Vent your spleen. Have your say. Give us both barrels. Let us know what you really think. Such sentiments towards my kind are entirely understandable and they invariably occur post discard and sometimes post escape. There are differing rationales associated with this almost overwhelming need to speak to us about your experience of being entangled with our kind. 1. Anger. You realise how you have been manipulated, abused and taken for a fool. Your anger is substantial and you feel a pressing need to unleash that anger against us with a litany of insults and some choice language. 2. Enlightenment. You have had your epiphany and realised precisely what ensnared you, how it happened and why. You have seized this knowledge and now feel elated that you have done so. There is a sense of superiority in finally having all the pieces of the puzzle click into place and you want to confront us. You may not actually tell us what we are but you will certainly want to use the words, “I know what you are now.” 3. Unfinished Business Part One. Nearly all discards occur without you being told that the Formal Relationship is over and if you are given such notice you are rarely given any proper or adequate explanation as to why this has happened. This results in the need to confront us at a later stage in order to try to find out why what has happened, has happened. 4. Unfinished Business Part Two. This is akin to the situation above but the basis of this confrontation is in order to demand of us how we could do what we did and address your need to have us explain ourselves for what we did during the relationship. 5. To Understand. You do not know what you were entangled with and you are unable to comprehend how somebody could behave in that manner towards you after everything that you did for us. This tirade details all of the help you gave us, the advantages that you conferred on us and each and every thing you did for us in the name of love. 6. Clear the Smear. Predictably enough, you will have been smeared following your entanglement with us. You have heard all about the lies that have been peddled about you and you want to set us straight about how those comments were wrong, that you did not behave in the manner which we have described to other people and ultimately how you need to clear your name. 7. The Right to Be Heard. You have a significant desire to want to be heard, especially as our manipulation of your will have caused you to feel that you have not been listened to during the Formal Relationship. You want your voice to be heard, you need to articulate your thoughts and feelings and an opportunity to avail yourself of discharging this need is too good to pass up. 8. Convey the Pain. You remain horrendously wounded by your experience of being entangled with us and you want to let us know how badly we hurt you, how much it pains you still and how upset you are to have been treated this way. 9. Sing the Praises. Sometimes you exhibit a capacity for nobility which manages to transcend the hurt, the pain and the angry. You remain bewitched by the golden period and all those magnificent attributes that you believe we still possess and therefore rather than attack us, expound bitterness or lash out, you declare all the reasons why you still love us, why you find us mesmerising despite what has happened and you wish us well for the future. 10. Justice. It is only right that are given the right of reply to the treatment that has been meted out against you. 11. Medicine. You put up with the tantrums, the lengthy invectives, the oral onslaughts and you were pummelled by our words. Now it is the time to give us a taste of our own medicine. Whatever the motivation may be, your need and desire to have that final confrontation with us, to purge yourself of all those thoughts and considerations is huge and is very difficult for you to resist. Indeed, most of the time you do not resist it at all, instead you look to engineer situations whereby you are able to speak to us and deliver this tirade, this riposte, this howitzer. You will seek us out in order to provide us with a piece of your mind. Is this a good thing? Well, there are two potential upsides when this is looked at from your perspective. The first is that you are able to get things off your chest. All those thoughts which have whirled around your mind for weeks on end, the ifs and buts which prevented you from sleeping, the imponderables and the unanswered have been released as you allow your words to explode from you in an outburst of emotion applicable to whichever rationale which has driven you to this point. The second is that you may well feel that you have achieved some kind of closure by engaging in this step of giving us a piece of your mind. But what about our perspective on all of this? What does this blast, this sounding off and this diatribe mean to us? This is where giving a piece of your mind in such a manner is actually not a good thing for you to do. Why is this? 1. Sounding off in such an emotional manner, whether it is insulting us with angry words, crying with pain, savagely mauling us with a sneering and twisted face or even expressing how you still love us, just provides us with fuel and it is plentiful. You may have collared us on the telephone to vent at us. Anybody normal would end the call as they are repeatedly harangued and insulted, but not us, we will listen as we soak up all that fuel. Yes, we will be argumentative, defensive and belligerent but that is just to keep your tirade going owing to the plentiful fuel you are providing to us. 2. This is a prime opportunity for us to hoover you. If we see you are angry, we may express false contrition, if you are hurt and upset we may declare how we will make changes so everything is right, if you reminisce about our wonderful times we will offer that golden period again to you. You are giving us a glorious opportunity to hoover you and in your heightened emotional state there is a good chance this will succeed. 3. If we do not hoover at this point, you have just given us several reasons to execute a hoover at a later juncture by confirming to us that you remain adrift in the emotional state, you are fountaining with fuel and still beholden to us. The signs are good and it all points to a successful hoover in the near future. 4. You confirm to us that you have failed to grasp the logic and reason of the situation and therefore your defences are weak. This means that further manipulations can be used and they will prove effective in terms of fuel and control. 5. We take no notice of what you are actually saying. You may think that your speech is devastating, that you are landing telling blows on us, that you are assassinating our character and making us look terrible. You are not. You are playing into our hands. We are laughing at you inside. 6. You are confirming that we continue to have considerable control over you. We may be busy with a new primary source but this confirmation acts as a green light to further unleashing of manipulations against you because you are not able to let go. The temptation to give us a piece of your mind is vast and overwhelming but if done in the usual emotional fashion of the typical empathic individual you are just giving us more of what we want, failing to hurt us and extending your own entanglement with us.
