Countess” (!) enters, or if I seem “unavailable”. Once upon a time, it was just my shyness, that people misinterpreted. Now, I really don’t want, don’t time and energy for new friendships. I nurture the existing ones.

            So: I can’t help it, I’m attracted to only one type of men, whom I choose.

            This or nothing.

          4. Rebecca says:


            I have the same issue you have, the guys I find attractive are narcs or narcissistic. For example: Jason Stratham I find him attractive and he’s most likely a narc. Keanu Reeves, yeah he’s cute, but I can’t get him being Ted outta my head and dumb isn’t attractive to me. I’m so screwed of what I find attractive.

      4. Another Cat says:

        Haha, you had those too, Alexissmith?
        Through these years of Tudor Uni:
        “I like that guy, cute, handsome … but he is an empath … oh no then I must be a narc!”

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          You have no idea how reassuring that is AC. Especially because I feel so much I’m becoming more and more narcy. I know HG says we can’t turn into a narc so I guess armed with all the knowledge we have it’s to be expected depending on what type of E we are, coupled with the fact we’re all supposed to become a bit more right wing as we age.

          But literally love the fact that you had the same thoughts as me AC

          1. Another Cat says:

            Thank you back, Alexis.

            I guess we’re looking at guys more through “Logic Goggles” these days, so more Nonnarcs make the mark.

          2. alexissmith2016 says:

            Haha yes, no choice unless we want to remain in crazy making land AC. I mean I would for James Nesbit though. I’ll go to Alice in wonderland with him.

          3. Sweetest Perfection says:

            You actually could. There’s an immersive Alice in Wonderland experience going on right now in different cities around the world. Some are coming up in August in the UK. One half of your wish is done! You just need to tell James Nesbit.

          4. Wow that sounds like lots of fun. maybe he could take us there on our first date!

          5. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I went to an immersive Great Gatsby theatrical event in London right before covid, my friend bought the tickets as a surprise during my visit (the main purpose, apart from seeing her, was to see the William Blake exhibit at Tate Britain). We had an AMAZING time. It was fun to walk through the city dressed up in roaring 1920’s attire. The experience was incredible. We danced foxtrot and charleston and were made participants in the plot, we could also order drinks at Gatsby’s parties… it was a lot of fun!!! I wonder if this is kind of similar.

        2. Leigh says:

          AC, “Logic Goggles”, I love it!!! Thats exactly it!

        3. Anna says:

          Sadly, no hope for me. I was always attracted to the bad boys. I remember all my friends had pictures of their favourite actors or singers. I however, had a picture of Pinhead from Hellraiser. 😳😳😳 Nearly all my exes wore leather and dark sunglasses. Oh nothing quite like that adrenaline rush…. oh dear…Pinhead’s voice, especially. Wow!

    2. WhoCares says:

      Hahaha… laughing at the discussion re: empath males.

      And they we wonder why male empaths don’t speak up more here….hehe, might actually be a bit intimidating. While HG enjoys being talked about – I wonder about the male empaths, and if they feel similarly?

      (Probably depends on their showcasing & vanity traits??)

      Although, I agree that Doug seems sweet.

      1. Witch says:


        I suspect that many would be delighted to know that they are desirable especially with feeling like they don’t fit in with most other males and maybe internalising the “nice guys finish last” narrative.
        But maybe I’m assuming too much

        1. WhoCares says:

          Yes, Witch, I am certain that some would definitely be flattered. And possibly, yes, after an experience with a female narcissist they would welcome the positive attention.

          Perhaps it’s me reading too much into. I was just sort of teasing you all.

          1. Witch says:


            What talking into this gaff must feel like for a man


          2. WhoCares says:


            I just saw the link (and checked it out now), as it doesn’t show up in the WP app, but it does on the blog itself.

            A memorable scene, when you first watch the movie!

          3. Witch says:

            *walking not talking

      2. Another Cat says:

        Agree on intimidating, WhoCares. Though I wouldn’t be too surprised if Doug and Naughtie Autie would all of a sudden start commenting here. They seem quite ‘strong’.

