Knowing the Narcissist : Entering the Sphere of Influence



Few people are unfamiliar with the Star Wars franchise. In the first film, A New Hope, Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker and Chewbacca have emerged from hyperspace in the millennium falcon only to find an imperial tie fighter and an absence of the planet that they had hope to reach. Instead as a perplexed Han Solo tries to figure out what is going on, the tie fighter is seen racing towards a small moon that Luke has identified. As the sphere comes into view, Obi-Wan states with a calm dread,

“That’s no moon.”

Indeed it is not. It is in fact a space station and specifically the machine of mass destruction that is the death star. Once recognition has dawned on the quartet along with the fearful consequence of being near to such a powerful weapon, they try to escape but it is too late. The millennium falcon has been caught in the death star’s tractor beam and they hare slowly dragged towards the waiting death star.

We are that death star. We glide along appearing at first to be something benign or at least neutral, our true purpose masked to those we seek to pull into our sphere of influence. Our tractor beam is powerful, unceasing and almost impossible to resist as it attaches to our victims and with our legendary seductive ability hauls them into our world. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights you are unable to escape as we pull you closer and closer to us. By the time you realise what has happened and that we are indeed ‘no moon’ it is too late, you have been caught and escape is extremely difficult.  Our true purpose is hidden from and if you ever do realise that is a ‘death star’ you are sailing towards you will find it so very difficult to escape the iron hold we have over you.

There are those, through the intervention of others and the application of learned knowledge, who do manage to free themselves from the tractor beam’s hold. It is rarely immediate. The escape that might occur usually only takes place after a long period of time subjected to our burning lasers of hurt and our photon torpedoes of misery. If you manage to escape you know by now that you must stay away and keep away. We will continue to drift along, like that death star cruising through space as we take hold of fresh victims along our route and drag them towards us. Occasionally we will shift our path and make towards you once again. You remain in one place at your peril as we will approach you and once more seek to suck you in with our mighty tractor beam. We may plot a course which takes us to pastures new where we busy ourselves with fresh and shiny new victims who provide us with delicious and exciting fuel. This will occupy us but we will never forget about you. You will similarly never forget about us because of what we have done to you and the way we have conditioned you. This conditioning engenders a sense of curiosity in you. You need to know what we are doing, you want to know who we are interacting with now and thus you decide to fly past our death star, just for a distant view of the edifice that once nearly destroyed you. You feel safe watching from a distance as you fly by but be warned. Fly too close and that tractor beam will take hold of you again. If you give us any opportunity to hoover you back in once again we will seize it. You appear on our sensors and we will increase the power of the tractor beam in a bid to capture you once again. It may have been years since there was any interaction between us but if you fly too close to our death star then you will be sucked back into it and subjected to our machinations once again.

When you first try and escape we apply the tractor beam to keep you where we want you, but if you are determined and manage to depart then we set a course for new horizons and new fuel. We may at a later date decide to alter our trajectory again and move back to your solar system in the hope of grabbing you once more. Should you see us coming you need to jump in your space ship and fly somewhere else quick. If you wish to flirt with danger, feel free to follow us to the new galaxy where we are destroying new planets, but if you come too close, we will detect you and we will apply that tractor beam once again. The passage of time does not matter. It might just be a few months since you made your escape or it could be a decade, either way, if you come close to our sphere of influence our tractor beam will take a hold of you and pull you back towards us. You will always be of interest to us, it may be in a week’s time, a year or ten years but if there is a window of opportunity to take hold of you again we will gladly take it because the fuel to be gained is exquisite.

So, if you manage to escape our grip, fly to the other side of space from us and keep that distance otherwise our tractor beam will draw you in once again. That is the only hope you have to remain free of our grip. Unless of course you somehow manage to fire that photon torpedo down that exhaust chute but we both know you are never going to be able to manage that, right?

5 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Entering the Sphere of Influence

  1. Fiery says:

    I love the Star Wars theme, because I used Darth Vader’s picture as my husband’s contact photo. Yes, I knew he was on the dark side before finding your website, but you helped immensely to know what exactly I was dealing with and how to deal with it.

