Understanding the Narcissist´s Perspective
If you understand the Narcissistic Perspective you will take a large leap forward in achieving freedom from narcissistic abuse.
One of the repeated failings that people make in their quest to understand what has happened to them is to not understand the narcissistic perspective.
This is not to empathise with it.
This is not to be sympathetic to it.
It is pure Logical Understanding.
This Logic Bulletin addresses
Clear explanations about the common mistakes that victims make when trying to understand the behaviour of the narcissist
The existence of the Majority Perspective and the Narcissistic Perspective, what that means and how they manifest.
Identification of the Strands of the Narcissistic Perspective, namely The Basic Narcissistic Perspective, The Cognitive Empathy Perspective and The Devil´s Perspective.
What each of those perspectives involves and means to the victim
Which school of narcissistic operates with which strand of the Narcissistic Perspective
What the perspectives do
Enabling you to make sense of why the narcissist behaves as he or she does and why previously you were unable to make sense of it.
3 thoughts on “Understanding the Narcissist´s Perspective”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Sorry, but my spleen just can not stay quiet. 😉 Actually, it’s not my spleen, but more my brain. I know it’s playing with fire to disagree with a narcissist, but I know you are always trying to understand ‘OUR’ kind in order to be more helpful to us & thereby give the BEST information out there on narcissism, how to (not) deal with your kind, & secure your legacy all for your own ends so it will be all about you.
But I’ve been thinking about your description above for a couple of days now ever since sharing this blog post on social media. And I don’t usually read your blog for the SOLE reasons that (1) the white background that I can’t customize using my browsers like most other websites physically hurts my autistic eyeballs, like having a flashlight shining into them, as I’m sure you’ll be happy to know (yes, you can hurt people even from your ‘safe’ distance behind your keyboard without even putting so much as the effort of writing lots of words!), and (2) my further disabilities of degenerative disk disease in my spine & Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome-related ‘Cranial Instabilty’ (have fun gaslighting me with THAT term, but it’s a real medical ‘thing’ with my spine that causes SEVERE crippling headaches/chronic pain that gets worse with age, & I’m aged enough not to be able to sit upright & look at/type in front of a computer screen for more than an hour per day without having a flareup. So my subscribing to your blog while you were temporarily/mistakenly removed from YouTube & then UN-subscribing now that I can LISTEN to you again is absolutely NOT in any way a slight against your blog. In fact, before you started your YouTube channel, THIS is where I started & learned SOOOO much valuable information from you, it’s changed my life by VASTLY increasing my understanding of narcissism!
END OF LENGTHY DISCLAIMER. (Something tells me I missed my calling as a paralegal, composing those endless online TOSes nobody reads because they’re too long & boring!)
So, to the POINT! …
The thing that stuck with me that I wanted to share with you related to this specific line in your description: ‘This is not to empathise with it.’
Well, I am an empath of some school & cadre, and, as you once told Doug, the former Scientologist/anti-cult guy in one of your interviews, being an empath isn’t something we should seek to change, right? And, contrary to your recent meme saying ‘Every day with me means another part of your heart dies–speaking only for myself here–it’s not actually my heart (depending on how you define ‘heart,’ but deeper than that, every day with a narcissist means another part of my SOUL dies, & more of my will to live along with it. My ‘heart,’ i.e., ability to feel things like love & empathy, hasn’t changed. Or perhaps it’s even GROWN. Maybe you’re physically killing me with an enlarged heart! 😉
What your work has done is to make me empathize with you (and even certain other narcissists) MORE. For example, I know not to go sticking my head in a lion’s mouth, & you’ve taught me that THAT is exactly what we do when we ‘feel sorry for’ narcissists as if you feel some sort of LOSS due to losing your emotional empathy as a chiild. But that actually, you DON’T. Our sticking around naively thinking that our love can somehow ‘fix’ you or that you even feel ‘broken’ in the first place is not only futile, but it’s doing more & more harm to ourselves every day that we spend with you, so it’s in NOBODY’s interest to give of oneself trying to ‘heal’ a narcissist, & THAT has given me the courage to ‘GOSO’ & break ‘no contact’ at my own risk & NEVER expect the result to change. Much as I’d like to fill certain people’s pathological need for ‘fuel,’ as an empath, I’m fatally allergic to narcissists.
