Knowing the Narcissist : Chaos, Chaos Everywhere!
One of the defining features of our behaviour is the association with chaos. Our arrival into somebody’s life is described as a whirlwind. We are regarded as tempestuous, a tornado and a flailing dervish. People describe how we leave a trail of destruction behind us.
Reference is made to the drama and the rollercoaster ride that people experience when they become sucked into our sphere of influence. The honest amongst them admit that at the time they found this intoxicating, the excitement of wondering what was going to happen next, the thrill of the unpredictable and the allure of the heightened activity that surrounds us.
Others bemoan the mayhem that occurs, the random behaviour and the lack of certainty, never mind from one day to the next, but hour to hour. People conclude that we are creatures of chaos. That conclusion is wrong.
We are ordered and methodical in everything that we do – at least, that is accurate with regard to the regulation of the narcissism and it asserts control. There is order within but chaos without. Our narcissism is ordered, it focuses on the moment. It is methodical and incessant in its application as a self-defence mechanism.
The narcissism ascertains on a daily basis our need for fuel. It will establish which sources will provide that fuel and how this will be achieved. It will regulate our network of supply like a technician overseeing the electricity grid of a country. Where there is a risk of disruption to that supply it seeks to organise a contingency. The more evolved the narcissist the greater the availability and that contingency and the sooner it can be utilised.
Should we apply our energies to solving the disruption or should we replace it as quickly as possible? Our narcissism monitors and observes the world around us to ensure that our lifeblood is supplied effectively and efficiently. We identify our fresh targets and then our narcissism will assiduously plan how that person will be seduced.
We gather intelligence about that individual, what they like and dislike, who they socialise with, how strong their family connections are as we build up a dossier all about them. There is no random selection of our targets. We cannot leave such important matters to chance.
For the more evolved of our kind, we must undertake keen preparatory work so that when we strike we succeed and our target is ensnared. Once that person has been lured into our grasp we then structure our treatment of him or her. How might we best extract the juiciest fuel from them during the golden period? Where else should we be obtaining fuel from during this time? What threats exist to affecting or interrupting the supply of fuel from this appliance? These thoughts and many others filter through our minds although for most of our kind, this all occurs in the unconscious.
You may think that we suddenly flip from pleasant to nasty. Yes, I will admit that that is the appearance we give when we engage such a volte face. The reality is that such a change has been carefully considered and orchestrated to achieve the maximum impact where the Greater of our kind functions.
The apparent sudden shift from calm to volcanic eruption has been calculated to bring about the assertion of our superiority, control and the provision of fuel. Our rage will spiral out of control but the unleashing of that rage was a considered act. It is not the haphazard heated fury that sprays from the Lesser or the passive aggressive Cold Fury that leaks from the Mid Range Narcissist.
Once the spark has ignited the flames it however there may be no telling how hot the flames will burn and for how long, but we decided to create the spark. Each word and gesture has been considered and reflected upon in order to ascertain how effective it will be in furthering our aims. We plan an onslaught of affection which appears like a sudden storm, yet we planned this dizzying and disorientating display. The sudden appearance of silent treatment and its duration has all been worked out beforehand.
The difference is that there is some form of planning about everything we do before the chaos is unleashed. For most of our kind, this planning is done unconsciously and it may only be very short in nature, but it is there although the narcissist will not be consciously aware of it. The Lesser´s narcissism calculates the response on his behalf in an instant and deploys one of a small portfolio of manipulations. The chaos is designed in the unconscious, by the narcissism and is quick, fierce and brutal. The Lesser´s chaos is there for control, a blunt instrument and he cannot even ascertain what made him unleash it.
The Mid Ranger´s narcissism will function with increased calculation, yet once again it is unconscious and the Mid Range does not sit and plot. The chaos is there but lack the brutality but is rather of the subtle, disorientating kind. Chaos reigns through the confusion and bewilderment that is created. The Mid Ranger understands that the outcome is for a reason separate from the real reason that the narcissism has acted in the way that it has. The chaos was created for control, the Mid Range is allowed to believe that your actions caused him to react as he did.
For the Greater, should the deep-seated malice be called upon, then the effect of our careful scheming is the oxymoron of a contrived, carefully controlled chaos – the chaos is yours.
The outcome of our love bombing is a torrent of whirling and tumbling affection. Our campaigns of mistreatment seem to burst out of nowhere, assailing you from random directions like staccato machine gun fire. We lift you up, spin you around, turn you upside down and shake you all about.
It is a chaotic process but it is the outcome that contains the chaos as we unleash it from within.
As Friedrich Nietzsche put it, “One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”