46 thoughts on “Sounding Off”
Love, love, love all your new YouTube videos HG, especially the UK ones!! Absolutely fascinating stuff of course!
Really pleased to hear Tate is starting to realise he’s fucked up. What do you think the outcome will be?
I have another question for you. When I watch documentaries re criminals, anecdotally I’ve observed that paedophiles in particular who spend many years in jail often end up wheelchair bound or in need of walking aids if some description, more so than other men who spend many years locked up. My theory in this is that the paedophiles are more likely to have a victim mentality hence their need to abuse the young and defenceless. I appreciate that’s not always the case, but at a guess I’d say it’s a significant proportion compared to an armed robber or murderer. Is there any force in that?
Hi Alexissmith, I think it could also be due to the fact that they are abused in prison more than others might be. Not sure though. I just know they’re at the bottom of the pecking order, really disliked. Many who are in prison were abused/sexually abused as children and can tend to blame their choices on that. And I suppose abusing a pedophile is a way to take it out in their abuser also, in their minds? Interesting comment, I had not realized what you said was how it is. But it makes sense to me.
Aww thanks AV. My understanding on UK jails at least is that the paedophiles are kept on a separate wing and well protected these days. I could be wrong though.
Also HG, why the delay in charging Tate? Is it because they don’t have enough evidence, still gathering it or just a legal tactic?
I’m fascinated by this case. My boys who obviously know he’s an idiot often send me posts he’s made (well in the past) because they know it really annoys me. They even changed our family chat name to Top G hahha
I don’t know, I am not party to their decision making process.
okay, thank you very much HG
Oh, thanks for that Alexissmith, I didn’t know that.
UK puts colored bands on pedophiles and segregate them but they are don’t work. History shows.
US not UK
See what happened to Daumier. It’s known despite “ efforts” pedophiles die in US prisons.
I believe it is manipulation. I asked HG about this a few years ago regarding Harvey Weinstein. He went from presenting himself as invincible and alpha predator, to a weak and frail man in a wheelchair in court. They never even fully had a legitimate diagnosis from a doctor as to what cause Weinstein to act that weak in court. He had health problems, but not that kind of health problems. They have no shame with switching up their narrative if it suits them.
Ohhhh, I forgot to write – and this reference to “The Seventh Seal” by Ingmar Bergman – great idea!
I’m drowning in this melody and I don’t want to come out 🙂
Referring to the sound:
“Ghost Again” Depeche Mode is wonderful! My god, how these notes flow seamlessly through the skin and circulate through the veins! I feel so much peace, wisdom and strength.
They did it. They did it again! 🙂
It was just my perception and how I view it.
I find it beautiful actually, I love angels which is maybe it popped out so much on this site.
You have been corrected.
Neuro-receptacles in the brain for neuropeptides calibrated in “intelligence” social needs. HG has pleasure correcting and it gives his brain dopamine, thus the most powerful human drug.
HG the corrector (mind you surely kinky slightly deviant tastes in the bedroom, in the frame of what’s legal of course).
That is a very interesting observation Elodie. I love reading scientific explanations for behaviour.
“Restrict and obey”
“Pulling in the reins”
We have so many sayings for it in our language.
This exact thing happened to me the other night….I went through all the steps and based on what I can tell, he then followed suit lol…thank you for this !
Don’t you remember the golden era of early h g Tudor vida? It was empath this, empath that, making us feel special. Nowadays you scarcely even mention us, swanning around with your new found chums meg and harold – and we’re not invited. I feel like we don’t exist. Are you even listening hg? I said.. oh never mind.
