Knowing the Narcissist : A Dark Angel




I am regarded as a bad person. In fact, bad would be considered somewhat mild and I have been on the receiving end of epitaphs of “evil”, “satanic”, “malevolent” and “hell’s representative on earth”. None of those labels have bothered me in the slightest. Is that because they are true and I am content to acknowledge what my behaviour amounts to? Perhaps. The greater truth is that they were all delivered coated in emotion, dripping with fuel and the person hurling what they perceived as an insult at me was doing quite the contrary. They thought they were striking me down, belittling me and hurting me when they were just making me all the more powerful. But they were not to know this were they? Very, very few people actually understand why my kind behave as we do. Oh those who have the misfortune (their word) to entangle with my kind know all about our behaviours. They will sit you down and spend all day cataloguing every despicable deed, each aggressive act and all those malicious moments as if they were reading from a diary. That is how etched on people’s minds we become, how we infect their hearts and poison their souls. I know because I know what I do. I know because you show me how it affects you and you certainly do plenty of telling me (as well as anybody else who listens) because that is how embedded we become. We appear coruscating and shining and then we maim, cripple and injure. You know better than anybody else how it affects you but you rarely understand. How could you? You have no idea who you are dealing with. We do not appear with the letter N branded on our foreheads as a warning (although I suspect even if we did some people would still fall prey to us). You do not know what has wrapped its tendrils around you and you cannot be expected to know. It is not your fault although we will spend all of the devaluation and beyond telling you that it is. Those of our kind do think everything is your fault. They are programmed to think nothing else. I am worse. I know it is not your fault but the maintenance of blame is key to the upholding of control and the continuance of my dominance and therefore I will readily apply that which I know to be false in order to achieve what must be achieved. Again, you would not know this and whether you have become entangled with a Lesser, Mid-Range or Greater of our kind you become ensconced in trying to make us see, make us understand and achieve some kind of breakthrough. It is nigh on impossible. The Lesser is not programmed to accept it. You are trying to put a video cassette in a Blue-Ray player. It just will not operate. The Mid-Range must apply fault because he knows it provides him with a defence. The Greater of us understand what you are saying and know you are right but we will not accept it because we must remain superior.

Those you turn to for assistance do not understand either. Well-meaning family and friends struggle enormously to grasp what has happened. This is because they cannot comprehend someone can actually behave that way and it becomes easier to think you are the one with the problem, that you are over-tired, stressed (hell of course you are because we made you that way) and you are imagining things, mis-remembering and so forth. They do not want to become involved because that means trying to fathom it out and it is too hard. It also means shattering the façade we have created and it is so much easier to keep it intact and point to exhaustion/drink/drugs/hysteria and so on than grapple with understanding there is such a thing as a narcissist who love-bombs then abuses in the blink of an eye? Even those who do try to understand become jaded with the unrelenting news feed of abhorrent aberrations that you detail on a daily basis. Plus, people are ultimately too wrapped up in their own lives. Who would credit it? Selfishness from us and from them keeps you trapped.

Professionals offer some insight in varying degrees although few have actually experienced it and it is only those who have done so who can truly relate the full horror and the unrivalled brain-mashing, mindfuckery, soul-destroying rollercoaster ride of being entangled with us. Seeing is believing. The absence of truly experiencing what it means to be ensnared by us means that explanations fall victim to conjecture, theory and speculation.

This is where my good job arises. I am a bad man but I am doing a good, not a great job, by conveying to you why we do as we do, why we say as we say and allowing you to take on board this information and applying it as you see fit. This is not done as an altruistic act; such a concept is anathema to me. I have my own agenda and my own aims to achieve as a consequence of this sharing of knowledge. It also appeals to my malevolent outlook by empowering you, those who have suffered with our kind for so long, with the knowledge and tools to fight back. It entertains me to think that the provision of my information is causing consternation and mayhem amongst our kind as you, the empathic victims move on, fight back and progress. I owe my brethren no loyalty. It is one for one and damn the all. My methods are my methods are my methods. The useful consequence of my actions however is that finally you start to gain understanding. You realise what makes us tick. You finally realise that we operate to our own reality and our own logic. You realise how we see things and therefore it finally makes sense even though it does not make sense – if you see what I mean.

You grasp that it was an illusion. You understand it is lie upon lie upon lie. You realise why that was said, this was done and why it keeps on continuing. It still makes no sense to you from your perspective but then you begin to realise why to us it makes sense and that is why we do it. You understand that it is not about winning the battle but never fighting the battle to begin with because the odds are always in our favour. We make the rules, choose the rules, break the rules and remove the rules. It still takes time for it all to filter through and click into place but when it does – well, the effect is significant. The phrases you have heard so many times take on a new meaning. The actions which left you bewildered, hurt and confused now only hurt. You understand why we want you mired in emotion. It still takes you time to plough through that emotional sea but at least you now realise why you were thrown into it. Myths are dispelled, incorrect assumptions are crushed and you are given the very thing by which we operate and by which we succeed – cool, hard logic.

There is so much to convey to you. So much to detail from how we come into being, what we are trying to achieve, what we are seeking to keep at bay, why we keep doing what we do, why change doesn’t happen, why we choose you, why we never let go and so much more. All of it will be provided to you. It is brutal, it hurts and it is uncomfortable but then haven’t you had enough of the sugar-coated crap? Now it is time to swallow the harsh truth because that is what will ultimately set you free, that and your application of it to your own circumstances.

So, this is what I do. I write. I detail. I convey. I illuminate. You can keep seeing me as evil, bad and hellish. By all means, that is your choice, but I know you understand, at least most of you do, that this bad man is doing a good job. If you keep reading, keep asking and keep digesting, you will achieve your desired outcome.