    GOSO advice is absolutely the best advice. ET caused me to stay exactly two more years after doing the Empath Detector before escaping. In hindsight, obtaining and reading Escape should have been done; but I luckily found the spyware on my phone and iPad, deleted it, never brought up the matter with Darth Vader (because he’d just deny it), used my work computer and phone to find a new residence and moved out two weeks later. I looked for other surveillance in the house and wasn’t going to stick around for him to increase his security . He seems to have had no forewarning I was leaving. You said on a podcast interview you enjoy causing worldwide E vs N battles. Here’s a win 🙂

    An interview done seven months ago with CC was hilarious, when you said, “You are banned from relationships.” Then she asked how long one should wait to get into a new relationship. How long is banned? Haha. She asked you really good questions to get some of the best answers. I know she was just going through her list of questions.

    Your article about staying out of the spheres is very helpful. I just realized I should forward my mail, so that doesn’t trigger an unnecessary sixth sphere hoover. Thank you for all of the information. You are very evil, but that makes you an extremely great source to learn about other people’s evil behavior and how to combat it.

  2. lovemrthornton says:

    This is the first metaphor that has strongly resonated, probably because Star Wars was such a huge part of my childhood.
    I have the Death Star image firmly in my mind now when I think of your kind.
    Also, the reference to “10 years” gave me a bolt of dread, as it has been 13 for me, and a “tractor beam” came unexpectedly for me last week.
    I hate for the Death Star to always be part of my universe, though. Even after 13 years, it is there.

  3. poetloui says:

    Great Post.

    -Couldn’t resist the Star Wars analogy!
    A little trivia including a small personal connection.
    Star Wars the Enpire Strikes back was directed by the late Richard Marquand, who married Josephine Elwyn Jones. Josephine’s father was Lord Elwyn Jones ( QC, UK Atorney General) who was 1st my grandfather Gwilym Jones.

    Your use of the ‘Death Star’ is so apt.
    Sometimes, life has seemed to me that whenever i have felt for a even a moment like I ‘know’ exactly what’s happening/going on..(i may have relaxed & let my guard down) then WHAM! That light at the end of tunnel turns out to be a freight train heading straight at me.
    I have been mixed up with some monumentally dreadful characters. Some really juicy shit-bags.

    I have since remained ‘en garde’ but this merely serves as a delicious challenge to those whose intentions are to beguile & utilise.

    And so the only option it seems is complete disinterest & unattainability. Yet this merely acts as a further challenge.

    To accept that my emotions are not in receipt of the full facts, nor will they ever be, that I can never have certain things.. is a bitter but necessary pill.

    I channel my emotions as best I can into writing, poetry, creativity, art, cooking.. anything I can pour my love into that won’t deliberately try to crush me purely for ‘jollies.’

    Just A little from my perspective there.
    Thanks for reading.

    1. Hi Poetlui,
      Loved what you said here:
      “ To accept that my emotions are not in receipt of the full facts … is a bitter but necessary pill.“
      Yes. That is it in a nutshell.
      Since discovering H.G., I have been able to finally grasp how emotional thinking governs the way I look at all aspects of life — not just with narcissists.
      But when a narcissist enters the picture, the lure is strongest for me. I have been actively trying to “take captive every thought” (Scripture reference there). I have realized that is the secret to staying in control.

      1. poetloui says:

        Dear Lovemrthornton,
        Thank you for reading and replying. So happy to know I am being understood. Sometimes I feel like I am just mumbling away to myself in gibberish.

        I have struggled to regulate my own emotional responses as they have such a very profound and intense effect on me.

        Driving along, i may happen to glance at someone on the side of the road but see a ‘look’ in their eyes ( usually scared, sad ) and am choked, beyond grief by the emotions I may have momentarily deciphered & I continue to be haunted by them.

        I also have an unusual recall. I remember exceptionally early memories (pre 1 Yr old) I have always been the same emotional person. I always reacted this way. I couldn’t bear to see people in danger or in pain and put myself in harm’s way instead or would be so upset for them.

        Being particularly self aware and being more educated about and dedicated to a balanced mind, is my only hope. It’s an ongoing practice & a mindful lifestyle that I dare not abandon.

        I appreciate you taking the time to share your views.
        Wishing you a well,

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