The discussion about contagion empathy seems to have passed you by then…….
To be honest, and this is only my opinion…
Reading some of the comments on this site (not this thread in particular but the whole site) makes me sometimes think that empaths are self absorbed and very narcissistic sometime.
HG I understand you see everything as black or white. Good or bad. Sometimes you make empaths out to be like angels.
They are humans, warts and all.
Or maybe some of the comments here are not from real empaths but indeed narcissists who believe they are empaths when they are not…..
I have never made empaths out to be angels, in fact I have maintained they are not, you need to pay more attention.
As Jabba the Hut said in Star wars “Your mind tricks do not work on me”
But in your case you would be more like Emperor Palpatine, thus Sith mind powers.
Your work is excellent. I commend you on the information you provide against narcissistic abuse.
However, it does come across this black and white thinking.
Narcissist all bad
Empath all good
Maybe this is not what you intend, certainly not you may think. It is just a perception of mine from reading this website.
That does not mean it is right or wrong.
Empath pictures often have angel wings. You even offer “Angel” assistance.
This is of course excellent to support those of narcissistic abuse and was is no way a criticiscm of your excellent outstanding work. Rather an observation of black and white thinking that is common with narcisisists.
Your deflection by mentioning Jabba the Hutt and Star Wars is ineffective.
I corrected you because you were wrong in what you stated. It is as simple as that.
Again, you are attempting to state that I have written things when I have not done so.
I have never stated “narcissist all bad” and I have never stated ” empath all good”, so you can stop attempting to misquote me.
Angel Assistance was named as such by a reader and was done to convey the notion of aiding others, something angels are seen to do, nothing to do with empaths.
Feel free to go through the blog posts and you will find that only a fraction of pictures relating to empaths show angel wings, the majority do not.
It was just my perception HG, and nothing to do with what you wrote. Purely my perception. How I view it to be.
I find it to be beautiful actually. I love angels. Maybe one reason it jumped out at me so much.
I think it is lovely you chose the name “Angel Assistance” because of a reader.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Haha, I’m so close to being a so called “narcissist” it’s not funny!
I don’t tolerate crap anymore and I say ‘no’ a lot
I’m no angel and don’t fricken fuss with me……please with sugar on top and if that’s ok 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thanks to you Mr Tudor
Luv Bubbles Xx 😘
Replying with “compassion of façade” would have had a different outcome for LogicFish. I’m just repeating my 2 previous posts. It’s not an abrupt realisation that you don’t care, or that your amygdala complex is deficient maybe not existing.
Your brain with repeated actions can be wired otherwise using its efficient parts. But you don’t seem to be able to see the potential outcome for you.
There is no need. I am entirely effective as I am, it clearly troubles you more than it troubles me.
Quite often it is that way. You are happy and content with the way you are. Yet other people wish to change you and morph you into something you do not wish to be. Caregivers are the worse. They see you as clay that they can mould into something rather than just letting you develop the way you should.
Or telling you how you should feel, what you should think….
Being strong and intelligent it is possible to see through this facade.
Naaa we’re not troubled at all Prof. Tudor, we just want you to show us how to climb up and put some more wood in the stove so we can warm the room up a little.
Elodie, I am fascinated with the bip bip bip ! I try to wrap my head around what you presented throughout the comments here! Very interesting! Do tell, how long would it take to rewire? How? Where? How??? Only HG because of his high intelligence? Or possible for other Schools as well?
The two types of empathy are like water and oil in one bottle, if I understood it correctly? How do you connect them? Do you need a third element?
You seem to be experiencing a spleen. There are surely elements in your life causing it thus you need to reference yourself to a past period more enjoyable to you. HG isn’t responsible for it! Unless you forgot the garlic cloves next to your bed at night 😆
If you look at all HG’s posts since this early year, at least 50% is about empath or allude to his behaviours towards empath victims!
Do you need a label to know who you are?
Who cares about being empath or normal as soon as your behaviour doesn’t hurt anyone?! All HG’s posts, channels or live services are to explain who he is and no matter who we are how we can defend or extract ourselves from a narcissistic oppression. This is precious! No complaint to have about.
H & HW are the perfect example of this dynamic with plethora of elements. The best way thanks to their self overexposed private life to expand the word about narcissism too and helping millions of people.
Forbearance and resilience are empath qualities. No pity play. You exist you don’t need this medium to exist!
