Knowing the Narcissist : 20 Fuelling Admissions
There are many things that my kind like you to say. We want to hear your praise, your affection, your love and your adoration. We want to hear your anger, your frustration, your upset and your vitriol. You hear words. We hear emotions which fuel us and cause the powering flames to burn fiercer and higher.
When you become ensnared by one of our kind, we make you a victim of our range of machinations. As part of this entrapment we aim to have you provide us with fuel and this is done by causing you to say certain things to us. We are obsessed with the concept of our status, our superiority and our power. We must always ensure that you are inferior to us, that we are in control and that you are obedient.
If we ever feel that this imbalance is slipping, then we will fight to maintain it. We are the conqueror you are the conquered. In keeping with this need for control and domination, we want you to not only be the victim but ensure that you act as one and portray your status of victimhood at all times in your dealings with us, save when we decide to the contrary.
The latter being usually for public appearances and the maintenance of the façade. We want and need to hear you reinstate your designated role. Of course this does not mean that you will declare that you are a victim, using those very words, because when we have you in our grasp you do not realise that you are indeed a victim.
Instead we need to hear it through you stating certain phrases which amount to admissions that you are a victim. Understand that when you make these remarks you are fuelling us and also reinforcing the imbalance that exists between you and us.
- I am sorry.
- I just didn’t think.
- I don’t know what I am supposed to do.
- I can’t understand what you want.
- I can’t take this anymore.
- I will do anything for you.
- I just want this to work.
- I’m not giving up on us.
- I deserve better than this.
- Why are you doing this?
- Please stop.
- Please talk to me.
- Am I not good enough for you?
- Why is it only me that is treated like this?
- I just want to be happy.
- Tell me what you want from me.
- I didn’t realise.
- I always put you first.
- I want to make you happy.
- What’s happened to us?
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Bugger. Number 20. I sent it during devaluation.
I sent a photo to Narc 1 of us stood together smiling happily (taken during the golden period.) The accompanying message was, “ How did we end up like this?”
A few months later after I had ended it, he called. I was on my way to a work conference. I know now this was The Grand Hoover. It lasted well over an hour. He was too late. I had already turned on him, no emotion left. I remember pulling in to the car park of the hotel, just about on time, him talking, his voice breaking. He really tried, offered me everything. I’d never have to work again, we belonged together, we could have the world, he had ordered my car, he had picked out a ring, I was making a mistake, don’t do this, don’t throw it all away now.
I remember looking at the hotel. It looked swanky. I wondered what my room would be like. I told him I was late, I had to go, I ended the call.
I checked in, dumped my bag and walked to the bar. Just as I walked in I got a text message. I opened it as I walked. It was the picture I had sent to him together with my accompanying message. “How did we end up like this?”
I walked to the bar where my colleague were gathered, drinks already flowing. I smiled, began my evening, that was that.