        In general guys seem to stick to HG’s youtube commentary.

        1. njfilly says:

          I think they would be pleased that so many empath women are attracted to them. I agree that both Doug and Naughtie Autie are cute.

          I guess I can be attracted to an empath after all…

          1. Another Cat says:

            I have always been attracted to empaths and narcissists, but only one Normal ever, if I remember correctly.

        2. Asp Emp says:

          Another Cat, both Doug and Harry have said (in their YT video conversations) that HG helped them immensely. I have suggested this before, that the dynamics on YT is different from this blog and it becomes clear when it can be understood in what aspects and why. It is interesting when this observation can be seen. All I can say is, that I am so very glad that HG offers the variety of platforms for people to speak up and be themselves without prejudice, that is empowering in itself.

          1. Another Cat says:

            Asp E
            You’re right, such an asset, HG offering several platforms of communications.

            Here on Narcsite, because of the long beautifully written blog posts, there is a bit of expectation to post longer comments, not many oneliners, and having comments removed is most often not done.

            I believe many men and women too, find youtube commenting a bit easier in that sense.

            But we are a tight bunch here! We kind of “know” each other. Which is not easily achieved on a long youtube comments field.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you, Another Cat, for your response, good to read:-)

        3. WhoCares says:

          Another Cat, yes I have noticed that there is more commentary from guys on HG’s YT than here. It would be nice if more commented here ….I just don’t think they are big on talking as much as we all are.

          Or…perhaps they lurk.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            I can see where men might think of it here as a bit of a mumsnet and prefer the more succinct nature of YT. They generally don’t talk at length about their feelings, fawn over one another, or discuss food. Generally.

        4. alexissmith2016 says:

          I was unable to reply to your comment below AC but I agree, as far as I’m aware I’ve never been attracted to normals either. I have one very solid good friend who is a normal. But I don’t like their strong boundaries. I guess with empaths we go the extra mile most of the time, Ns will too when it suits their purposes but normals…

      3. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Well WC, as long as what is being said is good, I don’t see why they would feel bad about it. If I recall, there were many flattering comments about some of the female empaths. I’m always for equality!! Equal compliments to all! Now seriously, I wanted to point out that there’s life beyond narcs. We might be addicted to them, but that in no way impedes our being able to fall in love with decent people.

        1. WhoCares says:

          SP, I was mostly just poking fun…but, you know, if we found out that we were being discussed on, say a blog, run by Doug or the Naughtie Autie, (in terms of how we look etc.) some of us might well be sensitive to it.

          As for life beyond narcs…I do hope so.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I would love that. But my vanity trait is immense haaahahah

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            In any case all I said is that he smoked too much (as a former smoker I care) and that there was a male Empath who has a very alluring voice and conversation in the interviews. We also say that about HG. I don’t think those observations are intimidating or objectifying. Especially because I do not know what this person even looks like. If anyone said they liked my conversation and my voice, I would feel really flattered. I would not expose myself in a video though so there would not be any place for comments on my physique. About Doug, all I read was that he was cute/lovable in his interaction with HG. That comment refers more to his personality I think. And it is a good thing, in my opinion, that the bunch of narc addicts that we are learn to identify that we are perfectly capable of finding other empaths attractive.

          3. WhoCares says:

            Sweetest Perfection,

            Just to clarify, I did not say that you or anyone did anything wrong.
            I simply couldn’t help but attempt to put myself in their shoes and comment about it.

            “If anyone said they liked my conversation and my voice, I would feel really flattered.”


            And I experienced that. I was quite flattered by your comment on my voice, in my interview with HG, and very appreciative of the comments of others.

            It would be super nice if some of those male empaths spoke up here – so we wouldn’t all be operating on conjecture.

          4. Alexissmith2016 says:

            I agree WC we should be careful not to objectify men too but any of my comments were certainly not meant in that way even if perhaps perceived by some. They were only complimentary, and I do hope I’ve not offended any fellow empaths, Doug or otherwise.