All the errors, mistakes and failures you have committed and experienced can now be consigned to history as you embark on a different chapter towards your eventual freedom. No longer will you be hindered my misunderstanding, hampered by confusion and mired in the wrong answers. For too long you have been led up the garden path, taken in circles and made the wrong decisions based on erroneous understandings. That was because you didn’t have me. After all, it takes a wrong doer to show you that you are doing wrong.

19 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : A Dark Angel

  1. Rebecca says:

    Dear HG,

    I’ve learned so much here, from you and other bloggers on here. I’ve learned a lot about myself, my ensnarements, my addition and narcissism. I’m currently enjoying the new info about Psychopaths and Empaths. I keep coming back because I get support here, understanding and the knowledge available keeps expending more and more…who wouldn’t want to learn and grow here?? I appreciate your ongoing works, your knowledge and the fellow followers here and their support. Thank you and all here. Xx

  2. Anna Plyance says:

    Dear HG,
    while I have never been ensnared by a narcissist myself (which sometimes can make you feel like an exotic bird here), you and your work are still very much appreciated. I find it very useful in evaluating many of those in public life, above all political figures who directly and indirectly exert a considerable influence over all of us, what we can expect from them and what they will not do, one glaring example being Donald Trump. And you do it all in the most entertaining manner, which is the best way but unfortunately quite rare in scientific conversation – in other countries even rarer than in Britain. As for being a bad man, that depends on your perspective. Maybe you are simply running a different operating system than we are. Your system is running smoothly, but the code and configuration are foreign to us. All I can say is that here you aren’t bad, on the contrary you are generally very gracious and helpful to those who ask for your help, a good sport when the discussion gets heated and perfectly able to keep control of your fury even when your patience is sorely tested, which I just might know a touch more about than some others do. Ideally, we can give you back a little of that entertainment and at the same time increase our understanding of each other.

  3. Joanne says:

    I am so grateful for your work. I’ve recently been seduced YET AGAIN by a narc, this time of the Somatic variety. I have come back to the blog to regain grounding in logic.

    It is truly amazing how crafty your kind are. I walked away in 2019 feeling fully armed after reading every blog article here and several of your books. I swore I could never be ensnared again. Yet here I am (sigh). Thank you HG.

    1. FoolMe1Time says:

      Joanne stay here with us. We will support you and get you through this. There is no one as knowledgeable as HG!

      1. Joanne says:

        Big hug FM1T!! <3

    2. Bubbles says:

      Dear Joanne,
      Welcome lovely! Thankfully, we all have this familiar communal ‘home’ here to come back to.
      Don’t for one moment think you’ve failed or did anything wrong. Narcs are so clever and so manipulative, you don’t know til it’s too late. Boom !
      I hope you’re coping ok, as we all know how much they play with your head.
      We’re all here for you ☺️

  4. Pat_AN says:

    Having read much of your work, and listened to you, I recognise what you are. So, as fascinated as I am by you, I would never want to be ensnared by you. Specifically, of course, I would never want to be on the receiving end of your malice (or even a corrective devaluation, I suspect), which I know would inevitably happen.
    But I also recognise the good that you do, and the education you give us – I’ve learned a great deal from you – and in particular, I’ve heard from some people how you helped them to escape. Cold, hard logic is something I’ve always appreciated, and much I’d rather facts were given in the straighforward and clear manner that you give them than wrapped up in “pink fluff” so that they have no impact.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Good to read

    2. WhoCares says:

      Hello Pat_AN!

      Nice to see you on the blog.

    3. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Pat_an! Welcome!

  5. Contagious says:

    Dark angel, evil. Why does it exist? All religious scholars and many academia s have tried to answer this question. I like CS Lewis point of view that it proves Gods existence. Evil is a thing. God gave water, it nourishes, it also can drown. God gave fire, it cooks food, gives warmth, it can also destroy. Jesus was the sacrifice for our sins in Christianity. We are talking angels. CS says evil is the vale to the soul. Presented with it, we can be heroic or act in Faith. I personally think evil is a disconnect from the Light. Life is short, eternity is long. Evil to me becomes nothingness after death. A black hole, deep dark matter that ceases to exist after death. You don’t have to be a believer in anything in my point of view to die into the Light. God can work through you. But I believe in more than this life. I recall a neuroscientist who was a good man but an atheist. He died. His brain was brain dead but he saw from a primordial ooze light, he heard music, he felt lifted, and he awoke a believer in “God.” There was no scientific explanation for it.

  6. Allison says:

    HG, getting to understand you is most joyful and unexpected. You keep me from much despair. My secret weapon.

  7. Tom says:

    True. You can only talk the talk if you have walked the walk. We thank you for your writing and insights.

  8. FoolMe1Time says:

    You are not a bad man! You have done some bad things just like everyone else has done ( perhaps a few more ). I have told you this for almost 8 years now, you would think by now you would believe me!
    Thank you kind sir for all you do! Xx

    1. Joanne says:

      hi FM1T! 🙂 Glad to see a familiar name round the blog!

      1. FoolMe1Time says:

        Hi Joanne! Just now saw your comment why I was reading through some of the posts. I seen your name in another post but didn’t know if it was you are not? Happy to have you back, hope all is good with you? Xx

        1. Joanne says:

          All is well, FM1T. I managed to find my way into more trouble but luckily my HG logical thinking armor kicked in before it got too far. I hope you’re doing well and just here to support, and haven’t been re-ensnared!

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Joanne!!! I’ve missed you! I am happy to see you again, although not that it is for the reason you mention.

        1. Joanne says:

          SP! <3 So nice to see your name 🙂 I feel so ridiculous, but relieved that I at least caught on to this one before things escalated. I hope you haven't fallen into another trap?

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