Yesterday at the hospital (one of my friend was having a complicated surgery), there was a door not opening when people were presenting, not detecting quickly enough. A few said out loud “what I don’t exist anymore?!” and looking at others to see their reactions. It’s a need linked to a narcissistic tendency (sometimes BPD). It can be quickly changed. Just not letting yourself formulating sentence like that, your brain will be rewired otherwise. It’s linked to how you feel in the now only.
Write about how you feel, leave those emotions on paper or on here!
We all experience down moments, polluting our personality, kick those moments out!
you’re a highly intelligent being. So you can understand people are reasons. No matter if it seems an attack on your work, don’t take it personally. Even if it seems unfair there’s a suffering behind it. You need to increase your cognitive skills for compassion. Oh yes you can! If you’re overwhelmed by work and not feeling the energy. Delay your reply then!
Cognitive skills have nothing to do with compassion and mine exceed yours.
Cognitive skills have all to do with learning but you already know why I was only alluding to your neocortex. Compassion is a thought construct derived from the emotions generated by empathy. Yet understanding others emotional mechanisms and seeing people as reasons not facts (or broken) can allow some ultra intelligent individuals whatever the nature of their psyche… to apply some apparent “compassion” in their interactions. You do at times, even if it’s mainly to obtain something. You should try doing it without any utter motive. Doing it repeatedly might create something else into your neocortex… Your statement of your cognitive skills exceeding mine display entitlement and alienation from truth as you don’t know. It also is deflecting from the main topic. Normal from your profile yet condemning your comment as being deceptive and inaccurate.
That is not compassion, it is cognitive or false empathy.
I am not going try doing it without any utter motive, that is not logical.
Set your record straight young man:
Compassion is cognitive empathy!
Word extension of the real content.
For someone born with an efficient amygdala complex: the mammalian brain generates emotions of empathy, information sent via the amygdala into the neocortex which will generate the feeling of compassion (Nature).
For an emotionless profile, deficient or absent amygdala to pass down info from the mammalian to the neocortex, compassion can be generated via learning (Nurtured). The neocortex is adaptable and very sensitive in its response to our repetitive behaviours. With a training your neocortex could generate and develop a real process making you experience feelings of compassion and some others.
Empathy is an emotion = generated unconsciously in the mammalian brain => emotion (hence the term emotional empathy)
Amygdala is the transmitter bip bip bip…of this emotion to the neocortex in which our cognitive skills will interpret the emotional message in a verbalised thought… bip bip bip 🤣.
Compassion is a feeling = created in the neocortex and verbalised in this upper part of the brain => cognition ( hence we talk about a feeling of compassion)
Feelings are created in the neocortex
Primitively, if there s no transmittion of emotion as a brain would be deprived of amygdala there’s no creation of feeling per se.
Yet Neocortex is adaptable far more than what we thought.
Nature always find a way 🦖 A hard one relatively to the psyche of those concerned, but existing!
Cognitive empathy is not true compassion, to suggest otherwise is misleading.
Do you have cognitive empathy then? This makes sense. You think logically not emotionally. Some people with Asperger or Autism also behave similar due to their lack of empathy, but they tend to always tell the truth. Unlike those with narcissism.
Compassion is empathy but is related to empathy and emotions. This makes sense then.
Yes, as I have explained repeatedly on this blog through so many articles and comments.
Hi Anna, Asperger and Autism ASD are on two opposite spectrums. People with asperger are hypersensitive and hyper-emotional as their white matter which is perfectly present and shaped is sometimes too important in mass. So they are hypersensitive to others and their emotions. It has been recently classified in the same spectrum as autism because most of neurologists are themselves in a certain extremity of the gray matter and they want to fusion the asperger syndrome with the autistic whose brain is deficient in white matter often no amygdala or insula so no emotions possible not even fear. It’s an attempt to lessen the marker for autism and diminish the potential of aspergers. But it won’t last. Aspergers are more often women with comparatively big brain, hyper-emotional and hyper-sensitive to their environnement with high IQ. Often classified in HPI with hypersensitivity to sounds, voices for example. A lot of women have asperger without knowing it (introversion and hypersensitivity to people and animals in the childhood, with the regular burn out if over exposure to others sufferings or external aggressors in the environment). The real asperger not the misdiagnosis. I’ve known a few “specialists” openly claiming they classified non violent psychopaths in autism. For “social practicality”. They don’t care if they are emotionally abusive with their environment and abusing their autism status as an excuse. Asperger aren’t emotionless on the contrary they have more emotions then the rest of us. They have an over-empathy problem.