            I sincerely hope Doug received the comments in the spirit they were meant.

        2. Alexissmith2016 says:

          Definitely not SP. My husband is an empath (not has the HG seal of approval yet) but he’s no pushover and lots of fun too.

        3. A Victor says:

          Aww SP, thanks you for that last sentence especially! That is so helpful to realize!

        4. Alexissmith2016 says:

          I agree SP, as long as what we’re saying is positive I’d be delighted if it were me.

          Doug, just in case you are reading these comments, from my perspective more than happy for you to mention me and this conversation on your next interview with HG. As long as HG doesn’t make any dodgy references about me, like he does on the blog. They’re all just rumours you know. I don’t even know what gin actually tastes like?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Doug has already been appraised of your behaviours and is unimpressed.

          2. alexissmith2016 says:

            I don’t believe you at all HG. Doug…? You know you love us all – we’re you’re biggest fans.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Doug and I speak regularly. He knows and I know he knows.

          4. Doug also knows an N is an N is an N. And all Es tell the truth and at all times

          5. HG Tudor says:

            That’s bullshit.

          6. alexissmith2016 says:

            And we all smell like flowers, some would say there is a heavenly glow about us too

          7. Viol. says:


            Just as long as you were never so trashed that you thought you were picking up a tube of Lanacane for an itching rear when it was actually an acne cream with a high proportion of benzoyl peroxide.

            Commenting for a friend, of course.

          8. Ouch Viol! No I haven’t done that but I have used deep heat down the gym when I didn’t have any deodorant. Also ouch hahah and sober too. It is only HG projecting his love of alcohol on me by the way. I only take hard drugs! Hahha

          9. HG Tudor says:

            I’m amazed you manage to dress yourself.

          10. alexissmith2016 says:

            It can be a struggle, but as long as I don’t start drinking too early I can usually manage

          11. Viol. says:


            I can’t even smoke weed these days. Just reminds me of Jr. High, and who the hell wants that?

      4. A Victor says:

        Haha WC, I doubt empath men would appreciate being talked about, I don’t and vanity is one of my two highest traits, but i am not a guy, so who knows. Doug is sweet, maybe that’s the problem for me, maybe I need to redefine what I see as attractive? Is that even possible?

        1. WhoCares says:


          “…maybe I need to redefine what I see as attractive? Is that even possible?”

          I think it’s more about (for me, anyway) the wearing off of the addiction over time … combined with learning to identify empathic men.

          I have witnessed it, in myself, in stages. After my ensnarement I wanted absolutely nothing to do with men – well, I wanted nothing to with people in general – and still have residual trust issues. 

          At first, with time and learning here, I was able to identify narcissist men (and realized I have only ever been with male narcissists in my relationships).. then later I was able to better identify empathic men in my real life. Several blog commenters have said they find male empaths boring – I don’t know that that has been so for me…once I was able to start identifying them…they, more or less, became novel creatures to me. (Mostly because my life has been populated narcissists – male and female.)

          It helped that, in my legal matter, some of the male professionals I have had the benefit of interacting with are empathic (I realize now, anyway). My former lawyer is attractive, empathic, formal in his professional role – but also very approachable – I actually had a lot of meaningful conversations with him and learned much about family law (and the expectations of the local court system)…(Too bad he was taken – married, haha!).


          I get what you’re saying A Victor….and maybe it actually just is about ‘types’ for you.  But I wouldn’t be surprised if your addiction to narcs is overshadowing – or at least contributing to – your perspective on male empaths.

          1. k mac says:

            I dont know guys. I guess it’s like when you have 2 delicious meals. One is spicy and one is not. If you have eaten nothing but super spicy meals your whole life, you can’t really taste the non spicy one. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the non spicy one. It is not bland. It’s just that your freaking taste buds are so used to being blasted!
            This is what our messed up childhoods did to us. Made us unable to enjoy wonderful and tasty dishes that don’t punch us in the face!