But something ELSE I have gained from your work (if you can call it a gain) is MORE empathy for narcissists–and a sadness that BOTH of our kinds, narcissists AND empaths, share something in common: We’ve BOTH become what we are by being abused, traumatized, & damaged by narcissists. In fact, you could punch me in the face or shove me into the … jack-o-lantern (?) right now, and, while I’d certainly not come back for more, I would now have a greater understanding of WHY you did it–and why & how I was misled into the false belief that ‘you’ (not that you & I will likely ever meet or that I’m even your ‘type’ in a romantic sense, although I’m sure, as the Ultra, you would charm me nonetheless just because I’m a potential tertiary source. But I’d still be grateful to you for everything you’ve shared with us & that I’ve learned from you. So (maybe I should’ve said ‘spoiler alert,’ but there’s nothing like hearing it–and SOOO much more–straight from The Ultra narcissist himself) …
ANYBODY WHO’S NEW TO HG TUDOR’S WORK HELPING EVERYONE WHO’S INTERESTED, ESPECIALLY THE VICTIMS, KNOW THE NARCISSIST, EVEN THOUGH I DON’T HAVE THIS PARTICULAR PACKAGE, I’VE BOUGHT OTHERS, FOLLOWED HIS UNPARALLELED WORK FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS NOW, & HEARTILY RECOMMEND EVERYTHING HG HAS ON OFFER THAT APPEALS TO YOU & YOUR WALLET (AT A PRICE FAR LESS THAN THERAPY, EVEN IF IT’S PARTIALLY COVERED BY YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE), & I’M SURE *THIS* PACKAGE IS THE PERFECT PLACE TO START THE END OF YOUR ADDICTION TO NARCISSISTS & THE RESULTING, INEVITABLE ABUSE!!! LEARN HOW & WHY TO ‘GOSO’ FROM THE BEST TEACHER THERE IS! ALSO AVAIL YOURSELF OF HIS BOOKS & COPIOUS *FREE* MATERIALS ON THIS SITE & HIS YOUTUBE CHANNEL!
(‘Void where prohibited. But only if there’s no toilet.’ ~’MAD’ magazine, c. 1975)
PS: Hi again from the Queen of the Run-On ADHD Sentences (especially now that it hurts to proofread!). I just managed to re-read my ‘spleen-venting,’ & there was one sentence where I not only forgot, as usual, to put a closing parenthesis at the end of a tangent, but finish what I was saying to the extent that it changed the meaning, so, since we can’t edit our ventings here, I’ll just add a correction. Here’s what I MEANT to say in the penultimate, pre-all-caps paragraph:
‘… and why & how I was misled into the false belief that ‘you’ (not that you & I will likely ever meet or that I’m even your ‘type’ in a romantic sense, although I’m sure, as the Ultra, you would charm me nonetheless just because I’m a potential tertiary source) ever really loved me in the first place.’
DEFINITION OF TERMS:
– ‘You’ is defined as ANY narcissist who claims to ‘love’ another person, especially & preferably an empath.
– ‘Love’ is defined as what ’empaths’ and ‘normals’ think of as ‘love.’
– ‘Empaths’ & ‘normals’ are defined in other materials on HG’s site, including on YouTube.
– ‘GOSO’ is defined as, including but NOT LIMITED TO, coming back to say, ‘Hi again,’ to a narcissist to apologize for anything & attempting to explain, including but not limited to not having proofread & edited your spleen-venting because of some reason a narcissist really doesn’t care to know about before you hastily clicked ‘Post Comment.’
See the rest of HG’s materials for further doses of cold, harsh reality that actually WORKS … liberally sprinkled, where appropriate, with HG’s brand of highly addictive-yet-entertaining humor! No refunds for failure to beware his sexy, chocolatey, velvet-toned voice.
I spent my whole life among them and I still don’t fully understand them and neither do they understand themselves.