Compassion relatively to the brain configuration for a psychopath for example or an autist can have nothing at all linked to empathy. Empathy is an emotion unconsciously experienced into the mammalian brain. Psychopath sometimes have absolutely no connection to their mammalian brain but only to their reptilian part of the brain and neocortex only! As someone stating not acting if there’s no gain to the action. Simply being kind for being kind doesn’t bring them anything.
Wow! People arguing with The Ultra here truly have NOT read his blog (not that I’ve read a great deal of it myself because of reading disabilities, especially on bright, blinding-white screens!!!) because even *I’ve* heard him address these things on his YouTube channel, which is where I first HEARD the term “cognitive empathy,” which HG has LOADS of! One of the reasons he’s so appealing to empaths–and has provided SO many revelations like the blog above (stuff I seem to have learned immediately AFTER making all the mistakes he lists and make SO much sense now, so I know in advance EXACTLY what will happen if I violate GOSO with my father, which isn’t easy with him living next door, AND being a Christian who’s supposed to honor my mother and father–no exceptions for abuse!) that HG is the ONLY expert on narcissism I pay serious attention to anymore!
Also, I am autistic (I’m not a “person with autism,” and if you knew anything about autism, you would know that we are “autistic people,” we don’t HAVE autism like it’s a disease; it’s a different form of wiring in the frontal cortex of the brain, as is ADHD, which co-occurs in up to 80% of autistics. Alas, there’s no good similar term for people with ADHD, except ‘ADHDer’ (although I’ve been seeing ‘AuDHD’ online a lot) which I don’t particularly like because recent research has shown that ADHD is a minomer; it isn’t an ATTENTION problem; it’s an executive-function disability) And I am a ball of often-uncontrollable emotions, including all seven that HG has said on YouTube that narcissists do not feel. That INCLUDES love and empathy. How ellse could I be the Scapegoat daughter of a narcissist and have had AT LEAST five relationships with narcissism to the point where I started questioning WHY I’m such a ‘narcissist magnet’ (prior to 2016, also prior to my becoming aware that I’m on the autism spectrum along with my ex-husband of 15 years, and that that’s probably what attracted us in the first place–as I was only six months out from the most devastating relationship with a narcissist, as diagnosed by the therapist who saved me from committing suicide over the breakup, in my life).
It’s a common misconception that autistic people are narcissists that hurts us, and HG ALSO addressed THAT in an interview on YouTube, which is here, unless you haven’t actually looked into any of HG’s work and are just trolling him?
Part One: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGf1J_CaX50
Part Two: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5kgdM-2lSM
Or if you don’t have time for all that and actually listening to an actually autistic adult in conversation with HG, there’s this:
Oh, and here’s the one about the things the narcissist does not feel, ALL of which I do feel (I often cry watching the TV news; how many narcissists do that?):
I’m off to go rest my eyes in the dark and bite my chew toy now in order to prevent a meltdown. Thank you, @HG, for making the differences between narcissism and autism so clear and readily available via a simple Google or YouTube search. You are the most cognitively empathetic (and intelligent) narcissist I’ve ever … um, ‘encountered’? Anybody who chooses to argue with you is just going to end up making a fool of themselves. (Just one of many things you’ve taught me: Don’t argue with a narcissist, not even if you’re 100% certain you’re right. At least, once you figure out that they’re a narcissist. Or possibly someone testing out an AI bot, which is what some of the above sounds like to me.)
You are welcome and you are correct.
Interesting comment, thank you for sharing, Susan.
Sorry if I offended you in anyway?
Yes I have some family members with Autism.
Sorry to hear about your difficulties reading. One good thing is HG has alot of the information on YouTube. I actually prefer watching and listening to the videos or audio. Reading text we miss out on so many important parts of human communication. The tone of voice and facial expressions. Text can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted. This is one reason I prefer it myself.
Yes HG, his work has helped me alot as well.
when I’m experiencing empathy I get a rush of chemicals in my brain and this gives me the option to experience an emotion, but first I have to evaluate whether this might be detrimental or not. All I have to do is remain focused and the chemicals disperse.
Sometimes the fear is too strong for any confrontation. Having anger only at oneself for having been so stupidly kind and devoted.
And if there was possibility for a confrontation, as you clearly expressed HG, the narcissist would only thrive on it, gaining more fuel, leaving the victim even more tormented.
The feeling of shame to be a victim must be overcome or the wounds never heal. It needs a sincere introspection and the help of HG!
Thank you for your channels and this website. You’re a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Gaining your wings for Heaven 😉