Knowing the Narcissist : No Contact
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12 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : No Contact”
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I know I am not the only person facing a huge upheaval in their life (partly) because of the cost of living crisis. This is a small town, people talk. It is no easy feat starting afresh when your friends are aware yet live so far away to assist with tasks. Hence my asking HG the above question. Obviously, I do have some concerns about my safety & security. Then again, why am I even explaining myself?
AspEmp, it seems like your circumstances have changed recently or there is something in the context of your current circumstances that is concerning you. I know you have run things by HG (going by a previous comment I responded to some time ago), and I’m not sure what we can do to support you. Maybe you are explaining yourself because you need support, but are not sure what kind or how anyone can help. There are listening ears here if there’s anything we can do, and even words of encouragement can make a big difference.
The cost of living crisis is hitting people all across the world and there’s no avoiding it, unfortunately … unless your Jeff Bezos swanning around in your yacht on the Atlantic (or wherever he is 😛 ) It’s unbelievable how much of the riches of the world are held in so few hands, meanwhile the majority suffer. Hopefully the situation will balance itself out soon, but most of us will be tightening our belts in the meantime. Did you notice product sizes are getting smaller while prices are getting higher? What an insult. At least if you’re going to put your prices up, don’t try and con us that we’re getting the same amount just for a higher price!
Anyway, just wanted to jump in and check in with the hope things will be improving for you soon xox
Hi LET, thank you so much for your reaching out, it means a lot. I have not yet had my consult with HG, I will do so after an appt I have next week. HG is the best person to discuss some things and get some guidance as I trust that he will advise accordingly as there is no-one I can approach in the local area to have the conversation I needed. I did ‘chat’ with someone locally a couple months ago but they were not forthcoming in suggestions, nor, ‘yes, I think that would be a good idea’ or something like that, I just felt that either he was not as ‘engaged’ as he used to be in the past – I am not suggesting he is narcissist, probably the “friendship” that once was there is no longer, the relationship has changed. Maybe it is health related more than anything else really. Or that MRN was “selected” over me, maybe it was because I basically refuse to discuss (or talk with) the MRN, at all. The meeting I had with this “friend” was to sign off business related and that should be done with officially by the end of next month (YAY! Finally!). Thus, cuts the ties with that MRN. I also did reach out to someone else and they have not responded, that tells me all I need to know basically (around 2 weeks ago). We were close and Covid got in the way, she changed jobs too (probably the main reason why, dunno). I just needed a ‘sounding board’ instead of talking about it on the blog with someone who understands me as a person, knows me, who is savvy on such decision making and assisting someone to make such a huge decision – which goes far more beyond than the size, or lack of, Mars bars in packaging these days (laughing)!.
Having said that, I knew that this time would come. I am mentally & emotionally ‘prepared’ for the big change but lack the local support to assist me. It is not necessarily the financial side, it just has to be done. It is the location. Security & safety too. It is not something that many people would do on their own without accessing the right guidance.
Once again, thank you for reaching out to me, much appreciated xx
AspEmp,
It’s very difficult sometimes when you find that distancing yourself from narcissists also means distance is created in other relationships as well. I have had to do the same where the narcissist retains their hold over the other person and they must be left to make their choice when it comes to friendships. The best option is no contact, but it can leave you more isolated in the circumstances. I’m sorry to hear about your other friend who seems to have moved on, too. There are moments in life when you need other people, but life gets in the way and the only option is to try and create new friendships. Our trust is often lacking after entanglement with the narcissist/s, so that can take a while.
Good to know you have a consult lined up and I trust HG is able to advise you in the way you need.
You are right when you say about decisions bigger than Mars Bars 😛 I thought I might just tickle the more light hearted side of things to help with brightening any storm clouds gathering above you.