          2. A Victor says:

            Hi k mac, just came across your comment here in doing some catching up. Your observation is one that I relate to and where my concern stems from. Maybe it’s a matter of giving it a try, same as with food. I will if the opportunity presents itself, I would love to have that opportunity actually. I have been sharing with people I know both near and also far and wide that I’m interested and asked that they keep me in mind if they think of any nice single guys that might be suitable for me. A couple of people on my life have given some suggestions even! That is encouraging. And, getting out again is helping also. But definitely going for the dish that doesn’t punch me in the face this time! And for assurance of such, I will run them through an NDC for sure!

            You have an empathic husband, if I remember right, how did you do it, find and accept the not so spicy?

          3. WhoCares says:

            k mac,

            That’s not a bad analogy!

          4. A Victor says:

            Hi WC, I think you are correct and it gives me a great deal of… Improved outlook on my future possibilities… 😂 I did that without using the forbidden word!

            Also, I have recently begun to consider the women, past and current, that have been in my life, I am now thinking many of them may have been narcs also. It seems few who are not narcs are drawn to be friends with me, or…is it that I have rejected non-narc friends because they didn’t light up my addiction? There have been some who would’ve been friends that I didn’t encourage due to others being more magnetic… Huh… It makes it difficult to trust my gut once again.

          5. WhoCares says:

            A Victor,

            “Improved outlook” – hahaha, this made me laugh right out loud. Yes, I do understand your choice of the term – and I may just have to steal it! (Thank goodness my coffee was too hot to sip at that moment.)

            I am unsurprised that you’ve been surrounded by narc friends as well. I have identified one female narc friend in the past (she had accused her husband of adultery – I realize it was likely the other way around – I can see this now with hindsight and education.)

            I am sure the trusting your gut will come back AV ❤️, with time…and at least, here, we find the tools to guide us, even if we can’t quite trust in our own judgement yet.

        2. Joa says:

          AV, I can endorse what you wrote again.

          It’s not about the looks. Appearance is completely irrelevant to me. I could fall in love with Gargamel and find it beautiful…

          Narcissus is… a task to be done…


          I just froze now. A moment ago I wrote HG about the mission, that he feel, that he has…
          No, no, I’m going to die, I don’t want to! 🙂

          Yes, I also have psychopathic features. I have thought about it many times.


          Once upon a time, I asked here on the blog. Nobody answered. Maybe this time someone will answer.

          Can an empath have psychopathic features?

          1. A Victor says:

            Joa, I don’t know for sure about psychopathic features but I know HG has said an empath can’t be a psychopath.

            No, it’s not about the looks, though that helps haha, but it’s about the idea that they can and will handle whatever comes up in life and not be overly emotional about it. But the bad news was that even when I was married to my second ex, many times I thought, I have married my mother! Ugh! So, i need to become okay with a little emotion!

          2. Contagious says:

            Joa: I don’t know “ features.” But a psychopath brain has been very studied. It is different. I could look up all the specific ways. And the empath brain while not have been so studied has some studies like mirroring. The psychopath has no conscious of right or wrong. They don’t feel remorse. They may have conscious knowledge of what society feels is right or wrong but they don’t have a normal sense of it. They have limited feelings overall. They don’t feel love or joy for example. Given the scientific differences I don’t see an empath having psychopathic traits. Narcissistic traits yes. Pride, etc… But they would be low. The brains are too different but I am not a neuroscientist. Or HG. I would suggest reading up on the psychopathic brain. There’s no hope in curing at best therapy can help psychopaths “ act within societal norms.” Make choices.

          3. Joa says:

            Perhaps these are not psychopathic traits, but sociopathic.

            It’s that stiff part of me, that once hardened and is dragging a thin, tight string along my spine. It is essential, I know it, it holds me upright, but it tends to increase in volume and I have to watch over it.

