I Spy A Private Eye
I have often mentioned the empath’s need to know. Initially this is borne out of your desire to know and to understand for the purpose of enabling you to discharge your caring and nurturing abilities. Only by understanding and knowing what is wrong, what is going through someone’s mind or understanding their situation are you able to assist and help. Some people like to know because they are inquisitive. Some people like to know because they are downright nosey. We like to know so we can use it against you or to further our own schemes. You like to know so you can help. This is a core trait of the empathic individual and it is not something that you are ever able to let go. Even when we are subjecting you to the devaluation you are unable to accept that it is happening without being able to understand why. You need to know. We know you need to know and we exploit this. This is why we engage in denial, deflection and circular arguments because we are entirely aware this inability to allow you to know and to understand draws fuel from you but also keeps you doing this. Even when we discard you, you still want to make sense of what has happened. You need and want to know why did we treat in the way we did, why did we do all those awful things to you and why were you not enough? By tapping into this trait of yours we also ensure that you have to know what we are doing once we have flung you to one side.
You will ask our friends what we are doing and pose similar questions to our family in a bid to ascertain what we are now doing without you. You ask your friends to spy on your behalf, gathering information about the places that we have been to and the people we have fraternised with. You see, if you try to escape from us then you cannot get rid of us as we appear with Hoover in hand ready to suck you back. However, if we have decided that we have extracted as much fuel as we possibly can from you (at least for now) we will do our utmost to remain invisible and keep you guessing. We want you wondering what we are doing? We want you to be sat contemplating where we are and who we are with? Are we happy? Are we thinking of you?
This need to know becomes overwhelming and you then embark on your role as private eye. You will stalk our Facebook page in order to gather information. We will block you in order to increase the work for you but you will use a friend’s profile to look or create a false one. You will drive past the places you know we might be, home, work and recreational and social places hoping to catch a glimpse of what we are doing so you can satiate that need to know. You will create a new profile and follow us on Twitter, checking each day to see what we have written. Is there a new girlfriend? What is she like? Are we taking her to the places we took you? Who are these people in the photographs and where are they taken? We know you will be spying and the more you try and learn the more questions will arise. We use obsessing as a method of manipulation and this continues in this mould.
Our everpresence will keep reminding you and you do not help yourself as you repeatedly reinforce our presence in your mind by searching, checking and spying. You will search our name on Google, examine our work website for any changes, check on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn. Like a detective hunting for clues you will keep at it each day. You create a habit in order to feed the addiction which is the need to know. We know you will do this, we engineer and we encourage this behaviour in you. The knowledge that you are engaged in these practices gives us fuel. We cannot see you or hear you yet we know you are spying on us. We know what you are like and we can picture you earnestly hunched over your keyboard as you stare at your monitor. Don’t deny it because when we do Hoover you it is one of the first things we tease from you. How many times a day did you check our Facebook profile? You will admit you did it at least three times a day and tell us how much you missed us. You will ask about the new person we were with and who you saw posts referring to and all the photographs that we displayed. Did we miss you too? You always ask this as well. Why? Because you always need to know.
One thought on “I Spy A Private Eye”
Commenting over 2 years ago, I wrote “So, firstly, the narcissist has an innate need (natural to the narcissist but not ‘natural’ to the empaths or normals), to know everything about their object of interest. Thus it becomes almost an ‘obsession’ to the narcissist”.
The last time I (ET-related) talked about MRNs at work was around 3 years ago (before I joined KTN).
Around a year ago, I reiterated my point about not having contact with that MRN because he is a narcissist and I explained by examples of his behaviours to show the differences in characteristics of those with narcissism (through my learning) and what I know about Aspergers. I pointed out that I did not behave in the same way as the narcissist did, basically saying that the MRN was not “operating” from the “book” of Aspergers. I did all that talking without getting upset about it and it also confirmed to me that I was so over him.
There is a big difference between: 1) addiction to narcissism; 2) obsession; 3) genuine interest. Addiction to narcissism can be learned and managed.
People who are obsessed tend to do crazy stalking, some may do this far more than some average unaware narcissists do and what is more, they know they are doing it. Those who have a genuine interest act in a respectful manner. These behaviours become easier to spot over time, especially when it is consistent.
I really appreciate what I have learned from HG’s work, I respect the man who wrote it all.