Happy to reach out and hope things work out the best way possible. Security and safety are a must xox
LET, thank you, just thank you, for your reply. Well, I have been isolated from people – not purely through choice, it was how I found myself to be isolated. It is proof that the organisation I was involved in are not what they profess to be, or, do, for people like me. They should be blacklisted. Anyway, I suppose I have done well to ‘survive’ without that local support and got used to being ‘cut off’, so, it is not surprising that I was in ‘fk u’ mode because of the whole farce of narcissists vipers nests (laughing at the farce really). Yet, I am sharing it here because people can actually find themselves in such a situation. Like I said, small town, people talk. Fk em. Basically, their loss. Not mine. Despite my learning (here), I am stronger than I was when they “decided” to cut me off. I have more wisdom now compared to when I decided to move where I am!!!
It also shows that a small town has it’s own ‘pipelines’ so to speak. Quite a number of people have lived here all their lives. That, in itself, does not “compute” with me (laughing).
I do still have friends in UK that are still around. I wrote to one of them and I think they do understand why I stopped using some communication methods.
And this is the main reason why I do not, and, refuse, to sync accounts. They can become too enmeshed. Even now, I refuse to set up online accounts for certain services ie mobile online account, I use Top Up Card. Unless the Law changes that we all must use online for everything, until then, I have the choice to choose.
I got totally and utterly freaked out when I learned that employers spy on people using social media “when at work” (I can understand that and do appreciate that during paid working hours, people are paid to work, not socialist) but I draw the line of them “imposing” outside working hours.
Mars Bars. Hahahaha. I’ve not had any chocolates for a long time (not even since last year!!) and it’s very rare that I think, hmmm, yet I do not rush out to buy any 🙂
Thank you, once again, for reaching out xx
Having said that, I still cannot help the anxiety that manifests itself! No matter how much the ET / LT is managed / learned, the anxiety is something that has always existed yet easier to ‘control’ in a way that I tell myself, ‘no need to be anxious about that’ but this decision is to big to say ‘that’s nothing to worry about’.
Thank you, HG, for your time in moderating x
Asp Emp
I’m sorry to read that you are experiencing difficulty and feeling isolated, but happy to see also that you will be engaging with HG to receive logical and impartial guidance to help assist you. It sounds like the scenario that is causing you the most anxiety will soon be actioned, and with that action (stressful as it may be during), relief from the upheaval of emotion you are currently experiencing. Take care.
NarcAngel, thank you, your reply is much appreciated.
Dearest AspEmp,
I’m sad to hear you’re experiencing and going thru some sensitive issues lovely.
The world is going completely nuts! We are experiencing the same Down Under. Cost of living has gone insane, hospitals are in crisis, street crime on the rise, interest rates going up n up, utilities, petrol, you name it. It’s our winter here and people are getting Covid again and dying. Our wine is still good cheap and plenty however 🥳🍷🥂
I understand where you’re coming from AspEmp and it can’t be easy for you. Safety and security are paramount for all of us.
You should be in my shoes, I have people wanting to constantly be my friend, they contact me all the time, especially from Nigeria and Tonga, they want me to give them my money and now I have people offering to go phishing 🎣 with me and have me open their emails under Mr Bubble’s name and look at old photos together. There are companies who think I have an account with them. People banging on the front door at inconvenient times wanting me to join their God and real estate agents wanting to list my house for sale. Wow, I’ve never felt so loved needed and wanted 🤣😂🤣
So think yourself lucky AspEmp, I’d love your peace n quiet. 😂
Just to remind you, we ‘explain’ ourselves here, that’s what we do haha 😛
You just look after yourself gorgeous, ok ?
💕xx
I’ve been successful in maintaining NC with some the narcissists in the local area, others that I am aware of are not having impact. I plan further NCR in time. I know about changing mobile number, email addresses and will do that in time (further NCR).
Regarding the consults, even if someone is not in a narcissistic ‘situation’ (ensnarement), do you offer guidance to those without the local support network (ie supposedly friends of past)?
Yes.
Great to know, thank you for your answer, HG X