            I feel and know, that my stepfather is responsible for activating this in me, who was definitely a psychopath – more than a Narcissist. Very high control over oneself and the environment for many years and the real face shown only when the control over us collapses, when it was already known that it is not able to control us, that we are flying with the power of light in our direction, that it must move to the next stage life (which he did with ease, hoop and after 17 years he had a new family and new children).

            I do not agree with the statement, that the psychopath is not aware of good and bad. I believe he is more aware and sensitive than most people, precisely because he is a psychopath or precisely because – he became a psychopath. It is simply above good and evil.

            I’m not talking about ordinary cockroaches, with a peanut-sized brain, that cares about nothing but: drink, eat, sleep, copulate.

            What I feel and what lies dormant in me are not narcissistic features (I also have these). It’s sadism, that spills over the bloodstream with satisfaction and pleasure (mental sadism, not physical!).

            I’ve been fighting that little bastard inside of me most of my life.

            There are times and situations, where I let it partially work. Rightly. Yes, I put myself in the role of judge in my life.

            I very rarely go too far. I let go of too much wave, too late to block.

            Even more rarely, it shoots out of me in the form of aggression. Suddenly. Fast lightning. I hate it then (psycho!). It used to be more, now very, very rarely, and I can master it in seconds. Yes, and for many years I have not hissed like him… If I have a choice, I prefer to scream, let them hear me, it’s healthier and less burdensome for the environment 🙂 I also scream very rarely. If I have a choice, I prefer to complain and mumble; unload with slightly dangerous behavior for me (controlled at the edge of slalom); warn the environment that I have to hit, and slam the wardrobe door several times (so as not to hurt myself and to make the furniture survive); leave, leave everything screwed up and go ahead with a quick, strong step, into the blue distance. I prefer the last method.


            Recently, an opportunity has come to fix/compensate for the situation 20 years ago. It made me happy. Although deep down I still feel the pride/power (!), that I could easily manipulate people, turn others against them, and they still haven’t guessed, thanking me for years.
            Now, I made them happy and satisfied. I built up their ego. I am glad, that I was able to fix my earlier mistake this way. Although they did not even think, what I did (to present my possibilities to the new employer at that time – he was the only one who “saw” it).

            Yes, I decided to be above good and evil then. For my own benefit – which for me was: a knowing flash in the eyes of the employer… and, consequently, binding me to him and the company (need for stability).


            People around me say, I’m “good”. Some say, I’m “hopelessly good.” No, I am not. But I’m trying.

      5. NarcAngel says:

        I know that you were mostly teasing but I saw some validity. Less intimidation in my view and more not wanting to be part of what they might consider “school girl” talk. They may also feel held to a different standard in making the same seemingly innocuous comments made here about men by women.

        1. Witch says:

          Men participate in “school boy talk” all the time, they just don’t in front of women and theirs is usually more explicit…and yes the husbands are doing it too
          They create their spaces to do that with each other and so do we

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Therefore they must not do it all the time.

          2. Witch says:

            “ Therefore they must not do it all the time.”

            Well shit then

          3. NarcAngel says:


            My comment was made in context to discussion about possible reasons for lack of more male participation here on the blog. It was not a statement that they don’t participate in it elsewhere or at all.

    3. Alexissmith2016 says:

      Doug, just in case you are reading these comments, scrap my last one re mention on your show. Could you interview HG and James Corden together it would be out of this world! I’d love that! You can still credit me for the idea though hahhaha please!

  8. Rebecca says:


    I enjoyed the interview with Doug and I enjoyed learning more about the different empaths. I thought it was funny at the end how Doug had more questions and ran out of time. 😆 I’m the same way. I can’t stop asking questions. 😆 Thanks for your patience with me and thanks for sharing your knowledge. Xx

  9. Asp Emp says:

    Thank you, HG, for sharing this conversation you had with Doug. I appreciate him sharing his empath detector results and you expanding on this, it was very interesting. I liked your explanation and using the PTSD as an example, giving a different perspective on those that have emotional empathy and those that do not. I sense that Doug really values you as a person, not just somebody that he interacts with.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Thank you, HG 🙂

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